You Are My Life Read online

  You Are My Life

  Book Twenty of The Forever and Ever Series

  E. L. Todd

  Chapter One

  Clementine

  A month had come and gone, and Ward didn’t contact me. Even though I didn’t reach out to him, I missed him.

  I would always miss him.

  I finally accepted the fact he and I were over and never getting back together. There were times when I wanted to change my mind, to forget everything that happened with Skye and move forward. But then the logical part of me returned, telling me a life with Ward was impossible even if I could forgive him.

  So I tried not to think about him.

  I concentrated on the orchestra and finding another job. Every time I went to the strip joint, my manager said they didn’t have room for me. It was odd that he couldn’t squeeze me in. I brought in a lot of money to that place. Was one extra girl really that hard to manage?

  I had enough stashed in savings to get by without stressing out. I just needed to find something new soon. Ward’s cash still sat in my savings account and I wasn’t sure how to return it to him. He wouldn’t take it no matter what I did. Besides, I would have to talk to him in order to achieve that. And that wasn’t an option.

  Any time I played my music I thought of him. He used to come to my shows and praise me afterward. He loved listening to me play and sing. Now I couldn’t play my piano at all because I thought about that time we made love on it. Sleeping in my bed was difficult because it smelled like him. But when the smell went away, it was even more difficult.

  By the second month, I was still head-over-heels for him. I tried not to think about him but nothing was working. I distracted myself with music and job searching but that didn’t change anything.

  Would I ever be over him?

  I’d put on ten pounds from eating ice cream and moping around. I needed to hit the gym or at least start jogging but I never found the motivation. Now I couldn’t strip even if I wanted to. No one wanted to see a girl with flab swing on a pole.

  One day, my father called me. “Hey, honey. Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  I pretended to sound happy. “I know. I’ve just been busy with music. How’s it going with you?”

  “Great,” he said. “Work consumes me, as you know. I’m actually having a birthday bash over here this weekend. You’ll be there, right?”

  “Of course, Dad.” I still hadn’t figured out what to get him. “It’ll be at the house?”

  “Yeah, just friends and family.”

  “Cool,” I said. “I’m sure it’ll be fun.” I really had no interest in seeing my family and pretending to have a good time. A fake smile would be plastered on my face, and it would be obvious to everyone that I didn’t want to be there.

  “Great,” he said. “I’ll see you there, sweetheart.”

  “Okay, Dad.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too.” He always said that when we got off the phone.

  After I hung up I immediately searched for a gift on Amazon. What did he want that he didn’t already have?

  ***

  I decided on a remote control airplane. It wasn’t something my dad needed or even wanted but it was a fun gift. He might like it. But he would probably like anything I got him, as long as it was from the heart.

  I pulled into the long driveway and tried to find a spot in the midst of parked cars. The sun was gone and just the lights from the house illuminated the area. I grabbed my wrapped gift then walked inside, prepared to pretend like my heart wasn’t broken.

  “Hey,” Mom said as soon as I entered. “Beautiful like always.” She hugged me then eyed the gift. “What did you get him?”

  “I’m not telling,” I said playfully. “It’s a surprise.”

  “I’m sure he’ll love it.” She grabbed my purse and hung it on the rack. “Food is on the table and the drinks are in the refrigerator.”

  “Thanks.”

  Dad came up to me, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a hole at the bottom. “You made it, kid.” He hugged me tightly.

  I returned the embrace then looked at his shirt. “Maybe I should have gotten you clothes instead…”

  Mom rolled her eyes. “I tried to get him to change but he wouldn’t budge.”

  “I love this shirt,” Dad said. “I’ve had it since I was in college.”

  “Then you definitely need new clothes,” I said firmly.

  “Stop teasing me,” he said. “It’s my birthday.”

  “I think I’m supposed to tease you more,” I noted.

  He eyed the package in my hand. “What’s that?” His eyes were full of interest.

  “Your gift.” I handed it to him.

  “You shouldn’t have, honey.”

  “I hope you like it.”

  He ripped it open then stared at the box. His eyes were wide like he was a child. “A remote control airplane?” He turned back to me, as if he needed assurance.

  “Yep. Batteries are included.”

  “This is sick.” He turned the box over and read the back.

  I was surprised how quickly he acted like a child when he held a toy.

  Mom stared at him with a smile on her face. “That’s a great gift, Clemy.”

  “Ryan,” Dad called. “Get your ass over here.”

  Ryan walked over with a beer in his hand. “Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t make me your bitch.”

  Dad held up the box. “Remote control airplane, dude.”

  “Sweet.” Ryan snatched the box. “Wow, this is so cool. Let’s put it together.”

  “Yeah,” Dad said enthusiastically.

  “Don’t ignore everyone at the party,” Mom said seriously.

  Dad and Ryan were gone before she finished her sentence.

  Mom sighed. “Boys…”

  “At least he liked it,” I said.

  “You did good, Clemy.” She stepped away. “I’m going to make sure your father doesn’t poke himself in the eye.”

  “Good idea.” I walked further into the house and spotted Cayson and Skye. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Cayson turned his gaze on me. “How’s it going?” He hadn’t asked me about Ward since we broke up. Two months had passed, so I knew he would never bring him up again.

  “Good,” I said. “You?”

  “I got a beautiful woman on my arm,” Cayson said. “I’m more than good.”

  Skye hugged me. “You look nice.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “You too.”

  Skye gave me a sad look but didn’t say anything.

  I knew she was thinking about Ward, so I decided to move on. “I’m going to get a drink…” I ran into Slade and Trinity. “How are the wedding plans coming?”

  “Good,” Trinity said. “By the way, you want to be a bridesmaid?”

  “Of course,” I said. “I’d be honored.”

  “Great,” Trinity said with a smile.

  “We’re having tigers at the wedding,” Slade blurted.

  “Don’t listen to him.” Trinity rolled her eyes.

  “Whoa!” Male voices came through the backyard. “Did you see that flip?”

  I looked out the window and watched the guys watch the plane in the sky.

  “What’s going on out there?” Slade asked.

  “I got Dad a remote control plane,” I said simply.

  Slade’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? I’m in.” He left Trinity’s side immediately and took off.

  Trinity sighed. “I should keep an eye on him…”

  “I should keep an eye on my dad.”

  Together, we walked into the backyard and watched Dad play with the remote control airplane. Ryan stood beside him with his arms across his chest. Slade tried to snatch the remote a
way. “Let me try!”

  Dad laughed and kept it out of his clutches.

  Somehow, the plane crashed to the grass and landed on its wheels.

  “Got it.” A man jogged then grabbed it. Then he walked back.

  When he came closer to the lights from the back porch, I recognized him. Those broad shoulders and powerful chest would be forever ingrained in my mind. His black hair was a little longer than it once was, and his eyes were just as blue as before. “Here you go.” Ward handed the plane to my father.

  “Thanks, man.” Cortland through it in the air and the plane caught speed.

  I stared at Ward, feeling sick and weak. I had no idea he was going to be there. A heads up would have been nice. Since my parents didn’t know we ever dated, it wasn’t surprising they didn’t tell me. But Cayson could have mentioned something.

  Ward picked up his beer again then watched the plane in the sky. “Make it flip again.”

  Scarlet stood beside Sean with her arms over her chest. “Boys and their toys, huh?”

  I walked back inside because I didn’t want to look at him anymore. My heart was beating painfully in my chest and the sweat started to accumulate on my palms. I thought two months would give me enough time to get over him but I was just as in love as before. Seeing him was difficult, and I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I didn’t want him to try to get me back. It was just too hard to say no.

  But I couldn’t leave. This was my father’s birthday party. It would be rude just to walk out. So I was stuck there, close to a man I needed to get away from.

  “Dinner is ready,” Mom announced. She put burgers on the table, along with macaroni salad and homemade fries. “Cortland, that means you.”

  He groaned then landed the plane.

  Ryan walked beside him. “I get the next turn.”

  If I weren’t so flustered about Ward being there I would laugh at their childish behavior.

  The guys came inside then reached the table. Everyone else gathered around and started to prepare their food. I avoided Ward’s gaze and didn’t give him a reason to talk to me. When I reached the table, Ward did at the same time. I waited for him to say something to me, to give me that look I recognized so well.

  But he didn’t.

  He made his food then walked back outside, acting like I didn’t exist. He took a seat at the table then drank his beer. Mike, Ryan, and Dad joined him a moment later.

  I wasn’t expecting the cold shoulder. I wasn’t expecting him to pretend I didn’t exist.

  Skye’s voice came into my mind. “He’s not going to talk to you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  I turned to her, seeing the emotion in her eyes.

  “He’s moved on Clementine,” she whispered. “Don’t stress about him.”

  He’s moved on? The words hurt even though they shouldn’t. That’s exactly what I wanted to happen, for him to forget about me and move on with his life. Then why did that fact hurt so much? I didn’t know the answer.

  Skye gave me another look before she walked away.

  I carried my food to a table inside then sat beside Roland.

  He ate his burger then eyed me. “You doing okay?”

  “I’m just tired,” I lied.

  “Okay,” he said. “How’s the symphony?”

  “Good. My fingers are killing me but that’s expected.”

  “They do?” he asked. “I figured they’d be as hard as rocks by now.”

  “I’ve just been playing more than usual.”

  “Cool,” he said.

  “How’s work?” I asked.

  He told me about the magazine he worked for and how much he enjoyed it. He seemed passionate about it, that he actually cared about what he did.

  “I’m glad you found what you love instead of going to PIXEL.”

  “Yeah, me too,” he said. “It wouldn’t have been for me. Did you know Conrad is the new junior CEO?”

  “No, but that’s exciting.”

  “Conrad and my sister…” He shook his head. “There’s going to be some fights, I can tell.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I said. “They get along as it is.”

  “Yeah, probably,” Roland said. “I guess I just assume everyone fights like she and I do.”

  “It doesn’t seem like you fight anymore,” I noted.

  “Yeah, we’ve been getting along better lately.” He ate the rest of his macaroni salad then licked his fingers.

  Roland and I made small talk until my mom called out to the room. “It’s time for cake. Everyone gather around.”

  “Can we skip the singing?” Dad asked. “It’s a stupid tradition anyway.”

  “Now we’re going to sing louder.” Ryan clapped his shoulder as he came up behind him.

  “Great,” Dad said sarcastically.

  Everyone gathered around the table, and unfortunately, I stood directly across from Ward. He was directly in my line of sight.

  But as we began to sing, he didn’t look at me. Instead, he looked at my dad then put his arm around Mike, getting into it like the rest of the guys. Dad rolled his eyes while his friends teased him. Then he finally blew out the candles.

  Watching him avoid me like that was heartbreaking. It was like I didn’t exist. I used to be the woman he couldn’t stop staring at it. And now, it was like I didn’t exist. It was cold.

  After the cake was sliced and plates were passed around, we sat down and began to eat. I looked out the window and watched Dad and his friends eat while they exchanged conversations.

  I felt lonely, more alone than I’d ever have.

  After I finished my cake, I walked outside. I wasn’t sure why.

  Dad and Ryan grabbed the plane and started playing with it again.

  Ward remained standing, his empty plate on the table and a beer in his hand. He wore jeans and a gray t-shirt. His body was outlined with muscle like usual, and his dark hair had a slight curl to it. I missed running my fingers through it.

  Ward took a drink while he watched the guys interact then he released a quiet laugh.

  I came up beside him.

  Ward glanced at me, and when he recognized me, he quickly looked away and took another drink.

  Was this how it would always be when we ran into each other? Awkward and uncomfortable? “Hi…”

  He held his beer at his side. “Hi.” He didn’t look at me as he said it.

  “How are you?” I crossed my arms over my chest, like that would make me feel better.

  “Well. You?”

  “I’m okay,” I said quietly.

  He drank his beer again and watched the plane in the sky. “Good gift.”

  “I’m glad he likes it.”

  “He loves it.” He finished his beer then placed the bottle on the table. “It was nice seeing you.” He turned to walk away.

  What? That was it? “Wait.” I grabbed his arm and wished I hadn’t. I wasn’t thinking.

  He pulled his arm away gracefully then turned to me. Now he was cold. “What do you want?”

  The venom in his voice hurt. “I…I just don’t want it to be like this.”

  “Like what?” he asked in a bored voice. “We weren’t friends before so we’re not going to be friends now.”

  “I just…don’t want it to be awkward.”

  “Well, it is awkward,” he said. “Let’s just ignore each other. That was working out well until you came over here.” His eyes held no forgiveness, just disdain.

  I took a deep breath, feeling the burn. “Do you hate me?”

  His eyes narrowed on my face. His thoughts were indecipherable but he didn’t look happy. Despise was written all over his body. “What the hell do you want, Clementine? You don’t want to be with me and we haven’t spoken in two months. You can’t dump me then expect me to wait on you hand and foot. I’m over you so go get some attention elsewhere.” He walked off and joined my father on the grass, looking up at the plane. He knew I wouldn’t follow him when he was
so close to my father.

  I stood there, feeling my heart break all over again.

  ***

  By the end of the night, I was more than ready to go home. I didn’t want to be around anyone. All I felt was pain. The worst part was, I knew Ward was right. What was I trying to do? What did I want from him? Did I expect us to be friends after everything we’d been through? After the way we hurt each other, we could never be friends again. Even Cayson and Skye couldn’t be friends when they broke up. Why would we be any different?

  But that didn’t make it any easier to accept. I missed the playful man I used to know. I missed our nights together, and not just the sex, I missed everything about our relationship. Times like this made me wonder why I let him go. Did I just miss him so much that I wasn’t thinking straight? Or did I realize I really made a mistake?

  Everyone started to leave so I took advantage of the situation and headed out. After I said goodbye to my parents, who were both drunk, I walked outside toward my car. It was dark and difficult to see. But I kept going.

  Ward was headed to his car, and I spotted him a few feet away. He pulled out his phone and typed something before he kept walking.

  I watched him, processing the longing deep in my soul. Looking at him was difficult. His presence made me realize his absence more harshly. I was rooted to the spot, unable to move or walk away.

  He kept going.

  “Ward.” The words left my lips before I could stop myself.

  He stopped and looked at me, realizing I was there, just feet away. He held his car door open while he stared at me with emotionless eyes. His look was unreadable but there was no warmth there.

  I walked toward him, feeling my feet crunch over the gravel.

  He stared at me, watching my every move.

  When I reached him I stopped. He towered over me in height and strength. He was immense and powerful. I missed the way his chest felt against mine when he was on top of me.

  “Spit it out,” he said harshly. “I have somewhere to be.”

  This late at night? Did he have a date? The idea made me sick. “Are you really over me?”

  His eyes softened slightly but then they hardened just as quickly. “What does it matter?”

  I looked down, unable to find an answer.

  “We just ran into each other here. That doesn’t mean we have to talk about our relationship or who’s more over whom. Let’s just move on.”