Stars On Fire Read online

  Getting into the NASA program was nearly impossible. They only took a dozen astronauts every five years or so. Only five hundred people had been to space. There had been more people who won the lottery than actually launched into the sky. I considered it a great honor to be one of those five hundred. I was flattered by her statement but humble enough to change the subject. “Vic is a damn good lawyer. Not too many people would have the balls to open their own practice like that…and be so successful.”

  As if she wasn’t interested in my statement, she didn’t address it. “I have a weird question.”

  “Weird is always good.”

  “Do you believe in aliens?”

  “Believe?” I hated that word. It implied it was based on faith like religion. “I don’t believe anything. However, I think it would be incredibly arrogant to assume we’re the only living things in the universe. Space is so ancient and so large that it’s more unlikely that they don’t exist.”

  “So, you think they are out there?”

  “Definitely. But people have different ideas of what alien means. Alien is just foreign life. That could be bacteria, single-celled organisms, plants.”

  “Okay…do you think highly evolved beings live somewhere in the universe?”

  I didn’t hesitate. “Definitely.”

  “Because the universe is so large and old?”

  “Correct.”

  “All those people who say aliens have visited Earth… What do you think about that?”

  I smiled slightly, finding her interest in the subject endearing. None of the women I slept with asked me questions like this. They usually asked me about my celebrity, about my appearances on late-night talk shows. “I find it extremely unlikely.”

  “Really? There’re so many people coming forward about sightings, even pilots in the military.”

  “Do you believe aliens have visited Earth?”

  She shrugged. “I’ve never had any direct experience myself, so I can’t say. I don’t really have an opinion about it.”

  I liked that answer. “I’m not dismissing their claims. However, people don’t understand just how much distance would need to be covered in order for them to come to Earth. Hypothetically, let’s say these aliens lived in the closest solar system to ours. Alpha Centauri is four light-years away.”

  “Huh? Four what?”

  “Light-years,” I repeated.

  “Sorry…” She chuckled in embarrassment. “What does light-year mean? Like Buzz Lightyear?”

  Now it was my turn to chuckle. “One light-year is the distance you could travel in one year at the speed of light. Distance in space is too vast to measure in any other way, so we use light-years because it’s easier.”

  She nodded slowly. “So, it would take four years to get to Alpha Centauri if we traveled at the speed of light?”

  “Correct. So, if these higher being lived in that solar system, and they had the technology to travel at that speed, it would take them four years just to get here. As far as know, none of the other planets or moons in our solar system have any resources, so where are these aliens refueling? Gathering supplies? They come to Earth, spy on us, and then fly another four years home? They would have to have incredible technology to pull that off.”

  Stunned, she stared at me like her mind had just exploded with information. “People do say that the ships they spot accelerate at crazy speeds…”

  “Alright. For argument’s sake, let’s say they can travel four times the speed of light…it would still take a year to get here. And then another year to return. It’s a big commitment for them just to spy on us.”

  “I guess that’s true. So that means you don’t believe those alien fanatics?”

  “I’m just skeptical because of the math. If these aliens really have the technology to do that…that’s pretty terrifying. There’s nothing our military or any military on the planet can do to protect the human race if they’re hostile.”

  “Why do you assume they’re hostile?”

  “Because every time there’re two cultures combining together, one always devours the other. The English and the Native Americans…the Spanish and the Aztecs…that’s just how it is.”

  “If we had the technology to find new worlds, do you think we would take it from an existing civilization?”

  “In a heartbeat. Come on, we’re overpopulated. We’re ruining our resources. There’s a huge discrepancy in wealth. Finding another habitable place would be ideal. And we would take it to survive…because that’s reality.”

  She propped her chin on her closed fist and stared at me, still interested in this conversation. “I like talking to you about this stuff.”

  “You do?”

  She nodded. “It’s fascinating.”

  No one else liked to talk to me about things like this. My family never asked me very detailed questions about my time in space. They seemed to silently protest my career by refusing to talk about it. It never made me consider quitting the profession, but it did make me feel ostracized from my own family.

  “You know, I’ve never Googled you. Stacy told me to, but I never did.”

  That was a first. “Why?”

  She shrugged. “I wanted to know you, not your Wikipedia page. And I never asked about your job because I assumed you were tired of talking about it. It seems like celebrities don’t want to talk about being famous…same thing.”

  No one had ever been that considerate toward me. “You can ask me anything you want, Slurpee. I like talking to you.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad you’re comfortable with me.”

  “And you can Google me if you want.”

  “I don’t know… I’m afraid I’ll get really intimidated.”

  “No reason to be intimidated. You know me.”

  “I already am a little intimidated. Imagine how I’ll feel if your Google page is ridiculous.”

  It probably was ridiculous. It would include all my awards, my accomplishments in space, my ceremonies with the last two presidents in office, and all my interviews on national TV. “Just remember, I’m the guy who got my wallet chewed up by a dog. I’m the guy who likes red Slurpees.”

  She smiled. “I guess that’s true. Whenever I feel intimidated, I’ll just remember how you look with that red tint on your teeth.”

  “And I’ll remember you with Smurf teeth.”

  She laughed. “Not my finest moment.”

  “But definitely your cutest.”

  Her eyes fell and her smile widened. “You’re sweet.”

  “I’m always sweet because I think you’re sexy.”

  “I have a feeling that isn’t true.” She grabbed her beer and took a drink, her little mouth wrapping around the opening so she could catch the gold liquid down her throat. She took a big sip before she set it down on the table again, drinking like one of the guys at the bar.

  It was hard not to stare at her, not to feel lost in the moment. When I did my spacewalks outside the space station, I always had the crew in my ear, but in the moments of silence, it was so peaceful. When the space station was in orbit above Norway in winter, I could see the northern lights across the surface of our planet. It was so tranquil, so quiet. I could float there forever and just stare.

  That was how I felt now…like I could sit there forever and stare.

  12

  CHARLOTTE

  STACY PUSHED her fork around her salad, picking out the olives. “Ugh, I hate these. Who would want these on their salad?”

  “A lot of people…it’s a Greek salad.”

  “But the olives are pickled. I hate that vinegar taste.”

  “You could just order the salad without them…”

  “Nah, I don’t want to seem picky.” She piled all the olives onto a separate plate.

  “And you don’t think they’ll be annoyed to pick up all those olives when we leave?”

  She stopped to give me a cold glare before she actually took a bite of her salad. “Just leave me be, alrig
ht?”

  “Okay…just trying to help.”

  She took a few bites, her brilliant wedding ring catching the light.

  I still hadn’t given mine back to Cameron. I was being a little stubborn about it.

  “So, Neil leaves in a week. How are you doing?”

  Three months was a long time for him to be gone, but I’d been preparing for his absence since the beginning. He was just a friend…a friend I loved to sleep with. As long as I never got attached, I would never get hurt. And I certainly wasn’t attached. “I’m fine, Stacy. He and I are just friends who hook up.”

  “But if he’s your friend, you must still be worried about him.”

  “Of course. But I know this is what he wants…so I’m happy for him.” I didn’t want him to die, but I knew if that terrible tragedy happened, he wouldn’t change anything that led up to that moment. He found something worth dying for…and that made his life worth living.

  “Vic hates it…so does his mother.”

  Neil’s suspicions were right. “It shouldn’t matter how you guys feel about it. Neil is doing something really amazing, and you should be supportive.”

  “You?” she asked incredulously. “I am supportive.”

  “Neil made it sound like no one in the family even talks about his missions.”

  “Well, Vic doesn’t mention it, so I don’t either.”

  “That’s not being supportive—and you are family.”

  “Look, it’s a sore subject with both Vic and his mother. I’m not making a stand against both of them, especially when we’re starting a family. Nothing I say is gonna change their minds. Why ruffle feathers when it won’t accomplish anything?”

  Hearing Stacy talk about starting a family always made me sad. We’d talked about having our kids at the same time, but when I couldn’t get pregnant, we both took a break. Then I got divorced, and that whole nightmare happened. I always put a smile my face and did my best to seem supportive without thinking about myself. Just because I wouldn’t have that dream didn’t mean I wasn’t happy for her…even though it did bum me out.

  She must have picked up on my change of mood because she turned apologetic. “I’m sorry…”

  “Don’t be, Stacy. I want you and Vic to have lots of beautiful children. I’ll get to be an aunt after all.”

  “I know…but I know it must still hurt.”

  I shrugged. “If I were meant to have children, I would. But obviously, I’m not.”

  “Don’t say that. It’s not true.”

  I’d always wanted to be a mother, and when Cameron and I decided it was time to start trying, I was so excited. I pictured my future children, taking them to get ice cream, to the playground, all the things mothers did with their kids. But that dream would never come true for me. When Cameron left, I gave up on all of that.

  “You can still have children, Charlotte. Not the way you imagined…but it can still happen.”

  I didn’t want to destroy the mood by talking about that sore subject, so I talked about something else. “I know you aren’t going to approve of this, but I’m moving in to Neil’s place while he’s gone.”

  “Whoa…what?” She dropped her fork into her salad bowl, the utensil catching the cushion of the lettuce so it didn’t make a loud noise in the restaurant. “Okay, you need to start at the beginning before my brain explodes.”

  “I told him I was saving up to buy a house, so he suggested I use his place while he’s gone.”

  “Rent-free?” she practically shrieked.

  I nodded. “I’ll pay for the utilities.”

  “Whose idea was this?”

  “You really think I would just ask to crash at his place?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you’re really good in bed.”

  If I were that good in the sack, Cameron wouldn’t have left. “He offered.”

  “Neil Crimson?” she asked incredulously. “The loneliest man on earth?”

  “He’s not lonely.”

  “He likes to travel to space and be stationed on the moon with two other astronauts. That’s the definition of lonely.”

  “You see it as lonely…I see it as brave.”

  She smirked when I defended him. “You’re smitten, aren’t you?”

  “I like Neil a lot, yes. But it’s friendly affection. We talk a lot.”

  “Why do I doubt that?”

  “We do.” We stayed up all night talking just a few days ago. He was fascinating. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, and his answers were always amazing. He was such a sexy man without even trying, such a respectable man. I knew I would never meet anyone else like him. It was an honor to be his friend. “At first I thought it was crazy too, but he said it would be nice to have someone keep an eye on the place.”

  “It’s not like he has any plants to water…”

  “But still. And if I don’t have to pay rent for a few months, that will really help out.”

  “You could have moved in with Kyle at any time if you wanted to save money.”

  Kyle had a house too. He went to school on a grant, so he had a lot more cash saved up than I did. “It would be weird to live with Kyle…”

  “Why? You slept with him.”

  “Yeah, but we’re really good friends. I wouldn’t want to ruin that by infringing on his space. And it’s not even the same thing. I’m not moving in with Neil. I’m just crashing at his place while he’s not there.”

  “You could also move in with me and Vic.”

  “You guys are looking for a new place and starting a family. That’s a terrible idea.”

  “Girl, we could be raising wild gorillas, and you would still be welcome there. We can always make it work.”

  “I know…” My divorce was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, but it also showed me everything I did have. I had friends who would do anything for me, who acted as my crutch to keep me going.

  “Neil must really like you to make an offer like that.”

  “Like I said, we’ve become really close.”

  “I’ve never seen Neil get close to anyone.”

  “That’s because we’re friends. There’s nothing romantic between us, so our affection is real.”

  “Nothing romantic?” she asked. “You’re fucking, aren’t you?”

  “But it’s not romantic. It’s just sex.”

  She picked up her fork and started eating again. “That’s how Vic and I started…and look where we wound up. Happily married and getting nasty every single night.”

  I would never get married again, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be to Neil. He was someone who would always be my friend and nothing more.

  “So, he goes to space for three months, and when he comes back, you’ll start doing it again?”

  “No. We’re just gonna be friends when he gets back. Don’t want to make it messy, you know?”

  “Yeah, that’s true. Seems like you guys have realistic expectations of this whole process. Who knew just hooking up could be so simple?”

  It was simple because I cared about him so much. He was a man I wanted in my life forever…which meant he had to be my friend. Romance didn’t last forever. Vows were easily broken. Love died. But friendship…that was eternal. “Yeah…it’s pretty easy for us.”

  I SAT in my truck with my old wedding ring in a box. I was in the parking lot of my apartment building, the windows down and the engine off because I dreaded what I had to do next. There was no longer any sentimental value attached to the ring. Anytime I looked at it, it only made me sad. I didn’t relive the happy memories of our wedding. Instead, I analyzed the past and wondered if Cameron had ever truly been happy with me. Did his eyes wander? Were there moments when he wished he’d never asked me to be his wife? Did he really leave me because I was barren? Or was that the excuse he was looking for?

  Either way, I was dreading it.

  I needed to hold my head high and seem indifferent. I couldn’t give him any kind of satisfaction at all
, any hint I was still in pain. That made him the victor in the divorce—and me the loser.

  I just didn’t want to face him again, pull up to the house where I used to live and know there was some other woman living there.

  He moved on so damn fast.

  Bastard.

  My phone started to ring, and Neil’s name appeared on the screen. I was in such a foul mood, I almost didn’t answer it, but when I realized he would probably invigorate me, I took the call. “Hey…” My tone was flat, my melancholy loud. With someone else, I could pretend everything was perfectly fine, but I didn’t want to pretend with Neil. It didn’t feel necessary.

  “What’s wrong?” Deep, sexy, and full of masculinity, his voice was so manly. It probably sounded even hotter over the intercom when he was in space communicating with Houston, staying calm even though he was on the verge of death at any moment.

  “It’s a long story…”

  “I love a tale.”

  “Cameron asked for his wedding ring back as you know, so I’m supposed to drive over there and drop it off. But I’m sitting in my truck and staring out the window because the last thing I want to do is see his goddamn face.”

  “Damn, that’s shitty.” He turned quiet, staying on the line with me even when there wasn’t much to say. “You don’t have to give it back to him. It’s cheap that he asked you at all.”

  “But keeping it is petty…and makes it seem like I’m not over everything that happened.”

  “But you aren’t…which is reasonable since it’s only been a couple of months.”

  “Yeah, but I’d rather him not know that.”

  He turned quiet again.

  “I don’t even know why he wants it back. It’s not like he needs it to buy another ring. I mean, it’s only been a few months since we got divorced. It’s not like he’s ready to get married again.” Or maybe I was wrong…and Cameron was really that big of an asshole.

  “It doesn’t matter why he wants it back. Whatever the reason, it’s cowardly.”

  Cameron was such a douchebag, but he hadn’t always been that way. He had been a loving and good husband. It was terrifying to think he flipped one day. What if Vic did the same thing to Stacy in a couple of years? “Well, I should get going…” The longer I sat in my truck, the longer I would think about him, and that was wasted time I would never get back. “I’ll come by afterward if I’m feeling up to it.”