You Are All I'll Ever Need Read online

  “I’ll give you a hint. It has chocolate in it.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That could be anything.”

  “But at least you know you’ll like it.” He came close to me then gave me a dark look. His eyes shone with an intensity I couldn’t describe. He’d been giving it to me a lot lately, at the most random times.

  “What?”

  “I just love you.” That was all he said.

  “I just love you.”

  He held me close and pressed his head to mine. “I know.” We stood there together, feeling the moment stretch between us. Cayson was the only guy I could have a full conversation with without actually speaking. Our minds were connected in a way our bodies weren’t. No matter how close or far apart we were, our minds were always interlocked.

  Cayson picked up my hand and held it on his chest. Then he started to slow dance with me. There was no music but we didn’t need any. “I remember the first time I danced with you.”

  “At the gala?” I asked.

  “No. We were five. We went to the Petersons’ wedding. You were wearing a pink dress with a purple bow. I asked you to dance and you cried and said no. But then your dad made you.”

  I smirked. “That doesn’t sound very magical.”

  “Well, you were a brat,” he teased. “But that was still our first dance together.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t nicer to you.”

  “It’s okay. You are now.” He continued to dance with me. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Did you have feelings for me before? Or only when Jasmine came into the picture?”

  I still didn’t know the answer myself. “I’m not sure. I think those feelings were always there, packed deep within, but when I thought you loved someone else, they came to the surface. So yes, I think I did.”

  “I guess Jasmine is the best thing that ever happened to us.”

  “Maybe…” I didn’t like to talk about her or think about her.

  Cayson seemed to catch on because he let the conversation drop. “A few months ago, you asked if we could live in Connecticut when we settled down. Did you mean marriage?” He studied my face after he said it, watching my reaction.

  I wasn’t sure what I meant at the time. “I think I meant when we raise a family. So yes, when we’re married.”

  “You think about that stuff—with me?”

  “I thought that was obvious, Cayson…”

  He said nothing for a long time. “I just…it’s hard for me to believe it sometimes. I guess I’m always afraid I’ll misinterpret your meanings.”

  “Then let me clarify. I want to marry you, Cayson. I want to grow old with you and have three children. And I want to live in Connecticut.”

  He took a deep breath and his eyes watered slightly. “And when do you want this to happen?”

  I shrugged. “When you’re done with school, whenever that happens.”

  “I have a ways to go,” he whispered. “Another seven years.”

  That sounded like forever.

  “Would you want to get married before that?”

  I hadn’t considered it. “I’m not sure.”

  “I wouldn’t normally suggest something like that, but since I’ll be in school for so long, I don’t think it’s necessary to wait. And your father would understand that.”

  “Understand what?”

  “That I’ll be your husband even though I won’t be getting a nice paycheck.”

  “My father doesn’t care about that.”

  His eyes were dark. “Every father cares about that, Skye.”

  “But you’re going to do amazing things with your life. It’s totally different. Plus, I know I’ll make more than enough money to support us.”

  “Again, not every father’s dream.”

  “My father loves you. I know it wouldn’t bother him.”

  “What are you saying?” His eyes bored into mine like he was trying to see my soul. “You would consider marrying me sooner rather than later?”

  I felt his shoulder under my hand. “If you ever asked me to marry you, no matter when it was, I would never say no.”

  His face was unreadable. It was like he hadn’t heard me. “Would you be willing to marry me after we graduate? After I start medical school?”

  That wasn’t that far away. And it frightened me a little bit. “You’re the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, Cayson. When and where doesn’t make a difference to me.”

  That seemed to be the answer he was looking for. He continued to hold me while he danced with me, his breath falling on my face. It was a serious conversation I never expected to have. I hadn’t given our future much thought at all. I always knew we had one together but I never considered discussing it. It was obviously something on Cayson’s mind. But I was glad we talked about it anyway.

  ***

  After we finished dinner, I was stuffed. “That was so good.”

  He held his plate out to me. “You want the rest of mine?”

  I pushed it away. “No, I’m full.”

  “Wow, I finally filled you up.” He smirked at me.

  “You always tease me for eating a lot. I just have a fast metabolism. And my boobs alone need a lot of calories.”

  He chuckled. “I’m sure they do.”

  We stared toward the dark ocean for a while before I decided it was time to go inside. “I’m getting cold.”

  Cayson opened the door for me and we went inside. Since it was late, I knew we would make love then go to sleep like every other night. It was a routine but it was still spontaneous.

  Cayson pulled off his clothes then got into bed. “Come here, baby.” His voice was deep and raspy, like he was tired or desperate.

  “I’ll be there in a second.” I walked into the bathroom and changed into the outfit I bought just for him. It wasn’t as grand of a gift as a weekend in Boston but I was sure he’d still appreciate it. It was a black sheer dress that reached my upper thighs. A black thong was underneath but I didn’t wear a bra because I knew how much he preferred me topless. I turned off the light then walked into the bedroom.

  In the dim light, Cayson could see me. “Oh yeah…”

  My cheeks blushed as I came to the bed. “I hope you like your gift.”

  “I love it.” He grabbed me then threw me on the bed like a caveman. “Shit, you look hot.” His lips moved across my body, leaving kisses everywhere. He kissed my inner thighs then moved the dress up as he went. When he reached my waist, he pulled my underwear off but left the dress on. “I like this.”

  “I picked up on that…”

  He moved over me and took me with an aggression that he never used before. In the beginning of our relationship, he only made love to me, taking it slow and being gentle. But now he touched and kissed me like he needed me, had to have me. I liked it a lot.

  Once Cayson was inside me, I couldn’t think about anything else but him. I knew this was how we would spend the weekend. And I knew it would be the best weekend of my life.

  Chapter Four

  Cayson

  “How was your weekend?” Slade nudged me in the side and gave me a devilish smirk.

  We were sitting in my apartment watching the game. I shouldn’t be surprised by Slade’s perverse intentions, but I still was. “Good.”

  He nodded his head slowly. “Was it a sex-capade?”

  “What the hell is that?”

  “You know, where you just have sex all weekend.”

  “Well, we do that here. We sat on the beach and had dinner, you know, couple stuff.”

  “Couple stuff?” He rolled his eyes. “More like lame stuff.”

  I didn’t bother arguing with him.

  “Did she wear slutty lingerie?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  “If she did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

  “Oh, come on. Dude, I’m your best friend.”

  “How was that model you had? You never talked about it,” I countered. Hi
s playful attitude suddenly disappeared. “Eh, she was okay.” That was all he said.

  “That’s it? Did she wear slutty lingerie?”

  Slade was getting uncomfortable. “She was fine. Nothing more to say.”

  I loved the way I was making him squirm. “Come on. Dude, I’m your best friend.”

  He glared at me. “I literally fucked her doggy style then kicked her out. End of story.”

  “Juicy,” I said sarcastically.

  “Now tell me about this slutty lingerie.”

  I felt the redness move into my cheeks. “It was a see-through dress with just a thong underneath.”

  Slade whistled. “Happy day to Cayson.”

  “It really was.” I crossed my arms over my chest and continued watching the game. I thought about the conversation we had. It was one I’d been eager to have but I could never find a good time to bring it up. I feared what Skye’s response would be. What if she didn’t want to marry me and I just made the weekend awkward?

  “Anything else interesting happen during your getaway?” Slade asked.

  “I asked her about marriage.”

  Slade looked at me like I was crazy. “Why the hell would you bring that up to a girl you’ve only been dating for a few months?”

  “She’s not just some girl. Skye is the one. She knew what my intentions were.”

  “But still…talk about a buzz kill. What did she say?”

  “She said she wants to marry me.” I smiled when I thought about it.

  Slade cringed. “Is she prego, bro?”

  “No,” I snapped.

  “I’ve noticed her stomach has been getting—”

  “She’s not pregnant.”

  “Because if she is, Uncle Sean will—”

  “Not. Pregnant.”

  He leaned back into the chair. “So, when is this happening?”

  “Since I’ll be in medical school for seven years, I told her I didn’t want to wait until I was done.”

  “You think Uncle Sean will be okay with that?” he asked seriously. “I mean, you technically wouldn’t have a job.”

  “They’ll give me a stipend to live off of, plus when I’m a resident, I’ll be getting paid. It won’t be much, but I’ll still have money.”

  “And Skye is going to be a high roller working for the company.”

  “I can make enough to support both of us,” I said through a clenched jaw. “We won’t have a lot of money but I know Skye doesn’t care about that.”

  “So…when is all this going to go down?”

  “I was going to propose during my first year. Then we could get married over summer break.”

  Slade scratched his head. “Dude, that’s really soon. That’s like…a year away.”

  “I know. Skye made it clear she would say yes.”

  Slade leaned forward then thought for a moment. “Wow…I’m happy for you, man. This is what you’ve always wanted.”

  I eyed him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I know I tease you all the time but…I’m happy for you.” His eyes widened in realization. “Shit, now we’ll actually be related. We’ll be cousins-in-law.”

  “We will,” I said with a smile.

  “I’m going to be the best man, right? Right? You better not pick Roland! I swear to god, I’ll—”

  “Let’s not jump the gun,” I said with a laugh.

  “Well, I’m planning the bachelor party. It’s going to be fucking epic. So much shit is going to go down you aren’t even going to remember it.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “What’s the point of that?”

  “We’ll have pictures to remember. And there’s going to be so many strippers.”

  “No strippers,” I said firmly.

  “Ha, like I’m going to take your wishes into consideration.”

  I should have known better.

  “Wait a second.” He rested his elbows on his knees. “How is this going to work?”

  “What?”

  “Are you going to medical school in New York? Because that’s where she’ll live, right?”

  “I applied…I haven’t heard from them yet.”

  “Who have you heard from?”

  Should I bring it up…? “You can’t tell anyone, Slade.”

  His eyes darkened. “You’re acting like you’re about to rob a bank. It’s just medical school applications.”

  I grabbed my mail off the counter then handed him an envelope.

  He read the front. “Stanford?” Both of his eyebrows shot up.

  I nodded.

  Slade opened the letter then skimmed through it. “You got a fucking interview with Stanford?”

  “Can you keep your language PG for once? Even PG-13?”

  Slade ignored me. “Dude, this interview is next week.”

  “I know.” I sighed loudly.

  “This is your dream school. Why aren’t you more happy?”

  “I don’t know…I guess I’m just nervous.”

  Slade read the letter again then dropped it. “But I thought you wanted to do Doctors Without Borders and they only take the top one percent of applicants?”

  “I still do. I’ll always want to.”

  Slade ran his fingers through his hair and was quiet for a long time. “So…what does that mean?”

  “Every time I think about going it makes me uneasy. If I do choose Stanford, then it ends my relationship with Skye. It’s a lot to think about...”

  “But Cayson, this is your dream. The choice is pretty clear.” He stared at me with wide eyes.

  “I realize that.”

  “Do you think she would be willing to move there with you? That’s reasonable.”

  “And ask her to give up her dream for mine?” I asked incredulously. “I could never do that. She’s wanted to run that company since we were five. And I don’t think Sean would appreciate me taking his daughter that far away from him.”

  Slade rubbed his hands together. “So, are you going to go on this interview?”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Look, you’ve already applied and they want to hear more from you. Just go. There’s no harm. Wouldn’t that give you an ego boost if they accepted you? And what if you didn’t get into a school in New York and then you had nowhere to go? It’s always good to have a backup. And what if Skye decides she wants to move to California? Anything can happen. You’re being smart for going.” Slade was hardly ever serious about anything. But his voice was stern and his eyes were wide. Concern leaked from his voice and his movements.

  “Yeah...”

  “Good because you can’t throw your dream away for a girl.”

  “Skye is my dream.”

  “But…” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “They are different kinds of dreams.”

  I stared at the wall, my thoughts swirling

  “And if it came down to it, I really don’t think Skye would want you to choose her over Stanford…”

  “No, I’m sure she wouldn’t.”

  Slade nodded.

  “I’m not deciding anything right now. I’ll go on the interview, but I’m uneasy because it makes me realize I’ll have to make a decision soon—one I don’t want to make.”

  “There’s a lot riding on this. If you don’t go to Stanford, you won’t get into Doctors Without Borders. And then your goals and ambitions are out the window. You have to go, Cayson. There’s no other option. Besides, if you stayed you would resent her years down the road…”

  “I would never resent her.” I gave him a hard look. “Life doesn’t always work out the way you want. You have to prioritize things and figure out what’s really important. When Skye came into my life, she went to the very top. And that won’t change, even if Stanford is offering me a full ride.”

  “They are offering you a full ride?” His eyes were about to pop out of his head. He grabbed the letter again and read through it.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  He threw the letter down again. “Yo
u really need to think about this.”

  “What do you think I’ve been doing for months?” I said bitterly.

  “This is the plan. You’re going on this interview.”

  I thought we already established that.

  “Just go, Cayson. Do everything you need to do now and make the decision later. If Skye wants to marry you, she would probably compromise with you. Don’t throw this away just yet. You’re going.”

  “You really think I should?”

  “Definitely,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. “I’ll go with you.”

  I smirked. “To do what?”

  “To support you,” he blurted. “I’m your best friend. Why wouldn’t I be there?”

  “You have school, Slade.”

  “When have I ever cared about school?” he asked seriously. “Besides, my dad said he’s opening a shop for me. He finally accepts inking is what I’m doing.”

  “Seriously?” I asked.

  He smiled. “Yep. I’m finally getting what I’ve always wanted.”

  “Wow, that’s awesome, man.”

  “Thanks. I’m just glad my dad is finally coming around. He seemed so intent on keeping me out of the family business. I’ve never understood why.”

  “He just wants the best for you,” I said. “Parents tend to be that way.”

  “But my dad is an artist.”

  “And there’s obviously a reason why he doesn’t want you to have the same lifestyle.”

  “I don’t see why. His life is awesome. He makes good money, he lives in Manhattan, he’s got a wife that works for a huge publishing house, and he’s got one awesome kid—”

  “Two.”

  “One,” he said firmly.

  I laughed. “Your dad is the most laid back and mellow guy I know. But you can tell he has a serious side to him. I’m sure he has a very good reason why he encouraged you to get a degree.”

  Slade shrugged. “Probably. My dad is the coolest guy in the world so I trust his judgment…even if I don’t always agree with it.”

  “At least now you’ll see him all the time.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “I miss him.” He seemed to realize his mistake. “I mean, like whatever. I don’t care.”

  I tried not to laugh. “I miss my dad too. And my mom. And even Clementine.”

  He seemed to relax. “I miss my mom too.”