Ray of Life Read online

Ryker

  The week passed quickly, and I was back in New York.

  Where it was hot as hell.

  The second I returned to my apartment, I considered calling Austen. She knew I was coming back soon, but I didn’t know if she knew I was back in town today. But even if she did, I shouldn’t expect her to care.

  Why did I continue to expect anything?

  Liam texted me. Yo, are you back in town?

  Just walked in the door.

  Sweet. You wanna get food?

  Maybe hanging out with Liam would cheer me up. Sure. Where do you want me to meet you?

  At Riot. The game is on.

  See you there.

  I hopped in the shower and changed into jeans and a t-shirt before I walked down to the bar. When I reached the front, I spotted Liam standing outside with Madeline.

  I didn’t realize he was bringing her along.

  “Hey.” I fist-bumped Liam then hugged Madeline. “What’s up?”

  “How was your trip?” Liam asked.

  “Pretty good. Saw my mom, and my brother is doing well. But I’m not a big fan of working.”

  Liam rolled his eyes. “I really hate you sometimes.”

  We walked inside and searched for a table. We took a seat and waved down the bartender and ordered our drinks.

  “So did you do anything else there?” Liam asked. “Pick up some ladies?”

  The question made me feel like a jerk even though I didn’t have a girlfriend. “No.” I didn’t make eye contact with Madeline since she was Austen’s best friend. “But I saw Rae, my ex. We hung out most of the time.”

  “And her current boyfriend was cool with that?” Liam asked incredulously.

  “He was there too. We used to be friends.”

  The waitress brought the drinks and made unnecessary eye contact with me. She’d wanted to ask me out for a while, but I was never interested. They were all the same. We flirted, I took them back to my apartment, we had great sex, and then they were gone. After a few months, I would forget the incident altogether.

  Liam stared at me harder than he ever had before. “Everything alright, man?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I took a drink of my beer. “Why?”

  “You just seem…” He tried to find the right word to describe my visage. “Sad.”

  I wasn’t sad. I was miserable. “I had a long plane ride. Takes me awhile to get back on my feet.”

  Liam wasn’t buying it. “It’s because Austen is seeing Nathan again, huh?”

  I averted my gaze and looked at the TV, unsure how to dodge the question.

  “Because we aren’t fans of the whole thing either.” It was the first time Madeline jumped into the conversation. Liam had his arm around her shoulder, and she was cozied up into his side. “He really messed up, no matter how Austen justifies it. I’m not sure how she can forgive him.”

  “And you know I’ll always hate the guy,” Liam added.

  Was this their way of making me feel better? “I’m happy for Austen. If this is what she wants, I support her.”

  Madeline shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together. “She wants you. I know she does.”

  My fingers suddenly felt numb. “She said that?”

  “When she told me she had feelings for you, it seemed pretty intense. It seemed like more than just physical attraction or lust. There’s a connection between you two. She feels it and so do you.”

  I drank my beer again, unable to believe I was having this conversation with Austen’s brother and best friend.

  “And I think you’re miserable without her, even if you’re still into this other chick,” Liam said.

  So everyone knew how hung up I was. “She told me she wants to make it work with Nathan.”

  “If she’s gonna give him another chance, she should give you a chance,” Madeline said. “I know how she feels about you. You guys are two peas in a pod. You’re best friends. We see it. Don’t you?”

  I definitely saw it. “Are you guys telling me to fight for her or something?”

  “Duh,” Liam said. “I think that’s obvious.”

  Maybe everyone was right. Maybe we should give this a chance even if we were still into other people. It wasn’t like we were lying to each other. If we gave it another chance, maybe we would forget about Rae and Nathan and find what we needed in each other. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should—”

  I spotted Austen walk inside with Nathan by her side. Jared was there too, with a woman I’d never seen before. Nathan moved his arm around Austen’s waist and guided her forward. They hadn’t seen us yet, and Austen didn’t seem to mind his affection.

  I felt like shit.

  Liam sighed and exchanged a look with Madeline.

  They came closer to us and spotted us at the table. Austen stopped when she saw me, her eyes getting wide now that she’d been caught with Nathan on her arm. Nathan didn’t drop his embrace, and I’m sure that was on purpose.

  Jared was the first one to say something to break the ice. “You guys watching the game too?”

  I couldn’t even put on a polite face. Austen knew I was miserable, and so did everyone else. Why hide it?

  “Yeah,” Madeline answered. “You guys wanna join us?”

  I’m sure Jared didn’t want to see Madeline with Liam, and I obviously didn’t want to see Austen linked to Nathan, but we couldn’t say no.

  “Uh, sure,” Austen said. Nathan pulled out a chair for her and she sat down.

  Like he was some kind of gentleman.

  Could I really do this? Sit here and pretend everything was A-Okay?

  It was awkward.

  Like, really awkward.

  Nathan was tense. Jared was uncomfortable. Liam drank half of his glass just to have something to do. Austen stared straight ahead, not making eye contact with anyone.

  It sucked.

  I lost Rae because I didn’t fight for her soon enough. I waited too long and missed my chance. Now there was another incredible woman in my life, one of a kind, and she was amazing. But I was letting this fuck up have her. He could have had her for the rest of his life, but he chose to fuck her best friend.

  He chose to hurt her.

  I couldn’t repeat the same mistakes.

  I couldn’t live with the same regrets.

  Fuck that.

  “Austen, let’s talk outside.” I left the table and walked to the front without checking to see if she was behind me. I moved past the people huddled in the doorway and finally got to the humid air outside. It was hot and uncomfortable, but it was much better than sitting at the table with that douchebag.

  When I turned around, Austen was there like I hoped. “I didn’t know you were back in town—”

  “I know I still have a thing for Rae and you still have a thing for Nathan. But you know what? Fuck them. We’re great together, and I think we should give it a chance. Will it be perfect? No. Will it be normal? Probably not. All I know is, when I’m not with you, I miss you. And when you’re with him, it kills me. He had his chance and screwed it up when he slept with Lily. Now give me a chance.” I didn’t think any of this through before I blurted everything out, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I was spending too much time thinking and less time doing.

  People passed us on the sidewalk, paying no attention to our deep conversation and looks of consternation. Austen’s eyes shifted back and forth as she looked up into my face, obviously unprepared for the bomb I just dropped on her. She walked into that bar expecting to have a normal evening with Jared and Nathan, and then she ran into me instead.

  I would have felt awkward too.

  “You want to give this a try?” she finally said.

  “I can make you get over Nathan. You can help me get over Rae. Sounds perfect to me. There’ll be lots of sex, and you know I’m always on board with that.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, which wasn’t a good sign. “When you were in Seattle, I was jealous the whole time. Jealous of wha
t? I don’t know.”

  “When you didn’t text me back when you were out with Nathan, I went insane. I know exactly what made me jealous. Obviously, this thing between us is more than just a fling. You’re my best friend, Austen.”

  Her eyes softened. “You’re my best friend too…”

  “So, what do you say?” I needed her to tell Nathan it was over once and for all. I wanted her to forget about him and stay with me. I had my baggage, but at least I was honest and faithful. Nathan had his chance, but he blew it. If she didn’t pick me…it would hurt. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that kind of rejection.

  She eyed the door to the bar then turned back to me, torn between the two of us.

  I was losing her. “I know you think he’s the love of your life. Maybe he was at one point. But I can replace him. I can be the next man you can’t live without. You just need to be a little patient with me. That’s all.”

  “Ryker, I already said I would give him a chance…”

  “And he already said he would spend the rest of his life with you. Then he fucked your best friend.” That was low, and I knew it. I shouldn’t use such a harsh tactic to get what I wanted, but I couldn’t let her slip away. I should have fought for her in the first place. Only when I realized how much I needed her did I actually do something about it.

  Just like with Rae.

  Austen couldn’t hide the hurt in her eyes. Nathan’s betrayal would always be a sore spot for her. “I’ve forgiven him. No matter what happens with us, I’ve let it go. Holding on to the past like that wasn’t healthy for me.”

  It was a jackass move to rub it in her face. “But he did mess up, Austen. I haven’t.”

  “You slept with Cheyenne,” she snapped.

  “That was because I saw you kiss Nathan—”

  “Kiss—that’s all. I’ve spent a lot of time with him, and I still haven’t slept with him. You jumped into bed with someone immediately. It hurt, Ryker.”

  That was a mistake that never should have happened. “I know…”

  “You’ve both hurt me, Ryker. It took me forever to put myself back together after Nathan left. And even then…I’ve never been the same.” She refused to have a relationship with anyone, choosing to have meaningless sex with random guys. I wasn’t any different. “And then you hurt me again, which only reminded me why I swore off relationships to begin with.”

  “In my defense, we weren’t in a relationship. And I already told you why I did what I did. Cut me some slack.”

  She shifted her weight, her eyes averted.

  The distance was growing between us. “You can’t honestly want to be with him over me.”

  “I never said that.”

  “Then why aren’t you jumping into my arms right now? I thought we both agreed that we wanted each other.”

  “It’s more complicated than that. If Nathan weren’t in the picture, things would be different.”

  Why did that piece of shit have to apologize to her and try to win her back? “Fine. You’re giving him a chance. But I want the same chance—at the same time.” I stepped toward her, closing the distance between us. “That’s fair, right?”

  “What are you saying? You want me to date both of you and then choose?”

  “Yeah.” It was time to put on my armor and shield. It was time to go into battle and fight. “That’s exactly what I want you to do. Date both of us for thirty days and then pick.”

  Austen stared at me incredulously until she realized I was being serious. “You aren’t joking…”

  “Do I look like I’m joking?”

  “This was never supposed to be a competition.”

  “Well, it is now. And I’m gonna win.”

  “I doubt Nathan will be okay with that.”

  “That’s too damn bad. If he doesn’t like it, he can bow out. But I can promise he won’t step away. He’ll agree to the terms because he knows he has to play the game. He fucked up, and he has to prove himself. I have to prove myself too.”

  Austen tucked her hair behind her ear then stepped to the side when a guy almost brushed his arm against hers. “Uh…I don’t know what to say.”

  “There’s only one rule. You can’t sleep with either of us.” While I’d like to win her over with just my skills in the sack, I didn’t want to share Austen in that way. “Everything else is fair game.”

  Nathan must have gotten impatient waiting for her because he came outside and joined us. He gave me a cold look before he came to her side. “Just wanted to see if everything was okay.”

  “She’s fine.” I needed to be civil to this guy because Austen cared about him, just as I knew she would be civil to Rae if they were ever in the same room together. “But she has something to tell you.”

  Her eyes widened when she understood my meaning. “Right now—”

  “Yes, right now,” I commanded. “Unless you’ve already made up your mind.” There was no way she would walk away from me forever right on the spot. She missed me too much, confided in me too much. I meant just as much to her as she meant to me.

  Austen looked at Nathan, the look in her eyes different. She wasn’t nearly as comfortable with him as she was with me. She was a little more guarded, a little more uneasy. I could see it in the way her body tightened when she was close to him. “I’m going to date both of you for thirty days. At the end of that period, I’m going to pick one of you…because I can’t pick right this second. It was Ryker’s idea.” She put the blame on me like I was the one causing the problem. If she would just forget this loser and choose me, we wouldn’t have to go through with this.

  Nathan eyed me again, his expression unreadable now that Austen was looking right at him. He turned his expression back to her. “Is that what you want?”

  Austen shrugged. “Ryker wants to be with me, and so do you. I’m not sure what I want right now…because I have feelings for both of you.”

  Nathan put his hands on his hips and did his best to hide his disappointment.

  I hoped he would just give up and walk away. It would make my life a lot easier.

  “I won’t sleep with either one of you…that’s the one rule,” Austen continued. “But I understand if this is too weird or—”

  “I’m in,” Nathan said quickly.

  Damn.

  Austen eyed us back and forth, clearly uncomfortable that she had two guys openly competing for her.

  I was up for the challenge.

  “Okay…” She fidgeted with her hair awkwardly. “I guess that’s what we’ll do then.”

  “Fine with me.” I gave Nathan an intimidating gaze, telling him he was going to go down hard.

  “Yeah,” Nathan said. “Let’s do it.”

  “Well, since I was with Nathan tonight, I’ll go back inside with him.” Austen walked toward him but kept her hands to herself, not touching him in front of me.

  Now I had to back off and play by the rules. “Are you free tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” Austen said quietly.

  “You aren’t free anymore.” I placed my hands in my pocket and walked away, knowing I needed to disappear for the evening. I couldn’t go back in there and pretend I was okay witnessing them together.

  I wasn’t okay at all.

  Now I was at war with Nathan, fighting over a woman like she was newfound territory. But I wasn’t worried about losing her.

  Failure wasn’t an option.

  I called Rae, and she picked up almost immediately.

  “Miss the rain already?” she teased.

  I chuckled because I couldn’t disagree more. “No. I missed the sun.”

  “Yuck. If it’s over seventy degrees, I get cranky.”

  Both places were beautiful and had their special qualities. I loved New York because of the nightlife, the chaotic beauty. I loved Seattle because it was laid back and mellow. The differences in weather were extreme, but that was okay.

  “So, what’s up?” she asked.

  “I wanted to tell yo
u that I decided to fight for Austen.”

  “Really?” Her smile leaked over the phone. “I’m so glad you changed your mind.”

  “I saw her with Nathan…and I got jealous.”

  “People say jealousy is bad. But I think it’s pretty handy sometimes. What did she say?”

  “She said she wasn’t sure.” I swallowed my pride at her answer. I shouldn’t have expected Austen to jump into my arms right away. She’d been hung up on Nathan for years. She pictured him as her husband and intended to raise a family with him. It was hard for me to compete with that. “So I asked her to date both of us for thirty days and then decide.”

  “Man, that sounds like a great competition,” she said with a laugh. “Two hot guys trying to win her heart…good for her.”

  My face contorted in a glare even though she couldn’t see me.

  She obviously felt it though. “Just in general…”

  I brushed it off. “Neither one of us are allowed to sleep with her. So I have to win her over in some other way.”

  “You’re an amazing kisser, Ryker. You’ve got this in the bag.”

  I automatically smiled when she stroked my ego. “Thanks. But I think I’m gonna need more than that.”

  “Just be yourself. You’re a great guy, Ryker. Don’t worry about it.”

  I obviously wasn’t better than Zeke, and I may not be better than Nathan. “I’m afraid I waited too long. When I thought she was seeing him before, I hooked up with some woman and hurt her… The damage might be irreparable.”

  “Nothing is irreparable. You weren’t seeing each other then, so it doesn’t count.”

  That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

  “I bet this guy is gonna do cheesy, romantic crap.” Safari and Razor barked in the background, and Rae opened the door to let them outside in the backyard.

  “Isn’t that a good thing?”

  “Hell no. Trust me, women want real shit.”

  “Real shit?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yeah. I’m gonna tell you a really special secret, Ryker. All women want a man that gives them amazing sex. But they also want that man to be their best friend. Very simple. So skip the fancy dinners and moonlight walks on the beach. Take her to a baseball game and split a chili dog. Then rock her world when you get home. Watch one of those terrible Sci-Fi movies and make fun of it while you drink a few beers. Then go down on her like you haven’t eaten all day. I’m telling you, it’ll work.”