Forever and Always Read online

  “That was quick,” he said.

  “It didn’t take as long as I planned,” I said. “Did you like your breakfast?”

  Sean nodded. “Everything you cook is amazing, Scarlet.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Now are you going to tell me what you were doing?”

  I smiled. “Mr. Perkins gave you your job back,” I said excitedly. “You start tomorrow.”

  Sean stared at me for a moment, processing what I said. “How did that happen?”

  “I talked to your boss.”

  “And he just hired me back?” he asked incredulously. “I haven’t called or emailed the office in a week, and now it’s water under the bridge?”

  “Well, he said you can’t mess around anymore,” I said. “Even if you are a minute late, you’re done.”

  “What the hell did you say to him?” he asked.

  “I just asked for your job back.”

  Sean shook his head. “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

  “I can.” I smiled. “I would do anything for you.”

  Sean rose from the bed and hugged me tightly. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “Make sure you don’t screw it up this time,” I teased him. “Otherwise I’m going to have to bring your boss donuts.”

  Sean smiled at me. “What’s better than that? A gorgeous woman holding a box of glazed donuts—every man’s fantasy.”

  “Well, I am a hot piece of ass.”

  Sean’s face fell, and I saw him take a deep breath. The words wounded him and made him step back. The last time I said that, he said I was his hot piece of ass. I was no longer his and never would be again. I saw how much I hurt him, and I regretted my words.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Sean turned around, blocking his face from view, and said nothing for a few moments. When he found his bearings, he turned back to me. “When are you leaving?”

  “My flight leaves tomorrow.”

  Sean nodded. “Okay.”

  “You are going to be okay.”

  “How is this going to be?” he asked. “Am I allowed to call you? Can I still come visit you? Will you ever come back to New York?” The pain in his eyes went straight to my heart. I knew he’d been thinking about this for the past few days. It was obvious that he already knew the answer to his question by the tightness of his jaw and the tension in his shoulders.

  “No,” I said. “We aren’t doing any of that.”

  “Please don’t do this to me,” he whispered. “Don’t cut me out—please.”

  I dropped my gaze. “I can’t talk to you or see you anymore, Sean. It’s too hard for me. I want to move on, and I can’t do that if I’m still in love with you.”

  “Give me another chance, Scarlet—please. I promise I won’t hurt you again.”

  I shook my head. “Please stop asking me.”

  Sean crossed his arms over his chest. “At least give me your friendship.”

  “Sean, if you ever need me for anything, I am here for you—always—no matter what happens. But I can’t talk to you on a regular basis. Please respect that. Don’t call me unless you absolutely need to. I am moving on with my life—I suggest you do the same.”

  Sean walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. I heard the water running in the shower and knew he was sitting under it, trying to drown out all other noise, including the voices in his head. I changed into his gym clothes and walked into the bathroom. Sean had his head between his legs and I knew he was crying by the shaking of his body. He just had on his undershorts and his clothes were scattered across the floor. I got into the shower and sat next to him. He stopped crying when he realized I was sitting next to him, and I wrapped my arms around him.

  “You have to promise me, Sean,” I said. “I trust you not to lie to me.”

  Sean didn’t respond. He knew I was asking him to not fall back into the same depression. That he wouldn’t turn to substance abuse just to cope. He would stay strong and move on with this life.

  “Sean,” I pressed. “Promise me.”

  He sighed. “Okay. I promise.”

  18

  Sean and I left the apartment the next morning with my bag over my shoulder, but Sean carried it for me as we walked down to the sidewalk. Cars and taxis were speeding down the road as people hurried to work in the city. Sean and I stood there for a moment as the noise of the cars and people echoed around us.

  Sean stared at me for a long moment, and his look was so sad that I turned around to wave down a cab just to avoid seeing him. Suddenly, Sean broke down and the tears fell from his eyes. The cab pulled over and I opened the door.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” he said. He grabbed me in his arms and held me close. “Please don’t do this to me. I can’t live without you, Scar. Don’t go.”

  I pulled away from him. “Yes, you can,” I said. “You chose to live without me when you went back to Penelope. If you can do it then, you can do it now. You’ll be fine, Sean. You can have whatever girl you want. She’ll fall in love with you and you’ll be happy again. You’ll forget about me in no time. You probably won’t even remember my name.” It wasn’t my intention to be cruel or bitter, but it was the truth. He would be fine without me.

  “Please don’t say that,” he whispered. “I love you.”

  The tears fell from my eyes as I listened to him. He was heartbroken and scared, and I could hear the sincerity in his voice. A part of me worried about what he would do after I left, but he promised me that he wouldn’t lose control. “I love you, too.”

  Sean held me for a moment and I felt his tears drip onto my neck. My body shook with my own sobs as I held him for the last time. I didn’t expect to see him ever again. This was just as hard for me as it was for him.

  “I’ll do anything,” he said. “Anything to make you stay.”

  “There is nothing,” I whispered. I pulled away and looked at him. “Take care of yourself.”

  Sean’s eyes were red from the tears he shed. His hands gripped my arms so tightly I doubted he would let me go. He pressed his face against mine then I felt his lips on my own. He kissed me gently, and I returned his affection, also depressed that I was saying goodbye. His tears combined with mine and I felt them drip down my face as we kissed on the sidewalk of Manhattan, oblivious to the people walking by and the horn of the cab that was waiting for me. I grabbed his face as I kissed him, and Sean dropped my bag as he held me closer. His lips tasted like salt from his falling tears and it made me cry harder. Finally, I pulled away and grabbed my bag without looking at him. It was already hard enough, without him making it unbearable. I turned to the cab, but Sean grabbed me.

  “I’ll always love you, Scarlet,” he said. “I’m always here if you change your mind.”

  I still didn’t look at him. “I’ll always love you, too,” I said. “But I’m not coming back.”

  Sean released his grip on my arm and I sat inside the cab, shutting the door behind me.

  “JFK,” I said through my tears. The cab sped away and I didn’t turn around to look at Sean standing on the sidewalk, watching me disappear from his life forever. I didn’t have to see him to know how much pain he was in. He was standing on the corner, crying in front of the entire city, and he didn’t care at all. I wanted to be with Sean forever, but I couldn’t forgive him for what he did. It was time to move on.

  When I was finally on the plane, I called Ryan and told him I was coming home. He seemed excited by the news, and I knew he was happy that he and Janice had worked things out. I was happy for my brother. Ryan deserved to have someone that made him smile.

  I looked out the window as the plane took off and could see the buildings of Manhattan in the distance. Hopefully, Sean made it to work on time. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have a job. I was glad that Sean was back on his feet. My tears stopped falling when the city was absent from view, and I knew the hardest part was over. I
decided to never think about Sean again. While it was a cold attitude, I knew there was no other way for me to get through the pain. Sean and I were over forever—I had to move on.

  Cortland was waiting at the gate when I arrived, and I ran into his arms as soon as I saw him. He held me for a moment before he pulled away. “Are you alright?” he asked. I nodded, but didn’t say anything. Cortland grabbed my bag from the floor and placed it over his shoulder. We walked to his car in the parking lot, and he helped me get inside. “I’m glad you are home,” he said. “I was tired of drinking mega-shakes by myself.”

  “You went without me?” I smiled.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just couldn’t wait.” He reached over and held my hand while he drove back to the apartment Ryan and I shared. “Perhaps you should get it out now while we are alone. I’m assuming you are going to act like everything is okay even though you are absolutely miserable.”

  “There is nothing to say, really,” I whispered. “Nothing has changed.”

  “So, Sean is history?” he asked. “It’s over—he’s done.”

  I nodded. “I’m moving on.”

  Cortland sighed. “I’m here for you.”

  “I know.”

  “So, I guess I should warn you before you get home.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, Janice already moved here,” he said. “And her crap is taking up the whole apartment. I’m even storing some of her stuff at my place. That girl has a lot of shit.”

  I laughed. “That’s fine,” I said. “I’m happy that she’s there.”

  “You don’t think it’s too soon?”

  “Yes, it is too soon, but I think it works for them. Ryan has never been traditional, and I’ve never seen Janice so strung on someone. I think the risk is worth it.”

  Cortland pulled up to the sidewalk and we got out of the car. Cortland carried my bag up the stairs and to the apartment. I inserted my key in the lock but Ryan opened the door before I could I turn the handle. He stared at me for a moment, gazing at my saddened features and empty eyes, then he hugged me, holding me for a long time.

  “Are you okay?” he whispered.

  I forced myself to smile at him. “I’ll be fine,” I said as I pulled away. Cortland and I walked into the apartment and Janice screamed when she saw me. She wrapped me in her embrace and hugged me tightly.

  “I’m so glad you are back.”

  “Me too.” I smiled.

  “Is it okay if I live with you?” she asked hesitantly. “Ryan said you wouldn’t mind.”

  “And he’s right,” I assured her. “We both want you here.”

  Janice smiled at me. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Please don’t worry about me.”

  “So, what was wrong with Sean?” Ryan asked. “You were with him for five days.”

  I sighed. “He just—lost his way.”

  “What does that mean?” Cortland asked.

  “He started abusing prescription drugs and alcohol, and stopped showing up to work. He was so passed out when I got there that I couldn’t wake him up. Sean was—low.”

  Ryan nodded. “How is he now?”

  “Good,” I said. “He’s back to work and back on his feet.”

  “It’s a good thing you were there for him,” Ryan said.

  “I know.”

  I looked around the apartment and saw all the boxes of Janice’s belongings. “What happened to your two weeks’ notice?”

  Janice laughed. “R and R is under investigation, so I just decided to leave. Besides, I hated being away from Ryan. He practically forced me to come.”

  “I can believe that.” I smiled.

  Cortland walked down the hallway and placed my bag in my room. “I should get going,” he said. He turned to me. “Let me know if you need anything, Scar. If these two annoy you too much, my apartment is always open to you—even if you just want to watch television.”

  I hugged him. “Thanks.”

  Cortland left and I went into the kitchen to find something to eat. I made a sandwich from the deli meat in the refrigerator then ate it at the table. My body was exhausted but I didn’t feel tired. All I felt was depression. Janice came into the living room wearing one of Ryan’s shirts and shorts, lounging around the house. She sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her. I walked in and sat beside her.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I helped Sean get back on his feet,” I said. “That’s about it.”

  “I can’t believe he did all that—he must have hit rock bottom.”

  “Yes, I think he did.”

  “Are you going to try to work it out with him?”

  “No,” I said quickly.

  Janice sighed. “I think you did the right thing by going back to him, Scarlet. Imagine what would have happened if you just abandoned him. He might even be dead at this point.”

  I shook my head. “Please don’t say that.”

  “I know that I have no right to interfere with you and Sean, but I think you should give him another chance.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “No,” Janice said quietly. “What he did to you was wrong, but he thought he was making the right decision for his child. He wouldn’t have left you if Penelope wasn’t pregnant—that was the only reason he went to her.”

  “Sean said the same thing, but I guess we’ll never know.”

  “Ryan believes him.”

  “Ryan doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

  “Scarlet, Ryan told me how happy you were with him. Just think about giving it another chance. Sean was never this depressed when Penelope left him—he only feels this way because he lost you. It’s obvious that he loves you in a way that he never loved Penelope.”

  “Please drop it, Janice.”

  “I can’t,” she said. “I don’t want you to regret this.”

  “I’m tired of being second best. I want to be with someone that won’t screw me over all the time.”

  Janice sighed. “This was just bad timing. Sean was in a breakup when you slept together. Then, you jumped into a relationship with him right after that. Sean wanted to take it slow, but you were the one who rushed him into it. I know if you gave him a real chance, he would treat you the way you deserve.”

  “Now I’m starting to hate the fact that you’re dating my brother,” I snapped. “He can’t keep his mouth closed.”

  “Sean treated Penelope like a goddess,” she said. “He isn’t a cheat and he isn’t a liar—he can give you what you want. Just give him one more chance—just one, Scarlet.”

  Ryan’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, and he looked at us when he came around the corner. “Coming, babe?” he asked her.

  “I’ll be there in a minute.” She smiled.

  I jumped from my seat. “We are done here,” I said as I walked away. I went into my bedroom and locked the door behind me, falling on my bed like I was paralyzed. Everyone wanted to discuss Sean and that was the last thing I wanted—I just wanted to forget about him.

  19

  “What is the big deal about this place?” she asked when we took our seats at Mega-Shake. The restaurant was quiet with hushed voices from the few people who were in the joint. Ryan brought our milkshakes from the counter and passed them around. He wrapped his arm around Janice and kissed her cheek before he started to drink his milkshake. The sight made me want to gag.

  “Try the shake and you’ll see what I mean,” I said.

  Cortland drank half of his in one gulp. He sat beside me and I could feel his elbow touching my arm, constantly reminding me that he was always there.

  Janice took a sip then tasted it for a moment. “Well, it’s pretty good.”

  “Pretty good?” Ryan said sarcastically. “Try best thing in the entire world.”

  “I thought I was?” Janice smiled.

  Ryan thought for a moment. “Okay, the second best thing in
the world.”

  “That sounds better,” Janice said.

  I was happy for my brother, but at the same time, it was hard to see them together. Everything reminded me of Sean, and it made my head want to explode. Ryan caught my saddened expression.

  “How are you doing?” he asked with a sad voice.

  Every time people asked me that, it made me angry. I saw the pity in their eyes and heard the sadness in their voice and it just irritated me. I was never going to get better unless people started treating me like I was better. “Stop asking me that—you’re annoying me.”

  “Well, how are you?” Ryan asked.

  “I’m fine—drop it.”

  “Have you talked to him?” my brother asked.

  “Stop talking about him,” I snapped. “Don’t mention him anymore.”

  “So no,” he said sarcastically. “You aren’t okay.”

  “Fuck you, Ryan.”

  Ryan dropped his arm from around Janice’s shoulder and leaned closer to me. “Scarlet, I’m just worried about you—that’s all.”

  “Well, don’t be.”

  He stared at me for a moment then ran his hands through his hair. I could tell he was thinking about something. “I think you should try to work this out with Sean.”

  “You are on team Sean, too?”

  “Is there another team to root for?” he asked sarcastically. “I think this whole fiasco was just bad timing. Sean was wrong and I agree with that, but I also think that he’s a good guy and deserves another chance. If I didn’t know how in love with him you were, I probably wouldn’t say anything, but I know that you want him. Just give him one more chance, Scarlet.”

  “So much for being a protective brother,” I snapped.

  “I am protecting you,” he said. “Just think about it, Scar. Sean went all the way to your office and beat the shit out of your boss. Maybe it hasn’t always been clear that he loves you with the Penelope issue, but I know he does. Give it another chance—a real one. And not when he just got out of a relationship, not when he’s living across the country, and not when some woman is having his child—but a real chance. You have been through so much together and now you are finally on the other side—just be happy.”