Stars On Fire Read online

  Torpedo rolled over and stayed asleep.

  She sighed then lay down again. “Did he wake you?”

  “No. Can’t sleep.”

  She snuggled into my side, hooking her arm around my waist and placing her cheek on my shoulder. “Why? Is it because he snores like a bear?”

  I chuckled. “No.”

  “Then what’s on your mind?”

  “Just thinking about the schematics I had to go over. I’m not familiar with the rover program because a different team of engineers worked on it. So, I’ve had to do all the research and go over the manuals they have. There’re a few other things I have to do in preparation for the mission, and I can’t stop thinking about it…”

  “Sounds stressful.”

  I shrugged. “If it’s not stressful, it’s not interesting.”

  “God, you’re a weirdo,” she said with a laugh. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Neil.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Is Hyde going with you?”

  I shook my head. “No…unfortunately. He’s scheduled to leave at a later time, when I was supposed to leave originally. But they moved up my mission, so we won’t be on the moon together.”

  “I’m sure there will be another time.”

  “Yeah…it just makes the whole thing a bit lonely.”

  “Can you talk to your family when you’re gone?”

  “I send videos to my mom, but we can’t talk in real time. And my mom doesn’t usually send anything back, so I don’t hear from her.”

  “Because she can’t figure out the electronics?”

  “No…it’s her way of protesting.”

  She rolled her eyes. “They really need to let this go. You obviously aren’t going to change your mind, and something terrible might happen and they could lose the opportunity to talk to you one last time. It’s ridiculous.”

  He shrugged. “My mother lost the love of her life… I understand.”

  “But still, it’s your life.”

  “Maybe being unattached makes it easier for her. Maybe she’s always preparing for my death, so it’s easier to tolerate.”

  “That’s dark…”

  “People cope with stress in different ways. That’s how my mom copes with this.”

  She hugged my waist and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “Well, I know you’re going to come back, Neil. You’re the smartest man I’ve ever met. I have complete faith in you.”

  Great astronauts had died because of incidents that were out of their control. Tanks burst, pressures were switched, system failures occurred…all things that had nothing to do with them. Sometimes you just had to hope that everything would go right. Everything didn’t go right for my father…and he died far too young. “Thank you…” I didn’t voice any of this to her. I didn’t want to worry her when she was so positive. She was the only person in my life who was positive at all. I didn’t want to ruin that.

  She tucked her leg between my knees. “Now go to sleep, Commander. We’ve both got work in the morning.”

  14

  CHARLOTTE

  BOXES WERE PILED around my apartment because I already prepared for the move. My lease had been month-to-month, so my landlord knew I was moving out in a couple of weeks. All that was left was for Torpedo and me to gather our things before we moved in to Neil’s beautiful home. Vic and Kyle would help me move all the big furniture, but the small boxes of dishes and clothes were easy to manage on my own.

  I sat on the couch and watched TV, Torpedo lying on his blanket beside me—even though he didn’t lie there when I wasn’t home. I’d worked a twelve-hour shift, and I was exhausted from being on my feet all day. The second I came home, I made a snack and crashed on the sofa.

  My phone started to ring, Neil’s name on the screen.

  I stared at his name for a while, noting the way an uncontrollable smile crept across my lips. He always made me feel high, even when he wasn’t around. A good feeling blossomed in my stomach, and I was instantly happy, soaring in the clouds. I took his call. “How’s it going, Space Boy?”

  “Space boy?” he asked incredulously. “Did you just call me Space Boy?”

  “You call me Slurpee.”

  “But that’s cute. Calling a grown-ass man a boy is the opposite of cute.”

  “That’s true… You are all man.”

  “Damn right.” The smile was in his voice. “What are you guys doing?”

  “Torpedo was taking a nap until you called. Now he’s staring at me like he recognizes your voice.”

  “Smart dog.”

  “I don’t think smart dogs snore…”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, that takes some getting used to. I usually sleep alone, but now I’ve got two bodies to share the bed with.”

  “You’ve never shared the bed with two other bodies before?” I asked, dead serious.

  Neil took a long time to respond to the question. A really long time. “Want to have dinner with me tonight?”

  “Sly…change the subject.”

  Neil still didn’t give in. “How about that nice steak house a few blocks from your place? Charlie’s?”

  “That place is a little fancy.”

  “So? I can’t take you out to a fancy place?”

  “You’re welcome to do whatever you want, but you’re already getting sex from me. You don’t need to buy me a nice meal.”

  “But I want to. So, is that a yes?”

  Neil was a dream come true, a hunk who never disappointed. Too bad this would only last another week…and then we would just be friends. The next woman who replaced me would be thrilled to be with Neil Crimson…and then be heartbroken when he moved on. He would break a lot of hearts in his lifetime. “It’s a hell yeah.”

  “Great. I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes.”

  I WAS on a date with Neil Crimson—in public.

  Of course, the waiter and other guests recognized him, so we got a free bottle of wine and free appetizers. Some people came over to snap a few pictures and asked him to sign their cocktail napkins.

  Even though these strangers interrupted our dinner, Neil was nice about it. When a little boy came over, Neil took a few pictures with him and gave him a pep talk about being whatever he wanted to be when he grew up.

  When people finally left him alone, we resumed our dinner.

  Neil pretended like the disruption never happened. “What are you getting?” He was in a gray collared shirt and dark jeans, his shoulders so broad and so sexy. He had the nicest arms, long and muscled, and the black watch on his wrist was a functional accessory. It wasn’t an expensive or fancy piece of jewelry even though he could afford one, and I liked that. His beard was freshly shaved, and his eyes looked so pretty in the dim lighting. He was such a good-looking guy…he didn’t seem real.

  “Hmm…I think the rib eye. What about you?”

  “I can’t decide to between the prime rib and the salmon.”

  “I won’t judge you for your selection, but who goes to a steak house and orders fish?”

  “That’s a very good point.” He put his menu aside and took a drink of his red wine. “Besides, this will go better with steak.” He swirled the contents and then took another drink.

  “So…does that happen to you a lot?”

  “What? When I can’t decide between steak and fish?”

  “Come on, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

  He smiled slightly and shrugged. “Pretty often, yeah.”

  “Does it bother you?”

  He swirled his wine again and stared at the contents as he considered his response. After a slight shrug, he spoke. “There are times when I want to go to a store anonymously, but I always remember that being an astronaut is my dream for a reason…and it’s probably other people’s dream as well. It’s important to inspire people, to give a reason for people to be interested in space, engineering, and science in general. We don’t have enough people as it is, and we need to recruit as many as possible. Maybe that little boy
will be a chemist who invents something essential for life on another planet…or this planet. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how much we impact each other’s lives. We should always strive to make those impacts positive. So, if I’m having a bad day when someone walks up to me, I force myself to smile, to give that person a good experience, and hope that the interaction will do some good.”

  I was mesmerized by his answer, but I wanted to break the tension since he seemed uncomfortable with the topic. “And I’m sure it’s nice to get free booze and food.”

  He smiled. “It’s not the worst thing…”

  “I’ll never be an astronaut, but you’ve definitely inspired me.”

  His eyes softened slightly, like the comment actually meant something to him. When we’d first met, he was difficult to read, but now that I knew him so well, I could practically read his mind. I understood when my words touched him.

  “It’s an honor to know you. And it’s a bigger honor to call you my friend.”

  He smiled slightly, but his eyes showed the most emotion. They filled with affection, and he took a deep breath as his back straightened. He eventually dropped his gaze, took a drink, and then looked at me again. “I’m glad you’re my friend too, Charlotte.”

  “DAMN, THIS IS GOOD STEAK.” I cut into another piece and set it on my tongue. “So juicy. So flavorful. Vic is awesome with the grill, but not this awesome.”

  “I’ll tell him you said that.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.” I put another piece into my mouth.

  Neil and I had never shared a meal out before, so I’d never seen him enjoy his food. He had impeccable manners, ate slowly, and was perfect company. Sometimes Kyle inhaled his food when we went out, but that was because he was starving all the time. “You better put out tonight. Otherwise, I’ll blab your secret.”

  “I was gonna put out anyway because of this amazing dinner.”

  He chuckled. “So, not just because you wanted to?”

  I shrugged. “I definitely wanted to…but now I want to go the extra mile.”

  “What’s the extra mile?”

  “You know…lingerie…a strip show.”

  He was about to bring his fork to his mouth to take another bite, but he stilled because he focused on my words. Then he dropped his fork and raised his hand in the air. “Check, please.”

  I laughed and kept eating. “Nope. I’m not going anywhere until this is all gone.”

  “Then eat fast.” He grabbed his fork and kept eating.

  I sat across from this wonderful man and enjoyed our meal, feeling so comfortable with him, it was like hanging out with Stacy or Kyle. It seemed like we’d known each other forever, that this was so natural, we were meant to be together. I was deeply attracted to this man, but there was definitely something more substantial between us besides lust. I respected him…and he respected me.

  But all my joy disappeared from the room.

  Cameron entered the restaurant and was guided to a table by the host. The table was close to us, but he hadn’t noticed me yet. His eyes were glued to the beautiful woman beside him, the only thing that mattered to him. He pulled out the chair for her, took her hand to help her get into the seat, and then helped her scoot in.

  Because she was pregnant.

  My heart plummeted out of my chest, my stomach tightened with a painful cramp, and both my legs went numb. My fingertips suddenly felt hot, like I was touching a scorching pan on the stove. Heat rose into my cheeks like I’d had too much to drink.

  “Hyde said we should go on a double date again. He said Jane really liked you.”

  I didn’t hear a word he said because I couldn’t stop staring. I couldn’t stop staring at the woman sitting across from Cameron, the pretty brunette with a stomach so big she couldn’t even scoot her chair all the way toward the table. She had to be at least eight months pregnant, so large that she could go into labor any minute.

  The room started to spin. My lungs stopped working. Anxiety, panic, and terror all gripped me by the chest. There wasn’t enough Ativan in the world to calm me. There wasn’t enough medication to dull the pain that throbbed in every nerve in my body. I remembered all the doctor visits, all the tests I had to take to understand what the problem was. With every passing month, Cameron grew more disappointed, grew more distant. He’d given up on me long before he asked for a divorce.

  He’d fucked someone else—behind my back.

  He’d disrespected our marriage even when it wasn’t officially over. When I was crying in my truck on my lunch break, he’d already moved on to someone else. He already knew he wanted to be with someone else before he even left me. The second he didn’t get what he wanted…he found someone who could make it happen.

  When I didn’t say anything, Neil kept staring at me. “Slurpee?”

  Traumatized by what I was seeing, I couldn’t look away. It was my biggest nightmare, a painful dream that wouldn’t stop even though I was wide awake. All the pain I felt during our divorce came back to me—but it was a million times worse.

  I couldn’t believe this was real.

  He was having a kid—with someone else.

  Having a family had been my dream too…but he’d made it into a nightmare.

  Neil turned his gaze to their table, wanting to know what stole my complete attention. He stared for several seconds, probably recognizing Cameron from the house. He slowly turned back to me with a tight jaw and closed eyes.

  Our dinner was ruined because I couldn’t eat another bite. I felt sick to my stomach.

  I wanted to cry…and never stop.

  “Let’s go.” Neil pulled out his wallet.

  “No, I’m fine…” I didn’t want to sit there and watch them have dinner together. I didn’t want to stare at her pregnant belly and feel the rage burn in my throat. But I wanted to hold my head high and pretend it didn’t bother me. I didn’t want to be the one to leave, to let his presence affect my evening. But I wouldn’t be able to stop staring. I wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with Neil like everything was alright.

  He put a stack of bills on the table. “You aren’t alright. And it’s okay to not be alright.” He rose from his chair and came to my side of the table.

  I was embarrassed that I’d been married to Cameron. Did Neil think I was stupid? Did Neil think I’d married the biggest asshole in the world?

  He grabbed my hand and gave me a gentle tug.

  I rose to my feet, feeling so weak I thought I might fall over.

  Cameron was having a baby…with someone else.

  I’d always thought I would have his baby.

  Neil pulled me to my feet and wrapped his strong arm around my waist. He stayed on the outside, being closer to Cameron so I wouldn’t have to be. He blocked me with his large size, hiding me from view.

  I was certain Cameron didn’t see me. Even if Neil weren’t there, he probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway. His attention was locked on to the woman he was with, the mother of his child. He’d probably wanted my ring back so he could pawn it and buy her something.

  She was the woman he’d always wanted—and I was a mistake.

  Neil got me outside and walked me to the Range Rover. He kept his arm around me and held me close. He didn’t fill the silence with conversation, and he didn’t do something stupid like ask how I felt in that moment.

  It was obvious how I felt.

  He opened the passenger door for me.

  I was numb, so I went where he directed me. I felt the vehicle shake when he closed the door, felt the air hit my face once he started the engine. The only reason I put on my safety belt was because the vehicle wouldn’t stop beeping until I did. “Please take me home…” Normally, we would go to his place for awesome sex. But all I wanted to do was slip into my bed and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.

  Neil did as I asked. “Of course.”

  I GOT out of the vehicle the second he pulled into the parking spot. I headed to the sidewalk and then into the lobby. />
  Neil caught up with me once he turned off the engine.

  I didn’t look at him as I pressed the button for the elevator. “Thank you for dinner and for bringing me home. But I just want to be alone right now…” I kept a straight face because I was controlling my emotions with all the energy I had. But once the door was shut and I had my privacy, I would hug my dog and cry into his fur. I wasn’t the strong person I was pretending to be at that moment. I was heartbroken…and sick.

  Neil stayed with me. When the doors opened, he stepped inside.

  I joined him. “I mean it…I just want to be by myself.” I leaned against the wall, staying far away from him even though he wasn’t my enemy. He wasn’t the asshole who betrayed me. He was an amazing guy.

  He didn’t say anything.

  The doors opened and I walked down the hallway, hearing him behind me. He probably wanted to walk me to my door, make sure I got inside okay. That was the kind of man he was…a gentleman.

  I got the door unlocked and walked in. “I’ll see you later.” Before I shut the door, he slipped inside. “Neil, I’m not trying to be a jerk but—”

  “I’m not leaving.” He faced me with his hands in his pockets. “I just saw a good friend of mine get hit by a train. I want to be there for you, even if that means we just sit in silence until tomorrow morning.” He stepped closer to me, his eyes even more beautiful when they were filled with concern. “I can get Stacy or Kyle over here if that makes you feel better…and then I’ll leave. But I’m not letting you sit in this apartment alone.”

  “Honestly, I just want to get in bed and cry. I can’t do that with you here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because…I just don’t want to.”

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed to cry in front of me.”

  “It’s weak…”

  He stepped closer to me, his hand moving to my elbow. His thumb gently brushed against my skin. “Who told you that?”

  “No one… I just don’t cry in front of people.”