You Are All I'll Ever Need Read online

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “No.”

  “What if I take you to a nice place?”

  “No.”

  I knew she wouldn’t budge. “Okay.”

  She walked to her car and pulled her keys out.

  I wish I didn’t have to say goodbye to her. Not sleeping with her tonight would be weird.

  “Good night, Slade.” Her voice was tense and full of irritation. She got her door open.

  I grabbed it then slammed it shut. “What are you mad about?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You tell me everything. Why are you being quiet now?”

  “I’m offended you asked me to go to a motel.”

  Girls were annoying and complicated. Trinity wasn’t like that, which was why I’d become so fond of her. But now she was doing the thing I hated. “Why?”

  “It makes me feel like I don’t mean anything…”

  “Don’t mean anything?” I asked incredulously. “You let me fuck you against the wall of my building on one of the coldest nights of the year, but you have a problem with that? Alright…”

  She took off her glasses, and the pissed look was in her eyes.

  “You’re being annoying right now. Knock it off.”

  “Go to hell, Slade.” She grabbed her car door.

  I slammed it shut. “No. You aren’t leaving until you stop being a bitch.”

  Her eyes widened at my comment.

  Maybe I took it too far. “I take it back. I take it back.”

  She calmed down slightly.

  “I’m pissed that you said you feel like you don’t mean anything. If you didn’t, I would have let you go when that stupid loser wanted you. I wouldn’t have fought for you. In case you don’t remember, we haven’t even had sex in two weeks. And I haven’t wanted to so I could prove to you that I like being with you for you, not what I get out of you. That should vanquish any fear or doubt you possibly have. Now knock it off. If I’d known you felt that way about a motel, I wouldn’t have even asked. Seeing you wear that and deploy this plan really got me in the mood, alright? I feel like I’m getting away with something and I’m fooling everyone. And seeing you dress like that got me harder than a steel rod. Sorry, if I wanted to get laid tonight.” I shook my head and looked away.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  My head snapped back to her. “What did you say?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I said I was sorry.”

  “Wow…I don’t think I’ve ever heard you apologize.”

  “Don’t gloat, okay?”

  “I’m not.” A grin spread across my face.

  “You’re doing it now.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged.

  “I guess…I assumed I was important to you and for a moment I didn’t… It was like we were going backwards for a second.”

  “I’m sorry I made you think that.”

  She smirked. “Did you just apologize to me?”

  “I’ve apologized before,” I argued.

  “But, it’s very rare.”

  “Well, I mean it. When I hurt your feelings, I don’t do it on purpose.”

  Her body visibly relaxed. “Did we just have our first fight?”

  “No, we’ve fought before…a lot.”

  “No, this was different.”

  I guess I saw her meaning. “So, we’re okay?”

  She nodded.

  I pulled her into my arms and held her for a long moment. A few people passed us on the sidewalk but I ignored them. All I cared about was the woman in my arms. Holding her felt right. I’d never done it with a girl before, but with Trinity, it was nice.

  “I should go before Conrad spots my car.” She pulled away.

  “Yeah…”

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I just…I’m bummed I can’t sleep with you tonight.”

  She understood my meaning. “Me too.”

  I kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I opened her car door so she could get in.

  She gave me a smile then sat down.

  “What?” I asked.

  She kept smiling. “Nothing.”

  Was I missing something? “What?” I demanded.

  “You’re just…different. And I like it.”

  I didn’t understand her meaning specifically but I let it go. “Good night, baby.”

  “Night.”

  I shut the door and stood on the sidewalk. Then I watched her drive away, my loneliness increasing the further she got.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Roland

  I didn’t hook up with anyone and I turned in early. When I came home, it was barely midnight.

  Pathetic.

  Slade managed to pick up girls everywhere he went, and in record time. Was I doing something wrong?

  When I walked into the house, most of the lights were out. Everyone was probably asleep. I disabled the alarm then turned it back on. My dad was a stickler for that thing. He wanted it on at all times. I wasn’t sure where his paranoia stemmed from but it came from somewhere.

  “Have a good night?”

  I stilled when I heard my dad’s voice. He was sitting on the couch drinking a brandy. “Well, it’s midnight and I’m not sneaking a girl into my room. So, no, not really.”

  His eyes shined with fondness. “All the married ones turned you down?”

  I would be teased for that forever. “Sure.”

  He patted the seat next to him. “Sit.”

  I knew a talk was coming. My dad always did that when he wanted to have a heart-to-heart discussion or preach to me about being a man. But at least I wasn’t in trouble for something.

  I sat down.

  My dad immediately sniffed the air. “Strip club?”

  I smelled myself. “I’m so used to it that I don’t even notice.”

  “Make sure you shower and wash those clothes.”

  My dad didn’t seem to care about some of my immoral choices, probably because he was guilty of the same actions at some point in time. “How did Conrad do?”

  I shook my head. “There weren’t any cute girls out. Slade picked up the only one.”

  “Lucky her,” he said sarcastically. He sipped his brandy and crossed his foot at the knee. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

  “Shouldn’t you be in bed with Mom?” I asked. They usually went to bed at the same time.

  “I wanted to talk to you when you got home.”

  “Why do you always linger in the dark like a serial killer?”

  “Maybe I am a serial killer…”

  “It would explain the alarm, guns, and paranoia.”

  He sipped his drink again.

  “So, what did you want to talk about this time?”

  “Cayson.” He gave me a knowing look.

  Shit, he knew. I wasn’t sure how he found out. My mom would never betray me.

  “Skye told me.” He answered my unspoken question.

  “Brat.”

  “She didn’t tattle on you. She just wanted advice on how to fix the situation. It really bothers her.”

  “Well, it bothers me too.”

  He gave me a hard look. “You need to make this right, Ro.”

  “You think I haven’t tried?” I poured myself a glass of brandy even though I was sick of alcohol.

  “Did you apologize?”

  “Like, a hundred times.”

  “Cayson isn’t the type to hold a grudge. You really pissed him off.”

  I was feeling worse by the second. “I think because I betrayed him in two ways. I slept with his ex, who’s off limits, and then I used and hurt someone he cares about.”

  He nodded. “I understand his point of view. I just don’t understand why you did it. You were obviously thinking with your dick, but that’s still not an excuse.” Disapproval was in his voice.

  “I get it. I’m an ass. I know. But we were talking and she was really cool. We were both bu
zzed from the drinks. And when I took her home, I just wanted to make sure she got in safely. She came on to me but I said no. But she kept pushing me. Then she dragged me inside and said she wanted to be used. And I caved.”

  “I understand the predicament. It would be hard for any guy to say no.”

  “And Cayson said he never loved her. I didn’t think he would care that much. If it were someone he was in love with and had a serious relationship with, then of course I wouldn’t have done it. But he dumped her the moment Skye noticed him. He’s guilty of hurting her far worse than I ever could. In fact, she probably wouldn’t have even wanted to sleep with me if Cayson hadn’t burned her so bad. So, whose fault is that? Cayson is a fucking hypocrite.”

  “You should talk to him again.”

  “He wants nothing to do with me.” I stared at a painting on the wall.

  “He’s your friend and your family. You can’t give up, Ro.”

  “I know…”

  “And your sister is really torn about it. She loves you and wants you to get along with him.”

  “Who are we kidding? She loves Cayson more than me. She’d pick him any day.”

  “No, she wouldn’t,” my dad said immediately. “She’ll always stand by your side, even if you were on death row. If that weren’t the case, she wouldn’t care about your spat at all.”

  I guess he had a point. I rubbed my temple. “Man, I really screwed this up. I wish I hadn’t told him. Mom gave me horrible advice.”

  “No, she didn’t. Believe me, Cayson would have found out some other way, and the fact you weren’t man enough to be up front with him would have hurt you a lot more in the end. In fact, that’s more unforgiveable than any of your actions.”

  I laid back into the cushion and sighed. “Have you ever done anything like that?”

  My dad tapped his finger against his glass and a slight smirk came onto his face. “I’ll tell you about it if you promise not to tell anybody, especially your sister. And never mention it to Slade or Silke.”

  “Okay…”

  “I need your promise, Ro. If you told anyone, I’d be very disappointed in you.”

  That’s the last thing I wanted. “I promise.”

  “Okay.” He put down his glass. “Years ago, I slept with your aunt Janice.”

  “You cheated on Mom!” I jumped to my feet, about to smash the bottle over his head.

  He clenched his jaw in annoyance. “No, Roland. And the accusation is extremely offensive.”

  “Oh.” I sat back down, feeling stupid.

  “It was before your mother and I were together. Well…we slept together once and she thought we were together but I didn’t…it’s a long story. Anyway, I was depressed because my long-time girlfriend dumped me. Janice wanted a fling so I did it. Keep in mind, Janice was your mother’s best friend even then.”

  “Wow…that’s bad.”

  He nodded. “It took me years to finally forgive myself for what I did to your mother. I hurt her a lot. For the longest time, I felt like I didn’t deserve her.”

  “Well, it seems like that’s in the past.”

  “It is. But Ryan got together with Janice a few months after the incident happened.”

  “Oh…does he know?”

  He nodded. “Your mother told me not to tell him but he found out in some other way. He was pretty pissed.”

  “But it was before they even got together.”

  “Ryan still didn’t like the fact I used her.”

  Wow. I never would have expected any of this. “What happened?”

  “We worked it out and were completely back to normal. But I wish I had told him myself. I think it would have gone over better.”

  “I can’t believe that happened…you and Janice act so normal around each other.”

  “Well, we love each other—as friends. When I look at her, I don’t think about it and I know she doesn’t either.”

  “I’m surprised Mom is still friends with her.”

  My dad ran his fingers through his hair. “Your mother is the most forgiving person I know. But Janice didn’t really do anything wrong. She had no idea your mother loved me. Basically, it was a huge misunderstanding that resulted in a lot of drama…but we got through it.”

  “Dad…you’re a dog.” I laughed.

  He smirked. “I know. I was a piece of work. I’m surprised your grandfather hasn’t had a heart attack yet. And my brother was worse.”

  “So, am I a perfect kid in comparison?” I said with a smile.

  My dad laughed. “You’re definitely a better guy than I was at your age. But you have a lot of growing up to do.”

  I shook my head. “I’ll never get any praise from you.”

  He messed up my hair with his hand. “Because I know how much potential you have. I will always push you to be better, to be stronger, and to be a greater man than I’ve ever been.”

  “Dad, I could never surpass you.”

  His eyes brightened. “And that’s because I messed up so many times. Failure is the best teacher. Success isn’t.”

  “When did you get your shit together?” My dad didn’t care if I cursed when it was just he and I, no women around.

  “When your mother and I got together. I screwed up a lot but she always forgave me. I got better and better, and then I got to a point where I never wanted to let her down again. Since then, I’ve strived to be a perfect husband, provider, and father—for her.”

  “What’s so special about her?”

  He chuckled. “You really need to ask that?”

  I shrugged. “I mean, she’s cool and all that but I have a hard time understanding how any woman can change a man so much.”

  “You will. One day.” He stood up and capped the bottle. “I need to get to bed. I’m getting married tomorrow—again.”

  “Why? It’s so pointless.”

  “When you’ve been married for twenty-three years and are still in love that should be acknowledged.”

  “Whatever you say,” I said with a sigh.

  He placed the bottle in the liquor cabinet then closed it. “Make up with Cayson, Ro.”

  “I’ll try.”

  He gave me a hard look. “No, you will. If not for yourself and his friendship, then for your sister.”

  “Of course I want to fix it for him. He’s been my friend since I can remember.”

  ‘Then you can’t fail.” He headed to the stairs. “Success is your only option. Failure is not.”

  ***

  My parents were renewing their vows at the Plaza Hotel. Everyone they knew was there. My dad’s friends from college, his colleagues from work, associates he worked with all attended. My mom didn’t have any family besides her brother. In fact, it seemed like the only people she cared about were those in her inner circle. I never noticed it before. Why was that?

  I stood in the bridal room with her, waiting for her to finish getting ready. She stood in front of the mirror and smoothed out her silver dress. It was tight around her chest and waist, and then it slowly stretched out the further down it went. Layers and folds stretched downward, making it flair out slightly. Her hair was in open curls and it tapered around her face. A pendant was placed in the back of her hair, silver like her dress. My mom wore make up that highlighted her eyes and made them stand out.

  Despite her age, she was still pretty. I noticed it and I knew my friends did too. She took care of herself and ran down the beach every morning. She always wore sun block and took care of her skin. Whenever she and Skye went out, people always assumed they were sisters. When I looked at my mom, I saw all of Skye’s features, except her eyes.

  Ironically, my mom stared at herself in the mirror like she wasn’t happy with her appearance.

  I stood up then came to her side. “You look beautiful, Mom.”

  She looked at me in the reflection. “Really? You don’t think the gown is too much?”

  “We’re at The Plaza. No, definitely not.”

  She smoothed it
out with her hands then took a deep breath. This thing is so tight around my stomach. I’m not sure how I’m going to eat.”

  “Just don’t stuff your face,” I teased.

  She chuckled. “I don’t know how to eat in any other way.”

  “How are you not a cow?”

  “Because I run every morning. Ugh, I hate running.”

  I chuckled. “Well, it shows.”

  “Thank you, dear.” She gave me a bright smile. “I appreciate you walking me down the aisle.”

  “I’m honored I get to.”

  She stared at herself in the mirror again then touched one earring.

  “Mom?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you nervous?”

  “Yes…but not in a bad way.”

  “Why are you guys doing this?” I asked. “I know it’s your anniversary but…”

  “Now that our kids are out of the house, we are starting our lives together again. It’s just…it’s a romantic time.”

  I still didn’t understand but I stopped questioning it. I glanced at my watch. “We need to get going.”

  There was a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” I said.

  Skye walked inside. When she looked at Mom, she gasped. “You look so beautiful.”

  “Thank you, honey.” She moved away from the mirror, lifting her dress off the floor as she glided. “What are you up to, Skye? You should be with your father.”

  “He sent me, actually.” She held out a black box. “He wanted me to give this to you.”

  Her eyes softened as she slowly took it. “Even all these years later, your father still surprises me…” She opened the box and looked inside.

  We stood there, waiting to see the contents.

  My mom pulled out a white gold bracelet. A rectangular pendant was attached. On the surface were scribbled four names and a message.

  The family we made together:

  Sean, Scarlet, Skye, Roland.

  Her eyes immediately watered as she held the bracelet. She stared at it for a long time, her eyes bubbling. Then she slipped it onto her wrist, still staring at it. “Sean…”

  I didn’t understand what the big deal was. It was just a bracelet with our names engraved. But it obviously meant something to my mom. Sometimes I wondered if there was more to their relationship than they revealed to us.

  She grabbed a tissue then checked her appearance in the mirror, stilling the moisture behind her eyes. “I’m ready now.”