You Are All I'll Ever Need Read online

  “I know…” I still couldn’t look at him.

  “Let me rephrase what I said.” He cleared his throat. “I want you to be with whomever you want to be with. But please keep your priorities straight. You need a man that’s going to make you happy for the long haul, not just for a night. If you don’t like Reid, I accept that. But I’m just explaining why I liked him for you. I want my daughter to be smart in her choices. Every choice you make affects me. When you have a broken heart, so do I.” He stared at me with soft eyes, his usual threatening gaze gone.

  “I know, Dad.”

  He leaned back in his chair and kept his silence.

  I picked up my fork then played with my eggs, unsure what to do.

  He shook his head. “When your mother was pregnant with you, I was terrified of having a baby. I was scared I would drop you or wouldn’t raise you right. I was afraid I would be a horrible father. But after you came, it was a piece of cake. I took you everywhere with me, made sure your grades were high, and made sure you stayed out of trouble. I always dreaded the day when you would start dating but…I never knew it would be this hard. It’s definitely the most difficult and painful thing I’ve ever had to go through. So, please be understanding of that, Trinity. When you have your own children, you will understand.”

  I knew my dad’s concern came from a good place. “It’s okay, Dad. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

  He smiled slightly.

  “I’m a big girl and I know how to take care of myself. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.” Slade came into my mind but I tried to push him to the back of my thoughts. My dad wouldn’t like the arrangement at all. In fact, if he knew, he would kill Slade. There was no doubt about it. If my dad knew I was sleeping around with another guy, he wouldn’t discuss it, but the fact it was Slade, someone he trusted, would piss him off.

  He sighed. “You’re right. You aren’t my little girl anymore.”

  “No, I’ll always be, Dad. You just don’t need to protect me anymore.” I moved my hand over his and let it sit there.

  His smile widened then he grabbed my hand. “You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”

  “What about Conrad?”

  “He is too,” he said with a laugh. “Both of you are. I can’t imagine my life without you guys.”

  “You’ll never have to.”

  He kissed the top of my hand then dropped his embrace. “I know. I’m thankful for that every day.” He stared at me from across the table before he averted his gaze. The fight was forgotten and we were back to normal—like always.

  Chapter Nine

  Cayson

  Slade dribbled the ball then made the shot. “Nothing but air.”

  I grabbed the ball when it hit the ground then dribbled to the opposite side of the court. Spring was creeping into the land, thawing the ice and melting the snow. It was nice to play ball outside in shorts and a t-shirt. I aimed the ball and made the shot. “I should’ve went pro.”

  Slade laughed. “Maybe for the girl’s team.”

  “Shut the hell up.”

  He stopped dribbling the ball then sat on the bench. He was covered in sweat and his shirt was soaked. After playing for an hour, I was just as tired. I sat down beside him.

  “How’s it going with Skye?” he asked.

  “Good.”

  “She has no idea you lied about last weekend?”

  “No.” And I felt guilty for lying at all. “She accepted it without question.”

  “Cool.” He spun the ball on his finger. “She was never very bright.”

  “Well, you are related.”

  He laughed. “I never said I was smart. But you’re saying your girlfriend is stupid. If she knew, you wouldn’t see her titties for weeks.”

  “How about we not talk about my girlfriend’s—your cousin’s—titties?”

  “Whatever.” He spun the ball on his other finger. “So what do you do to be the boyfriend of the year?” He didn’t look at me when he spoke.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like…what do you do to make Skye happy? When you started dating, did you bring her flowers and stuff?”

  He asked me some weird questions but he never asked anything like this before. “Um…yeah, I’ve brought her flowers before.”

  “Like, every time you come over?” He dribbled the ball between his knees.

  “No, just whenever.”

  “And how do you know when to do it?” He spoke like he didn’t even care if I answered.

  “Why are you asking this?”

  “I’m just curious,” he blurted. “Everyone says you’re perfect all the time and I’m just curious why.”

  “Who’s everyone? Who says that?”

  “Skye…and other people. So what’s your secret?”

  His questions were so odd that I couldn’t process them. “I don’t know…I love her and I just show it.”

  “Give me an example,” he demanded. He rested the ball on his knee and looked at me, like he was prepared to memorize what I was about to say.

  “Whenever she looks beautiful, I tell her. Um…I always pay for dinner. I open every door…”

  He nodded. “Good, good. What else?”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “When we make love, I look into her eyes and not at her body. I hold her when we sleep. I listen to everything she says…when she’s sad, I make her laugh. I surprise her with sentimental things. If I see a book she’ll like, I get it for her. I bought her a bracelet and had it engraved.”

  “Jewelry…” He nodded. “That’s a good idea.”

  “Uh, thanks.” I never thought I’d have a conversation like this with Slade.

  “Keep going.” He leaned forward, anticipating my next words.

  “Uh…that’s about it. I tell her I love her only when I really feel it. I don’t say it every time we get off the phone like most couples.”

  He nodded.

  “I asked her father for permission before I started dating her.”

  His eyes widened then returned to normal. “Okay, next.”

  “What do you mean ‘next’?” I demanded.

  “What else?” he pressed.

  “Slade, that’s it. I don’t have any other secrets. Basically, I tell her I love her every moment we’re together without actually saying it.”

  “Okay.” He nodded his head in understanding.

  “Dude, why are you asking this?”

  “I’m just curious. I already said that. Now get off my back.” He stood up then dribbled the ball. “Let’s head to my place and order a pizza.”

  I walked beside him, replaying the conversation in my mind. Why was he so curious about my approach with Skye? It was like he wanted to know how to be a boyfriend. But why would he care about that?

  We walked inside his apartment and Slade immediately picked up his phone and called the pizza place. I walked past his dining table then stilled when I spotted something. On the surface was a yellow book. The title read, How to be a Good Boyfriend for Dummies. My eyes widened and I noticed the bookmark. It was halfway through the pages. Unable to control myself, I opened it and saw highlighted sections and notes in the corner.

  What. The. Fuck.

  Slade came back into the room. “Extra large combination is on the way.”

  I didn’t care about pizza. “Slade, why are you reading this?” I held up the book.

  His eyes widened in panic. “A friend gave it to me as a j-j-joke.”

  “You don’t have any friends outside the group.”

  “Yes, I do,” he argued. He snatched the book away and threw it in the garbage.

  “Then why is there a bookmark and notes inside the pages?”

  “You opened it?” he snapped.

  “Sorry, I just wanted to—”

  “Look, it’s not mine. I didn’t read it. Why don’t you mind your own business, asshole?”

  He was being extremely hostile. “You’ve been acting weird for months, and then you as
k me all those questions about Skye. And now this…I think there’s something going on.”

  “There’s not,” he argued.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” I demanded.

  “No!”

  “Are you lying to me?”

  Hesitance moved into his eyes. “No.”

  “Slade, I’m your best friend. Why are you hiding something from me?” Now I was just hurt.

  “I’m not hiding anything. I’m sorry you think something is going on but there’s not.” He scratched the back of his head then sighed.

  “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.”

  He turned his gaze on me. “When I have something to talk about, I’ll talk about it, alright? Get off my case.”

  I tried not to get upset about this. Whatever Slade was hiding was obviously something he didn’t want to share. I guess I’d have to let it go—for now. “Well, I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk about it. I just hope you remember I’m your best friend and you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you or think less of you.”

  “I know, Cayson. I know…” He sat on the couch then turned on the TV. He didn’t speak again.

  I sat beside him, feeling more distant from him than I ever had.

  ***

  Skye and I were lying in her bed. Being apart for a weekend made us desperate for each other more than we already were. She made love to me like I’d been at war for months. We did nothing else besides make love, eat, make love, and sleep.

  Now she was asleep on my chest, her even breathing acting as music to my ears. I stared at her face while I moved my fingers through her hair. Now that we were together, it felt like we’d always been that way. I started to forget all the years I was desperate for her. I distracted myself with other women but they never occupied my attention enough to make me forget about Skye. But now I didn’t have to forget about her. She was mine.

  My phone vibrated on the nightstand. Luckily, it didn’t wake her up. I grabbed it then read the message.

  It was from Roland. Can we get a beer or something?

  It was an odd message. He never asked me anything like that, at least in those words. Is everything alright?

  I just need to talk to you. Can we meet?

  The last thing I wanted to do was leave Skye’s arms. We were hidden away in her room, forgetting about the world continuing around us. It was where I belonged. Going out to a bar and getting a beer with her brother sounded horrible in comparison. Can we hang out another time?

  It’s not hanging out. I need to tell you something.

  Roland never acted like this so I knew it was important. Maybe it was about Skye. Fine. Where do you want to meet?

  The bar. I’ll see you in fifteen.

  I sighed then left Skye alone in her bed. Fortunately, she didn’t wake up when I left.

  ***

  Roland played with the label on his beer and looked at anything but me. He moved his fingers through his hair then sighed. Then he did it again, like he couldn’t sit still.

  I sat across from him, my beer cold and untouched. “What is it, man?”

  He fidgeted with his fingers then touched his bottle again. “I’m not sure where to begin.”

  I’d wasted half an hour waiting for him to speak up. Whatever it was, it was eating him alive. “Look, Skye is at home waiting for me. I hate to be rude, but if you aren’t going to tell me, I’d rather go back to her and pick up where I left off.” I didn’t mean to be explicit but her brother wasn’t stupid. He had to know we were doing it like snow bunnies in winter.

  He sighed again then covered his face with his hands.

  “Out with it!” I was losing my patience.

  He took a deep breath then lowered his hands. “Okay, a few weeks ago, I went out for a beer with Conrad.”

  I leaned back in my chair and waited for him to get on with the tale.

  “Conrad hooked up with some girl and he left early. I was sitting alone when Jasmine came over to me and we started talking.”

  Jasmine? What did she have to do with anything?

  Roland averted his gaze, his eyes glued to the table. “We started talking and she was really cool and nice. Beers were drank and…then I took her home.”

  I didn’t like where this was going.

  “And then...” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

  He better not have done what I think he did. “You slept with her?”

  Roland said nothing, his head sinking lower.

  Anger moved over me like the rising tide. Roland was my friend and my family. There were rules about this kind of stuff. The only person I feared who would sleep with her was Slade, and I knew he never would because he was my best friend. He would never stab me in the back like that. Roland was the person I least expected. “You slept with Jasmine?” Rage was heavy in my voice.

  Roland sighed then moved his fingers through his hair.

  “I asked you a question!” I gripped my beer so tightly it almost shattered.

  “Yes.” Resignation was in his tone.

  I leaned back and tried to calm down. Exploding and making a scene wouldn’t change anything. But fuck it, I was pissed. “Why the hell would you do that?”

  “I…don’t know. It just happened. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry? This is a girl I care about. This is a girl I already shattered. She’s going through a hard time right now. She’s still in love with me and she’s just trying to move on. How dare you take advantage of her like that! She’s still my friend and I still care about her.” I could punch him in the face right now.

  “I know…I feel terrible.”

  “Yeah,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure you felt terrible fucking her brains out.” I threw my bottle onto the ground and it shattered.

  Everyone in the bar stopped and stared at me.

  I walked away and shoved through the crowd until I was outside. Then I walked across the parking lot, fuming.

  “Cayson!” Roland chased after me.

  I said nothing. Too angry to speak, I kept walking.

  Roland moved in front of me. “I wish I could take it back, okay? I feel lower than dirt.”

  I couldn’t remember the last time I was this angry. My hand clenched into a fist. “Get out of my way, Roland.” I walked around him.

  “No, I want to talk about this.” He moved back in front of me. “It’s not like you loved her or anything. We all knew she was just a fuck buddy to you.”

  I halted and stared him down. Unable to stop myself, my hand collided hard against his face. I hit him with enough force to send his body to the wet pavement. He grunted when he hit the asphalt. “So you think you have the right to be a fuck buddy to her too?” I had to stop myself from kicking him. “I may not have loved her but I cared about her—a lot. She meant something to me. Just because I was in love with Skye doesn’t mean I didn’t respect Jasmine and value her as a person and a friend. Don’t you dare justify what you did based on that assumption. And just because I didn’t love her doesn’t mean she deserves to be used by a fucking asshole.” I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. “How dare you stab me in the back like that? And worse, how dare you take advantage of someone who’s obviously in pain? I always knew you weren’t the perfect guy but I thought you had some respect for other people. I guess I was wrong.” I headed to my car and pulled out my keys.

  Roland got up then jogged to me. His nose was bleeding. “Cayson, come on. I said I was sorry and I regret it.”

  “Oh, so everything is good now?” I spat. “I trusted you.”

  “I said I was sorry! What more do you want me to say? I could have just not told you but I was a man and fessed up to what I did.”

  “Is that supposed to make me respect you?” I snapped. “Is that supposed to make me hate you less?”

  “You…hate me?” His voice suddenly became quiet.

  “What you did was unforgiveable. If you think I’m going to forgive you just because I’m dating your sister,
you’re sadly mistaken. How would you feel if I used her the way you used Jasmine? How would you feel if I treated her like shit and didn’t give a damn?”

  Roland ran his fingers through his hair again. “I wouldn’t like it…”

  “No, you wouldn’t. You would feel like shit, which is exactly how I feel about Jasmine.” I opened the door.

  Roland shut it. “We all make mistakes. Cut me some slack.”

  “You’re going to graduate college in a year,” I hissed. “You’re old enough to know right and wrong, Roland. Were you at least drunk?”

  “I…I was a little buzzed.”

  I forced myself not to hit him again.

  “Jasmine told me she wanted it. She said she wanted to be used. She threw herself at me and I tried to say no. I took her home because she didn’t want to drive and when I tried to leave, she dragged me inside. She came on to me, okay?”

  “And you knew exactly what she was doing and you slept with her anyway!”

  Roland crossed his arms over his chest and breathed hard.

  “Or are you going to tell me she held you down and raped you?”

  He stared at the ground.

  “I thought we were family, Roland.”

  “We are, man.”

  “No, family doesn’t do this shit to each other. The only person who would even consider it is Slade, and I know in my heart he would never do anything like that to me. You have absolutely no excuse, Roland. This just shows me how much I mean to you. And it shows me how pathetic you are. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and you’re perfectly okay with taking advantage of someone who’s hurting. I hope she was worth it.” I gave him a final glare before I walked away.

  ***

  I was too upset to go back to Skye’s so I went home instead. The last thing I wanted to do was be angry around her, especially when she did nothing wrong. It took a lot to piss me off, and it took a lot to make me hit someone. It was a side of me I didn’t want her to see. I was practically a monster.