You Make Me Weak Read online

  Once I was naked, I kissed her neck. “There’s no comparison, babe.”

  “You’re the sweetest, kindest, and most amazing man I’ve ever known.”

  I stopped kissing her and looked at her. If she really thought that, then why didn’t she want me longer than a few months? Did she think I would hurt her? I knew better than to ask. “Keep the heels on.”

  “Nice touch,” she said.

  I guided her to the bed and moved her to her back. “The patio door is closed so no one will complain about the noise.”

  “Phew,” she said with a smirk.

  I leaned over and pressed my face close to hers. “But I’m going to make you scream loud enough anyway.”

  ***

  We lay together in bed, our fingers interlocked together. She was resting on my chest and her eyes were closed. We both looked out the window and watched the dark ocean in the distance. My hand ran through her soft hair, loving the feel of it in my fingers. I loved the sex with her, it was amazing, but I also loved the quiet moments when we would just lay together in silence. I stared at her without fear of what my looks might bring. And she looked back at me, her fondness and affection obvious.

  A loud ringing came to our ears, and I realized a phone was going off.

  “That’s me,” she said with a sigh. She got out of bed in a hurry and grabbed the phone. She glanced at the screen then walked into her room through the adjoining door. Then she was gone.

  For a long time.

  When an hour passed, I wondered if she was okay. Perhaps she wanted to sleep alone tonight? I figured she would have told me if it were the case. Worried, I left the bed then headed into her room.

  She wasn’t in the main room, but I noticed the light from the bathroom. The door was slightly open.

  Then I heard her sniff.

  I stood outside the door and knocked. “Rome, are you okay?”

  All sound diminished on her side of the door. She flinched and knocked something over. “I’m fine, Thomas. I just need a moment.”

  I stepped away from the door and sat on the bed.

  When she came out, her make-up was gone, but her eyes were distinctly red. I’d seen enough girls cry to know that’s exactly what she was doing. I grabbed her and pulled her into my lap. “What’s wrong?” My hand dug into her hair and I forced her face closer to mine, not letting her hide.

  “Nothing…” She forced a smile but it was painful to look at.

  “Tell me, Rome.”

  “It’s nothing, really. Please don’t ask me again.”

  I backed off, knowing it wasn’t my business if she wasn’t willing to share it. “Is there something I can do?”

  “Let’s just go to bed.”

  I stared at her, wishing there was something I could do. She wouldn’t budge so I didn’t see the point in pushing her. I picked her up and carried her back to my warm bed. She snuggled into me, gripping me tighter than before.

  I ran my fingers through her hair until she fell asleep. Only when she fell into her dreams did her body truly relax.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Arsen

  School was agonizing. It was hard work, a lot of information, and it seemed to be constant. The only day of the week I had off was Sunday. But that went by quickly, and next thing I knew, I was in school again.

  My head was so full of cars and motorcycles that I even dreamed about them. When I wasn’t dreaming about shiny cars, I was thinking about Silke, the only thing keeping me going. The idea of kissing her again motivated me to work harder.

  And my daughter.

  When she met me, I didn’t want her to think I was a loser. She was too young to understand that anyway, but I didn’t want her to grow up then look back and remember me as a dead-beat dad. I wanted her to be proud of me. I wanted her to know I would take care of her. I needed her to forgive me for abandoning her to begin with. But if she didn’t forgive me, I would completely understand.

  I didn’t want my daughter to end up with a loser like me. She needed someone strong, in heart and mind. I had to be a role model for her. She needed to know what a real man was like, what to expect from her future husband. If I was trash, then she would look for trash.

  There was so much pressure hanging over me. I couldn’t screw this up because I would lose the only two women I loved. I made sure I passed every exam and I never broke another one of Ryan’s rules. I had to get through this and make it to the other side. Some days were harder than others, but I reminded myself why I was doing it.

  When I was reading in Silke’s room, Ryan came inside. “Am I intruding?”

  “No.” I put the book down.

  “What are you doing?”

  I held it up. “It’s Silke’s. Harry Potter.”

  He chuckled. “She loved those books.”

  “They’re actually pretty good,” I said.

  “I could never stick with them,” he said.

  “Did you need something?” I asked as I sat up.

  “Actually, yeah. Silke is coming over for dinner tonight…”

  She was going to be in this apartment? Would I be able to smell her when I returned? “Should I hide my stuff?”

  “She won’t come in here. She never does.”

  “Okay.”

  “And if so, I’ll say I was…rearranging it.”

  I nodded. “Where do you want me to go?”

  “Sean is going to pick you up in a few minutes. You’ll be having dinner with him and Scarlet.”

  “Oh, okay.” I didn’t know Sean very well but he’d always been nice to me. “That was nice of them to agree.”

  “They offered,” he said. “So, let’s go.”

  I left the book on the nightstand and walked with him out of the building. We reached the sidewalk just as a shiny and ridiculously expensive car pulled up.

  Sean rolled down the window. “Did someone call for Batman?”

  “Shut the hell up.” Ryan opened the passenger door for me. “I’ll see you in a few hours, kid.”

  “Thanks.” I got inside and looked at the fancy leather seats. “Wow, this is nice.”

  “Thanks,” Sean said.

  “I’ll text you when you can bring him back,” Ryan said.

  “Will do,” Sean answered.

  Ryan rubbed the top of my head. “See you in a bit.” He walked back into the building.

  I watched him go, jealous he got to see Silke and I didn’t.

  “Ready?” Sean asked.

  “Yeah.”

  He rolled up the window then pulled onto the road. Traffic was bad and when we got to a light, it stayed red forever.

  “Scarlet is excited to have you over,” Sean said. “She makes amazing pizza…”

  I wasn’t listening. I was staring at the corner on the opposite street. I saw shiny brown hair, and blue eyes that were hypnotizing. My heart moved into my throat when I laid eyes on her, the woman of my dreams.

  Silke wore dark jeans and a green top. Her curves were noticeable, and she looked exactly the same as I remembered. She was smiling as she waited for her light to turn green. A guy behind her was checking her out, but she was totally oblivious to it.

  I stared at her. She was so close but just out of reach. Against my will, my eyes burned with tears. I missed her so much. Seeing her only reminded me how much I loved her and missed her. She was air to me. She was water. She was everything.

  “She cooks the crust first and then adds everything. Then she returns it to the oven…”

  All I could think about was Silke. Just as her light to cross the street turned green, so did ours. Sean stepped on the gas and drove by. I watched Silke go, feeling like I was losing her all over again. When she passed, I turned in my seat so I could keep looking at her. When she was beyond my sight, I felt worse than I ever had.

  I just wanted her back. I just wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted her to know what I was doing to be worthy of her. I wanted her to know I was fighting for a chance to be with
her. I hurt her like crazy, and I needed to make up for all of that.

  “You okay?” Sean asked.

  I looked forward and felt lost. “Uh, yeah.”

  He eyed me suspiciously.

  “I just saw Silke,” I whispered.

  He sighed then patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”

  “Yeah…”

  ***

  Sean and Scarlet made me feel welcome in their home like I was a family member. I tried to pretend I was in a good mood in order to be polite, but Silke’s face was burned in my mind. She looked so carefree and happy. She was smiling. I missed seeing her smile. I missed being the reason she smiled.

  I wasn’t hungry but I forced the food down my throat. “This is great. Thank you, Mrs. Preston.”

  “It’s Scarlet,” she insisted.

  Sean sat beside her, his hand on her thigh. “It’s nice to have someone in the house. Our kids are too cool for us.”

  I smirked but it was forced. “They’ll come back for this pizza. Don’t worry about that.”

  Scarlet chuckled. “I hope so.”

  Sean looked at me. “Ryan tells me you’ve been working really hard.”

  I didn’t like to talk about myself so I just shrugged.

  “He told us how well you did on your exam and how hard you’re working in school,” Scarlet said. “We’re all very proud of you.”

  “It must be a serious change for you,” Sean said. “But you haven’t given up.”

  Their words flattered me, and made me feel warm. “I have a daughter, and I want to be something before I meet her.”

  Sean nodded. “Very admirable.”

  “How old is your daughter?” Scarlet asked.

  I thought for a moment. “She’s six now.”

  “That’s the best age,” Sean said. “They’re cute and stop crying as much.”

  “Yeah,” Scarlet said. “You missed all the horrible years. Consider yourself lucky.”

  I forced another smile. “Thanks.” I knew they were trying to make me feel better but it just made me feel worse. Six years of my daughter’s life had come and gone, and I missed all of it. I didn’t hear her first words or watch her first steps. I was selling weed and being pathetic.

  “You’ll meet her soon,” Sean said. “And you’ll realize how much you love someone even though you don’t know them.” He gave me an affectionate look.

  While I was certain that was true, I was more afraid of her hating me, which she should.

  I ate the rest of my pizza in silence, wondering if Silke had any idea I’d been living with her parents for so long. I wished she would figure it out. I knew she would come to me and hold me the way I needed. I knew she would kiss me, and that would be the end of our story. I knew I had to reach my goal, but during moments of weakness, I wished I could have her sooner.

  When we finished dinner, we sat together on the couch and watched TV. Sean and Scarlet were more affectionate than Ryan and Janice. They seemed to be touching each other all the time, and they didn’t bicker and argue—ever. But they were comfortable to be around.

  When Sean got a text message, he stood up. “Ryan says you can come home now.”

  “Okay.” I stood up and headed to the door.

  Scarlet walked with me then hugged me. “You can come over whenever you want.”

  “Thank you.” I would never get used to their generosity. “Thank you for dinner. It was great.”

  “Of course, Arsen.” She rubbed my back.

  Sean grabbed his keys then kissed his wife. “I’ll be back, baby.”

  “Okay.” She gave him a look like she didn’t want him to leave, even if it was only for a few minutes.

  “Let’s head out,” Sean said.

  ***

  When I walked inside, everything was exactly as it had been before. I didn’t see any evidence that Silke had been there. I looked around, hoping for a trace of her spirit.

  Ryan seemed to know what I was thinking. “She wasn’t here very long.”

  Disappointment radiated through me. I moved toward the couch then spotted a thin gray jacket. It was small, too small for anyone larger than Silke. I grabbed it with my hands then smelled it.

  It was hers.

  I felt it in my hands, knowing I probably looked like a creeper. Inhaling her scent took me back to summer nights on the back of my bike. I remembered the feel of her sweaty body when we made love in her bed. She would moan for me every time. I remembered decorating her Christmas tree together, and how I told her my darkest secrets. Even then, she still loved me. And then I broke her heart in return.

  I held it under my arm then took it into my room. Like a psychopath, I laid it beside me and pretended she was there. The smell came into my nose, and if I tried hard enough, it felt real.

  She was here.

  ***

  My last week of school was spent taking exams. Most of it was hands-on, asking me to identify a problem and repair it with little information. Sometimes it was handwritten, asking me to explain a transmission and the reasons it could go out prematurely.

  I was a little nervous in the beginning. Exams gave me anxiety, but after I took the first one and realized I knew most of the answers, I calmed down. The intense course prepared me well for the exam, probably because I did nothing else but go to school then back home to sleep.

  By the end of the last day, my brain was fried. I wasn’t concerned that I didn’t pass. I knew most of the answers, and I gave my best shot to get each one right. I really hoped I passed because I was sick of being in school. It would be nice to have a job and make some money. I needed to start paying Ryan back. When I included room and board and food, I realized I would be in debt for a long time.

  When I came home on the last day, Ryan and Janice were already there. But they weren’t the only people there. Sean and Scarlet were there, along with Mike and his wife. I stilled when I came through the door and spotted a cake on the counter.

  “So, how’d it go?” Ryan asked with a smile.

  “Uh…” I was nervous, watching all of them.

  Ryan came closer to me. “You passed, kid?”

  I held up the paper to him.

  He took it and threw his fist in the air. “We have a mechanic in the family.”

  Janice clapped then hugged me hard, practically popping me with the force of her embrace. “So proud of you, honey.”

  “Thanks, Janice.”

  Ryan messed up my hair like he usually did. “You did it. I told you.”

  “Yeah…”

  Sean shook my hand then winked at me. “Way to go, kid.”

  Scarlet hugged me. “I made pizza for the celebration.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Mike shook my hand. “You’re pretty cool, man.”

  “Thanks…” I dropped my hand then turned to his wife.

  Cassandra hugged me just as hard as Janice.

  All these people were here for me? They cared whether I passed or not? They got me a cake and everything? I would never get used to the love they showered me with, but I stopped questioning it. They must really care about me, and for the first time, I realized I was someone worth caring about.

  ***

  Ryan took me to his shop every night and showed me all the aspects of running a business. At the beginning, I was confused with everything, but after doing so well in school, my confidence was greater. I realized if I just tried, I would succeed.

  He eventually let me do everything on my own, and he sat beside me while he read a book or he texted his wife, laughing as he had a conversation with her. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. After Ryan taught me math, I was pretty good at it. I understood that there were several facets when it came to running a business, and everything needed to work correctly for it to flow. And various expenses quickly depleted the gross income. Payroll was the biggest expense of all.

  “I’m finished.” I closed the binder and moved it to his side of the desk.

  He p
icked it up then placed it on the shelf.

  “Aren’t you going to check?” I asked.

  “No.” He put his phone in his pocket. “Arsen, you got it. Now I’m getting free labor out of you.”

  “I’ll work every day if that helps you out,” I blurted. Anything to pay him back for everything he did for me.

  He chuckled. “No. I have something else in mind for you. Let’s go.” He left his office and headed to the front.

  I followed him, not sure what he was thinking.

  We left the shop and walked up the street. When he took a left, I knew we weren’t heading back to his apartment. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but I didn’t ask. Maybe we were picking up dinner because Janice was too exhausted to cook. That would be a shame because I liked her cooking. Every time I thought of that manure they served in prison, I wanted to gag.

  We reached an empty building on the corner. It had fresh paint and a few large garage doors. The lot was big, and every street in the vicinity easily saw it. I stared at it then looked away.

  Ryan stood when we reached the sidewalk facing it. “What do you think?”

  I looked up at the building again. “Uh, it’s great.” I didn’t think it was a good place for a tattoo parlor. What would he need the garages for?

  “That’s it?” he asked with a laugh.

  “Well, I think the building isn’t exactly suited for a tattoo shop…” I didn’t want to insult his opinion after everything he did for me.

  He laughed. “No, kid. It’s for your auto shop.”

  “Sorry?” I asked incredulously.

  “Come here.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the window. “See these windows? We’ll put the new bikes in here so passing cars can see them.” Then he walked to the garages. “Then you can have the auto shop back here. There’s plenty of space, and space is key in the city. The payments are a little higher, but car shops tend to do pretty well.”

  I stared at him with a blank expression. “Uh…”

  “Arsen, it’s perfect,” he said. “A guy built this but didn’t budget properly. Now it’s just sitting here. And it’s such a good location.”

  While I wanted my own shop to start my career and get my two girls back in my life, I couldn’t let him buy it. This place didn’t look cheap. “It’s nice but I can probably just find a job as a mechanic somewhere…”