You Are All I'll Ever Need Read online

  “I know, dear. But your father would never be ashamed of you.” She gave me a firm look. “No matter what.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair.

  “So, are you going to tell me?”

  “Yeah…since you aren’t going to tell Dad.”

  “Under the assumption it’s nothing I need to tell him.”

  I moved my plate away even though it wasn’t in my way. I just needed something to do with my hands. “You remember Cayson’s ex-girlfriend, Jasmine?”

  “The one he brought to Thanksgiving? Yes.”

  “Well…I ran into her at a bar and we started talking. One thing led to another and…I slept with her.” I didn’t look at my mom when I said it. I just stared at the table. “Now I feel horrible. I don’t think Cayson will care but what if he does? Should I tell him?”

  My mom didn’t seem affected by my words. There was no judgment or disappointment in her eyes. “You know the answer to that, Roland.”

  “But if she was just a fling, why do I need to tell him? It’ll just be a moot point.”

  “If that were true, you wouldn’t be dreading it so much.” She gave me a pointed stare.

  I sighed. “Do you think he’ll be mad?”

  “Yes.” She said it without hesitation. “I know he didn’t love her but he cared enough to bring her to Thanksgiving. I’d say there are more feelings beneath the surface than you realize.”

  Ugh. I didn’t want her to be right. I rubbed my temples and tried to think.

  “But, Roland, I think you feel worse about something else.”

  “What?” I asked quietly.

  “I think you feel guilty for your actions, not how it affects Cayson.”

  I had a feeling she was right. “What do I do?”

  “You should apologize to her.”

  “I did. It didn’t seem like she even cared. She just wanted to get away from me as quickly as possible.”

  My mom gave me a firm look. “She does. Believe me.”

  “What if I just apologize to her and don’t tell Cayson?”

  “Let me make this clear; your father was a jerk when he was younger, but his actions were acceptable because he owned up to every single mistake. He never lied or tried to hide his faults. He was always honest. If you want to be more like your father, you need to do the same.”

  “He makes it look so easy…”

  “I know he does,” she said affectionately.

  I stared at the table again. “Are you going to tell Dad?”

  “No. Your secret is safe with me, Roland.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. “But isn’t he going to interrogate you when you get home?”

  She laughed. “Your father’s persistence and intimidation have no affect on me. And he doesn’t ask what we discuss when I see you kids alone. He trusts my judgment.”

  “He does?” That was surprising. “But he’s such a control freak.”

  She laughed. “He is. But I have a good way of keeping him calm.”

  I didn’t want to know how. “Are you upset with me?”

  My mom turned her blue gaze on me. “Roland, no. I understand you aren’t perfect. The fact you feel remorse and contrition for your actions makes me proud.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It makes perfect sense. There are people in the world who make mistakes over and over. But to them, they aren’t mistakes. They don’t care about anyone but themselves and they use and hurt people for their own gain. The fact you make mistakes is completely acceptable. But not learning from them isn’t. You’re becoming a stronger man with every passing day. And that would make any mother proud.”

  Somehow, my parents still made me feel good about myself even when I felt lower than dirt. “Thanks, Mom…”

  “Anytime, dear. So, are you going to talk to Cayson?”

  I cringed. “Can you do it for me?”

  She laughed. “No, sorry.”

  “But since he’s dating Skye, he won’t yell at you.”

  “You’re her brother. So why would he yell at you?” she questioned.

  I shook my head. “Cayson doesn’t care about that. He’d sucker-punch me if I deserved it. Actually, Skye would help him.”

  My mom smiled. “That’s my girl.”

  “Well, thanks for coming down to help me out.”

  “Anytime. Any excuse to see you is a good excuse.” She gave me an affectionate glance before she took the tab and put a credit card inside.

  I snatched it away then put my own money inside. “No, Mom.”

  She smirked. “Honey, it’s really okay.”

  “No, my mom doesn’t pay for anything.” She drove all the way down just to see me. I wasn’t going to let her pay for my food. I felt emasculated.

  She gave me a fond look. “You’re becoming more like your father every day.”

  That was the biggest compliment she ever gave me.

  ***

  I walked my mom to her car outside my apartment. “Thanks for coming down.”

  “Anytime.” She hugged me and held me for a long time. Her face moved against my chest because of our height difference.

  “I’m shocked Dad hasn’t called you.”

  She pulled away and smiled. “My phone is on silent.”

  I laughed. “He’s not going to be too happy about that.”

  “I told him I was putting it on silent beforehand so he shouldn’t be surprised.”

  “You’re the only person I know who stands up to him.”

  “Because I’m the only person who can get away with it.”

  I chuckled then put my hands in my pocket. “Are you going to see Skye before you leave?”

  She sighed. “I wish. But it’s already late and I’m sure she’s busy.”

  I knew Skye loved our Mom. She would be sad she didn’t get to see her. “Yeah.”

  “Give her a kiss for me.”

  I cringed. “I can do a hug—nothing more.”

  Her lips stretched into a smile. “I guess I’ll take it.”

  I opened the driver’s door. “I’ll see you later, Mom.”

  She stood on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, dear.”

  “I love you too, Mom.” When she got inside, I shut the door and stood back. I stayed on the pavement while I watched her start the engine and pull away. After she waved at me, she headed to the road then disappeared. When her taillights were no longer visible, I knew she was gone.

  Why did I always feel sad when I said goodbye to my parents? Most of the time, they annoyed me and drove me crazy. Whenever I was around them, I usually just wanted to get away. But watching them drive away, leaving me behind, was never easy. I would never admit that to anyone, not even my sister, but that didn’t make it any less true.

  Chapter Six

  Trinity

  I didn’t know Reid very well but I liked what I saw. He was sweet and funny, humble and down-to-earth. And he came in a pretty package. He treated women with respect and acted like I was more than just a pretty face. He didn’t want sex from me. He barely even kissed me goodnight.

  The only thing Slade ever wanted from me was to get laid. He admitted I meant nothing to him and I never would. So why was I wasting my time with him? I had a great guy that might turn into something more. So wasn’t it wrong for me to have a fling on the side while I was dating Reid?

  Yes.

  The next time I saw Slade, I’d put a halt to our booty call relationship. It wouldn’t affect him at all. He would find someone else to share his bed with that very night. He didn’t care so I shouldn’t either.

  Reid arrived at my door right at seven. “You look nice.” He eyed my dress and coat.

  “Thanks. You do too.” I felt my cheeks blush so I turned my face and locked the door.

  “I hope you’re hungry. I got us reservations at this Bulgarian place. They have amazing moose meat.”

  I halted and tried not to cringe.
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br />   He smirked then leaned toward me. “Kidding.”

  “Oh.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Sorry, I was just really nervous for this date and I wanted to break the ice.”

  “You succeeded.”

  “Good. I hope you’re ready for some normal American food.”

  “I am.”

  He extended his arm, gesturing for me to hook mine through his.

  I’d never done this before. My hand grabbed his bicep and I immediately noted the muscle underneath his blazer.

  He escorted me to his Range Rover then helped me inside. Then we were on the road.

  “So, how was your week?” he asked.

  “Uneventful.” I’d been looking forward to this date every single day. And I avoided Slade whenever possible, unable to stop thinking about him having sex with that model. She probably had a perfect figure and a set of full lips. I was probably hideous in comparison. Maybe that was why he invited me over to watch a movie and not have sex.

  “Nothing interesting happened at all?”

  “Actually, no.”

  “But you’re in college. You should be doing crazy things every day of the week.”

  I gave him a smirk. “Were you a party animal in college?”

  “Totally,” he said. “I was out every night and doing things that would make my parents cringe.”

  I cocked an eyebrow at him.

  He chuckled. “You don’t believe me, huh?”

  I shook my head.

  “Yeah…I’m definitely a straight arrow…but I guess you picked up on that.”

  “A little. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I like it, actually.” It was much better than a tattooed bad boy who dropped the F bomb every other second and had sex with the entire student body. I wanted a nice guy, someone I could have a quiet conversation with.

  “You do?” he asked. “I thought girls liked reckless men that won’t change for anyone—unless it’s for a very special lady.”

  I’d never been with a guy who would change for me, so no, I didn’t prefer it. Slade made it blatantly clear I was just a warm body in his bed. And I happen to be a friend too. I was pretty much Conrad to him except I had feminine parts. “I like nice guys.”

  “Even though they always finish last?” He pulled into the parking lot then killed the engine.

  “They don’t finish last. They just get off to a bad start. There’s a difference.”

  When he got out of the car, he extended his arm for me to take it. “Hmm…interesting philosophy.”

  We walked inside the fancy restaurant then moved to our table. Reid pulled out my chair then moved to the other side of the table.

  Slade never pulled out a chair for me. It was unheard of.

  He looked at his menu. “I’m not sure why I’m bothering to look. I know what I’m getting.”

  “What?”

  “Chicken scampi. It’s what I always get.”

  I looked through the menu. “Everything looks so good…”

  He stared at me from across the table, his blue eyes boring into my face.

  I knew he was staring at me but I didn’t acknowledge it. “I think I’m going to get a salad.”

  He shook his head. “No. Order something real. I won’t judge you.” He rested one arm on the table.

  “Then I’ll get the shrimp linguine.”

  “Much better.” He put the menus off to the side, and when the waitress came, he ordered for both of us. Then he turned his attention back to me.

  “How was your week?” I asked.

  “One of my banks was robbed.” He said it with no emotion.

  “Oh my god, I’m sorry.” My eyes were wide.

  He waved his hand. “No one got hurt and that’s all that matters. The money is federally insured so it really wasn’t a big deal.”

  I was glad he cared more about the lives of his employees than the money he lost. That made me a million times more attracted to him than I already was. My father was wealthy but he never seemed to care about money. I wanted a man like that. “I’m glad it worked out.”

  “Me too. My dad stresses out about it, but then again, he stresses out about everything.” He chuckled lightly.

  “My dad never talks about work. When he comes home, he doesn’t even mention it.”

  He nodded his head in approval. “Good. He knows how to separate work from his family time.”

  “Yeah…”

  He stared at me for a long time, just gazing into my eyes. It was like he was trying to find something deep within.

  “What?” I blurted. No one had ever stared at me like that.

  “It’s just…” He shook his head slightly. “I’m having a hard time understanding why you don’t have a boyfriend. I mean, you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and you aren’t vain about it at all. And your family’s money clearly means nothing to you. I’ve never experienced that before.”

  My cheeks were on fire. No one had ever given me a compliment like that before. Well, Slade said something similar one time, but he was just trying to make me feel better because I was having a pity party for myself. “Um…thanks.”

  He continued to appraise my features. “There really is no other guy in your life? I just find that hard to believe. Guys must be leaving flowers on your doorstep left and right.”

  Should I tell him about Slade? We weren’t serious but I felt guilty for lying to his face. I was never good at it anyway. “I assure you that no one else notices my beauty in the way you do.”

  “I don’t believe that.” There was an edge to his voice.

  “And…I am kinda seeing someone.” I rubbed my hands together under the table, feeling the sweat accumulate.

  The brightness dulled in his eyes. “Oh. I see.” Disappointment was evident but he tried to hide it.

  “But it’s nothing serious…” When I reflected on my time with Slade, I realized it wasn’t anything at all. “Actually, I shouldn’t have even brought it up. We aren’t dating…more of just…hooking up.” I couldn’t look at him as I said it.

  “Are you going to keep hooking up with him?” he asked quietly.

  “No, I’m going to end it next time I see him.”

  He nodded his head in appreciation. “Good. Because I want to see you again.”

  “I do too.”

  He sipped his wine then returned it to the table. “May I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Do you do physical relationships like that often?”

  “No,” I said immediately. “It’s actually a long story. This guy and I are actually really good friends. We’ve known each other for a long time. We started hooking up because of loneliness more than anything else.”

  “But you could have whoever you wanted. Why would you settle for a guy who doesn’t care about you?” There was no anger or judgment in his voice, just curiosity.

  “I’m flattered you think I have that much value, but most people don’t. The men I’ve met only want one thing. They aren’t gentlemen and they aren’t sweet. I guess I gave up on looking for a good one.”

  “Well…I’m a gentleman.” He leaned back in his chair. “And I don’t want just one thing.” He gave me a firm look when he said it.

  “I’ve noticed…”

  “So, end the arrangement with this friend of yours and just concentrate on me.” He’d never been authoritative or stern before. He was easy-going and mellow. It surprised me how quickly that changed. “Because I really like you and just the idea of you sleeping with some guy makes me…jealous.”

  “But you just met me,” I blurted. How could he care already? Slade had been sleeping with me for months and he wouldn’t give a damn if I were on a date with a handsome guy.

  “So?” he said. “How would you feel if I were sleeping with someone else while I’m dating you?” He grabbed his fork then played with it in his hands. “You don’t have to answer me but just think about it.”

  I guess I wo
uld be a little jealous…”I see your point.”

  “I’m really not the jealous type,” he admitted. “But…something about you having a meaningless relationship with a guy gets under my skin. You’re such a treasure and you don’t deserve to be used and treated like garbage.”

  It was what I wanted to hear my whole life. It was something I wanted Slade to say to me. I felt like I wasn’t special or anything more than a pretty face. It seemed like no guy wanted to get to know me, to listen to my thoughts or dreams. Reid was the first guy that wanted to take me to dinner then drop me off. Most guys felt like they were entitled to sex because they bought me dinner.

  He left his fork on the table and stopped touching it. “I’m sorry. I think I overstepped my boundaries. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No, it’s okay…”

  “I know I’m supposed to play the game everyone plays. I’m supposed to act like I don’t care and I’m not really into you. But I hate playing games and I think they’re childish.”

  It was like a breath of fresh air. “No, don’t worry about it.”

  “What you do in your personal life is none of my business. I shouldn’t have stuck my nose in it—at least not yet,” he said.

  “I’d rather you care than not care.”

  His eyes lightened in response.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked.

  “Certainly.”

  “Have you had a similar arrangement?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I’ve had one-night stands, which made me feel worse the next morning than I did in the beginning, but I’ve never had a purely physical relationship with one person before.”

  That was the response I was hoping for. “I’m surprised you don’t have girls swarming all over you.”

  “I never said I didn’t.” He gave me a cute grin then winked.

  I laughed at this playfulness.

  “I’m kidding,” he said. “I’m very selective with my women now. When I was younger, that wasn’t the case. I took any pretty girl on my sheets. But now that I’m older and I’ve had a serious relationship, I realize what I want.”

  “Which is…?”

  “I want to settle down. I’ll be thirty soon and I would like to have a few kids by then. When I was younger, I dreaded getting old because being married sounded dreadful, but now I feel completely different. I want a best friend to share my life with. Obviously…you and I probably don’t have the same agenda. You’re so young and full of life. And I’m…much older than you. But I don’t want to stop seeing you because I really like you.”