Forever and Always Read online

  “It’s not you, Cortland. I’m sorry that I snapped. I just don’t know what to do. The idea of leaving you and Ryan makes me want to cry. I can’t stand not seeing you guys every day.”

  “Don’t you feel that way about Sean?” he asked.

  “Of course I do,” I said. “I miss him so much.”

  “I hate to be blunt about it, but you have to choose one. You can’t have both, Scarlet.”

  “I can’t leave Ryan,” I said. “It hurt him so much last time, and I can’t do that again. We are close—closer than we have ever been, and I don’t want to ruin that. He is the only family I have left.”

  Cortland sighed. “Ryan will understand if you want to leave. I know him, Scar. He would rather see you happy than let you be miserable.”

  “I’m not miserable,” I whispered. “I just want to go as much as I want to stay.”

  “That’s some hard luck.”

  “And Ryan needs me,” I said. “I can’t just abandon him right now. His shop is barely breaking even. He hasn’t even paid off the old equipment that was stolen.”

  “He can live with me,” Cortland said. “You wouldn’t be abandoning him.”

  “He would never accept that, Cortland. You know that. He only accepts my help because we are family.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Cortland said. “Maybe you could stay until his shop starts to make money again. That gives him enough time to accept the fact that you are leaving, and it also gives him some cushion financially. That sounds fair.”

  “But even then I don’t want to go.”

  Cortland sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Scar. The only way you get what you want is if Sean moves here, but you already said he wouldn’t.”

  “I can’t ask him to do that,” I said. “It would be hard for him to find work here, and he’s been at his firm for years. Besides, he loves Manhattan.”

  “I have a feeling he loves you more.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t ask him to do that.”

  Cortland sighed. “Then you lose Sean as your boyfriend—permanently—or you don’t see Ryan like you used to. I think the choice is clear, Scar. Learn from your mistakes. Make an effort to stay in contact with Ryan and you won’t mess it up again.”

  I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m done discussing this.”

  Cortland nodded. “Can I buy you a milkshake?” he asked.

  “I’m trying to cut back.” I smiled. “Even though I play basketball with you guys, I’m starting to gain weight.”

  Cortland nodded. “We do eat here a lot,” he said as he looked around the place. He turned his gaze back to me. “Did Sean ever ask if you slept with anyone?”

  “No,” I said. “I hope he doesn’t.”

  Cortland nodded. “I like Sean,” he said. “I don’t want him to have a beef with me.”

  “Neither do I,” I said. “It would be very childish of him. But then again, if I knew he hung out with a woman he slept with, it would make me uncomfortable. I trust him, but I would rather not know about it.”

  “I suppose,” he said. “You seem really happy when you’re with him.”

  I smiled. “Yes, I am.”

  “I am happy for you,” he said. “Did he still refuse to sleep with you?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t believe Ryan told you that.”

  Cortland smiled. “The guy tells me everything. So, what’s the story? Are you too much for him?”

  I laughed. “He said he wanted to take it slow, make sure that I trusted him before we started a physical relationship.”

  “And he kept it up?”

  “No.” I laughed. “I broke him down. He wouldn’t give it up, but I eventually won.”

  Cortland laughed. “That sounds about right,” he said. “I’ve been there, done that. So how was it?”

  “It was amazing,” I said. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  “That’s because you are in love with him and he feels the same way.”

  “Well, it makes a huge difference.”

  “I hope Monnique and I are that way when we get together. I can see myself falling in love with her. I just don’t want to get emotionally attached to her if she doesn’t feel the same way.”

  “She will, Cortland. You are an amazing guy.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “And since we’ve slept together—twice—I’ll take your word for it. It just doesn’t mean the same thing coming from my mom.”

  I laughed. “I can see why.” My phone started ringing and I smiled when I saw that it was Sean. I answered the phone with a smile in my voice. “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you before I turned in for the night.”

  “How was your day?”

  “Uneventful, boring, blah,” he said with a laugh. “I went to the gym after work, which I haven’t done in a long time, then I cooked myself dinner. Now I’m getting ready to do it again tomorrow. How was your day?”

  “Pretty much the same,” I said. “I helped Ryan at the shop for a few hours.”

  “What are you doing now?”

  “Working at Mega-Shake.”

  Sean sighed. “I’m not trying to be annoying, but I don’t like you walking home alone after dark,” he said.

  “Cortland is here,” I said. “He’ll walk me home.”

  “Good,” he said. “Just don’t make it a habit.”

  “I won’t,” I said. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too.”

  “We’ll be together again soon,” I whispered.

  “That moment can’t come soon enough,” he said.

  “I’ll let you go,” I said. “I know that you’re tired.”

  “Okay.” He sighed. “I love you, Scar.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone and felt my heart fall. Ending the call was the hardest part. Cortland caught my saddened expression. “It looks like you’ve made your choice.”

  I smiled at him. “It seems like I have.”

  Cortland leaned back in his seat. “Are you ready to go home?” he asked. “It sounded like Sean wants me to take you.”

  “If you don’t mind,” I said.

  “I never mind,” he said.

  We left the restaurant and drove up the street. Cortland pulled over and we both got out of the car.

  “You don’t need to walk me to the door,” I said.

  “I have a feeling that Sean would disagree with that,” he said. “I really don’t mind, Scar. Besides, I can say hi to Ryan.”

  We walked to the apartment and I unlocked the door. Ryan was in the shower when we went into the living room, so Cortland decided to hang around.

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “About your plan?” he said. “That you’ll stick around until the shop is prosperous, but then you’ll be leaving? I think giving him enough time to deal with it will make it easier for him to let you go. That’s just my suggestion. But either way, he’ll be happy for you, Scar. I know he will.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Ryan came into the room and smiled when he saw Cortland. “Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

  “I just brought Scarlet home and thought I would stick around for a while.”

  “How’s it going with Monnique?” he asked.

  “Good,” Cortland said. “I’m taking her out tonight.”

  “Has she put out yet?” Ryan asked.

  “Ryan!” I said.

  Cortland laughed. “No, she hasn’t.”

  “Just make sure you look good tonight,” he said. “Wearing the right clothes will make any girl open her legs.”

  “Can you not see me?” I asked my brother.

  “Since I actually like this girl, I was hoping that she would want to commit first,” Cortland said. “I want to settle down, especially with her.”

  Ryan nodded. “She sounds like the real t
hing.”

  “You have no idea.” Cortland smiled.

  I turned to Ryan. “I can’t believe you told Cortland what Sean said the other day.”

  “I figured you were going to tell him anyway,” he said. “He’s your best friend, right?”

  “Well, Sean is now,” I said. “But you still shouldn’t have told him that.”

  “It’s too late now.” Ryan sat on the couch next to Cortland.

  I turned to Cortland. “Ryan has sex really, really loud. He practically demolished the apartment the other night.”

  Cortland shrugged then gave Ryan a high-five. “That’s awesome.”

  I rolled my eyes at them. “You guys are annoying.”

  “Well, you slept with Cortland, so I know he can’t be that irritating,” Ryan jabbed.

  “I thought we weren’t discussing that again?” I said. “And please don’t tell Sean. I don’t want him to act weird around Cortland.”

  “You know I would never do that,” my brother said.

  “Well, you just told Cortland that Sean wouldn’t sleep with me.”

  “What?” He laughed. “I thought it was funny.”

  I stared at him. “I thought you respected him for it.”

  “I do,” he said. “But I also thought it was funny.”

  Ryan and Cortland started watching a game that was on and we said nothing for a while. When a commercial came on, Cortland met my gaze, silently encouraging me to tell Ryan that I was leaving, but I couldn’t do it. It was such a delicate situation. Even though Ryan would never admit it, he would be miserable after I left.

  Eventually Cortland gave up and rose from his chair. “I need to get ready for my date,” he said as he walked to the front door.

  “Have a good night,” I said.

  “I hope you score,” Ryan added.

  “Thanks,” Cortland said before he shut the door.

  Ryan and I sat on the couch and said nothing for a long time. Finally, Ryan turned to me. “I really appreciate everything you have done for me, Scar, and not just the money thing, but everything. I don’t want you to leave, but I think you should go. I’ll be fine, Scar.”

  “I don’t want to,” I whispered.

  “You have to, Scarlet.”

  “No.”

  “Sean is your everything now. I can’t always be the man in your life.”

  I sighed. “I know.”

  “I’ll support whatever decision you make,” he said. “But please do what makes you happy. If you aren’t happy, then I’m not happy.”

  I nodded.

  “And I think you should tell Sean your decision when he gets here in a few days,” he said. “Let him know what’s going on. I see how miserable you are without him. I sincerely hope that you choose him and fly back to New York with him when he leaves.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He stared at me for a moment then dropped his gaze. “Okay.”

  6

  Sean

  Even though Scarlet and I weren’t together, she was still the first thing on my mind when we were apart. My decision to commit to her was the best one I had ever made. I should have done it sooner. Everything was so easy and natural with her. We had a great time together without even trying, and I loved being a part of her family. Cortland was a cool guy, too.

  When I was at work, I told Brian everything that happened. He was happy for me, but I could also tell he was bummed out. He had been crushing on Scarlet forever and now she was officially off limits. She was mine.

  “What about Penelope?” he asked when he got into the elevator after work.

  “What about her?” My voice came out harsher than I meant it to.

  “You broke up only a few weeks ago,” he said. “Are you sure you should be in another relationship?”

  “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But I love Scarlet. I want to be with her.”

  “Does she know that you aren’t over Penelope?”

  “I guess,” I said. “I didn’t actually say it, but I’m sure she inferred it. Besides, I’ll get over her soon. I’m happy with Scarlet.”

  Brian sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “You’re just mad because you wanted Scarlet first.”

  He smiled. “That may have something to do with it,” he said. “But you’re right. Scarlet is way better than Penelope. It seems like that girl never loved you. She has already been dating a guy I know on Wall Street. In fact, she was probably with him before you even broke up.”

  I tried to control the emotions charging through my body. I still loved Penelope and missed her. His news was a stab to the heart. Obviously, she was already fucking someone new, had been for a long time, but I didn’t want to hear about it. “I wouldn’t doubt it,” I forced myself to say.

  “But Scarlet is cool,” Brian said. “She is funny and sexy at the same time. How is she in bed?” he asked. “You have to tell me.”

  I glared at him and he stepped away. “Talk about my girlfriend like that again and I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

  Brian smiled. “I didn’t mean to offend you,” he said. “I was just wondering.”

  “Well, stop wondering.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Since you aren’t with Penelope anymore and she cheated on you, tell me about her. What was she like in the sack?”

  I glared at him again. “Don’t talk about any of my girlfriends that way.”

  Brian rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun anymore.”

  The elevator doors opened and we walked out to the sidewalk. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I walked in the opposite direction as Brian, trying to get away from him. I called down a cab and headed towards my apartment. Knowing that Penelope was with some other guy made me want to die. I hated the way I felt about her. I still loved her.

  When I got into the apartment, I picked up the ring on the kitchen table and opened the box, staring at the diamonds. After a moment, I closed it and tossed it back on the table. It was evident that Penelope was never coming back to me. She was gone. It was time to get rid of the ring, but I still didn’t reach for it. I sighed and took a shower instead. When I got out, I called Scarlet and melted at the sound of her voice. I missed her so much. This long-distance relationship was already killing me. I wanted to be with her always, and not just because she quieted my pain, but because I loved being with her. I sat in the living room, looking for something to watch on the television, when a knock on the door made me jump. It was late at night and I wasn’t sure who would come to my apartment at that hour. When I saw the person on the other side of the door through the peephole, I almost didn’t answer it. It was Penelope.

  Against my better judgment, I unlocked the bolt and opened the door.

  Her brown locks curved around her face and complemented her features perfectly. The green eyes that I adored stared at me, and the light of the hallway glinted in her irises, making them appear to be on fire. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would fall over and die right then and there. There was no reason I could think of that she would come to me. I glanced to her ring finger and noticed that she wasn’t wearing an engagement ring. I assumed that she wouldn’t have left me for someone unless she was tying the knot. She didn’t say anything and I remained silent, waiting for her to speak first. Honestly, I wouldn’t have known what to say anyway.

  “Hey,” she said as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. After everything she did to me, I still thought she was beautiful and I hated it. Her flawless skin was enough of a distraction from my logical thought. The uncontrollable reaction she inflicted in me was making me furious. I hated being under this girl’s spell.

  “What do you want?” I asked bluntly. She flinched at the venom in my voice, but I didn’t care. That bitch broke my heart and wasted my commitment. I could have been with Scarlet the whole time. The thought of Penelope and her new boyfriend rekindled the anger inside of me. “You must have me confused with your current boyfriend,” I snapped. “I’m the g
uy you dumped. Remember?”

  Penelope stared at me for a moment. “Can I talk to you, Sean?”

  “What are we doing now?”

  She sighed. “Can I come in?”

  “No.” I started to close the door, but she held it open.

  “Please?” she asked.

  The look in her eyes made me release my hold on the door. No matter what she did to me, I still couldn’t just push her out of my apartment. I pushed the door open and let her walk in. The door slammed behind her.

  “To what do I owe the pleasure?” I said sarcastically.

  “I know you’re mad, Sean, and you have every right to be. I’m not here to dissuade your anger.”

  “Then what the fuck do you want?” I snapped. “I’m with Scarlet now and I love her. You don’t need to pity me, Penelope. I’ve moved on.”

  “You’re dating Scarlet?” she asked sadly.

  The sadness in her voice made me happy. I hoped she was jealous. “Yes,” I said. “And I love her.”

  Penelope looked down. “Sean, I need to tell you something,” she whispered. “I made a mistake when I left you and I regret it. I was hoping that we could talk things out.”

  “Is this a joke?” I snapped. “I don’t want you, Penelope.”

  “Sean, listen to me.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m done with you. Get out of my apartment and my life.”

  “Sean,” she said as she grabbed my arms. I didn’t pull away and I hated myself for it. “I’m pregnant.”

  My body remained immobile at her words. Of all the things I thought she was going to say, that was what I least expected. “You are pregnant?”

  She nodded. “And it’s yours, Sean.”

  I shook my head, battling the confusion raging in my mind. “How can I be sure of that?”

  Penelope sighed. “When I went to the doctor, he said I was four weeks along,” she said. “You are the only person I slept with at that time. When my boyfriend found out it wasn’t his, he didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

  I started pacing the apartment, processing everything she just said. Penelope was pregnant with my kid. I was going to be a fucking dad. My body continued to pace around the living room as my mind went somewhere else. Penelope watched me move, but didn’t say anything.