You Have My Heart Read online

  “No, I’ve never had my heart broken.” I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Finding a guy I was genuinely attracted to was almost impossible. There was always something I didn’t like about them. Ironically, Arsen had a million qualities I didn’t like, but I was still drawn to him like no one else.

  “Really?” He seemed incredulous.

  “Really.”

  “I don’t mind being a heartbreaker, but I really don’t want to be the first one to break yours.” He said it in a serious and threatening way. He turned his blue eyes on me, searching me.

  “A true jerk wouldn’t care to begin with.”

  “Maybe I’m not the worst guy out there, but I’m certainly not the best. Either way, we both know how this ends. Yet, you keep coming back for more.”

  “Maybe I think there’s more to be had.” I tapped the bar. “Another.”

  The bartender passed us two more shots.

  Arsen drank his without thinking twice about it.

  I did the same.

  “Silke, there’s not.” He gave me a firm look. “You should find a nice guy who treats you right. That’ll never be me.”

  Why couldn’t it be? “Maybe you should try to be that guy.”

  He looked away. “No. Sorry.”

  I hated myself for being so infatuated with him. In the back of my mind, I knew this relationship was suicide. But in the back of my heart, I hoped he would change for me, that something would happen between us to make him realize he couldn’t be without me, and that if I walked away, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

  Unable to look at him, I stared at two men who were throwing darts. In my periphery, I saw Arsen staring at my face. He was trying to be discreet about it but I noticed. He was a paradox. He said the most hurtful things but did the sweetest things at the same time.

  “Want to play pool?” he asked.

  “Why not?” I left the bar then grabbed a pool stick.

  He grabbed his then set the game. After he broke, he dropped in a solid. “You’re stripes, beauty.”

  “Alright, beast.” They were playful nicknames we had for each other. He was pretty on the outside, but on the inside, he was an ass—hence, beast. He dubbed me as beauty, saying I had the looks and grace of a queen.

  I didn’t agree with it, but it was nice to hear him say it anyway.

  We spent the next hour playing until we were down to the last few balls.

  “You’re the best girl pool player I know.” He bent at the hip and lined up his shot.

  “No, I’m one of the best pool players you know—not the best girl pool player. Knock that sexist shit off.”

  He chuckled lightly then made the shot. “My apologies…”

  The ball went in the hole.

  Arsen whistled. “It’s getting close…”

  I walked to my ball and studied it.

  Arsen stood behind me then forced me to bend over. He held the stick over my hands, guiding me. I knew how to play and so did he. He was doing this for an entirely different reason.

  “Keep your elbow back.” His lips were at my ear, warm and inviting. “Now line up the shot.” He pressed against my backside, his erection noticeable.

  “I know how to play, Arsen.” I kept up my indifference even though I loved anytime his body was close to mine.

  “I know.” He pushed against me again. “Just trying to help.” He stepped back, taking his warmth with him.

  I made the shot and sunk the ball in the pocket. “You got some competition, Arsen.”

  “I’ve always had competition.” He gave me a wink then approached the eight ball. “But this is where I win.” He held his stick and prepared to hit the ball.

  I walked around him then stood behind him.

  “You looking at my ass, beauty?”

  “Maybe…”

  He chuckled then pulled back his elbow.

  Just as he was going to sink the ball, I grabbed his ass and squeezed.

  His stick went sideways and his ball rolled the opposite way he was aiming. He turned around and gave me a playful glare. “That was cheap.”

  “All is fair in love and war.”

  He grabbed my ass and pulled me close against him. “You want me to take you right here on this pool table? I will.”

  “I. Dare. You.” I met his gaze with my own, unflinching and unafraid.

  A grin spread his lips. “You drive me crazy, beauty.”

  “Likewise.”

  He tossed his stick on the table. “Let’s go.”

  “We haven’t finished the game.”

  “I’ll let you have this one.” He leaned close to me, his cologne evident. “We both know I would have won anyway.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bar.

  ***

  One hand was wrapped around my waist while he rocked into me. His face was pressed to mine. He watched the redness flush my face as I bit my lip, stifling my moans so I didn’t piss off his neighbors. I gripped his shoulder and dug my nails into the skin.

  He brushed his lips past mine, teasing me while he groaned and moved inside me. “Beauty…”

  My lips found his and I gave him a long and hot kiss. The physical chemistry between us was volatile and explosive. I’d never felt the same passion with anyone else. Arsen excited me in a profound way. Just a look made me simmer and groan. I knew he felt the way I did, felt the connection between us that expanded past the physical act of lust.

  “Arsen…” My nails were digging him into so hard they almost drew blood.

  He kissed my neck as he continued to move into me. He removed his hand from my waist then gripped one thigh, feeling the smoothness of my legs. His nose was near my ear and I could hear him breathing hard, an occasional moan escaping his lips. The sound excited me just as much as what he was doing to me.

  “Come on, beauty…” He thrust into me, making the bed shake. “You’re almost there.” He stared into my eyes, the dark look overcoming his features.

  My body clenched up at his words. He was awesome in bed, but he highlighted his moves with words that made my spine shake. Only he could say things like that and pull it off. The fact he knew the moment I was going to explode before it actually happened was a testament to his skills. With him, I always felt comfortable. I could be open with my sexuality as well as my feelings. I pressed my face into his shoulder while I held on, biting his skin. One arm was around his shoulder and the other was around his waist. I sank my teeth into his skin while my body shook with the tremors that rocked through me. The dynamite was lit and my skin was burning. A loud moan escaped my lips and I didn’t hide how good the orgasm felt. It was absolutely wonderful. Even after it faded, the aftershocks still lingered on.

  As if he was waiting for just the right moment when I was done, he released a satisfied moan and took his final thrusts inside me. His lips were pressed to my ear, so every sound was amplified. I loved hearing the pleasure in his breath, knowing it was because of me. “Always a pleasure.” He pulled out and disposed the condom. Then he lay in bed beside me.

  He had a small apartment on the bad side of town. Rather than having a big boy job, he paid the bills by illegally growing weed and selling it. He said he refused to work for the man. I knew he was never a guy that I would bring home to my parents, but I still wasted my time with him. I had no idea why.

  There was a lot more to him than he let on. He was smart, really smart, and he was witty and fun. A lively spirit existed inside him. Since he didn’t play by anyone’s rules, he was free, doing what he wanted when he wanted. He had more compassion than most people I knew, but he tried to downplay it in front of other people. He was determined to be as detached as possible, saying he preferred the life of a bachelor. But I didn’t buy that. There was no way we spent so much time together, had such a great time doing absolutely nothing, for him to want someone else. I guess I was reading between the lines rather than listening to the words out of his mouth. One day it would ruin me. But that didn’t keep me away.r />
  He lit a cigarette then handed it to me.

  I took it then inhaled a puff.

  He lit his own then leaned against the headboard, letting the smoke slowly escape his lips. Even when he did that, he looked sexy.

  I wasn’t a regular smoker. I just did it in social situations. It took the edge off, but I never let it turn into an addiction, not the kind I had for Arsen.

  His hand rested on my thigh while he stared at the ceiling. He took another hit then let the smoke dissipate from his lips. “Nothing like a drag after an orgasm.”

  I inhaled mine and remained silent.

  His room was cluttered with random clothes, posters of rock bands, and acoustic and electric guitars. The place was never clean. His kitchen was even worse. Dirty dishes were constantly in the sink, and his refrigerator held food that had been expired for months.

  “Can I sleep here tonight?” I asked. Arsen attested he didn’t do sleepovers. It wasn’t his thing, apparently. But he let me do it.

  “I don’t want to wake up early and drive you back.”

  “Well, do you want to take me now?” I knew the answer even if he didn’t say it.

  “You have a point.”

  “You can stay at my place, you know.” It was hard to get him to stick around.

  “Nothing to do in Cambridge.”

  “There’s nothing to do here,” I argued.

  “I prefer my own bed.”

  I rolled my eyes. He purposely kept his distance from me even though I knew he didn’t want to. I couldn’t figure out why he was the way he was. Sometimes it made my head explode. “I prefer you to sleeping alone.”

  “Don’t they all.” He put his cigarette out in his ashtray.

  “We’ve known each other long enough,” I said. “You should tell me what’s really up with you.”

  “There’s nothing up with me.” Irritation was in his voice.

  “Oh really?” I challenged.

  He flashed me a glare. “Really.”

  I snatched his phone from his nightstand then looked through it.

  “Hey! What the hell are you doing?”

  I flipped through his pictures. Most of them were of his weed plants, motorcycles, and different guitars. But there were a few pictures at the end. “Explain this.”

  His eyes narrowed at the screen then at me. “You had no right to go through my phone.”

  “Explain it,” I pressed.

  He sighed then leaned against the headboard again, lighting another cigarette. “Whatever…”

  “No, not whatever.” I tossed the phone back at him. “You take pictures of me sleeping just because? I don’t see any other girls in there. Just me.” The first time I saw it, it moved me. It was then I realized I meant something to him, that we had a fighting chance.

  He took another drag and held his silence.

  “I see right through you, Arsen. You should just give up.”

  “There’s nothing to see through,” he said with a growl. “What you see is what you get. When will you understand that?”

  I stared at the side of his face, waiting for him to look at me. When he didn’t, I spoke. “When it’s true.”

  Slowly, he turned his head toward me. His eyes gave him away even though he tried to hide it. Adoration and affection shined from deep within his soul. He pretended he was tainted in black, that his soul was charred from his devilish ways, but I knew it was all for show.

  Arsen felt the way I did, had felt that way the moment we met. The longer we spent time together, the truer it became. He refused to be my boyfriend or to make an appearance with my friends and family. But he gave me looks no one else was lucky enough to receive. He told me things he would normally take to the grave. Arsen was a good guy even if he pretended otherwise. And I had fallen for the man underneath the leather jacket.

  He abandoned the argument then seized my wrist. He dragged me across the bed, forcing me onto his chest.

  I smiled in victory, knowing I won the argument and proved my point.

  His arm was around my shoulder, and his fingers dug into my hair. “I don’t know what you see in me, Silke. All I’ll do is ruin you.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  “You can have any man you want. Find a nice guy that has his shit together.”

  “I don’t want a nice guy. I want you.” My arm moved around his waist and I closed my eyes.

  He continued to smoke, his hand moving through my hair. The silence lingered in his bedroom and filled every crevasse. His chest rose and fell, rocking me like a newborn. Being in his arms and enjoying the quiet company was what I longed for all week. He always made me feel alive, made me so happy that I preferred reality instead of dreams.

  And I knew he felt the same way.

  Chapter Three

  Conrad

  Since we were going to a nice place, I discarded my usual attire for something a little more appropriate. I wore dark jeans with a buttoned shirt and black blazer. I knew the chicks would dig it, like usual.

  Theo wore something similar. His black jacket made his blue eyes more noticeable. We definitely turned heads everywhere we went when we didn’t try, but when we put in a little effort, it was like moths to a flame.

  “Remember, we’re nice guys,” Theo reminded me as we walked toward the house.

  “I’m not as forgetful as you think.” I rolled my cuffs then checked my Rolex. “Whom did you hook up with the other night?”

  “Blondie.” He gave me a smirk then wiggled his eyebrows.

  “Was she as annoying as we thought?”

  “Oh yeah,” he said immediately. “But she was a good lay.” He shrugged slightly. “You got to pick your battles.”

  I knew that too well. “How does this speed dating work?”

  Theo stopped in front of the two-story house. The lawn was well kept with beautiful flowers along the house. The paint seemed new. Whoever lived at the place definitely had money. Theo adjusted his tie. “Each girl sits at a different table while the guys hop from one table to the next. We have ten minutes per table.”

  I nodded my head slowly. “Like musical chairs?”

  “If that helps.”

  I put my hands in my pockets. “Well, that’s a nice gig. We only have to deal with the girls for a short period of time. If they’re annoying, we have a good excuse to get away.”

  “Exactly,” he said. “After the speed dating is over, then you can pursue your favorite.”

  “That sounds simple. We should have done this a long time ago.”

  He chuckled. “We’ll see.”

  We walked inside then moved into the living room. The hardwood floors were dark and matched the mahogany furniture. The couches had been pushed to the side and small tables were dispersed everywhere. An open bar was to the right and light jazz played overhead.

  “This place is pretty sweet…” Theo whispered.

  “But where are the girls?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah…forgot about that.” Theo looked around.

  A few guys were near the bar with their drinks. They were all wearing collared shirts and slacks.

  “Are you sure this isn’t speed dating for dudes?” I asked hesitantly.

  “No, I’m pretty sure,” Theo said.

  A woman wearing a black dress came up to us. She had a wide smile and blonde hair. “Are you here for a fun night?”

  Obviously. “Yeah.”

  “Great.” She held out two masquerade masks. “Put these on and the girls will be out in a second.”

  Theo stared at the mask but didn’t take it. Then he raised an eyebrow.

  I stared at them with the same confusion. “Are these party gifts?”

  She laughed. “No, you wear them. This is blind speed dating. That way you get to know the person underneath and not their appearance.”

  I’d been in a situation like this before.

  “Oh…” Theo couldn’t think of much more to say.

  “It’ll be fun.” She put the
mask on Theo then forced the other on me. “And I’m watching the door so you boys don’t try to sneak out.” She pointed her finger at each of us then walked off. Her heels echoed on the hardwood floor.

  I turned to Theo, seeing the black mask that covered his eyes and nose. Only his mouth was visible. It was black with glitter along the sides. A plume feather stuck out. “You look ridiculous.”

  “Purple isn’t your color.”

  I could only imagine how stupid I looked.

  Theo adjusted the mask. “How do we get out of this?”

  I eyed the door, seeing the blonde woman greeting a man. She had our exit covered. “We’re stuck, man.”

  “Isn’t physical attraction important too? This is lame.”

  “Yeah.”

  He sighed. “Such a waste of time.”

  I was equally disappointed. I thought this would be a quick way to find a new girl. Now I would be talking to girls when I had no idea what they looked like. Physical beauty wasn’t the most important thing, but there had to be some sort of attraction for sparks to fly.

  “Alright, the ladies will take their seats and we’ll begin.” The blonde woman stopped in front of the hallway as the girls came out.

  A dozen girls came in and sat down at their own tables. I scanned each one, seeing a lot of curves I liked. Their masks hid most of their features, so I had no idea what their faces looked like. They could be dudes for all I knew.

  The blonde woman clapped. “Here are the rules. Ten minutes per table. You can’t remove your masks for any reason. When the session is over, you can pursue the girl you liked. Alright, let’s get started.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me to a table. “Sit.”

  I did as she commanded then watched Theo move to the table next to mine. He shrugged at me then turned to his date.

  I sighed then looked at the girl across from me. She wore a pink mask that was covered in feathers. Only her lips and eyes were visible. Most of her hair was hidden as well. She wore a black blouse that was imbedded with rhinestones. She seemed thin, but it was difficult to see since the table was in the way.