If Loving You Is Wrong Read online

  “I think it’ll be fun. I love snowboarding. None of that pretentious skiing bullshit.”

  I didn’t give a damn about whether he preferred skiing or snowboarding. “I’m surprised my dad hasn’t called me.”

  “I’m sure he will.”

  “Well, thanks.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded then headed to the front door. “Cay, you want my advice?”

  “Not even a little bit,” I blurted.

  “You’re going to get it anyway,” he said. “Chicks are always wrong. But always let them think they’re right.” He walked out and shut the door behind him.

  I thought about his words for a long time after he left. Maybe he understood women more than I gave him credit for. I tested my bedroom door again when my father called.

  “Hey, Son.”

  “Hey, Dad.”

  He knew something was off. “Everything okay?”

  I didn’t want to talk about Skye right now. “I just fixed my bedroom door and I’m a little tired from it.”

  “What happened?”

  “Since you’re a computer geek, you wouldn’t understand.”

  “Very funny,” he said sarcastically. “So, how’s school?”

  “Boring.”

  “And your lovely girlfriend?”

  “She’s lovely—like usual.”

  “Give her a kiss for me, please—on the cheek. None of that face-sucking stuff.”

  “Sure, Dad.” I just wanted to get off the phone.

  “We’re skiing this weekend. Everyone is going. You’re coming, right? Your mother and I would love to spend time with you.”

  Since Skye and I were going through a hard time, I didn’t want the added pressure of family. But I couldn’t think of a way to wiggle out of this one. “Sure.”

  “Great. We’ll see you on Friday.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Okay, kid. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Bye, Dad.”

  “Bye, Son. I love you.”

  “I love you too.” I quickly hung up then shoved the phone into my pocket. Then I sat down on the couch and stared at the blank TV screen. I wanted Skye to call me but she never did. I guess I would have to keep waiting.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Skye

  Five days had passed without speaking or seeing Cayson. I was starting to go through withdrawals. I missed my best friend. I missed looking at his ridiculously perfect face. His lips were unbelievably tasty. His hands fit my hips perfectly. I missed talking to him. Did he miss me?

  But I was still so pissed at him.

  I couldn’t believe he deliberately went behind my back and pulled that stunt. And to make it worse, he wasn’t even going to tell me about it. If he didn’t get caught, I never would have known. I knew I was headstrong and stubborn, but I was particularly passionate about this subject.

  We were going skiing in a few days with my family, and with the drama going on with Cayson, I knew I wouldn’t have a good time. How would we act? Would we tell everyone we were fighting? Or would we pretend that nothing was going on?

  Every time I was in the library, I hoped Cayson would stop by. He never did. Clearly, he was as pissed as I was. When I was home in the evenings, I always listened for a knock on my door. It never came. And my hand was glued to my phone, waiting for it to ring. It never did.

  “Just talk to him,” Trinity said. “You’re being a big fat baby over this.”

  “Big fat baby?” I asked.

  “Yes.” She gave me a hard look. “It would be different if Cayson was trying to purposely hurt you but he’s not. He was just looking out for you.”

  “He of all people should know how I feel about this.”

  “Which only proves how much he loves you,” she snapped. “He was willing to piss you off in order to keep you safe. That’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Trinity, just stay out of it.”

  “If you lose him, I will beat you up, Skye.”

  I gave her an incredulous look.

  “I mean it. He’s my family too, Skye. Just because we’re related by blood, doesn’t make me more loyal to you. If you hurt Cayson, I’ll hurt you.”

  “I can’t believe you’re taking his side.”

  “I can’t believe you aren’t.” She grabbed her bag and stormed off. “Pull your head out of your ass, Skye.”

  I growled then tried to focus on my textbook. But that was pretty much impossible.

  Slade dropped into the seat across from me.

  “Go away. I’m not in the mood to even look at you.”

  He had a serious look on his face. “Then I’ll make this quick.”

  The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Cayson’s best friend. “What?”

  His eyes appeared lifeless and dull. He seemed sad and torn apart. “I just wanted to give you a heads up. I told Cayson I wouldn’t say anything but I’m going to.”

  What was he talking about?

  “Cayson doesn’t think this relationship is going to work. He says he loves you like crazy but you’re too headstrong for him. He understands you don’t want anyone to take care of you, but he hates how difficult it is. He thinks it’s best if he ends it now before it gets worse…and you can’t be friends again.”

  My hands started to shake and I felt my heart fall into my stomach. It was a deathblow. I couldn’t live without him. I just couldn’t. When I suggested breaking up a few days ago, I didn’t mean it. Cayson was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I couldn’t let him go.

  Slade stood up again. “Since you’re my cousin, I wanted to make sure you were prepared.” He walked away without another word.

  Fuck, I had to talk to Cayson.

  I left the library then walked outside. When I looked at the time, I realized he just finished his class. He normally went to the library, but since he wasn’t going there, he was probably going to his apartment. Or he would be with Slade but he clearly wasn’t. I walked over there as fast as my short legs would carry me.

  I was still pissed off at him for what he did, but I could let it go as long as I got to keep him. There was so much goodness to our relationship. Nothing was worth losing that bliss. He made me happier than I ever thought I could be. The idea of him being with someone else was sickening. It would be torture.

  I arrived at his apartment and slammed my fist into the door, impatient. He opened it a moment later, his eyes guarded and his jaw clenched tight. He didn’t speak, just staring me down like he loathed me.

  Tears sprang from my eyes and I moved into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” I squeezed him hard, never wanting to let go.

  Cayson pulled me inside the apartment then shut the door. Then his hands were on me. He rested his chin on my head then moved his fingers through my hair. He stood there, just holding me.

  “I’m sorry about everything. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t go.”

  “Shh,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I clutched him harder. “I know I can be stubborn and annoying but I’ll work on it. I know in my heart you were just trying to do the right thing for me. I know…”

  “It’s alright, Skye.” His voice was gentle. His fingers soothed me, making me feel calm.

  “Please don’t go. I’ll beg if I have to.”

  “Skye, I would never leave you.”

  I pulled away then looked into his eyes.

  He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears. “Ever.”

  “But Slade told me…”

  His eyes narrowed. “Told you what?”

  “That you were going to leave me…because you were sick of putting up with me.”

  Realization came into his eyes then he sighed. “I never said that, Skye. Slade must have said that to get us back together.”

  Now I felt like an idiot. But I was so relieved Cayson wasn’t leaving me that I didn’t care about my premature apology. “Tha
t jackass.”

  He smirked. “He’s spent the week with me and he knew how upset I was. I’m sure he was just eager to get us back together.”

  “That’s really sweet…but pisses me off at the same time.” I wiped my tears away then chuckled.

  “He’s a jerk but he has a heart of gold.”

  “Apparently…”

  He looked down at me. “Does that mean you’re going to walk out again?”

  “No…I miss you.”

  He sighed. “God, I miss you too.”

  “I’m sorry, Cayson. I just don’t want to get my father involved in anything. It’s really important to me.”

  “I know, baby. I never would have done it if I didn’t have to.”

  I was scared to ask my next question. “What did he do to Zack?”

  “He just scared him a little bit then had two guys tail him everywhere he went. I’m sure Zack is scared to death to be seen within a hundred feet of you. He won’t bother you anymore, Skye.”

  That kind of protection was excessive but at least they didn’t hurt Zack. And I didn’t have to deal with him anymore. “Okay.”

  He cupped my cheek. “So…are we okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry about everything I said.”

  His eyes turned serious. “I never want you to say that to me again. And if you say it, make sure you really mean it. Because there’s nothing worse you can do to hurt me.”

  I felt lower than dirt. “I’m sorry. I was just angry.”

  “That’s no excuse.”

  “I know…it won’t happen again.”

  “Good.”

  I was feeling worse by the second. “I’m sorry I keep messing this up. I’m not doing it on purpose.”

  “It’s okay.” He kissed my forehead. “It’s water under the bridge.”

  “You always say that.”

  “With you, it’ll always be water under the bridge.”

  I held him close and cherished the moment. He was still mine. I didn’t mess this up too badly.

  “Are you going skiing this weekend?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Are you?”

  “Like my parents would let me say no,” he said with a laugh.

  “It should be fun.”

  “It’ll be a lot more fun without us fighting.”

  “Well, there is one good thing about fighting…”

  “What?” He held me close.

  “Make up sex.”

  His eyes sparkled. “I do like sex—any sex—with you.”

  “Well, let me make up for my behavior.”

  “That sounds like a good idea.”

  ***

  We piled our belongings into my SUV.

  “Trinity, why do you always need to pack so much shit?” Conrad snapped. He tried shoving her final bag into the pile but it wouldn’t fit.

  “Because we’re going skiing for four whole days.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her brother. “I need clothes.”

  “If you donated your wardrobe to a charity, they would have enough clothes to wear a different outfit every day for a year.” Conrad tried to push the bag in again. It still wouldn’t fit. It kept falling off. He dropped it on the ground. “Trinity, it’s not coming.”

  “Find a place for it,” she snapped.

  He looked at her like she was crazy. “It. Won’t. Fit.”

  “Rearrange the bags,” she said.

  “You rearrange the fucking bags,” Conrad snapped.

  Cayson kept his arm around my waist. “This will be a fun trip…”

  Slade sighed then approached the back of the SUV. He pulled all the bags out and dropped them on the ground then started to rearrange them like a puzzle.

  I shared a shocked look with Trinity. Roland looked at Conrad like he just saw a snake with wings. Cayson stared at Slade like he’s never seen him before.

  Slade managed to fit in every single bag. Not an inch of space was unutilized. The luggage was packed so high Roland wouldn’t be able to see in his rearview mirror but everything was there.

  Slade wiped his hands on his jeans. “Now shut up so we can get on the road.” He wore a t-shirt and jeans. His breath came out as vapor against the cold.

  Trinity looked at Slade but didn’t say anything. It seemed like a silent conversation passed between them.

  Did I just see that?

  I must be seeing things.

  “I sincerely hope you brought a jacket,” Roland said. “Remember, we’re going skiing.”

  “Snowboarding,” Slade snapped. “And I don’t fall so I don’t need a jacket.”

  I knew where this was going. I decided to stop the argument before it started. “Where’s Silke?”

  “She’s riding with Theo and Thomas,” Slade answered. “She had something to do this morning.”

  “Oh. I just saw her the other day and she didn’t mention that,” I said.

  “Not my problem,” Slade said. “Now let’s get on the road before it gets dark. I don’t trust Roland’s driving.”

  “I’m a fantastic driver,” Roland argued.

  “In the snow, no one’s a fantastic driver,” Slade said. He walked to the side of the SUV then got in.

  “Alright, let’s head out,” Conrad said.

  Roland got behind the wheel and Conrad sat beside him.

  I moved to the back seat and scooted over so Cayson could sit beside me. Trinity moved to the middle row and sat by the window. When Slade got inside, he glanced back and forth between the empty seats next to Cayson and Trinity.

  I assumed he would sit next to Cayson because he despised Trinity. It was weird to watch him debate it.

  “I don’t want to watch you guys make out for the whole drive.” Slade took the spot next to Trinity and faced forward.

  Trinity looked at him then stared out the window.

  That was not the choice I expected him to make.

  Roland left the city then got onto the highway. He turned on the radio but kept it low. He and Conrad talked about sports and a few girls they met at a bar.

  Cayson put his arm around my shoulder and moved closer to me, his leg touching mine. With his other hand, he grabbed mine and caressed my knuckles. “What should we do on the drive?”

  I gave him a knowing look.

  “Okay, not that,” he blurted.

  I smirked. “What do you want to do?”

  “I brought a deck of cards.”

  “We can play that.”

  “Okay.” Cayson dug into his bag and pulled out the deck.

  I stared at the back of Slade’s head, noticing his gaze pointed toward his lap. Trinity was doing the same, clearly reading something. I sat forward and looked over the seat. They were both reading books.

  What the hell? “Slade, you read?”

  He flinched at my words. “What’s it to you?” Aggression was in his voice.

  “You don’t strike me as the reading type,” I said.

  “Well, I am.” He turned his gaze back to his book. “Now mind your own business.”

  “You’re one to talk. You lied to me and told me Cayson was going to leave me.”

  “You’re welcome, by the way,” Slade snapped. “I just saved you a month of fighting over something so stupid. If you ask me, Cayson should leave you. He’s the best damn boyfriend on the planet. Maybe you should appreciate him once in a while.”

  “Word,” Roland said from the driver’s seat.

  “Ditto,” Trinity added.

  “Yep,” Conrad said.

  I sighed in annoyance. “Don’t gang up on me, alright?”

  “You fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us,” Conrad said.

  “I’m your cousin,” I argued.

  “Well, Cayson is my brother.” Conrad looked out the window.

  I hated being singled out. “Whatever…”

  Slade read his book again.

  I looked at the title. “The Odyssey?” I didn’t expect Slade to read at all, let alone an epic Greek novel.


  “What?” he snapped. “I’m a history major. It makes sense for me to read this.” He sounded defensive.

  “That’s Greek mythology,” I argued.

  “Based on historical events,” he snapped.

  I turned to Trinity. “Isn’t that your favorite book?”

  She flipped a page in her book. “It’s an odd coincidence…”

  “Can you leave us the fuck alone now?” Slade snapped. “Give your boyfriend a handy in the backseat.”

  Roland swerved slightly. “Please don’t.”

  I leaned back against the seat and ignored Slade.

  Cayson passed out the cards. “Ready to lose?”

  “How about we just make out instead?”

  His eyes darkened at the idea.

  Roland swerved again. “Please don’t.”

  Cayson returned to the cards. “Let’s just play instead.”

  I sighed then gathered my cards. “I’m going to beat you this time.”

  “I’ll let you win a few times.” He gave me a smirk then played the game.

  ***

  “Is this it?” Conrad stared at the wooden cottage. Lights were bright in every window. Snow was piled on the roof and the road. The lawn was completely white, covered with powder.

  “It’s a fucking mansion,” Roland said.

  “Well, there will be twenty people staying there,” Trinity said.

  “Check the address again,” Roland said.

  Conrad looked at his phone. “They match.”

  I looked through the window. “I see my mom’s car.”

  “Alright.” Roland drove over the snow then found a spot to park.

  Trinity stared out the window. “It’s beautiful.”

  Slade stared out the window too but held his comment. No smartass words came out.

  “How’s this going to work?” I asked Cayson.

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “How are we going to sleep together?” I asked. “Are you going to sneak into my room?”

  He stared at me like I was crazy. “Is that a joke?” he blurted. “I’m not sleeping with you when your dad is around. I don’t need a pistol blowing my brains out.”

  I rolled my eyes. “My dad loves you, Cayson.”

  “A father’s love for his daughter makes him blind to everything else.”

  “He’s not stupid. He must know we sleep together.”