Love Me Still Read online

  Slade’s enthusiasm immediately diminished. “Uh…”

  “Uh what?” I asked. “You asked if I needed any help.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I said I wouldn’t say anything about Cayson but…I can’t do that to him. Skye, you need to do this with him.”

  I tried not to roll my eyes.

  “Whether he cheated on you or not, which he didn’t, Cayson is a great father and he deserves to be a part of this. Don’t take that away from him. The guy is barely keeping himself together right now. He needs this.”

  I knew he was right and that made me feel guilty.

  “Please don’t be one of those mothers that ostracizes the father as punishment. The only person you’re hurting is your child.”

  “I guess…I’m just really angry.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” Slade nodded in understanding. “Maybe you should wait until you’re more calm.”

  “I can’t. I’m only getting bigger and soon I won’t have the energy or ability to move around. I really want to decorate the baby’s room and I know it’s going to be more difficult if I wait.”

  “Makes sense…but Cayson should be involved. We both know how excited he is for this baby. He’s going to be an amazing father, the best there ever will be. He deserves to be a part of everything no matter what he’s done.”

  He was telling me something I already knew. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.” Was this how the rest of my life was going to be? Would I have to walk on eggshells around Cayson and work with him for our child? But keep him at a distance at the same time? It was an inconvenient situation.

  “Good. That guy needs some cheering up.”

  “It irritates me you pity him so much when I’m the victim in all of this. I supported him while he chased his dream then he screwed some girl in a tent out in the middle of nowhere.”

  Slade rubbed his bicep like he was sore. “He didn’t do it, Skye. I’ll say it a million times if I have to. I understand how incriminating it looks and why you believe he’s guilty, but I know he’s not.”

  “You’re the only person who believes him.”

  “Because I’m the only person who really knows him.” Slade held my gaze as he said it. “I know you’re emotional right now, especially since you’re pregnant. But if you looked at the situation objectively you would see what I’m talking about. That letter is a hard piece of evidence but it clashes against everything that Cayson stands for. Frankly, it doesn’t add up.”

  How I wish there were true. “Cayson would have told me about the kiss if that’s all that happened. The fact he never did tells me he’s lying. That’s more evidence than the letter—because those were his actions.”

  “He stalled because of the baby—”

  I raised my hand to silence him. “I can’t keep having this argument over and over.”

  Slade shut his mouth and dropped it. “Well, I’m going to go. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Slade, you don’t have to look out for me.”

  He gave me a serious look. “Yes, I do. Cayson would do it for me.”

  “But I’m not Cayson’s anymore.”

  “Exactly,” he said. “Which is why I have to step up even more.”

  ***

  I stared at the phone and dreaded making the call. I wanted to talk to him as seldom as possible. Whenever I did, I got angry all over again. Sometimes I wanted to throw something at him. That’s how mad I was.

  I took a deep breath before I made the call.

  Cayson answered before the first ring ended. “Skye.” His voice was strong but also carried his desperation. He seemed relieved to hear my voice even if the conversation was painful. He didn’t say anything else and just listened.

  “Hi…” It was hard talking to him. I didn’t even know what to say. How were we going to raise a child together when it was this hard? Sometimes I forgot what he did to me, and my heart ached for him. But the momentary glitch faded away when I remembered Laura’s handwriting in that letter.

  “How are you?”

  “Fine. You?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Um…I was going to decorate the baby’s room and I thought you might want to help. But if you don’t want to that’s totally fine.” Actually, I hoped he wouldn’t want to help. I wanted to do the project without him so I wouldn’t have to look at him.

  “I definitely want to help.”

  Dammit.

  “When are you working on it?”

  “Today.”

  “I’m free.”

  Dammit.

  “Well, do you want to come over then we’ll head to the hardware store?”

  “I’d love to.” His voice was full of desperation again.

  I had to make this clear. “Cayson, this is just—”

  “I know.” Bitterness was in his voice. “Thank you for including me.”

  “Well…I’ll see you soon.” I hung up without waiting for his reply.

  ***

  Cayson arrived wearing dark jeans and a gray t-shirt. His body looked nice in the clothes, and I was irritated I noticed how attractive he was. But there was still anger and resentment there. Now I looked at him in a new way, like he was an electric current that would shock me if I came too close.

  He was danger.

  “Hi…” I allowed him inside then shut the door.

  Cayson kept his hands in his pockets and hardly looked at me. Instead of starting with his usual string of lies about his innocence, he got right to the point. “Do you have any ideas?” His jaw was lined with hair from not shaving.

  I was surprised this conversation was so professional but I didn’t question it. “Navy blue. Maybe some spaceships or pirate ships.”

  He nodded. “I like the spaceship idea. Like Buzz Lightyear or something.”

  “Yeah…that would be cute.”

  “So, we need to get the paint, right?”

  “Yeah. I would just pay someone to do it but—”

  “We should do it ourselves,” he finished. “It’ll mean a lot more that way.”

  I was glad he understood. It was so awkward standing with him and talking about this. Just a few weeks ago he was my best friend. Now he was someone I didn’t know at all. I wasn’t comfortable around him, and all I felt was pain. “Well, let’s go.”

  ***

  Cayson kept his distance and didn’t come close to me. I thought he might try to touch me or pull me into his side but he never did. He hardly even looked at me. We examined the different paints in the store and tried to select one.

  “I think white trimming would look nice against the blue color,” he said. “What about you?”

  “Yeah, I like it too.”

  He examined the different paint samples. “What about this one?” It was a deep blue color.

  “I like it.” I kept one hand on my stomach while I examined it.

  “And then this white color?” He held up the other sample.

  “It works.”

  “Okay.” He grabbed the jars of paint and placed them in the cart. Then he got a large roll of plastic to lie across the hardwood floor. Having him there was nice because I couldn’t reach high places or carry anything too heavy. We paid for everything then headed back to his truck.

  Cayson placed everything in the bed of the truck before he opened the passenger door for me. He didn’t grab my forearm and help me inside like he usually did. He left the door open and got around to the driver’s side.

  When we returned to the house, we got to work. Cayson pulled out the paint rollers and jars then laid the plastic down. “Wear something old. It’s probably going to get stained.”

  I was wearing a maternity dress I didn’t like that much. “This dress is ugly anyway.”

  “I think it’s nice.” He didn’t look at me as he said it. He rolled the brush into the paint before he stood up and started coating the walls.

  I watched him before I did the same to my wall. “Like this?”

&n
bsp; He eyed me. “Yeah. We’ll do one coat of paint before we add another one. We’ll need at least two. Otherwise, any bump or scratch will chip away the paint.”

  I stuck to my wall and he stuck to his.

  When I couldn’t reach the ceiling, he came to my side and added the missing paint. Within a few hours, we had the entire room done. Cayson grabbed a small brush and touched up a few places. The place reeked of paint fumes but it looked nice.

  “I like it.”

  He nodded. “It’ll look even better when it dries.” He closed all the tubs of paint then gathered the trash. He managed not to cover himself with paint, whereas I had a few specks on my clothes.

  Cayson tossed everything in a plastic bag before he threw it away in the garbage can outside. Then he came back into the house and grabbed his keys and phone. His expression was blank and he was unusually quiet. “Give it a few days to completely dry then we’ll finish the rest. And keep that door closed. Paint fumes aren’t good for you.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  He gave me a quick nod before he headed to the door.

  That was it? He wasn’t going to try and convince me I was wrong? It was that easy? “Cayson?”

  He stopped and turned around. He didn’t speak. All he did was watch me.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and came closer to him. “I know things are really strained between us, but I want you to know that I would never interfere with you having a relationship with our son. You can see him whenever you want and be as involved as you want. I would never take that away from you no matter what happens between us.”

  Cayson stared at me like he hadn’t heard me. Then he nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  I was still surprised he hadn’t brought up our relationship. It was highly unusual.

  He cleared his throat. “Whenever we’re doing things related to our son, I won’t talk about us. I don’t want to give you any reason not to involve me in these types of things. I’ll keep my mouth shut and not bring it up.”

  Now it made sense. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  He gave me a final nod before he walked out.

  Chapter Eleven

  Cayson

  My life was unbearable.

  I went from being the happiest guy on the planet to being the most miserable. I lived in a tiny apartment over Slade’s shop, and I spent every minute thinking about the beautiful family I had and lost.

  I couldn’t take it anymore.

  I was a zombie at work. I’d just taken over as the new director for the CDC. It was a big accomplishment, especially since I was the youngest person to ever take the position and I didn’t even have a Ph.D. Instead of being happy and proud, I was totally and completely miserable.

  I had a beautiful office that overlooked the city with expansive windows. It was large, the size of an average person’s living room. A large mahogany desk sat on a maroon rug. Bookshelves spanned the left wall, and an arrangement of furniture faced my desk. Anyone would kill for an office like this.

  It meant nothing to me.

  There was only one picture on my desk, and it was a picture of Skye and I are on our wedding day. Mom gave it to me when I came back from the journey that ruined my life. Now when I looked at it I wasn’t reminded of a happy day. I was reminded of my idiotic decision to leave my wife and ruin the best thing that ever happened to me.

  I didn’t do anything wrong, and I was suffering from a crime. But Skye would never see it that way. I told her so many times but it didn’t mean anything to her. That stupid letter was the only thing that mattered to her.

  How would we recover from this? Would she let me come home eventually but our relationship would never be the same? Would she always resent me for this? Would she love me the same way she did before?

  I’d hit rock bottom.

  “Mr. Thompson?”

  “Hmm?” I looked up from my desk and stared at Rebecca, my secretary.

  “You have a meeting with Dr. Hamilton from TRC Labs, and a few messages from Dr. Frank from M.I.T.”

  That didn’t mean anything to me. “Okay. Thanks.”

  Rebecca continued to stand there in her dress and heels. “So…do you want me to get Dr. Frank on the phone?”

  “Uh…” I rubbed my temple. “Tell him I’ll call him back.”

  “Well…he’s not on the phone right now. You want me to call him to tell him you’re going to call him?”

  I couldn’t think straight today. “Nevermind. I’ll call him.”

  “Okay.” She looked down at her notes. “The meeting is at one.”

  “What meeting?”

  “The one with Dr. Hamilton…from TRC Labs.”

  “Oh…I’ll be there.”

  She lowered her hands then approached my desk. “Mr. Thompson, is everything okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I’m drowning in my own misery.

  “You just seem a little off.”

  “I’m fine, Rebecca.” I ran my fingers through my hair.

  She glanced at the picture on the desk. “Everything okay at home?”

  “Yeah.” I didn’t have a home.

  “Maybe you should—”

  “Get out of my office.” My voice came out harsh and mean. I didn’t mean for it to happen but my head wasn’t on straight.

  She flinched at my coldness then backed away. “Of course…” She walked out then quietly shut the door behind her.

  I sunk further into my chair and felt the self-loathing increase.

  ***

  Rebecca spoke over the intercom. “Mr. Thompson, you have visitors.”

  Was it Skye? Did she come by and see me? My thoughts always jumped to this hopeful conclusion anytime someone came to the office or called me. “Who is it?”

  “Your parents.”

  Motherfucker. I couldn’t deal with them right now. I’d been avoiding everyone but Slade and Trinity because I didn’t want to act like everything was okay when it wasn’t. I was broken down and I didn’t think I could put on a brave face. “Tell them I don’t have time today.” It was a rude thing to do but it was better than the alternative.

  “Uh…they have gifts and stuff.” She lowered her voice so she wouldn’t be overheard. “I think they are here to congratulate you.”

  Why couldn’t they just mail me a damn card? “Send them in five minutes.”

  “Yes, Mr. Thompson.”

  I immediately went into my private bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I rubbed the water into my eyes so they wouldn’t look so bloodshot. Then I adjusted my shirt and tie, trying to look like a man that had it all.

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror and only saw a ghost.

  I walked back into the office and sat behind my desk. I only needed to talk to them for fifteen minutes. I could pretend everything was fine for that long. If I told them the truth, it would be much worse. Having everyone in the family watch my marriage as it fell apart wouldn’t make things better. What Skye and I needed was our privacy. It was the best way for us to work it out.

  The door opened and my mom came in first. She carried an arrangement of balloons. “Surprise!”

  I forced a smile then stood up. “Surprise for what?”

  “On your new job.” Dad came in next with a present under his arm.

  “You guys really didn’t have to—” I stopped talking when I saw Sean walk in.

  He was the last person I wanted to see.

  “We brought cake.” Sean carried a glass dish that showed the cake inside. “Well, Scarlet made it. But I’m going to eat it.” He chuckled at his own joke then set the cake on my desk.

  “Thanks.” This just got worse.

  Scarlet came up in the rear, smiling and looking thrilled to see me like always. “Congratulations, honey.”

  Why wasn’t Skye there? What excuse did she give? “Thank you.”

  “Sweet office, son.” Dad looked around and whistled.

  “My baby is such a successful man.” Mom
hugged me then kissed me on the cheek.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I could get through this. I just had to focus. “That cake looks good.”

  “Made from scratch,” Scarlet said.

  “I had to make sure Skye stayed away from it,” Sean said.

  I tried not to react to her name.

  Sean answered my unspoken question. “She and Conrad had a meeting so she couldn’t make it. But she sees you all the time anyway so I’m sure you guys already celebrated.”

  Actually, I hadn’t mentioned it to her. “Yeah. We went out to dinner.”

  “So…how does it feel to be the man in charge?” Mom asked.

  “I don’t boss people around, Mom. I just oversee a lot of different projects.”

  “Don’t be modest,” Dad said. “You’re a badass and we know it.”

  This job became meaningless the moment I lost Skye.

  “Very proud of you,” Sean said. “My grandson will have two incredible parents to look up to.”

  I hoped so.

  Mom caught my look. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” I put on my game face. “Just got a lot of stuff to do today.”

  “We’ll get out of your hair,” Dad said. “But we’re having dinner tonight.”

  What?

  “Let’s go to that Italian place,” Scarlet said. “I’ll make reservations for seven.”

  Uh…

  “See you then.” Sean hugged me as did everyone else. Then they walked out.

  I fell into my chair and released a long and irritated sigh. Fuck, what was I going to do?

  ***

  The second I got off work I called Skye.

  She answered with her usual guarded voice. “Hello?”

  “The parents stopped by today.” I was sitting in my tiny apartment above the shop.

  “I heard.” Her voice was clipped like she didn’t want to talk to me. Her resentment and anger oozed out of every pore.

  “And they want to go to dinner tonight—all of us.”

  Skye sighed into the phone like that was news to her. “What did you say?”’

  “I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.”

  “I don’t want to have dinner with them right now. I just can’t.”

  “I don’t either.”

  “You’re going to tell them I’m under the weather.”