All Hope Is Lost Read online

  “Oh…” She finally got it. “I didn’t even think about it.”

  Ouch.

  “With Cedric being home, I didn’t think it was on your mind.”

  “It’s not on my mind all the time, but we haven’t…you know…in over a month.”

  She continued to stroke Cedric’s hair without moving.

  “Skye?”

  “Hmm?”

  “So…are you going to put Cedric in his room for a little while?” I didn’t mean to be so pushy, but damn, I was horny. I wanted to make love to my wife now that our family was whole.

  “It’s just…nevermind.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Baby, come on.”

  “Well…I have a stomach and my thighs are big. I have stretch marks now. I don’t know how it’s going to be down there. I haven’t had a chance to shave…not even my legs.”

  That didn’t bother me in the least. “Skye, I don’t care.”

  “Well, I do.”

  “You gave birth a month ago. I know your body will be different.”

  “I’m just not very sexy right now.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  She looked away. “You’re just saying that because you have to.”

  “I’m really not. Come on, I’m practically begging you to have sex with me. If I weren’t attracted to you I would just go to sleep. I want you, baby. I don’t care about the stretch marks or the changes. Don’t think about any of that.”

  “But you’re super hot and I’m, like, whatever.”

  “Whatever?” I asked. “That’s not true.”

  “Yes, it is. I know what the girls think when they see us together. ‘Why is that gorgeous man with that plain girl?’”

  I raised an eyebrow. “What girls?”

  “The ones who see us every day.”

  “You actually heard them say that?”

  “No…but I know they are thinking it.”

  I tried not to roll my eyes. “These are your own insecurities talking.”

  “Cayson, you’re a ten and I’m like a four.”

  “Says who?” I demanded.

  “Anyone with eyes.”

  Now I was growing impatient. “This conversation is stupid and I’m not having it anymore.” I scooped Cedric into my arms, and he stayed asleep the entire time. “I’m going to tuck him in, and when I get back we’re gonna…you know.”

  “Cayson, he doesn’t understand what you’re saying.”

  “It’s best to be careful.” I carried Cedric to his room and placed him in his crib. He didn’t open his eyes and stayed asleep. Then I set up the baby monitors and returned to the bedroom.

  When we were alone together, I pulled my sweatpants and boxers off. My dick was already hard in anticipation.

  Skye remained in the bed and didn’t move.

  “Baby, don’t be ridiculous.” I moved on top of her then tried to pull her shirt off.

  She kept it on. “No. That stays on.”

  I narrowed my eyes on her. “So, I’m never allowed to look at you again?”

  “Well…for right now.”

  I was gonna see her tits whether she liked it or not. “That’s not happening.” I pulled her shirt off then tossed it on the floor.

  She didn’t fight it because she knew she was wrong.

  Then I pulled her underwear off and positioned myself over her. My breathing already changed because I was excited. Skye and I took our baby home and now he was safe. We could enjoy our lives and move on.

  I wasn’t sure where Skye’s insecurities came from. She was bigger around the stomach but nothing had really changed. Her tits were bigger than they used to be, but that was never a bad thing. I didn’t mind the hair between her legs. I was never picky about that.

  She was tense underneath me, like all she could think about was her post-baby body.

  “Skye?” I pressed my face close to hers. “Don’t think about that. Just think about me. Because I’m thinking about you.” I kissed her and forced her lips to respond to mine. She was still stiff for a while but she finally loosened up after a few minutes. When her hands started to move across my body and she moved her body in a sexy way I knew she was ready.

  I inserted myself inside her, and the second I entered I noticed the subtle changes. She wasn’t identical to the way she was before. But it still felt amazing. She was tight around my dick and just as wet.

  It felt so good.

  I rocked into her slowly and took my time. I didn’t expect to last long, and I hoped her expectations for lovemaking were low tonight. After I built up my tolerance my skills would return to normal.

  Skye dragged her nails down my back then pressed her feet to my chest. Her knees were open, and she dug her nails into my thighs. When she looked into my eyes, there wasn’t a lack of confidence. All she was thinking about was me.

  And all I was thinking about was her.

  Chapter Ten

  Slade

  When Trinity came out of the shower, I held up the two outfits. “Which do you think is better? Guitars or dinosaurs?”

  She smiled as she examined them. “Why not both?”

  “I don’t want to confuse him. And chances are, he’s going to like one more than the other anyway.”

  She watched me with fondness in her eyes. “Slade, I don’t think he’s going to care. His mother is going to put it on him and he’s going to drool all over it.”

  “Hey, he’ll be wearing it in pictures, and I want him to know I got it for him. When he’s old enough to understand he’ll appreciate it.”

  “I still think you should give him both.”

  “Yeah, I guess…”

  She came to me then massaged my shoulders. “I think it’s really cute that you’re so dedicated to your godson.”

  “Well, if something happens to Skye and Cayson he’s ours. We’re pretty much second parents to him anyway. We need to act like it.”

  “And we’re off to a good start.” She cupped my cheeks and gave me a warm kiss.

  Anytime her lips were on me, all other thoughts seized. Her lips were soft like a rose pedal, but her kiss was hot like a pepper. It burned me every time.

  She ended the embrace then approached the refrigerator. “What’s for dinner?”

  I was still a little winded by that kiss. “Veggie burgers.”

  “Ooh…sounds good.” She pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a drink.

  I eyed her up and down, my thoughts no longer on dinner.

  Trinity knew what I was thinking but she played hard to get. She took another drink of her water before she grabbed the large book on the table. “The Big Book of Names?”

  “I thought we would pick out a few for the baby.”

  “But we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  “It’s a boy,” I said. “But we can pick out one of each just in case.”

  She opened the book and found a bookmark. “You’ve already browsed?”

  “Yeah.”

  She closed the book and turned to me, her blonde hair swaying gently with the motion. She had bright blue eyes that reminded me of the artic, majestic and endless. Her tiny waist made all of her clothes look a little baggy. She was simply too small to fit into anything. I liked her petite size because she was small—everywhere. “What did you come up with?”

  “Hammer.”

  Trinity’s face immediately contorted into a look of surprise. “Hammer? Like the tool?”

  “I think it sounds cool.”

  She quickly moved on. “What else?”

  “Wolf.”

  “I guess it’s kinda cool.”

  “For a girl.”

  She paused and stared at me incredulously. “Um…” She didn’t finish the sentence because she didn’t know what to say.

  “I like Silver too. That could be for a boy or a girl.”

  Trinity wasn’t into any of the names I picked out. “I think we should keep brain
storming…”

  “There’s one in particular I really like, but I doubt you’re going to want it.”

  It was a testament to Trinity’s love for me when she said, “What is it?”

  “I’m not sure if I should say…”

  “Why not?”

  “You’ll probably tease me.”

  “Slade, if I didn’t tease you for Wolfe for our daughter, I’m not going to tease you about this.”

  “Okay.” I didn’t get this name from a baby book. This was one I’d been thinking about since Trinity got pregnant. “Ryan.”

  Trinity didn’t react right away. It took her a moment to soak it in.

  “I know it’s kind of boring and a lot of people have that name, but my dad is the greatest man I’ve ever known. Your child’s name is important, and it should be full of honor and respect. He’s going to carry that for the rest of his life. If my son was anything like my father, I’d be really proud. My dad was a great parent, and he’s also a great friend. There’s not a lot of people like him, you know?” I averted my gaze because I felt foolish talking for so long.

  Trinity continued to watch me, and her eyes softened with every passing second. “That’s the name I want.”

  “Yeah?” I turned back to her, surprised she didn’t shut it down like all the others.

  “Of course.” She came to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “It’s perfect.”

  I didn’t expect her to agree, especially so quickly.

  “Your dad is a remarkable man, and I’d be honored to have our son carry his name.” She cupped my cheeks and gave me that look of fondness I’d grown accustomed to. “And I think it would mean a lot to your dad.”

  “I’m sure it would.” My hands covered hers.

  “How long have you been thinking about this?”

  “Since you became pregnant.”

  “Awe…”

  “You think your dad will be mad?”

  Both of her eyebrows rose. “Why would he?”

  “Why would we name our son after Ryan and not him?”

  She shook her head. “My father doesn’t think that way. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.” She rubbed her nose against mine. “So, it looks like we have one name picked out. What if it’s a girl?”

  “It’s not going to be a girl.” I couldn’t handle it if it were. I would never let her leave the house unless she wore three sweaters and a burlap sack.

  “Just in case it is…”

  I shrugged. “I still like Wolfe.”

  “We aren’t naming her that,” Trinity said quickly. When she realized how aggressive she sounded, she changed her tone. “But it’s a good thought.”

  “Do you have any ideas?”

  “How about Trixie?”

  I cringed. “My daughter isn’t going to be a whore.”

  “That’s not a whore’s name.”

  “Believe me, it is.” I’d done a lot of dirty things with a girl with that very name.

  “Electra?”

  “Hell fucking no.” All I could think about was Carmen Electra.

  “Gray.”

  That wasn’t a bad suggestion. I actually kind of liked it. It sounded like a name suited to a quiet and intelligent woman, the kind that would steer clear of men and their stupidity. “Not bad.”

  “Olympia.”

  The second she said the name it rang in my ears. The journey of Odysseus and Penelope came back to me, and how their love would overcome any distance and any heartbreak. A Greek name was perfect. And Olympia was strong and powerful. It implied she was worthy of all of Olympus. “I like it…I really like it.”

  “Yeah?” Trinity smiled. “I like it too.”

  I kept saying it under my breath. “Olympia…Olympia. Olympia Sisco, get over here.” I started practicing how it would sound if I bossed her around.

  Trinity chuckled. “I think we have a winner.”

  “It’s a very cool name. I just hope we never have to use it.”

  “You say that now, but if you had a little girl walking around you would feel differently.”

  “I really wouldn’t.” Maybe if I weren’t such a dog in my younger years I wouldn’t have such a dark outlook on the matter. “She’s going to die a virgin.”

  Trinity rolled her eyes. “I’ll be in charge of the birds and the bees talk. And I’ll be in charge of her dating life when she’s old enough.”

  “And I’ll be in charge of beating the shit out of her boyfriends.”

  Trinity looked amused, like she thought I was joking. “Now we have our names picked out. Should we tell anyone?”

  “No, let’s keep it a secret,” I said. “People might not like our names and try to change our mind about it. It’s easy to be influenced sometimes.”

  “You’re right.”

  I put my arm around her waist and held her close to me. “Picking out names makes it official…we’re going to be parents.”

  She moved her hand over her stomach. “Yeah, we are.” Her face was glowing by its own light. She wasn’t far along, but she already looked like a mother. “I’m so excited.”

  “I’m excited too.” I kissed her forehead and kept her close to me. My life used to be so different before Trinity came along and straightened me out. I never wanted a wife or a family. But once I had it, I realized just how precious it was. “Thank you for everything, baby.”

  She looked up at me with a slight smile on her lips. “No, thank you.”

  ***

  The show got off to a good start. We had a nice crowd, and despite the bright lights on my face I could distinguish the sea of people on the floor. I pulled the strap over my shoulder and felt the chords in my fingertips. Trinity’s name was written along the neck, and it was the nicest guitar that’s ever graced my fingertips. “Thanks for coming out tonight.”

  Immediately, the crowd cheered. It had a feminine ring to it because most of our fans were women. Our music was definitely on the heavy side, like Red Hot Chili Peppers or Foo Fighters, so women weren’t exactly our demographic. They were obviously there because of my pretty face and fancy ink.

  “So, I have a special announcement to make. You guys are our fans, so I want to share this with you. My wife and I are having a baby.”

  The crowd responded but it wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as it was a second ago.

  It didn’t bother me. “I’m pretty excited about it. Being a dad still scares me a little bit, but I’m sure my wife will help me along the way. Anyway, this next song was written for my kid, who’s not here yet.” The lights dimmed and we began to play. Dee learned the song in a single day, and Cameron and Razor caught on pretty quickly.

  Trinity was in the crowd but it was difficult to see her when the lights were shining on my face. I hadn’t played this tune for her yet, so it would be a nice surprise. There was a nice guitar solo in the end, and I got really into it at that point.

  When the song was over, it concluded the show for the night. “Thank you for coming out, everyone. Make sure you follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and sign up for our newsletter at the merchandize table.” I waved before I walked off with the rest of the band.

  Dee immediately relaxed once she wasn’t in public. “Thank god that’s over.” She loved playing music, just not in front of people. It was odd considering how confident she was.

  “We had a good run,” Cameron said. “Can you believe how many people were out there? At our first show there was maybe twenty. But now there were six hundred people. That’s insane.”

  “That is insane,” Razor said. “Maybe we could go pro someday.”

  I highly doubted that. I just had fun with it. “Yeah, maybe.” I walked into my dressing room to grab my bag when I halted in mid-step. Buck-naked was a brunette on my couch. The only thing she wore was black heels.

  “I’ve been waiting for you.” She sat up, and her massive knockers shook slightly.

  “Uh…”


  She twisted a strand of her hair in her fingertips. “I’m your biggest fan.”

  I got that compliment a lot. “I’ll be right back…” I walked out and finally felt my eyes relax. They were burned from the image. “Cameron?”

  “What’s up?” He came back down the hallway.

  “There’s a surprise for you in there.” I patted his shoulder and walked away.

  “Yeah?” He opened the door and walked inside. Even though the door was shut, his voice could be heard. “Thank you, Slade!”

  I guess I would get my stuff later whenever they were finished. Despite the fact I was so blunt about my monogamous married life and the fact I was going to be a father, women couldn’t resist me. That would thrill most guys, but I was just annoyed.

  “Slade?”

  I turned around at the sound of my name. A guy wearing a nice suit just like Sean and Mike approached me with a business card in his hand. “Great show tonight.”

  “Thanks…who are you?”

  He chuckled. “Don Murray. I’m a producer for Capital Records.”

  “Oh…cool.” When I realized the seriousness of the situation I shut up.

  “I came to your show tonight because I’ve heard so much about your band. I have to say, I’m impressed.”

  “Well, thank you.” My heart was beating fast and I felt a little sick but I tried to play it cool.

  “Your sound is unique, but people really relate to it. Do you have a manager?”

  “A manager?” Did I count? “No.”

  “So, you do everything yourself?”

  “No, my band mates do a lot of work outside of practice. And my wife designs our gear.”

  He nodded. “She’s very good. I thought a professional did it.”

  My wife was a professional but now wasn’t the time to get into that.

  “At Capital Records, I represent a lot of bands that have your same sound. I’m sure you’ve heard of Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Black Keys, and Coldplay. Those are some of my clients, just to name a few.”

  My jaw wanted to drop but I managed to hold it back. Was this a dream? Was I making this up? “Cool.” That was all my mouth would allow me to say.

  “I’d really like to talk about this further. Here’s my card.”

  I took it and placed it in my wallet.