To Love Again Read online

  “Can we sleep in my bed?” she whispered. “The couch is a little cramped.”

  I hadn’t taken her in my bedroom and we never went into hers. I wasn’t purposely avoiding it but the thought never crossed my mind. “Sure.”

  She walked into the bedroom and I followed behind her. When she bent over to crawl on the bed, I caught a glimpse of her ass in her panties.

  She wasn’t wearing shorts.

  She got under the covers then rested her head on a pillow.

  I stood next to the bed and tried to figure out my next move. Should I take off my jeans? It would be really unsanitary if I didn’t. I’d sat on the subway in these clothes. I was apprehensive because she would realize my dick was hard and I didn’t want her to think that was an invitation.

  She turned over and looked at me. “What’s the hold up?”

  I realized I’d been standing there for over a minute. “Nothing.” I removed my jeans but kept my shirt on. Then I moved under the covers beside her.

  She turned back around like she expected me to spoon her from behind.

  I did. I positioned myself at her rear, and the second I stopped moving I realized my dick was right next to her cheeks. I loved her ass. It was such a nice sight when I did her from behind. I loved kissing it and rubbing it with my palm after I spanked it a few times. My thoughts ran wild with me, and my dick blew up like a balloon. Even my balls were a little swollen.

  I hadn’t had sex in a while, but I hadn’t had good sex since Lexie left. Every other rendezvous I had was meaningless and empty. It was hard to truly enjoy it when I subconsciously wished Lexie were the woman I was with. My body yearned for her in an undeniable way.

  I wanted her now, to dive headfirst into a passionate night where I could forget the pain and just feel her. I wanted to forget about my nephew in the hospital and think about something else. I wanted our bodies to move together and all thoughts to cease.

  My hand gripped her hip and I pulled her against me, wanting her to feel the definition of my dick between her cheeks. Then I leaned over her and pressed my lips to her neck, kissing the skin slowly. I tasted her and loved the familiarity. My lips moved past her ear then toward her lips. When my mouth met hers I kissed her hard, feeling myself fall into oblivion. My cock twitched at the thought of being inside her. I remembered exactly how her narrow channel felt. I remembered the way she would come all over my dick when I pleased her the way she loved.

  She breathed hard and moved against me, making a sexy dance that just made my dick harder.

  My hand moved up her shirt and I groped her bare tit under the fabric. It was firm and round like I remembered. My thumb moved across the nipple and made it pebble.

  I wanted to be inside her.

  Lexie suddenly ended the kiss and pulled my hand away.

  I stopped and stared at her, unsure what was happening.

  “Conrad, no.”

  “No?” I thought she wanted this. I thought she wanted me. Another rejection, cold and unforgiving.

  “You’re rushing it. You’re trying to make yourself feel better, make yourself forget all the pain in your heart. You’re looking for a distraction, something to dive into in order to feel numb.”

  How did she know me so well?

  “We’re going to do this when you’re truly ready, when you trust me again and finally let your guard down. As much as I want you, I want to wait. You need to heal your soul and find who you are again. When that time comes, I’ll be here. I don’t just want you for the night. I want you for all my life.”

  I held her gaze and suddenly felt a surge of hope. The hurt from her rejection disappeared, and I felt my walls come down slightly. She was putting me first even if it delayed her plans.

  She held my gaze then cupped my cheek with her hand. Then she gently pressed her lips to mine, giving me a kiss that lacked any type of lust. It was purely romantic, full of love and endless devotion. She felt my lips slowly and didn’t give me any of her tongue.

  When she pulled away I didn’t want the kiss to end. Feeling that connection with her made me feel alive. It reminded me that my heart was still working, that I could still feel something other than anger.

  “I love you, Con.” Her thumb moved across my cheek before she lowered her hand.

  “I love you too, Lexie.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Beatrice

  I was making soup on the stove when my front door opened then slammed shut.

  I jumped into the air and almost knocked over the pot. “What the hell?” I turned around and saw Jared walking toward me, looking insanely pissed. “Jared, you scared the shit out of me.”

  “You’ve been seeing Conrad behind my back?”

  His words caught me off guard and I didn’t know what to say. My mind worked frantically as I tried to figure out how he knew about Conrad. He must have bumped into Lexie and she told him the whole thing. There was no other explanation. “No, I haven’t been seeing him behind your back.”

  He came closer to me, his arms shaking by his sides. “Oh really? So, you didn’t get him a German Shepard named Apollo?”

  Okay, he knew a lot. “Yes, I did. But—”

  “And you weren’t spending a bunch of time with him? Fucking him?” His eyes were so large they were about to pop out of his head. “Fuck you, Beatrice. I’m doing everything I possibly can to be the man you deserve and you’re out there screwing your ex?”

  “I’m not screwing him!”

  “That’s not what Lexie said.”

  “Well, are you dating her or me?” I snapped.

  He carried on like I hadn’t said anything. “What the hell, Beatrice? You date me but go back to your ex the second he’s available? You told me you were over him but you clearly aren’t.”

  “I didn’t sleep with him.”

  “Yeah?” he asked. “So, nothing happened? You spent time with him out of the goodness of your heart? I’m calling you out on your shit. If nothing happened you would have told me you saw Conrad. The fact you didn’t makes you guilty as hell.”

  “No,” I argued. “I didn’t tell you because he asked me not to.”

  “Why the hell would he ask that?”

  “Because he knew you would tell Lexie, and then Lexie would know just how much he’s suffering without her. I didn’t lie to you because I wanted to. Conrad asked me to keep his secret and I did.”

  His anger dwindled. “So, nothing happened?”

  I wish I could say yes. “Well…”

  His eyes flared up again. “So you did sleep with him.”

  “No, we just kissed—”

  “You kissed him?” He came closer to me and looked like he wanted to strangle me. “You fucking kissed him? How could you do that to me? After everything we’ve been through you throw it away for him?”

  “You and I weren’t together yet. I had no idea you felt anything for me, so I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I opened myself up to you and told you how I felt. You coldly rejected me. You have no right to be upset.”

  “No right?” he asked incredulously. “I have every right, Beatrice. You’re still in love with your ex and you’ll always be in love with your ex.”

  “I’m not in love with him.”

  “Then why did you kiss him?”

  “Because he was drunk and stupid. I needed to get him back to my apartment so we could talk about Lexie. All he wanted to do was screw. So I said I would kiss him if he just listened to me for five minutes.”

  His eyes grew darker. “You kissed him to make him cooperate?”

  “I didn’t know what else to do. Again, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Afterward, we talked and he told me what happened with Lexie. I was there for him like a friend. Then I got him that dog to keep him company. That’s it, Jared. That’s all that happened.”

  “How would you feel if I fucked Lexie to make her feel better?” he snapped.

  “I would be pissed off because we’re in a relationship, idiot.”


  “Well, we were in a relationship when you kissed Conrad.”

  “Were not!”

  “Maybe not officially but we were.”

  “I was also seeing Jason at the time. So, did I cheat on you with him too?”

  “Wow, you get around.”

  Without thinking, I slapped him hard across the face.

  He turned with the hit but didn’t react in any other way.

  “You’re acting like a child.”

  “You’re acting like a whore.”

  He pushed me too far. “Get the hell out of my apartment. Now.”

  “Fine,” he said. “There’s nothing more for me here anyway.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” I followed him to the door to make sure he actually left.

  “I hope you and Conrad are very happy together.”

  “I’ll be very happy alone,” I snapped. “I would much rather be by myself than with a man who acts like a lunatic.”

  He crossed the threshold then turned around to say something.

  “Goodbye, Jared.” I slammed the door in his face.

  All Hope Is Lost

  Book Forty-Four of The Forever and Ever Series

  Please don’t hate me…

  I need time to finish a few other books that will be coming out in the beginning of 2016. I need finish Hawke, Into The Ice, and a Crossover novel. Please be patient and know these characters will come back to you.

  There will be a four-week period before the next installment is released.

  AVAILABLE DECEMBER 28th

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  Dear Reader,

  Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading Skye and Cayson’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you could leave a short review, it would help me so much! Those reviews are the best kind of support you can give an author. Thank you!

  Wishing you love,

  E. L. Todd