Again and Again (Forever and Always #10) Read online

  Her tears stopped falling when her back hit the comforter. I pulled off her dress and her underwear then removed my own clothes. I crawled on top of her then parted her legs.

  “I love you forever,” she said.

  I moved inside her. “I love you too, Scar.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She was wet and smooth. “I’m sorry too.”

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I never want to get a divorce. I wished I hadn’t said that…”

  I rocked into her. “It’s okay… I wouldn’t have given it to you anyway.”

  She kissed my lips passionately, making me melt and burn at the same time. She felt so good. I hadn’t gotten my dick wet in a week and I forgot how good my wife felt. Being between her legs was always heavenly. I felt all my anger and despair ebb away when our bodies were joined. And I loved feeling her love me. That was the best part.

  She gripped my ass and pulled me into her harder. “I never want to make love to anyone for the rest of my life.”

  That made my cock twitch. I liked it when she talked like that.

  She clenched around me and moaned. “Sean…”

  I loved it when she said my name.

  “Sean…” Her nails dug into my skin as she rode her orgasm. “Oh god.”

  Going a whole week without Scarlet lowered my triggers. My orgasm started as soon as hers ended. I came inside her, loving every second of it. “Yeah…” I filled her until I was completely sated.

  I leaned over her and kissed her gently. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Even though she was pregnant, she was light as a feather. I hooked my arm around her waist and moved her to the pillows. I tucked her in then lay beside her. It was nice to sleep in a bed with her. The couch was getting old.

  Scarlet intertwined her body with mine. Her legs were soft, and her skin was smooth. She clung to me like she never wanted to let me go. For the first time in weeks, I was happy.

  The bed shook as Scarlet moved away from me. I was sensitive to movement and sound. The protective side of me still watched Scarlet even while I was asleep. The change in her breathing woke my mind. Anything she did that my mind deemed was abnormal set off my triggers.

  I opened my eyes and saw her sitting at the edge of the bed. Her hand was on her stomach and she was leaning over like she was in pain. She whimpered and breathed heavily.

  I jumped out of bed. “Baby, are you okay?”

  Tears fell down her face. “It hurts…”

  I kneeled at her feet and felt her stomach. God, this was bad. The fear coursed through my body. She closed her eyes and breathed through the pain. Something wasn’t right. I’ve never been so scared in my life. But I kept calm—for her. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

  “I’m scared…”

  I pulled on the first pair of clothes I could find then dressed her in a gown I found on the floor. “Don’t be scared. I’ll take care of you.” I bundled her in my arms and took the stairs two at a time. Her arms hooked around my neck and she cried into my shoulder. I grabbed the keys and bolted out the door. After she buckled into the seat, I hauled ass to the hospital.

  I carried her inside then stopped at the desk. “I need to see a doctor.”

  The nurse nodded. “Fill out this paperwork.” She said it like she was bored.

  I put Scarlet down to her feet then opened my wallet. I threw all the cash I had at her face. “She’s next.” She eyed the money on the counter.

  “Sir, I can’t accept this.”

  “How about a check for ten thousand?” I didn’t give a shit about money right now. “If she’s seen next, it’s yours.”

  “Name?” she asked.

  “I’m Sean Preston. Google me. You’ll see I’m fucking loaded.” I picked up Scarlet again then carried her to a seat. I placed her on my lap and ran my fingers through her hair. She still whimpered through the pain. I wanted to give into the fear and freak out but I didn’t. I comforted her and kissed her, reassuring her everything would be fine.

  The emergency room was packed, so I prayed the nurse would arrange me to be seen next. Ten thousand dollars was spare change to me.

  “Sean,” she called.

  I jumped to my feet with Scarlet in my arms.

  “This way.” She walked beside me then slipped me her name and address. I’d take care of the check later.

  We were escorted into a room. I placed Scarlet on the bed then leaned over her. I gripped her hand. “The doctor will be here soon.”

  She squeezed my hand. “Something isn’t right, Sean…”

  “Shh… We’ll figure it out. Just stay calm.”

  I changed her into her gown and waited for the doctor to arrive. Scarlet was sweating and cringing. The pain in her stomach was killing her. I pressed my face to hers and kissed her.

  “I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” I whispered. “I promise.”

  “I just hope she’s okay…”

  I didn’t want to think about that. It was too much to bear.

  “I’m so sorry about everything,” she said through her tears.

  “Forget about that,” I said firmly. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  The doctor came in with Scarlet’s chart. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  I spoke before Scarlet could even open her mouth. “She woke up with cramping. Her stomach hurts and she’s almost three months pregnant. She hasn’t fallen or drank any alcohol.”

  He nodded. “Let’s take a look.” He set up the sonogram machine and checked her uterus. I couldn’t read the picture so I waited for him to give us news. I held Scarlet’s hand and remained by her side.

  The doctor stared at the sonogram for a long time. Thirty minutes passed and he still didn’t say anything. I was fucking scared shitless. Finally, he sighed. “I’m sorry. Your wife had a miscarriage.”

  Scarlet burst into tears, sobbing. “No…”

  The doctor didn’t look at her. “I’m very sorry. Unfortunately, this is very common in the first trimester. Fifteen percent of all pregnancies result in a miscarriage.”

  Scarlet covered her face and broke down. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. My tears fell into her hair. I didn’t even know my baby, but I was heartbroken with the loss. And seeing my wife fall apart was pure agony. She shook in my embrace, crying harder than she ever had. I wish this wasn’t happening…”

  “I’ll give you two a moment.”

  “Wait,” I said. I wiped my tears away. “Is my wife okay? Is she in danger?”

  “She’ll be fine,” he said quietly.

  That was something to be thankful for.

  He stepped out and gave us our space.

  Scarlet sobbed in my arms. “God, how did this happen?”

  My tears fell on her face. “I don’t know…”

  “How could I love something so much that I never had?” she whispered.

  “I loved her too…”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t say that,” I said firmly. “It’s not your fault.”

  “But—”

  “It’s not.”

  Scarlet cried in my arms for half an hour. Unable to handle the loss, I cried too. I wanted that baby so much. Every day I imagined what my daughter would look like. She would be a smaller version of Scarlet, beautiful and perfect. And it hurt that I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t throw money at someone to get my way.

  The doctor returned then took a seat. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Scarlet clung to me and didn’t look at him.

  “What do we do now?”

  “I recommend a DC surgery—to remove the fetus.”

  Scarlet wailed.

  “It’s not normally something that’s done, but she was almost twelve weeks pregnant. I recommend it.”

  “Okay.” My mind was spinning. “Do you know how this happened?”

 
; He shrugged. “Miscarriages are difficult to document. A variety of factors could impact the pregnancy, but mainly genetic variations. For instance, your sperm may have had the incorrect number of chromosomes, and as a result, the fetus couldn’t grow past a certain point.”

  I nodded. “Does that mean we can’t have children?”

  “Not at all. You can always try again. But if she has another miscarriage, then I suggest you stop trying.”

  “Okay… Is there any other reason this could have happened?”

  “Well, there’s drugs and alcohol.”

  “No,” I said immediately.

  “Stress.”

  I felt cold. That’s all Scarlet had been suffering through. She’s been putting up with my shit, my mom’s bullshit, Cortland’s break up, my new job, the new house, the marriage—it was nothing but stressful. “God…”

  The doctor stared at me but didn’t comment. “We’ll schedule the surgery.” He said his goodbyes and left our room.

  Scarlet had never cried this much in her life. She sobbed into me, shaking. “My baby girl…”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “I wish this wasn’t happening… I’d do anything.”

  “Me too.”

  She breathed through the pain but she didn’t get any better. I kicked off my shoes then got into the bed beside her. Nothing was going to pull me away from her. If I wasn’t allowed in the room, they would have to get all of security to throw me out.

  I listened to my wife sob in my arms. I hated myself. It was my fault this happened. I was the biggest piece of shit in the entire world. All I wanted was my wife to be happy. I wanted the little girl I’d been waiting for. But I ruined that.

  10

  Cortland

  I was numb. I got the call from Sean sometime in the middle of the night. When he told me what happened, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t react. It was the worst thing I ever heard. I felt sick.

  When I arrived at the house, everyone was there. Ryan was the most upset of all of us. Janice held him while he leaned on her. He was on the verge of tears but he never shed them around us. Janice and Monnique cried.

  I was even choked up about it. I was excited to have a niece or nephew. And I hated imagining what Scarlet was going through. Of all people in the world, she deserved this least of all.

  Sean came downstairs, his eyes red and his hair in disarray.

  “How’s she doing?” I asked.

  He seemed drunk, totally out of his mind. He rubbed his face and took a deep breath. “She’s resting.”

  “Can we see her?” Ryan asked.

  “No,” Sean said quickly. “She said she doesn’t want to see anyone.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t believe this is happening.” He took another deep breath then his lip quivered. He turned around so we couldn’t see his face.

  Ryan hugged him and patted him on the back. “It’s okay, man.”

  “I don’t know what happened…”

  “I know,” he said gently.

  “God.” He cried then stopped himself, regaining control of his emotions. When he pulled away, his eyes were still red and moist.

  We all gave him a sympathetic look. We were all just as devastated.

  “It’s all my fault,” he whispered.

  “No, man,” I said. “Don’t say that.”

  “But it is. I stressed her out with all my bullshit and then my mom just made it a million times worse.” He covered his face again. “I fucking did this.”

  “You don’t know that,” Ryan said. “There could have been any other reason. Scarlet didn’t know she pregnant for a long time, so something could have happened…”

  “It was me,” he said firmly. “I did this to her.”

  He grabbed her hair then looked at the floor.

  Janice wiped her tears away. “You can always try again.”

  Sean sniffed. “It’s not the same… I just wish I could fix this.”

  Ryan grabbed his shoulder. “Hey. You are the world’s best husband. You always put Scarlet first and you take care of her. Don’t put the blame on yourself, alright?”

  Sean sighed heavily.

  When I looked at Monnique, I saw her wipe her tears away. Everyone was affected by the news. It couldn’t have been worse. It affected us an entire family. I wished we could see Scarlet.

  “When can we talk to her?” Ryan asked.

  “She’s really upset….” Sean shifted his weight. “She doesn’t want to see anyone. I’ll let you know when she’s ready.”

  Ryan sighed. “Please tell her we’re here for her.”

  “Of course I will,” Sean said.

  Ryan hugged him again. “We’ll get through this.”

  Sean didn’t say anything.

  Ryan and Janice left the house. I saw the accumulation of moisture in Ryan’s eyes. I suspected he would break down in Janice’s arms when they were alone.

  Sean stood in front of us but he didn’t look at us. Suddenly, the door burst open and Mike ran inside.

  “Is she okay?” he demanded.

  Sean nodded, unable to speak.

  Mike gripped his head. “God, I’m so sorry, man.”

  Sean took a deep breath, and his eyes started to bubble with tears. Mike gripped him and pulled him in for a hug. They held each other for a long time. Mike gave him words of comfort and patted his back. I looked at Monnique, unsure what else to do.

  “Can I see her?” Mike asked.

  Sean shook his head. “She needs some time alone.”

  He nodded. “Okay.” His eyes dripped with tears. “Tell her I love her, okay?”

  “I will.” Sean sniffed then wiped his tears away.

  “Do you need anything?”

  “I…I can’t leave Scarlet right now—”

  “Say no more,” Mike said. “I got the business under control. Take all the time you need.”

  Sean nodded. “Thank you.”

  “No needs for thanks.”

  Mike clapped him on the shoulder again. “Let me know when she’s ready to see people.”

  “I will.”

  Mike left the house, shutting the door quietly.

  Sean didn’t look at us. “I’m going upstairs. I don’t know how to make this better, but…I just need to go.”

  “Don’t mind us,” I said gently.

  Sean walked upstairs and disappeared in their bedroom.

  When they were gone, Monnique covered her face and cried. “She doesn’t deserve this…”

  Seeing her cry made me catch a knot in my throat. “I know.”

  She sniffed loudly. “They were so excited.”

  My breathing increased as the weight of the truth fell on me. We lost someone very special to all of us. Unable to control myself, I grabbed Monnique and hugged her. I pulled her to my chest and squeezed her. She cried into my shoulder and I felt my own tears fall. Her arms wrapped around my neck and held me close. The touch was exactly what I needed. Only Monnique could hold me like this. She was the only one who understood every emotion I felt without me saying it.

  She felt perfect in my arms, exactly where she belonged. I held her so many times, and even after all the time apart, she fit perfectly in my embrace. My body was created just to hold her. She was the love of my life and she would always be the love of my life.

  She pulled away slightly, her face in my view. Even when the tears fell down her face, she looked stunning. Her eyes shined with moisture, and beads of water were on her lips. Unable to channel my pain anywhere else, I used her. I pressed my lips to hers and felt the natural burn of my lips. Her tears were salty on my tongue, but she still tasted the same. I cupped her face and felt the desire and need surge through me. I was never happier than when I was kissing her. And after the pain of the afternoon, I needed that.

  She cupped my face and felt my lips with purposeful kisses. Her breasts pressed against my chest and we united ourselves together. I hadn’t kissed her in months, but the embrace wasn’t awkward. We kis
sed each other like we always had. I breathed into her mouth and felt the pain stop throbbing. It was a small respite.

  When I realized what we were doing, I knew I needed to end it. I still didn’t know what I wanted. I had a small moment of weakness but it needed to stop. I pulled away, my lips feeling suddenly cold as soon as they left hers. “I’m sorry…”

  “Don’t be.” She grabbed my face and kissed me again. Her lips moved gently and she sucked my bottom lip, enticing me to fall into her for shelter and comfort. I wanted to—desperately. But I couldn’t.

  I pulled away again. “I cant…I just can’t.”

  Her eyes sagged in sadness.

  “I…I should go.”

  She averted her gaze then touched her lips, feeling the same heat I did.

  Unable to look at her anymore, I left without looking back.

  11

  Mike

  I’ve never known someone who’s had a miscarriage, and I’ve never been an emotional guy. Whenever something bad happened, I dissipated the pain with humor. I avoided the real issue as much as possible. But that was because I never had someone to talk to, to open up to.

  When Scarlet and I became close, I told her all my problems. She never judged me or thought less of me. I could say anything and everything. But now Cassandra was the first person in my life.

  I sat on the bed, feeling my tears fall. I wiped them away, not sure why I was crying. I never cried. When I was calm, I called Cassandra.

  “Hmm?”

  She was still asleep. “Hey, baby.”

  “What do you want?” she said with a sigh.

  “I need you.”

  She detected my change of tone. That woke her up. “Babe, are you okay?”

  “No. Could you come over?”

  “I’m one my way.” She hung up.

  I’ve never had someone at my beck and call. I never had someone to lean on, to rely on to get me through the hard times. I never had someone love me…not like Cassandra.

  I left the door unlocked, so she walked inside and darted to my room. She sat beside me and held my hand. “What happened?”

  I took a deep breath. “Scarlet had a miscarriage.”

  She gasped. “No…”