You Have My Heart Read online

  “No. You just think you’re hot.”

  “No, not really. I’ve been a tomboy my whole life and I was constantly teased for it. If I had my way, I’d wear a baseball cap and a t-shirt every day of the year.”

  “Nice story,” I said sarcastically.

  She sauntered close to me then stopped when she was just a breath away. “Theo, are you attracted to me?” Her perfume wafted into my nose and I inhaled her scent. When she was close to me, I could see the sparkle of her eyes under the street lamps. Even in heels, she was much shorter than I was. Her legs were toned and muscular, showing her strength from training.

  For a second, I forgot my train of thought.

  “Because if you are, you can just tell me…” She watched my lips then my eyes.

  She was manipulating me and I just fell for it. I stepped away and tried to look indifferent. “You aren’t my type.”

  If she was hurt, she hid it. “What’s your type?”

  “Any girl but you.”

  She sighed then rolled her eyes. “I’m going to pull my car around and we’ll jump it.”

  “I said I don’t want your help,” I snapped.

  “Too bad,” she said as she walked away. “It’s what friends do.”

  “We aren’t friends!”

  She ignored me. She got into her car then pulled around and faced my truck.

  I seriously hated this girl.

  Alex got out then popped the trunk. “I got cables. You need them?”

  “No.” I pulled out mine from the bed of the truck.

  She grabbed her attachments then hooked them up to her battery properly.

  God, she was annoying. I hooked up mine then she started her car. Her engine ran then donated the energy to mine.

  “Good thing I was here.” She stood beside her car and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Yeah, what would I have done without you?” I said sarcastically.

  She stared at me for a long time, her eyes taking me in. “All jokes aside, what’s your problem with me? Seriously?”

  “I already told you.”

  “But it doesn’t make any sense. You dislike me just because other people like me? Are you the Grinch?”

  “That’s why I don’t like you.” I pointed at her. “Shit like that.”

  “You mean my sarcasm?” she asked. “Sorry if I have a sense of humor. Maybe you should try one sometime. You might actually make some friends.”

  “I don’t want any friends.”

  “Someone’s heart is small…”

  I glared at her viciously.

  She sighed. “Would it help if I apologized?”

  “Apologize for what?”

  “Exactly! What did I do to you?”

  “You are lying to everyone we work with, telling them I couldn’t take you in a match. You really think I would be the lead master if I weren’t the best? You only won because I can’t hurt a woman. I’d rather break my own arm than lay a hand on you. You’re taking advantage of my chivalry and my compassion. Then you’re spreading rumors about it to anyone who will listen, including my students. That’s just low.”

  She put her hands on her hips. “Me beating you doesn’t mean you let me.” The fire started to rise in her eyes. “I hate men like you. You need women to be less powerful than you, your inferiors, in order to feel good about yourself. Since that’s the case, you’re right. We’ll never get along. Because I’m not going to be less successful just to make you feel better about your ego.”

  I held up my hand. “Whoa, hold on. I don’t have a problem with strong women. I’m not sexist.”

  “You act like it.”

  “I just didn’t like you because you were rude the second you walked in.”

  “Because you were being sexist,” she hissed.

  “I was not!” I wanted to grip my skull and pull all my hair out. “If you want people to know you’re a girl on paper, then write your full name, not Alex, the male version of your name, you idiot! Get off my back. I made a mistake. It could happen to anyone.

  “You’re only doing this to me because we butted heads in the beginning. And that’s so pathetic. You’re the one who won’t let it go. I know I didn’t make the best first impression but it was an accident. You’re being so petty about it. When I realized you were a serious candidate, I was impressed by your strength and accomplishment, not deterred. I’m not sexist. I’m not.”

  She rolled her eyes and marched off. “Whatever. I’m sick of being the bigger person between us. If you want to keep acting like this, fine. Then I suggest you look for another job because I’m going to be around for a long time.”

  “Maybe I will,” I challenged.

  “Good riddance.” She got into her car then slammed the door shut.

  I took off my cables then turned away, refusing to look at her.

  She rolled down the window before she took off. “You’re welcome, asshole.”

  Chapter Nine

  Conrad

  When Beatrice got off work, she joined me at my table in the library.

  I played it cool. “How was work?”

  “Good. How was your day?”

  “It was alright. I got a B on one of my papers…a little ticked about that.”

  She gave me a bright smile. “Well, it’s better than a C.”

  “But not as good as an A.”

  She pulled out her ear buds and searched for music on her device.

  “What do you listen to?” I asked.

  “A little of everything,” she said. “But I don’t care for rap.”

  That wasn’t surprising. “None of that boys in the hood stuff?”

  She chuckled. “Not my thing.”

  “What’s your favorite band?”

  Beatrice thought for a moment. She played with a strand of silky hair while she pondered my question. Her eyes stood out from the eyeliner she wore, and her purple cardigan made her chest look voluptuous. Every time I looked at her, my thoughts became perverted. “The Beatles.”

  I expected many different responses, but that wasn’t one of them. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I know they’re really old but they changed music history. Even now I still like to listen to them.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?” she asked. She stared at me with her green eyes, making me melt.

  “That’s just really cool. You have good taste in music.”

  “And movies,” she added with a smile.

  “Definitely.”

  She finally picked her music selection and left one ear bud in her ear. The other was free.

  I grabbed the other ear bud and inserted it into my ear. She was listening to the Doors. “You are one of a kind, sunshine.”

  “Is that my nickname?” she asked.

  “If that’s okay.”

  “I think I like it.”

  “I like it too.” I turned back to my computer and worked on my essay. We shared the ear buds while we studied in comfortable silence. Two hours passed and my eyes started to burn from staring at my computer too long. “I need a break.” I closed my laptop.

  “Me too.” She closed her textbook then stuffed it into her bag.

  “Want to get some coffee?”

  “Sure.” She said it without any hesitation.

  Even though she rejected my offer for a date, it was nice knowing she wanted to spend time with me. She would say no to any other guy. In a way, I was special. I was closer to keeping her than any other guy on the planet. So, I was making progress.

  “Want to carpool?” I asked when we got to my truck.

  “Okay.”

  I opened the passenger door then waited for her to get inside. “Watch your step.”

  She gave me a look of approval before she got inside.

  After I came around to the driver’s side, I hit the road and headed to the nearest Starbucks. “Drive-thru?”

  “I don’t care.”

  I ordered our drinks then got back on the road.
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  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “Somewhere with a view.”

  She eyed me but didn’t say anything.

  When I found a field a few miles out of the city, I pulled over then killed the engine. “Can I see your music device?”

  She pulled it out without questioning me.

  “I want to see what else you got on here.” I hit the shuffle button then put an ear bud in my ear. Then I handed her the other.

  She smiled then inserted it in her ear. Her knees were pulled to her chest while she sipped her coffee.

  The cord wasn’t long enough for us to sit on the opposite sides of the truck, so I moved to the center seat and drank my black coffee. She didn’t flinch at my proximity. The trust she had for me was higher than it’d ever been. She didn’t assume I was trying to make a move.

  The next song came on. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Jimi Hendrix?” I stared at her with wide eyes. “The greatest guitarist of all time?”

  “Um, Eric Clapton?”

  She kept taking me by surprise. I was rendered speechless for a moment. “You’re the coolest chick I’ve ever met.”

  She chuckled then looked down at her coffee.

  “Seriously, you are.”

  She waved her hand away. “Stop.”

  I stared at the side of her face until she looked my way. “How did you get so cool?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I got it from my mom.”

  I noticed her use of past tense. “Did she pass away?” I kept my voice low like that would make the question easier for her to hear.

  She looked out the window.

  “You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry I asked…”

  “No, it’s okay.” She held her cup with both hands. “Yeah, she did.”

  Her response hurt a lot more than I expected it to. The pain in her words went straight to my heart. I wanted to do something to make the pain go away. But I couldn’t think of anything. “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you.” She took a drink of her coffee then looked out the window. Her foot tapped to the beat of the song.

  “How long ago?”

  “Before I started college. About four years ago.”

  That was pretty recent. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  She looked down at her coffee. “I keep telling myself I’m over it and I’ve let her go but…I know I haven’t. It’s something I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”

  I’d never lost anyone before. I couldn’t even imagine how it would feel. I wanted to tell her I understood, that I’d been in her shoes so I could promise her everything would be okay, but I couldn’t. “I wish I could do something…”

  “It’s okay, Conrad.” For the first time, she touched me. She patted my hand gently then pulled away. The touch was innocent, even meaningless, but it still made me tingle. It was an itch I couldn’t get rid of. I wanted to scratch it, but there was nothing to scratch.

  “May I ask what happened?”

  She fell silent, thoughtful and quiet. Her finger moved around the rim of her cup slowly. “As long as you don’t tell anyone.”

  She was going to share a secret with me? Something so personal she didn’t want anyone else to know? I couldn’t even begin to explain how honored I was. I was touched. “Of course.”

  She cleared her throat. “Sometime in the middle of the night, someone broke into our house and…killed her. He’d been making threats to my father for an unpaid debt. My dad brushed it off and didn’t take it seriously. But we paid the price for his stupidity.”

  My heart accelerated and the blood pounded in my ears. It was so devastating I couldn’t even process it. My lungs burned with every breath I took. Pain like I’d never known seared my skin, burning me from the inside out.

  “I was the first one to find her. I’ll never get the image out of my head.” Her voice was steady and monotone. If she was upset, she didn’t show it. Perhaps she shed so many tears she couldn’t do it anymore. “My dad remarried a year after she passed away. I haven’t spoken to him since.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to remain calm. I wasn’t prepared for the bomb she just dropped. “I’m so sorry, Beatrice…” I never meant something so much before.

  “It’s okay. My mom is still here…even if I can’t see her.”

  I wanted to comfort her in some way. My worthless words weren’t enough. Without thinking, I grabbed her hand and held it in mine.

  To my surprise, she didn’t pull away. But she looked at our joined hands for the span of several heartbeats. Her fingers moved in mine gently. They felt warm against my skin, reminding me of summer mornings before the scorching heat arrived. Then I got brave and interlocked our fingers, wanting to stretch out the affection as long as possible. “I wish there was something I could do for you.”

  “It’s okay. Time will heal all wounds…one way or another.”

  Music played in our ears while we stared at the meadow in front of us. Our warm coffee kept our hands warm, and our fingers were still interlocked.

  “You know, you can talk to me about stuff…whenever you want.” I didn’t want to overstep my boundary and push her further than she could go. She already opened up to me a lot, and now I had a better understanding of who she was. She lost so much at such a young age, and now I understood why she was so thoughtful and quiet, innately distrusting of other people. Her maturity level was light years beyond mine.

  Then I was hit with a revelation. “That’s why you want to be a lawyer.”

  She nodded.

  “Because the guy got away with it.”

  She nodded again.

  I sighed in sadness, hating the lack of justice Beatrice received for her mother’s passing.

  “I wish he’d killed my dad instead. My mom was a lovely person, innocent and wonderful. She didn’t deserve to die…like that.” Her voice remained steady like she was talking about the weather.

  How could she be so strong? How could she talk about such devastating things without breaking down? “I don’t think I could carry on.”

  “Falling apart won’t fix the situation. Nothing in this wicked world is permanent—even our troubles.” She quoted Charlie Chapman like it wasn’t a big deal. I was surprised I even recognized his words. “My mom wouldn’t want me to mourn her forever. She’d want me to be happy—even though some days that seems impossible.” She sipped her coffee again. “But enough about that. I don’t want to ruin our afternoon with such dark topics.”

  “Our afternoon wasn’t ruined,” I said firmly. “If anything, it’s better. I’m really glad you trust me—as a friend.”

  “Having a friend is nice… I don’t have very many.”

  I figured. “Your dad hasn’t tried talking to you?”

  “He has. I refuse to see him. He’s no longer my father as far as I’m concerned.”

  I didn’t blame her. It’s one thing that her mother died because of his issues, but another that he remarried so quickly. It implied he didn’t love his wife or he was having an affair. Either one wasn’t good.

  “Oh, I like this song.”

  It was Let It Be by The Beatles. “Good song.”

  “Classic song.” She finished her coffee then left it in the cup holder. “That was delicious.”

  “I could drink caffeine all day. I need an IV drip for it.”

  She chuckled. “That would be a serious addiction.”

  “Worse than heroin.”

  “And you would put Starbucks out of business.”

  “True.” My hand still held hers. She hadn’t pulled away and I wasn’t going to do it first.

  “Tell me something personal about you,” she whispered.

  Now that she confessed something so intimate about herself, I felt like a jerk for not being completely honest about the type of guy I was. That would be a good thing to admit, but I knew I would lose her if I did. Like a coward, I trie
d to find something else to say. “My best friend is in New York and I miss him like crazy.”

  She looked up at me. “Why did you choose that to share?”

  I shrugged. “I guess not having him around really makes me depressed. I used to do everything with him. And now that he’s gone…it’s really hard. I know it’s stupid, and it’s nothing compared to what you admitted but…that’s what’s going on in my life right now.”

  “Did he move there recently?”

  I nodded. “He dropped out of college and moved to the big city for work. I haven’t seen him since school started.”

  “I’m sorry.” She didn’t pull her hand away. “Do you talk to him?”

  “We text back and forth but it’s not the same. I miss watching the game with him, getting into trouble with him, laser tag…stuff like that.”

  “It’s okay to miss your friend. You don’t need to be ashamed of that.”

  “I know…”

  “Take a trip to see him.”

  “I’ve been thinking about it.” I leaned back in the chair and got more comfortable. “I just want to graduate so I can move there and be with him again.”

  “Awe.” She gave me a smile. “You love him.”

  I shrugged. “I might…”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Roland. He’s actually my cousin.”

  “A fellow Preston?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  “See him over the weekend.”

  “I’ll see if he’s free.”

  “And I’m sure he misses you as much as you miss him.”

  “I hope so.” I wouldn’t tell Roland I missed him. That was too weird. There were certain rules guys abided by. Not being mushy was one of them.

  Beatrice leaned her head on my shoulder and stared out the window with me. The fact she was being affectionate with me made my heart rate increase. I couldn’t believe it was really happening. Her hand was still tight in mine. We were just friends, but it felt like something more. Or was it? I’d never been friends with a girl before. I only had sex with them then forgot about them. The only girl friends I had were my family members. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t ever speak to girls.

  The sun fell over the horizon and left us in darkness. We listened to her music until the battery ran out. We spent the hour in each other’s company. I never knew spending time with a girl and not getting laid could be…nice.