You Will Be Alright Read online

  I smiled even though I shouldn’t.

  I moved to the water then reached them. The sand felt soft under my feet, and it was warm.

  “Do you know how to swim?” Abby asked. “Daddy can hold you too.”

  I’d love that.

  Wait, no I wouldn’t. “I can swim, Abby.”

  “Okay,” she said.

  I swam around and kept my hair out of the water.

  Abby pointed at a big wave, which really wasn’t that big. “Daddy, watch out.”

  “We’ll be fine,” he assured her.

  The wave passed without incident.

  “Are there…things that live in here?” Abby whispered.

  Arsen grinned. “Harmless fish and sea stars.”

  I’m sure he didn’t want to give her the whole truth because it would give her nightmares.

  “Octopuses live in the ocean,” Abby said.

  “Really?” Arsen asked, pretending to be interested.

  “And dolphins,” she said. “They’re nice.”

  “I bet they are.” He held her close to him.

  Abby started to shiver. “I’m cold…”

  “It’s time to get out.” Arsen lifted her to his shoulders then walked out of the water. I walked beside them, feeling the drops fall from my body. I tried not to stare at Arsen, to look at his powerful body and fantasize about it being on top of me.

  I really needed to get a grip.

  We returned to the towel and Arsen handed Abby a bucket and a few shovels.

  “Cool!” she squealed. “I’m going to make a hole to China.”

  “Don’t be gone too long,” Arsen teased.

  Abby moved a few feet away and started digging.

  Arsen watched her, like always.

  I wanted to stare at his chest but that would make it too obvious. I forced myself to watch Abby instead.

  “Do you need sunblock?” he asked, handing me a tube.

  “No, I’m okay. I put some on before I left.”

  “Okay.” He returned it to his backpack. Then, he purposely moved closer to me on the towel, our legs touching.

  My heart rate spiked.

  “Can I say something?” he whispered.

  “I suppose.”

  “Your body is more beautiful than I remember.” He didn’t look at me as he said it, still watching Abby.

  I didn’t know what to say, but it did make me feel more confident. I’d always thought of myself as a thin, lanky girl. Not a curvy Sports Illustrated model. Compared to Arsen, I was definitely the less attractive one. “Uh, thank you.”

  “I’d just thought you should know.” There was no embarrassment in his voice. Only Arsen could pull off a comment like that. While he watched Abby, his hand snaked to mine and he held it. His fingers interlocked with mine.

  My breathing hitched but I didn’t pull away. I liked the touch.

  “You want to know something?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “This is my dream, this right here.”

  I glanced down at our hands, assuming that’s what he meant.

  “The three of us at the beach together, as a family,” he said quietly. He turned to me. “It’s what I want more than anything.” His eyes were brighter under the scorching sun and he looked at mine without wavering in confidence.

  Being with Arsen forever was what I always wanted. If he said this to me years ago, I would have suggested we get hitched then and there. But sometimes when I looked at him, I saw the emotionless punk that used to yank my chain. I tried to remember that wasn’t him anymore, but it was difficult at times.

  He leaned in and pressed his forehead to mine. He didn’t say anything, just holding me. His eyes were closed and his hand still gripped mine. Then, almost unwillingly, he pulled away. But our hands still touched.

  The intimacy was too much. It was penetrating my heart and softening my resolve. If we kept this up, I’d jump into his arms and tell him to never let me go. I would admit every feeling I had for him, that I couldn’t possibly love someone other than he.

  I dropped his hand then walked to Abby, not looking at him. Then I joined her in the sand. “Want to make a sand castle?”

  “Sure!” She abandoned her hole and turned to me.

  We used the buckets to make the base of the castle, and I used the shovel to carve things into the sand. I helped Abby be gentle with the arrangement because she usually destroyed everything because her movements were too sudden. Together, we built a large castle.

  When I looked up at Arsen, he watched us with soft eyes.

  “Daddy, look!”

  He came closer to us and smiled. “It’s amazing.”

  “Isn’t it the best sand castle ever?” Abby asked.

  “Definitely.” He pulled out his phone then stepped away. “Smile.”

  I pulled Abby into my lap and we smiled for the camera.

  “Say cheeseburger,” Arsen said.

  “It’s cheese, Daddy,” Abby corrected.

  “My mistake,” Arsen said. He took the picture then stowed his phone away. “Now it’s time for lunch.”

  ***

  When Arsen took me home, Abby could barely keep her eyes open. She tried to fight it by mumbling incoherent words but she was losing an unstoppable battle. When we walked inside my apartment, Abby said, “Sand castle…” Then closed her eyes.

  Arsen tried not to laugh. “She hates naps. Any time I try to get her down for one it’s World War III.”

  “I used to hate them too,” I said. “Dad would read to me and that calmed me down almost immediately. Not Slade. He would run around the house until he tired himself out. Either way, Mom and Dad always won.”

  He chuckled. “I bet.” He walked to the table and put my bag down. “Thank you for coming to the beach with us today. We love having you around.”

  “I had a great time too…” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear nervously.

  He stared at me with Abby over his shoulder, fast asleep. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later.” Disappointment was in his voice, like he didn’t want to say goodbye.

  “You could stay,” I blurted.

  “Yeah?” The excitement came out.

  Why did I say that? I wasn’t thinking. “Yeah. Abby can sleep in my bedroom.”

  Arsen smiled then walked down the hall.

  What the hell am I doing? Why did I invite Arsen over? No good could come from this.

  Arsen returned. “She’s worn out.”

  “The sun will do that to you.”

  “Did your dad teach you how to make a sand castle?” he asked. “You were very good at it.”

  “Actually, he did.”

  He nodded. “I thought so.”

  “Then Slade would destroy mine because it was better than his.” I rolled my eyes at the memory.

  He chuckled. “Siblings…”

  I suddenly realized Arsen didn’t have any. It never occurred to me before.

  He stared at me for a moment, his thoughts unknown. Then he cleared his throat. “So…want to watch a movie?”

  “Yeah.” It would be less awkward than us staring at each other.

  We moved to the couch and tried to find something to watch. We kept the volume low so we wouldn’t wake up Abby. Arsen immediately grabbed my hand and held it, just like he did earlier.

  “Is this okay?” he whispered.

  No. Yes. No. I guess. I’m not sure. “Uh…”

  He gripped it tighter. “I’m interpreting that as a yes.” He held it on his thick thigh then caressed my knuckles with his thumb.

  “Friends don’t hold hands…”

  “Well, you and I are special friends, friends who love each other.” He watched my reaction to his words.

  I held his gaze then looked away, unable to meet it.

  He suddenly stood up then retrieved a blanket from the other couch. Then he lay down and patted his chest, beckoning me to come to him.

  I tried to fight it, but like always, I gave in.
I wanted to feel his massive chest underneath me. I wanted to be close to him, to wrap our bodies around one another and hold on.

  I moved over him then snuggled in his side with my back to the couch. He pulled the blanket over us, enveloping us in heat. The movie was on but Arsen didn’t watch it. Instead, he stared at my face.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “I’ve dreamt of your face for years. Now that I can see it, I’d rather enjoy it than a movie.”

  I returned his gaze and rested my hand on his chest. The inexplicable need to kiss him swept over me. I wanted to ask, to beg. Those lips were tantalizing. Whenever we touched, I felt like the world ebbed away, leaving nothing but the universe. I just wanted to give in and take him back. He could be mine tonight if I made the plunge. But then the fear took over. “Arsen?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Don’t kiss me even if I ask.”

  His eyes dilated slightly but he didn’t react in any other way. “Maybe you should just let it be. Don’t fight it anymore.”

  I didn’t have the heart to explain my emotions and doubts. If I did, I would probably cave. “Please.”

  He sighed in disappointment but didn’t argue with me. “I will do anything you ask of me.” His hand moved around my waist and he held me close. His face was close to mine but he didn’t make any attempt to kiss me. His eyes just searched mine, looking for something only he could see.

  Staring at him made my eyes grow heavy. He was comfortable despite his firmness, and I felt warm and relaxed. Abby was sleeping in my room, and I really did feel like a family. We spent the day at the beach, and now we were snuggled on the couch. It was a future I never expected to have.

  My thoughts pulled at my eyes, and soon they were closed. Images of our afternoon flashed across my mind, and that was the last thing I thought of when I fell asleep.

  ***

  A distant tapping was heard on my ear. But I kept my eyes closed, still partially asleep. I vaguely felt Arsen’s body underneath mine. The blanket enveloped us and made us warm.

  “Who are you?” I heard Abby say.

  “Pike,” someone answered.

  The sound of the deep voice stirred me. It woke up Arsen too.

  “Abby!” Arsen was furious. He got off the couch quicker than I could watch. He snatched Abby. “Don’t you dare open the door like that again!”

  Her eyes were wide and she looked terrified. “Someone knocked…”

  “Abby, that’s not okay. I told you not to talk to strangers.” He wouldn’t stop yelling.

  Abby covered her face and tried to disappear. “I sorry…”

  I sat up then looked over the couch. Pike was standing there, watching Arsen yell at his daughter. Then he turned to me. When his eyes took me in, there was disappointment. And heartbreak.

  “I apologize for disrupting your evening.” Resignation was in his voice. He turned to leave.

  “Pike, wait.” I threw off the blanket and got off the couch.

  He didn’t wait for me.

  “Pike, let me explain.” I chased after him.

  He kept walking.

  When I finally reached him, I grabbed his arm and stopped. “It’s not how it looks.”

  “It isn’t?” His voice was low and quiet, but there was an underlying menace there. “Because when I walked inside, it looked like you two had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, your faces merely an inch apart. So, if it’s not how it looks, then how is it really?” His eyes were blazing in fire but he didn’t yell.

  “The three of us went to the beach, and when we came home we were tired and—”

  “Silke.” He raised his hand. “I don’t need the details and I don’t want them. This is what I’m upset about. I asked you if you broke up with me because of Arsen. You said no.” He held my gaze and didn’t blink. “If you had left me for him, I would have understood. It would have hurt, but I would have let it go. But to lie to me…now that gets under my skin.”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “Bullshit.” He never cursed, especially at me. “We’ve been broken up for a little more than a month and you’re playing house with him? You want to know what I’ve been doing? I’ve been lying around wanting every day to pass because my existence is unbearable. I told a woman I loved her and she took off. I fell for someone who never felt the same way. I loved someone who loved someone else the entire time. That realization is more painful than the break up. You would have done me a favor if you were just honest. But finding out like this...is horrible.”

  I wanted to die in that moment. I loathed myself, completely and utterly. “It’s honestly not like that.”

  “How can I believe anything you say?”

  “I broke up with you because I knew I would never love you. That’s true. And then a month went by and Arsen came to me and tried to win me back. I said no. We’ve been friends ever since.”

  “I’ve never slept on a couch with a friend like that.”

  “Well, things are a little different now,” I admitted. “But we still aren’t together.”

  “Have you kissed him?”

  Why did he have to ask me this question? “Yes…”

  He took a deep breath and sighed. “Well, have a good life with him. I sincerely hope he isn’t the ex-con I assume he is.”

  “He’s not,” I said. “And I don’t want to feel this way about him. My life would be so much easier if I just felt this way about you.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” he asked incredulously. “That I did everything right and you still prefer him?” His eyes were wide and full of pain.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and wanted to disappear. “Pike, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say…”

  “Did you cheat on me with him?” he asked. His voice was low and serious.

  I was stung by the question. “Absolutely not. He kissed me a month after we broke up. It wasn’t like I ran to him as soon as we ended.”

  “But you did break up with me for him,” he pressed.

  “No, I broke up with you because I didn’t love you. And it scared me that I still loved Arsen after everything he did. That’s why I decided to end our relationship. Something wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair to you. I had to end it.”

  “If he hadn’t made a reappearance, we would still be together,” he whispered.

  “Maybe…but I don’t think we would have been together long.”

  He shook his head and stepped back. “I’ll let you go back…to your life.”

  “Pike.”

  He stopped and looked at me, devastation in his eyes.

  “I miss you. I do.”

  He looked away like he’d been slapped.

  “You were my best friend and I did everything with you. For the past month, all I’ve thought about was you. I wanted to call you and tell you about my day but I knew it would just make it worse. I haven’t forgotten about you. You’re still in my heart, and you will always be.”

  “I miss you too,” he whispered. “I caved because I wanted to see you…”

  “I understand.”

  He leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets. “Silke, what is it about this guy?”

  “I…I don’t have a clue.”

  “After everything he did to you, how could you possibly want any type of relationship with him? You’re better than this.”

  “He’s not the same person he used to be.”

  “It doesn’t change the past,” he argued.

  “No, it doesn’t,” I agreed. “But, I can’t stay away from him…” I didn’t like talking about Arsen to him. It felt cold. “I wish I could. But I can’t.”

  He sighed then shook his head slightly. “I’m being selfish…”

  “No, don’t do that, “I said. “You did nothing wrong.”

  “You obviously love him and I should be happy for you. Instead, I’m making it all about myself.”

  “No.” I came closer to him. “You should hate me for wha
t I did to you. I shouldn’t have dated you to begin with.”

  “You said no but I kept pushing,” he whispered.

  “Don’t blame yourself for anything, Pike. You’re nothing but wonderful.” I came to his chest and hugged him.

  “I just…wish you were with me. And that desire is making me into an ugly person.”

  “No. That’s not true.”

  “I want you to myself and I keep lashing out.”

  “No.” I held him tighter. “You’re a beautiful person.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on mine. Silence stretched for a while and neither one of us said anything. His hand clung to my back, keeping me close. “Silke?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You love him, right?”

  I didn’t want to answer. “Yes.”

  “But you aren’t with him?”

  “No.”

  He took a deep breath. “What are you waiting for? If it’s because of me, don’t wait. Just be happy. I want you to be happy.”

  “It’s not just that…I’m scared.”

  “Of what?” he asked.

  “That he’ll hurt me again.”

  “Well, it seems like you’re at his mercy anyway. Perhaps you should give it your all and pay the consequences later. Even if you’re only sticking your feet in the water, you’re still wet.”

  I closed my eyes as I rested my face against his chest.

  Pike pulled away and turned his look on me. “Just be happy, Silke. You deserve it.”

  My heart ached. “You’re such a good guy. I never deserved you.”

  “I don’t agree with that,” he said. “While our relationship didn’t work and ended in heartbreak, I certainly don’t regret it. Nor will I ever.”

  “I don’t regret it either.”

  He cupped my face and kissed my forehead. “Go, Silke. Your life is waiting for you.” He gave me one final look before he moved down the hallway and took the stairs.

  I stayed in place, listening for his footsteps until they faded. After I took a deep breath, I headed back to my apartment, feeling better and worse at the same time. When I walked inside, Arsen was sitting on the couch alone. His hand rested on his chin and he stared at the floor.

  I shut the door behind me, and he stirred at the sound.

  He stood up and faced me. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry Abby opened the door…she’s in timeout.”