When We Break Read online

  Why couldn’t I catch a break?

  ***

  The funeral arrived but I was already too numb to feel anything. I said goodbye to my mom when she died right beside me. I held her hand to the very end, feeling it turn cold the second her spirit died. Everything else was just for tradition.

  I didn’t expect anyone to show up. Other than Levi and I, there really was no one else who knew her. But then again, I really didn’t know her all that well. Maybe she had a knitting class or friends from the bowling alley.

  I didn’t have a clue.

  When I arrived at the gravesite, Levi was already there. He wore a black suit and matching tie. His face was free of tears. Perhaps he shed them all in the past few days.

  Abby and Silke were with me, and I held Abby’s hand as we approached the gravesite. Mom had a nice mahogany coffin with white gold trimming. She didn’t have an open casket viewing for the memorial. Neither Levi nor I wanted that.

  When I got there, familiar faces were in the crowd. Slade and Trinity were dressed in black, their hands held tightly together with grim looks on their faces. They looked my way but didn’t say anything. Skye and Cayson were there as well, but they kept three feet in between them. Her stomach was much bigger than it was last time I saw her. Everyone was there as well, even Conrad. He was the last person I expected to be there. I knew he had his own problems.

  There were a few other people there I didn’t know, about two or three. I didn’t ask who they were or how they knew my mom. A man stood in the background. He was tall with black hair. A thick beard covered his chin. When he saw me, he stared at me for a long time before he averted his gaze.

  The priest recited over the ceremony and said the final words before the casket was lowered into the ground. The grass was slightly damp and soft from the fall chill.

  I stared down into the grave and stared at the shiny wood that would soon be covered with mounds of dirt. It was so pristine I could see my reflection. It was the last moment I would ever be near my mother again, or at least near her body. This chapter of my life was officially closing.

  Ryan came to my side and rested his hand on my shoulder. He didn’t say anything, just stood beside me to remind me I wasn’t experiencing this moment alone. Silke stood on the other side of me, holding Abby’s other hand.

  Everyone grabbed a handful of dirt and tossed it into the grave. Then they walked back toward the parking lot. All my friends completed the action, but when they moved away they remained put, like they expected me to follow.

  Silke didn’t move and neither did Ryan.

  Levi grabbed a handful of dirt and tossed it into the grave. Then he shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes full of complete devastation.

  “Can I have a moment?” I whispered.

  “Of course.” Silke grabbed Abby and pulled her away. She didn’t ask any questions.

  Ryan lingered a little longer, but he eventually did as I asked.

  When it was just Levi and I, I approached his side and stood beside him.

  “More people came than I expected.” His eyes were still glued to the hole.

  “Yeah…” I had no idea who they were.

  “It’s weird…all of her things are still at my house.”

  That must be difficult. “I can help you move it. We can do it together.”

  “Yeah…thanks.”

  “Sure.” I put my hands in my pockets. The wind blew through my hair and stung my eyes.

  “Who were those people?” he whispered.

  “Friends…”

  “You have a lot of friends.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” It was a complicated story and I didn’t feel like explaining—right this second.

  “You’re very lucky.”

  “Am I?” I didn’t know where that came from. “They aren’t my real family. They took me in because I’m a lost puppy in the rain. The only family I’ve ever really had is gone. Mom…is dead. I could have gotten to know her…I could have kept my mouth shut and not insulted her left and right…but I didn’t.”

  Levi turned his look on me. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. It was a complicated situation.”

  “Maybe I’m the reason everything is so fucked up…maybe it’s all me.”

  Levi stared at me like he didn’t understand.

  “I can’t get anything right. I’m a single father to a daughter who’s lost her mother. I’m absolutely worthless and wouldn’t be here if someone hadn’t picked me up and taken care of me. I poison everyone around me. I’m a jackass.”

  Levi was quiet for so long I didn’t think he heard me.

  “You came to me because you wanted a relationship and I told you to fuck off.” Bitterness thudded in my heart.

  “And I forgave you,” Levi said. “That’s all that matters.”

  He would never understand. “I fucked this up, Levi. I’m doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over. I’m damned.”

  “From my point of view it looks like you’re an amazing guy. You have…” He looked over his shoulder at all my friends. “So many people in your life who care about you. You have the love of a beautiful woman and an adorable daughter. Arsen, you’re doing something right.”

  “Because I was a charity case.”

  He stepped closer to me then put his arm around my shoulder. “Maybe you didn’t know Mom very well but you have me…I can tell you everything you need to know. And we can be our own family.”

  “Why would you want to be anything with me?” I whispered.

  “Because you’re my brother.”

  “I was an ass to you.”

  He shrugged. “We’re all an ass sometimes. Don’t let it get you down.”

  My eyes were glued to the coffin.

  “She wouldn’t want you to feel this way. You came to the hospital and you made it right before she was gone.”

  “But if I’d done it sooner she might still be alive.”

  “Let’s not play what if.”

  “But it’s true. You would still have your mother if I hadn’t pushed her away when she was trying to be in my life again. She wouldn’t be in the ground right now…”

  Levi lowered his hand. “We’ll never know, Arsen. What’s done is done. We should just accept it and move on.”

  “Easier said than done…”

  Levi grabbed a handful of dirt then held it out to me.

  I stared at it but didn’t take it.

  “Say goodbye.”

  I took the dirt from him and stared at it in my palm. I felt the texture and the small bits of wood and leaves in it. It was slightly damp from last night’s rain. I ran my thumb across it before I tossed it into the grave. It sprinkled the casket like raindrops.

  I wasn’t sure who I was saying goodbye to—me or my mother.

  Check out MONDAY, the free book found at the end of this story!

  I don’t believe in destiny.

  In fate.

  Or in soul mates.

  But I believe in Hawke.

  My life has never been whole since my parents left forever. I have my brother, someone I can barely tolerate most of the time, and I have my best friend, Marie.

  And I have myself.

  But when Hawke walks into my life, there’s an immediate connection. Our eyes lock and an unspoken conversation is exchanged. For the first time in my life, I actually feel something.

  But he doesn’t.

  He keeps me at arm’s length and pretends there’s nothing between us when there clearly is. I’m not the kind of girl to wait around for any guy, so I don’t.

  But that doesn’t mean he isn’t in the back of my mind.

  Our paths cross again in a way neither one of us expect and it changes everything. Was it destiny that made it happen? Was it fate?

  Or was it something else?

  I’ll Be There

  Book Forty of The Forever and Ever Series

  AVAILABLE NOW

  Click To Purchase on Amazon

  Dear R
eader,

  Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading Skye and Cayson’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you could leave a short review, it would help me so much! Those reviews are the best kind of support you can give an author. Thank you!

  Wishing you love,

  E. L. Todd

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  Another Day At The Office

  Francesca

  On my first day working at The Grind, a coffee shop in Myrtle Beach, the constant sound of the running blender gave me a headache. Just when it would stop spinning for a damn second, it started up again. Taking orders from customers was a hassle because I couldn’t hear a word they said. And just when I raised my voice so they could understand me, the blender shut off and I looked like a screaming lunatic.

  But now that blender reminded me of home.

  I’d been working at The Grind for nearly three years. It was a great college gig. It was flexible with my class schedule, and when I wanted to blow off work for a party, it was easy to change shifts with another worker.

  It wasn’t my dream job, but it was okay for now.

  The shop was dead that afternoon, so I opened my jar of homemade batter and beat it with a spoon until it was fluffy again. Then I poured it into a pan and shoved it into the oven.

  “What are you baking now?” Marie, my roommate and best friend, grabbed her apron and tied it around her waist. She reeked of smoke, so I knew she lit one up in the back alley. I tried getting her to quit a few times, but that just made her addiction worse.

  “Apple cherry muffins.”

  “Hmm…sounds good.”

  I was notorious for my love of baking. We had an oven at our house, but it wasn’t as nice as the one at The Grind. I took advantage of it whenever I could. “They’re not super sweet so at least they won’t give you diabetes.”

  Marie popped a few breath mints into her mouth to cover up the stench of smoke. “I’m not worried about diabetes.”

  “Just lung cancer?” It was a mean jab but I didn’t care.

  Marie rolled her eyes. “I smoke twice a day…sometimes only once.”

  “If it’s so seldom, why do it at all?” I put my hand on my hip and narrowed my eyes on her face. I wasn’t a judgmental person, but I wanted my best friend to be around as long as possible.

  “Shut up and keep baking.” She walked around me and headed to the front of the café.

  I rolled my eyes even though no one was around to witness it. Then I set the timer on the oven.

  ***

  “Damn, these are good.” Marie picked at the muffin right at the counter. A few customers were sitting at tables in the lobby, but no one was in line. Fortunately, our manager was pretty lenient with all the crazy things we did. One time, a customer complained that Marie was on her phone, but our manager didn’t seem to care.

  “Thanks.”

  “Are they made with real apples and cherries?” She spoke with her mouth full.

  “Yep. Natural is the only way to go.” I tried not to eat everything I made otherwise I really would get diabetes.

  “We could probably sell these for two bucks a pop.” She finished the muffin then sucked the crumbs off her fingers.

  “Two bucks?” I asked. “Maybe ninety nine cents.”

  “Are you kidding me?” she asked. “Our chocolate croissant is $3.50.”

  “Still sounds like a rip off to me.” I noticed the crumbs around her mouth but I didn’t say anything because I knew she would get there eventually. Right now, she was focused on her fingers.

  The bell over the door rang as someone walked inside. That bell was a lifesaver when we were doing things we shouldn’t be—like right now. I set the tray of muffins on the counter then smoothed out my apron without checking who the customer was.

  “Oh my god.” Marie lowered her voice so only I could hear her. “That’s him.”

  “That’s who?”

  “That super hot guy that comes in here all the time. He works on homework or something. But he looks too old to be in college…” She immediately straightened her hair then checked her breath.

  I peeked over the counter and saw the guy she was talking about. She wasn’t exaggerating about his looks. He really was hot. He had dark brown hair that was a little messy, but he obviously did it on purpose. It was full and thick, and it was clear he ran his fingers through it when he was deep in thought. He wore slacks and a collared shirt with a dark blue tie down his chest. He had to be over six feet, and he filled out his clothes well. Even in a sleeved shirt, the muscles of his arms were obvious. His chest was wide and his stomach was tight. He stood at the end of the line and stared up at the menu as he tried to decide what he wanted.

  He was definitely a looker.

  “Ask him out,” I whispered to her.

  “Are you crazy?” she snapped. “I’m not doing that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s lame,” she said quickly. “Girls don’t ask out guys.”

  “Says who?” I demanded. “If he says no, whatever. Move on. But if he says yes…take him out for a drink.”

  “I’m not doing that.” She raised her hand to shut me up. Whenever she did that, I knew she really wanted me to drop the subject.

  “Don’t you think a guy finds that sexy?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “When a really hot girl asks him out?”

  “I’ll just flirt a little and see where it goes.”

  The guy approached the counter like he was about to order.

  “Marie, wait.” I grabbed her arm and a napkin.

  “What?” she asked in irritation.

  “You got muffin all over your face.” I handed her the napkin.

  “Oh my god.” She quickly wiped her mouth. “Did I get it?”

  “No.” I grabbed the napkin. “Let me do it.”

  Her eyes darted to the counter. “Shit, he’s here.” Without another word, she fled into the back.

  I tossed the napkin into the garbage then felt my heart rate pick up. Marie was missing her chance with Mr. Handsome, but I couldn’t let her face him when she had shit all over her lips.

  I approached the counter and pretended nothing just happened. Like we didn’t just talk about how hot he was. “Hi. What can I get for you?” I looked him directly in the eye.

  His blue eyes were a little startling at first. I’d seen blue eyes before and on lots of people. Some were brighter than others. Some had a mixture of green or gray. His were unusually dark and sharp. They were so pretty they almost didn’t look real. They contrasted well against his fair skin. Every individual feature of his face was perfect, but combined together, the effect was deadly. I couldn’t detect a single flaw anywhere.


  “Hi. How are you?” He held my gaze as he spoke. Normally, people stared at the board or through the bakery window when they talked to me. They didn’t give me any of their attention. I was just the chick who handed them their coffee.

  “Great,” I said as I stood in front of the register. “What about you?”

  “A little tired.” He rested one hand on the counter, and a shiny watch was on his wrist. “Hence, why I’m in here.” He had a laid-back nature to him, not snooty like I thought he might be.

  “You need more gas for your engine?” I gave him a friendly smile.

  “So to speak.” His eyes never left my face.

  “Then let’s get you some coffee. What would you like?”

  “I usually drink it black. Unless you have a recommendation.”

  I wasn’t prepared to be put on the spot but I kept my cool. “We can always add a shot of espresso—maybe two. You look like you need it.” I smiled so he knew I was joking.

  A ghost of a smile stretched his lips. Instead of raising the corners of his mouth, his eyes lightened in color. They seemed to be the gateway to his thoughts. “I trust your judgment.”

  “Two shots of espresso it is.” I made the mental note. “Anything else?”

  His eyes left my face for the first time and moved to the counter. “I’ll take one of those.”

  I glanced behind my shoulder and saw the apple cherry muffins I made. “Those?” I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice.

  “Yeah. They’re for sale, right?”

  “Actually, I made those…for fun.”

  That smile was there again. “Then I definitely have to have one. I’ll even pay you for it.”

  Accept money? That would be weird. “It’s on the house. You look like you’ve had a bad day.” I grabbed a tray and set the muffin on top.