Forever and Always Read online

  Janice was quiet for a moment, thinking to herself. She said nothing for a while and I could hear her bite her nails over the phone. “Yes.”

  I smiled. “You mean that?”

  “I know this is crazy, but yes, I would. Besides, there is nothing for me in the city. My best friend lives in Seattle.”

  “So, you are willing to do this?”

  “I sound like a crazy person.” She laughed.

  “I have to tell you something, Janice. Now that you have agreed to move to Seattle, I would like to offer you a job. I own my own editing company and it’s been doing really well. You can edit your manuscript on your own time and it pays good money. The position is yours if you want it.”

  Janice screamed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were moving for Ryan—not because of the job.”

  “This is amazing, Scarlet. I hate working for someone else.”

  “Well, technically you are working for me.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “You are officially hired, Janice.”

  She screamed again. “I’ll put in my two weeks tomorrow and start packing right away.”

  “You know what you should do first?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Tell Ryan.”

  I could hear the smile in her voice. “He’s going to be so happy.”

  “I know.”

  I heard her bedroom door open as she walked into the other room. She handed the phone to Ryan.

  “Hey,” he said. “How’d it go?”

  “I’ll let Janice tell you,” I said. “I just wanted to let you know I’m not flying home with you. I’m staying in New York until Sean is back on his feet. His laptop is here so I can keep working—don’t worry about the money.”

  “Let me know when you’re coming home.”

  “I will.”

  “And Scarlet?” he said.

  “What?”

  “I love you.” The sound of happiness in his voice was evident. I imagined Janice standing in front of him, smiling at him while he talked on the phone. The look was all he needed. He knew Janice was moving.

  “I love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone and put it on the nightstand. Sean released his hold on me long enough for me to roll over and come back.

  “What was that about?” he asked.

  “Well, a lot of things have happened.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Ryan, Cortland, Janice, and I caught my boss sexually harassing Janice on tape, and we released it on the server at work. Janice and Ryan are together now and she is moving to Seattle to be with him.”

  Sean stared at me, taking in all the information slowly. “That’s great,” he said. “I’m happy for Ryan.”

  “Janice told me what you did, Sean.”

  He dropped his gaze and avoided my look.

  “I’m not mad at you.”

  He sighed. “I thought you would be furious with me.”

  “I just can’t believe you did that.”

  “I would do anything for you, Scarlet. Just knowing that guy touched you made me snap. I can’t even remember beating him. All I recall is the rage that was coursing through me.”

  “He was in a coma for three days.”

  “Good,” he whispered. “And I’m glad that you brought him down Scarlet—I’m proud of you.”

  “I am too.”

  “If that guy ever comes near you, I’ll kill him.”

  “Since I’ll be living in Seattle, I don’t think that’s likely.”

  Sean nodded, but didn’t say anything. He returned his face to my neck and closed his eyes, sighing deeply. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

  “I might be cooking breakfast.”

  “Please don’t,” he said. “I need to see you when I wake up. That’s always the hardest part.”

  I felt the tears fall from my eyes at his words. Knowing he was in so much pain killed me. I would take it all away if I could. “Okay.” I closed my eyes and fell asleep in Sean’s arms, feeling his heart slow in his chest until he finally fell asleep.

  16

  When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t move. Sean said he wanted to see me when he woke up, so I didn’t leave the bed. Patiently, I waited for him to wake up and see me lying in his arms, exactly where he left me the night before.

  Finally, Sean opened his eyes and looked at me. He sighed deeply when he met my gaze then he pulled me closer to him. “I’m so glad that you’re here.”

  “Me too,” I said.

  Sean had beads of sweat on his forehead and he felt warm. He had been sweating all night. It must be a side effect from all the booze he drank and the pills he swallowed. When Sean was indisposed, I threw everything away, making sure he wouldn’t do that to himself again.

  “Do you have a special request for breakfast?” I smiled.

  “I’ll eat anything,” he said.

  I got up from the bed and walked over to his side. “Get ready while I make breakfast.”

  “For what?” he asked.

  “For basic hygiene purposes.” I laughed.

  “I’ve been really disgusting this past week.” He smiled.

  “I know,” I said. “I cleaned your room.”

  “I’m so embarrassed.” He sighed.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I ate a hotdog off the ground.”

  Sean started laughing and I loved the sound. I hoped that he was starting to feel better. He had improved dramatically in just one day. A good night’s rest and a healthy meal had helped him immensely. Sean moved to the edge of the bed and placed both feet on the floor. He helped himself get up and he stood still for a moment, keeping his balance before he took a step forward. I held his arm as he walked into the bathroom. He made it to the sink without much assistance.

  “I think I’m okay,” he said as he leaned over the sink.

  I rubbed his back as he looked at himself in the mirror. “Are you sure?”

  He nodded.

  “I’m going to cook breakfast,” I said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will.” I shut the bathroom door behind me and started cooking in the kitchen. Penelope was sleeping on the couch, but I made no effort to be quiet while I turned on the water or cooked over the stove. I placed the pancakes, bacon, and eggs on the plate and carried a glass of orange juice into the bedroom. I left and returned with my own plate and placed it on the bed. Sean was still in the bathroom with the door closed.

  “Are you okay?” I asked as I knocked lightly.

  “Yes,” he said quietly. I heard him gag and knew he was vomiting. When I opened the door, he was leaning over the toilet seat with his head in his hands, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. I kneeled behind him and rubbed his back while he finished emptying his stomach. Finally, he stopped and flushed the bowl. Sean wiped his face with the towel that I held in my hands, and I helped him to his feet. He washed his face and rinsed out his mouth with mouthwash.

  “Do you feel better?” I asked as I rubbed his back.

  “Yes,” he said with nod. “I always feel better after I throw up.”

  Sean dried his face and walked back into the bedroom. He didn’t need my help as he sat on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He stared at the food on the plates.

  “It’s okay if you aren’t hungry,” I said.

  Sean pulled the plate to him. “I’m starving,” he said. “Thank you.”

  He started shoveling the food into his mouth. I was surprised that he had an appetite until I realized that he probably threw up often because of the alcohol in his system. Hopefully, that was the last time he would need to vomit. Sean finished his plate and drank his glass of juice.

  “Thank you for cooking for me,” he said.

  I nodded as I took our plates to the sink in the kitchen. When I came back into the room, Sean was still sitting on the bed.

  “Let’s go to the park,” I said. “I think you
need to get out of this apartment.”

  “I don’t think I can handle a lot of walking or running.”

  “We can just sit on a blanket in the shade,” I said. “But if you’re too weak, that’s fine.”

  Sean was quiet for a moment. “I can handle that.”

  “Okay,” I said as I grabbed an extra blanket from the cabinet and placed it on the bed. Sean changed into jeans and a shirt while I wore the outfit I had on the day before. We slowly made our way to the park down the street and eventually found a vacant spot in the shade of a tree. Sean and I sat down after I laid out the blanket on the grass. There was a father and son playing baseball a few feet away, and we watched them for a while. Sean was very quiet, and I was afraid that he wasn’t feeling well.

  “Are you doing okay?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “I’m just not used to being outside.”

  Sean moved closer to me and held my hand in his. I felt him caress my fingers with his own while we stared at the joggers who ran down the path with their dogs on leashes. We said nothing for a long time.

  “When are you leaving?” he asked.

  “When I think you’re ready.”

  “Well, you should set a time frame because I’m never going to be ready for you to leave, Scar.” He didn’t drop my hand while he sat under the shade of the tree.

  “You’re going to be okay.”

  Sean shook his head and said nothing.

  “Why did you do it, Sean?”

  He understood my meaning. “I didn’t care anymore. I lost everything and I had nothing to live for. It made no difference if I lived or died.”

  “Just because Penelope betrayed you?” I asked. “Penelope already hurt you once. How could she do it again?”

  “It wasn’t because of Penelope.” He sighed. “It’s because of you. You are the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I messed it up. I made a mistake. Without you, I have no purpose—no reason to go on.”

  “Please don’t say that.”

  “Okay,” he said. Sean dropped the conversation and said nothing for a few moments. He finally looked at me. “I’m not saying this because I’m trying to win you over—I know you will never take me back—but so you know the truth. As soon as I got back to the city, I regretted the choice I made. I thought I made the right decision for my child—having a complete family. With you, I was happy and complete—with her, I was empty. I realized that you are the love of my life, Scar. I thought it was her, but I was wrong—it’s you.”

  “You were never over her,” I said.

  Sean sighed. “No, I wasn’t,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be. I can honestly say I have no such feelings anymore.”

  “You chose her over me, Sean—that’s what it comes down to. Instead of being a father in the kid’s life, you chose to be her husband and a father. You never had to be. That was something you wanted for yourself.”

  “You really don’t understand where I am coming from?” he asked incredulously. “That my actions were for my kid only? It had nothing to do with Penelope. I didn’t even want her, Scar.”

  “Yes,” I said. “But it doesn’t change or justify what you did. I even told you I had no problem with being a stepmother—I would love your kid like it was my own. You still chose her, Sean.” I felt the tears bubble under my eyes and stream down my face. Sean released my hand and wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder. “I can forgive you for what you did, but I’ll never forgive you for throwing us away. I’ve never been happier in my whole life than when I was with you, Sean—never.”

  Sean started to cry and I felt his tears drip down my neck. “I know,” he whispered. “I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

  I pulled away from him and wiped my tears away. “I don’t want to talk about this ever again.”

  Sean sighed. “Does this mean I never have a chance with you?” he asked. “We could start over and take it slow. I know you understand how much I love you, Scarlet. It was obvious every moment we were together.”

  “But not when we were apart,” I said. “You cheated on me.”

  Sean stared at me. “I never did anything with Penelope before I ended things with you,” he said. “I’ve never lied to you and I’m not now.”

  “No,” I said.

  “What does that mean?”

  “We are over Sean—done.”

  “We can take a break and start over when this is settled,” he said. “We are meant for each other. Please give me another chance.”

  “It’s over.”

  Sean dropped his gaze. “Scarlet—”

  “My answer will not change. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have to fuck up twice to realize how amazing I am.”

  “I agree,” he said. “But luckily for me, I am the only guy you want.”

  “For now,” I said.

  Sean looked at me. “This can’t be the end.”

  “But it is.”

  17

  Sean didn’t mention our relationship for the next two days. I was thankful for the reprieve because I was emotionally dry from thinking about it. He improved over the following days. He wasn’t vomiting his food anymore, and he didn’t wake up every morning covered in a cold sweat. My time with Sean was coming to an end. At night, I indulged myself by wrapping my arms around him while I slept until the morning light broke through the windows and flooded his room. I even stared at him while he slept, treasuring the memory for safekeeping through the following years. I suspected that was the last time I would see Sean, at least for many years, and even that seemed unlikely. My whole family lived in Seattle now. There was nothing left for me in New York.

  When Sean woke up, I walked into the living room and searched through Penelope’s clothes until I found a black dress and shoes that I let her borrow months ago.

  “I’m taking these back,” I said without looking at her.

  Sean watched me walk into the bathroom then stared at me when I came out. “Are you leaving?” he asked sadly.

  “Yes,” I said. “But I’ll be back. I have to run an errand.”

  “I’ll come with you,” he said as got up.

  “I’m going alone, Sean.”

  He stared at me. “Why are you dressed like that?”

  “I just want to look nice.”

  “Are you going on a date?” he asked apprehensively.

  “No.”

  “Then why won’t you tell me where you’re going?”

  I sighed. “Please drop it, Sean.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “Okay.”

  “There is breakfast on the stove,” I said. “I’ll be back in an hour.” The cab took me downtown to the building that housed Sean's firm.

  When I walked through the hallway of the office, Brian spilled his coffee on his shirt as he watched me pass him. He didn’t say anything as he stared at me. He was speechless. Mr. Perkins’ name was on the outside of the door, so I knew which office was his. I knocked on the door and I heard him speak.

  “Come in.”

  When I walked into the room, his eyes widened in surprise then his mouth stretched into a smile. It was obvious that he approved of my tight fitted dress and the way my hair fell around my shoulders. I reached out and shook his hand. “It’s nice to see you again, sir.”

  “The pleasure is all mine,” he said happily as he held my hand. He didn’t release his hold and I didn’t fight it. “What can I do for you?”

  “I was hoping I could speak with you.”

  “Well, you have my undivided attention,” he said as he glanced to my legs and back up to my face. My tolerance for men was waning, but I forced myself to focus on my mission.

  “I wanted to discuss Sean.”

  Mr. Perkins nodded. “You are referring to the man that just stopped showing up for work without calling or giving notice? This is the Sean you are referring to?”

  “Yes,” I said with nod. “The very one.”

  “
I sincerely hope he doesn’t expect to get his job back,” he said. “I’ve already hired a replacement.”

  “I understand that,” I said. “What Sean did was inexcusable and unprofessional. You won’t hear me say otherwise.”

  “You aren’t making a compelling argument.” He laughed.

  “It was never my intention to.”

  “Then what do you want?” he asked. He leaned against his desk while he looked at me, mesmerized by my appearance. At least I could rely on my looks when I had nothing else to offer.

  “I want you to give Sean a second chance.”

  “I have no reason to,” he said.

  “I am sure that you know what happened to him, sir. I know it’s been the office gossip around here.”

  “I’m not saying I don’t feel bad for the guy.”

  “Sean was a great worker and employee. He never called in sick and he never caused any trouble. If you have any compassion or empathy for him, please give him another chance, sir.”

  Mr. Perkins stared at me for a moment. “What did he do to get the love of such an amazing woman?” he asked. “You could have anyone you want. Why that guy?”

  I sighed. “Sean is also amazing,” I said. “That may not always be clear, but it’s true. I’ll stand by him forever.”

  “I can’t think of very many women who would do what you are doing right now,” he said. “He’s a lucky man.”

  “I know,” I said. “And he knows that, too.”

  “Tell him I’ll see him tomorrow,” he said as he walked back to his seat. I felt my face stretch into a smile. “And if he messes up one time, he’s done. Even if he is a minute late, he’s fired.”

  I walked over to him and shook his hand vigorously. Then, I kissed him on the cheek and pulled away. “Thank you so much, Mr. Perkins.”

  His smile was wider than I had ever seen it. “You are very welcome, Scarlet.”

  I left his office and walked past Brian’s desk. He was trying to get the coffee stain out of his shirt, so he didn’t see me make my departure. I called down a cab and returned to Sean’s apartment. When I walked in his bedroom, he was sitting up in bed reading a book. He put it aside when I came inside.