My Soul Is Yours Read online

  “They’ve been together ever since?”

  “They broke up once for a stupid reason, but I’m glad they worked out their differences. When Skye isn’t silently threatening me, they’re actually really cute together.”

  At least she wasn’t bitter about it. Most people would be.

  “What about you?” she asked. “Any bad relationships?”

  “Not really,” I said. “The last serious relationship I had was about four years ago, and we broke up because we just weren’t in love anymore.”

  She nodded. “That must have been hard.”

  “We were living together at the time so it was difficult. As a result, I’ll never move in with a girl unless she’s my fiancée or wife. Watching them pack up their things and leave is…excruciating.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “Take my advice and don’t ever do it.”

  “I won’t,” she said with a gorgeous smile.

  I sipped my drink and found myself staring at her again. My eyes concentrated on the curve of her lips. They were full and hypnotizing. I’d only talked to her for an hour and I already wanted to kiss her. A strong physical yearning like that was almost unheard of for me. I’d always been sexually attracted to my partners but…this was different. Perhaps her cool personality was making her more desirable. Or maybe it was the hypnotic sound of her voice. It might be a combination of everything.

  “Did you go to college?” she asked.

  “In New York,” I answered. “You?”

  “Just beauty school.”

  “No, not just beauty school. You went to school.”

  She gave me an appreciative glance. “A lot of people assume I’m a ditz because I cut hair and wear heels. It’s unfortunate because I feel like I’m a lot more than that.”

  “I think so too,” I blurted.

  She eyed me for a moment before she looked out the window.

  I stared at her slender neck and watched it disappear under her dress. Her hands were smooth and well manicured. I had visions of her lying on my pillow, her hair sprawled across the bed and framing her naked tits. I leaned over her and moved deep inside her…

  Whoa…I needed to knock it off. I felt like a disgusting pervert. I’d seen tons of attractive women but I never fantasized about them like this. I was already picturing her naked and I hardly knew her. I felt like a jackass.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt the steam in my ears. I felt like she knew, like she could read my mind or see through the table and notice the obvious bulge in my pants. “I’ve never met a more beautiful woman in my life.” I decided to go with the truth or some form of it.

  She stared at me blankly while she analyzed my words. Then she nodded. “As a woman, I get lines fed to me all the time. I’ve heard some cheesy ones, and I’ve also heard some hilarious ones. But in either case, they are empty and don’t mean anything. They serve their purpose, to catch my attention and attempt to get me into bed.”

  I sincerely hoped she didn’t take it that way.

  “This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone actually mean it.”

  My heart melted in my chest cavity, leaking into the rest of my body. She made me feel warm and cold at the same time. The fact she trusted me, even in this small matter, was a relief. She didn’t see me as a pig—even though she should. “How can you tell?”

  “Your eyes give you away. You’re one of the most mature men I’ve ever met. That’s a nice change.”

  “Well, I am old…”

  She laughed, and it was a beautiful sound. “Good thing I like old men.”

  I already knew I wanted to go out with her again. I already knew I wanted to kiss her good night. For the first time, I felt hopeful. Perhaps finding love wasn’t impossible. Maybe I found the one girl I’d been searching for my whole life.

  ***

  I walked her to her apartment, my hands in my pockets. She was much shorter than me, even in heels. The scent of her perfume came into my nose. It reminded me of fall flowers, absorbing the last of the sun before it disappeared for the winter solstice.

  When we reached her door, she faced me. Her eyes belied her confidence, but they also showed her doubt. She was deeper than most people could see, or at least, than she would let people see.

  “I had a great time tonight,” I said quietly.

  “I did too.”

  “I’d like to see you again.” I hoped she wanted to see me.

  “Me too.” She added a faint smile.

  “How about Saturday?”

  “I’m free,” she said.

  “Good.” I stared at her lips, wanting to lean in. For the first time, I was nervous to kiss a girl. I didn’t know if I should do an open mouth kiss or a closed mouth kiss. Should I give her tongue? Why was I thinking so hard about it?

  She stared at me, waiting for me to act.

  Should I cup her face? Should I leave my hands on her waist? Why the hell was I thinking about it so much? I never thought about it. I just moved in and did what felt right. I finally decided on a closed mouth kiss when she made the decision for me.

  She grabbed my face and gave me a firm kiss on the lips. Her hands felt warm against my skin, and once I felt the softness of her mouth, I felt a groan deep down in my throat, knowing the chemistry was right. My lips moved against hers, and it felt like ecstasy. Her kiss was potent and I was already addicted. I wanted to kiss her all night. I wanted to take this to her couch and not break apart for hours to come.

  Jasmine became just as passionate, grabbing me and breathing hard. I was winding her up and getting her excited, exactly what she was doing to me. Then, abruptly, she pulled away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get out of hand.”

  “No…it was…yeah.” I had no idea what I just said.

  She dropped her hands from my touch. “Good night, Reid.” Her cheeks were slightly red, showing the first signs of embarrassment.

  “Good night, Jasmine.” I wanted to kiss her again, but somehow, I held back.

  She walked inside and shut the door.

  I stood there, processing what just happened. Was it possible that I might have found a girl that I actually like? Could this lead to a relationship? Could this lead to love? I walked down the stairs while I kept thinking about the kiss. Then when I reached the sidewalk, I made a call.

  Slade answered. “How’d it go?”

  “Thank you.” That was all I said. I didn’t need to say more.

  He chuckled. “You’re welcome, man. Now we’re even.”

  “We are.”

  Chapter Five

  Arsen

  In the year I’d been out of prison, I’d done a lot. I was officially a high school graduate, I attended some form of college and now I was a certified mechanic, I owned my own car and motorcycle shop, and I was a proud parent.

  It was a lot to do in so little time.

  But I was proud of myself. For the first time, I didn’t loath who I was. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see a pathetic excuse for a man. I didn’t see someone unworthy of love.

  I saw a man who had accomplished the impossible to be with the woman he loved.

  Now I was going to get her. I earned it. I could look her in the eye and not feel ashamed. I could promise Silke everything she wanted. I could kiss her, touch her, and give myself entirely to her and not pull back. I had no desire to run away. All I wanted was to give her the world and never stop.

  I wore my best suit and tie, designed by Armani, then took the long route to Ryan’s apartment. My heart was pounding in my chest as I considered his response. What if he said no? What if she said I would never be good enough for his daughter? What if she didn’t give herself to me? What would I do then? Accomplish something else? Become an astronaut?

  When I reached his door, I wasn’t sure how I got there. I didn’t remember taking the different streets to get there. I didn’t remember taking the elevator to the top floor. A di
fferent part of my mind took over and shielded those thoughts from me.

  I stood in front of his door and felt my palms sweat. I’d worked so hard for this moment, and the idea of it going in any other way than how I wanted was too much to bear. Silke was my hope. She was the love of my life. I may have fixed everything that could be fixed, but she was the one piece of my soul that was missing. I needed it to be complete. I needed it to be whole.

  I needed Beauty.

  I took a deep breath and knocked. My entire body was on fire, the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Ryan wasn’t a family member or a friend to me. Now he was my obstacle. I had to get past him to reach Silke. He was the one thing standing in my way.

  Ryan opened the door then looked me up and down. Without a smile or a greeting, he just stared at me. When he looked into my eyes, he seemed to know why I was there. He didn’t embrace me or call me kid. He just sighed and watched me.

  I pulled the check out of my pocket. “This is yours.”

  He took it and stared at it.

  ‘That’s the last check,” I said. “We’re square.”

  He nodded then put it into his pocket.

  “Do I owe you anything else?” I asked for clarification so this argument would never come up.

  “No,” he said. “Every penny has been repaid to me.”

  “Okay.” Here it goes. “I’ve done everything I possibly can to be a better person. I’m a hard worker, I’m a great father, and I’ve changed my life for the better. I’m nothing like I used to be and I will never be the man I once was. Even with all these changes, I will never be good enough for Silke. But this is the absolute best I can do.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Do I have your permission to be with her?”

  Ryan rubbed the back of his neck and released a deep sigh.

  That is not the reaction I wanted.

  “Arsen, come inside.”

  I liked this response even less. I just wanted a yes. That’s all I wanted. Give it to me. But I did as he asked and walked inside.

  He sat at the kitchen table then nodded to the seat beside him.

  I sat down, feeling my heart fall to my feet. Perhaps he wanted to have a long talk with me about his daughter. Maybe he wanted to threaten me so I’d never hurt her again. Maybe there was something on his mind.

  “Arsen, this isn’t easy for me to say…”

  My skin prickled.

  “I wish I didn’t have to say it.”

  “You don’t think I’m good enough for her.” The words burned my throat on the way out.

  “No, of course I do. You’ve proven that to me, kid.”

  Pain seared in my chest. “Then what’s the problem?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know.

  He closed his eyes like his following words physically pained him. Then he opened them again. “She’s seeing someone.”

  It felt like someone attached me to an anchor then dropped it in the ocean. I was spiraling deep into the unknown abyss, moving faster than a speeding car. I couldn’t breathe and the water was surrounding me, suffocating me. I couldn’t get away. The end was inevitable.

  The pain stretching in my chest was more painful than a knife to the throat. These were words I hoped to never hear. Every time I asked Ryan if she was seeing someone, he said no. When she came to get her sweater, I watched her smell it. I knew she loved me, even after all this time. Since she loved me so deeply when we were together, I knew she’d wait for me even if I told her not to. I didn’t believe in soul mates or destiny, but if there was a perfect person for everyone, she was the perfect person for me.

  I took her for granted when I shouldn’t. I didn’t treat her the way she deserved. When she told me to stop selling weed and to get out of the business, I should have stopped immediately. If I left for the city with her, we might still be together. But no, I was stupid and waited too long.

  Now it was too late. She was with someone else. She wasn’t mine anymore. The knowledge was enough to shatter my fragile heart. My breathing increased and I tried to keep it steady. My eyes burned but I didn’t let the emotion escape. I stayed absolutely still, trying to pretend that Ryan hadn’t just stabbed me in the gut with a screwdriver.

  Ryan stared at the table, giving me time to process the horrific news. Judging by his tone and behavior, he was as devastated by this news as I was. I knew he wanted me for his daughter, as did Janice.

  But I was too fucking late.

  A million questions swarmed in my mind. “Every time I asked if she was seeing someone, you said she wasn’t. So is this relationship brand new?”

  “No, Arsen. I lied before.”

  I felt the stab of the screwdriver again.

  “They’ve been together for about five months now.”

  I felt sick to my stomach.

  “I didn’t tell you because…I thought you would give up if you knew the truth. You’ve been working so hard to be this new man, and I thought the devastating news would make you turn back and take the easy way out.”

  The news was enough to cripple me. It was enough to end my motivation. But nothing would make me go back to what I was. “No, that never would have happened. Abby would have kept me going. She’s my priority. She’s my everything.”

  “Even so, I didn’t want to risk it.”

  I wish this were just a nightmare. The knowledge was too painful to digest. “Are they serious?”

  “He loves her.”

  Nausea burned in my stomach. “He does?”

  “I’ve never heard him say it but I see the way he looks at her. It’s pretty obvious.”

  How can a man not fall in love with Silke? It was impossible. “Does she love him?” This was the more important question. The one that had an answer I might not be able to take.

  “I don’t know,” Ryan said. “I can’t tell.”

  I hoped she didn’t. As selfish as that was, I hoped she still loved me.

  “When I saw her with you, it was obvious how she felt. She wore her heart on her sleeve. Every time I looked at her, the love was as obvious as the rising sun on a cloudless spring day. Janice saw it too. But with him…I don’t see that look.”

  There was hope.

  “But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. She’s very different with him than she was with you.”

  “How so?”

  “She’s quiet, thoughtful,” he said. “She speaks to him as a friend, a colleague. They have a great time together but…I don’t sense strong passion on her part. But that’s my interpretation. It really means nothing.”

  Ryan knew his daughter better than anyone. I trusted his judgment. “Do you like him?”

  “He’s a very nice guy. Janice and I had a hard time accepting him because…of you. We weren’t as welcoming to him as we should have been. It was hard for us to watch it happen and not mention you. But I don’t have a problem with him. He treats Silke well and makes her smile.”

  “What’s he like?” I asked.

  “He’s an artist,” Ryan said. “He paints for a living.”

  Silke loved to sculpt. And her degree was in art history. It sounded like a perfect match.

  “He’s very accomplished and somewhat famous. But he’s very humble about his success. He hardly talks about it.”

  “Did they meet at the museum?”

  “No,” he answered. “At an art show. He singled her out in the crowd and the rest was history.”

  I remembered the night I met Silke. She walked inside the bar when I was talking two girls into having a threesome with me. They agreed and were ready to go. But I couldn’t stop looking at her. A more beautiful woman had never graced my life. And her confidence and sass… Like the girls weren’t even there, I left them and went to her. And my heart was immediately hers on that night. It happened so quickly and so fast. It felt right. “What’s his name?”

  “Pike.”

  It was a name I’d never forget. “Is he older than her?”

  “By a few years.”

 
So he was probably my age.

  “Arsen, Janice and I wanted to intervene and tell Silke the truth but—”

  “I understand,” I said solemnly. “You had no idea if I’d succeed or not. And you didn’t want her to get sucked in again unless I proved myself. I don’t blame you, Ryan. You did the right thing.”

  “I just assumed Silke wouldn’t meet someone for a while. And when Pike approached her, she turned him down several times. But he didn’t give up.”

  “She turned him down?”

  “Yeah.”

  That information was important. When I walked up to her, I had danger written all over me. She didn’t blink an eye or hesitate when she agreed to go out with me. It was like we were on the same wavelength, and we both understood that all that mattered was each other. If she didn’t feel that way about him…then I had a chance. They could break up.

  “Arsen.” Ryan’s voice came into my mind.

  “Yeah?”

  “You can’t intervene.”

  “I know. I never would.” If Silke were happy with this guy, I wouldn’t ruin it. I’d put her through enough pain. She deserved to be with someone who made her laugh and smile. If this was the guy she wanted, I would never tell her she should want me instead. That wasn’t fair. I told her to move on. I pushed her to do it. I couldn’t hold it against her for actually listening to me.

  He nodded in satisfaction.

  “Do you think they’ll last?” I asked. I would wait forever for her, but if this seemed like something that would last a lifetime, I couldn’t torture myself with the thought of having her. I needed to accept the fact she would never be mine. And maybe one day, somewhere in the future, I could fall in love again.

  He sighed. “It’s hard to say. But he seems perfect for her, Arsen. I wouldn’t be surprised if she married him someday.”

  The words felt like acid on my skin.

  Ryan gripped my shoulder and rubbed me gently. “I’m sorry, Arsen. I wish things were different.”

  “I know you do,” I said quietly.

  “It’ll be okay. I know you’re in pain right now, but it’ll get better.”

  “How are we going to do this from now on?” I asked. “Should I not come around anymore? Eventually, she’s going to see me or figure out that we have a relationship.”