I Want Your Love Page 7

  I stared at the closed door knowing my daughter was just inside. “Does Abby know?”

  “No…I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.”

  That left it to me. “Where do we go from here?” Would I have to share Abby with Nancy now? Or would she take Abby away altogether?

  “We try to move on,” she said with a sniff.

  “I meant…is Abby in my care now?”

  “I assumed she would be.” She gave me a sad look. “Unless you don’t want—”

  “Yes, I want her.” There was no question of that.

  “But I want to see her all the time. She’s my grandbaby.”

  “Of course.” It hurt she felt the need to say that. I would never keep Abby’s relatives away from her. “Do we need to do any paperwork or anything?”

  “No. She goes to you, Arsen. You’re the father.”

  She was really mine? “Okay.” It’s what I always wanted but I didn’t feel any joy at the thought. All I cared about was Abby. This was the worst day of her life. Her mother dropped her off at school. To Abby, the day was like any other. But it ended in a tragic way. “I’ll talk to her.”

  “I think that would be best,” Nancy whispered. “You guys have a special bond.”

  “What of Lydia’s things?”

  “Everything goes to Abby,” she said. “They’ll consolidate everything and put it into a trust fund.”

  “Okay.” I didn’t want any of it. I was glad Abby would be given an inheritance. I’m sure it’s what Lydia would have wanted. “Can I see her?”

  She nodded and turned to the door.

  I walked inside and spotted Abby on the floor in front of the TV. Her stuffed animals lay beside her but she didn’t play with them. The TV was on but she didn’t look at the screen. She stared at the ground with slumped shoulders.

  Abby knew something was wrong.

  I slowly approached her, dreading every second as it passed. I moved to the ground beside her and studied her face.

  Abby wasn’t excited to see me like she usually was. She folded her hands in her lap and crossed her legs, cutting herself off from the world.

  I remained silent while I sat beside her, letting her say something if she needed to.

  When she didn’t, I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me. She leaned against my side and didn’t look at me.

  “Something bad happened to Mommy…didn’t it?” Her voice trembled as she spoke.

  Abby was extremely intelligent for her age. She picked up on things other kids wouldn’t notice. She understood when to be serious and when it was appropriate to make a joke. She had the unnatural ability to pick up on people’s emotions even when nothing was said. “Yes.” Lying to her wouldn’t help matters.

  “Is she going to be okay…?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt my tears burn my eyes. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. How did I protect my daughter from this? If there was some way I could take the pain onto myself and spare her I would. But it simply wasn’t possible. “Abby, your mother is gone. She passed away.” The words sounded shaky as they left my lips. The hot tears fell down my cheeks.

  “She’s…gone? What does that mean?”

  Kill me now. “It means she’s never coming back.”

  “But why?” She looked up at me and saw the tears on my face. “Daddy is crying…”

  “Because I’m sad.”

  “Why isn’t she coming back?”

  I didn’t think I would have this kind of talk with her until she was much older. “At some point in time, everyone passes away. They fall asleep and never wake up again. They move on to a better place. Today, Mommy moved on.”

  “If she’s in a better place why are you crying?”

  “Because I miss her,” I whispered. “And I know you miss her too.”

  Abby’s face contorted in pain as she tried to understand. “So…I’ll never see Mommy again?”

  “No, sweetheart.” My lip trembled.

  Her eyes started to moisten and her face scrunched up in pain. “Ever?”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

  Abby started to heave with pain and the tears fell down her face. “Mommy…”

  I pulled her into my lap and rocked her back and forth. Seeing my daughter cry over a boo-boo I couldn’t fix was agonizing. “But you have me, Abby. I will always take care of you. And you have Silke and Grandma and Grandpa.”

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried into my chest.

  “You always have Daddy.”

  “What if I lose you too?”

  “You won’t, sweetheart.” I gently rocked her. “It’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay.”

  Abby cried in my arms, asking for her Mommy even though she understood she was gone. An hour passed before Abby finally stopped crying. Her hold on me loosened and her breathing returned to normal. Exhausted from the emotional turmoil, she fell asleep.

  But I continued to cry.

  Chapter Eight

  Lexie

  “Get your ass over here.” I yelled into the phone then hung up without waiting for him to respond. Then I threw the phone against the wall in the hope it would shatter into pieces.

  I was livid.

  Why did I have to give into Conrad? Why couldn’t I just be strong and walk away? I ended up spending the night with him, having the most amazing sex of my life. He touched me with those big hands and made me melt. He kissed me like he loved me and cherished me.

  But he still lied to me.

  Beatrice would always be his dirty little secret. Why did I think anything had changed? Why did my thighs have to burn in longing?

  Ugh, I hated myself.

  And I was pretty sure Conrad hated me too.

  We didn’t end on great terms. I kicked him out of my hotel room and told him to never speak to me again. I was so hurt and disappointed in him. How could I sleep with him when I knew perfectly well he had Beatrice on the side?

  And he didn’t even wear a condom.

  That’s how far I’d fallen.

  A few minutes later Jared walked inside. “What?”

  I marched to him then pushed him against the wall. Then I sealed my mouth over his in a heated embrace. “I want you, Jared.” I grabbed his shirt and practically tore it with my hands.

  He kissed me back, immediately seduced by what I was giving him. But then logic returned to his senses and he pushed me away. “Why do you keep doing that?”

  “Just fuck me already. We both want it.”

  He gave me a look full of heat and desire. “I’m not going to use you like that. You clearly don’t want me—not like that.”

  I threw myself at him again. “Just shut up and take me.” I kissed him again.

  Like always, he responded but only for a moment. He pulled his lips away. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

  “Nothing. Now I’m thinking clearly.” I pulled my shirt off then pressed my body against his.

  He tried not to look at my chest but he snuck a glance anyway. “Why do you want to sleep with me so bad?”

  “Because that asshole is all over me. His scent is in my hair and on my skin. His touch still lingers everywhere. Get it off of me.” I screamed like I was hysterical. “Just fuck me so I can get him out of my head.”

  Jared gave me that look that told me I was crazy. “Let’s just calm down…” He slowly approached me with his hands by his sides. “Now, what happened?”

  “I slept with him—like a damn idiot.”

  “When?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “He came to see my speech in California. We went out to dinner and then…it just happened.”

  Jared stared at me in surprise. “He came all the way out there just for that?”

  “Yeah.” Why was that weird?

  “He flew six hours just to see you talk about your research, something he already knows about?”

  “He said he wanted to be suppor
tive.”

  Jared rubbed the back of his neck like he couldn’t fathom it. “A guy wouldn’t do that unless he really cared, Lexie.”

  “Well, I asked him if he was seeing Beatrice and he said he wasn’t.”

  “Then he must not be,” he argued. “Why would he lie?”

  “I’ve seen them together—everywhere. He keeps lying to me and I don’t appreciate it. He fucks me because he can’t get caught in California then he acts like everything is back to normal.”

  Jared put his hands in his pockets while he stood in front of me.

  “Let’s go in my room and screw.” I grabbed his arm and yanked him with me.

  He removed himself from my hold. “What will that accomplish, Lexie?” He said it in a bored voice.

  “It’ll help me get over him.”

  “By sleeping with me? I’m the guy who broke your heart, Lexie. It’s because of me your tubes are tied. No, I’m the last person you want to sleep with.”

  “Why do you have to be so sensitive now? Where’s the man I married?”

  “Gone.” He gave me a dark look as he said it. “He’s dead, Lexie. And now I’m here.”

  “Well, I don’t want this new and improved man. I want the old one who didn’t give a damn about anything other than getting his dick wet.”

  His eyes burned in offense. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

  “Would you rather me hook up with some random guy at a bar?” I questioned. “Would you prefer it if it were you?”

  “I do,” he said. “But not when you’re like this.”

  I growled then paced in the living room. “I just want to forget about him. I wish someone could remove my memories so I wouldn’t think about him anymore.”

  Jared came behind me then rested his hands on my shoulders. “I really think you should directly confront Conrad about Beatrice. Ask him directly. There might be something going on that you have no knowledge about.”

  “And he’s had the opportunity to tell me at any time.”

  He rubbed his thumbs in my muscle while he soothed me. “Believe me, I want to be the man you’re in love with. But it’s clear Conrad is the only man who holds that title.”

  “But I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to get over him—for good.”

  “Maybe you should stop seeing him as friends.”

  “Consider it done,” I said bitterly. “I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Then he walked out.”

  Jared pulled me close into his chest then rested his chin on my head. “How about this? I’ll sleep with you tonight. His smell will leave because mine will replace it. I’ll caress your skin everywhere and leave my mark. And I will look at you like I love you. It’s not sex, but it’s better than nothing.”

  “I guess,” I mumbled.

  Jared kissed my exposed neck. “Now let’s order some Chinese and get into bed. That sounds nice, right?”

  “Chinese always sounds nice.”

  Chapter Nine

  Conrad

  When I showed up to work I was still pissed off and irritated. I wanted to rip someone’s head off. It didn’t matter who my victim was.

  Lexie tore my heart out of my chest and torch it in acidic flame. She gave me a night of unbridled passion only to throw me out on my ass the following morning. I thought we were reunited. I thought we were back together. How could she grip my hips and pull me further inside her but not want me when the sun rose?

  She was cold, turning her back on me and calling me a liar. Why did she think I was seeing someone? And more importantly, why did she think I was lying about it? How could I be with someone else when she was all I could think about?

  My chest severed in two when I made love to her. I gave her everything, my heart, body, and soul. How could she have the audacity to throw me out and treat me like garbage?

  Why did I continue to let her use me like this?

  I should move on from her and never think of her again. I should pick up some hussy from a bar and fuck her brains out. Why was I mourning over this blonde? She never meant anything to me anyway. She was just some girl that I didn’t care about.

  Right?

  Toward the end of the day, Dad came into my office. “You seem…on edge today.”

  I moved my dark eyes to his face. My palm formed a fist on the desk. “What gave me away?”

  He dropped into the seat across from me. “Something happen with Lexie?”

  I hated hearing her name. “She and I are no longer friends.”

  Dad stared at me passively but surprise moved into his eyes. “You seemed to be getting along pretty well at dinner.”

  “Well, shit happens.” Spit flew from my mouth because I was so angry.

  “What kind of shit?” he asked calmly.

  “We went back to her place and had this incredible night. We had sex but it wasn’t sex, you know?”

  “No, I don’t know.”

  “It was passionate and slow. It was like the sex I had with Beatrice but so much more. I thought that was it. I thought we were back together because we can’t stand being apart.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “We woke up the next morning and she threw me out.”

  Dad rubbed his chin. “Did she say why?”

  “She was mean the moment her eyes opened. It was like she hated me and regretted what happened between us. There was nothing but loathing in her eyes. Then she accused me of being a liar.”

  “What did you lie about?”

  “She says I’m seeing someone and hiding it. Obviously, that’s not true. I admit I have flaws but lying isn’t one of them. I haven’t been with any other girl but her.”

  “And she didn’t believe you?”

  “Apparently not,” I snapped.

  Dad rested his fingers on his chin while he thought to himself. “Why would Lexie think that?”

  “I have no fucking idea. But my word isn’t good enough.”

  He continued to think. “This is actually a good thing.”

  I shot him an incredulous look. “Are you off your rocker, old man? How is this a good thing?”

  “The thought of you seeing someone else makes her upset. Doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah…”

  “If she really just wanted meaningless sex, then you being a liar wouldn’t affect her at all. The fact she’s so hurt by your infidelity shows how much she cares about you.”

  I shook my head. “She just has trust issues. Now she’s putting them on me.”

  “But she wouldn’t trust you to begin with unless you gave her a reason to. You put her back together, and now that you’re gone she doesn’t know how to handle it.”

  My temper rose. “The only reason why I’m gone is because she made me gone.”

  Dad raised his hand to keep me calm. “I know. And she probably did it because this relationship was getting too serious for her. She was feeling things that terrified her. She started to become jealous and territorial. And now that you’re no longer apart she still feels that way.”

  “You’re speaking in riddles. We both know I’m not very bright. Speak your mind.”

  “Conrad, I’ll make it very simple for you.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs. “Lexie is madly in love with you.”

  I stared at him blankly.

  “She is.” He said it before I could argue. “That explains all of her behavior.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” I hissed. “Why does she keep accusing me of seeing someone else?”

  “Because she wants you to tell her she’s the only woman you want. She wants to know you feel the same way.”

  I knocked my penholder and plant off the desk. They crashed on the floor and shattered. “I’m not in love with her. “

  Dad didn’t flinch in the slightest.

  “I’m sick of people telling me that. It’s not true.”

  Dad watched me.

  “What?” I asked. “It’s not.”

  “We b
oth know you’re lying to yourself. I guess Lexie was right. You are a liar.”

  I clenched my fists tightly until my knuckles turned white.

  “Why won’t you just admit it? I know how you feel. It’s the most obvious damn thing in the world. You two love each other so deeply. It reminds me of what your mother and I have.”

  “Knock it off.”

  “No.” His voice cut through the air. The power resonated and echoed in the room. “You’re my son and I know you better than you could possibly understand. This is it. She’s the one. Stop being a coward and admit it. And then go after her.”

  I didn’t look at him. Instead, I concentrated on my hands on the desk.

  “Do it, Conrad.”

  Our last night together sent me into a rage. All I wanted was to keep her for myself. I never wanted to share her with anyone. She was my entire world. All I ever wanted was Lexie in my arms. Without her I couldn’t even breathe. My heart ached as I confronted something I was trying to run away from. I couldn’t forget the way we moved together in that bed. I couldn’t forget the way our hands gripped each other in passion. I couldn’t forget if I tried. “She doesn’t feel the same way…”

  “Or does she?”

  “She doesn’t,” I said firmly.

  “Conrad, it’s obvious to everyone around you how she feels. I’m not sure why you’re blind to it.”

  “I’m not blind,” I said through clenched teeth. “I just know her better than you.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  I turned my gaze on him and didn’t blink.

  “Would I ever encourage you to do something I didn’t think you would succeed at?”

  I stared at the desk.

  “Conrad, the question wasn’t rhetorical.”

  “No,” I admitted.

  “I wouldn’t ask you to risk your heart again unless I knew it would end in a happy way. Go get her, Conrad. She loves you and you love her.”

  I massaged my knuckles because I needed to do something with my hands. I suddenly felt weak and warm.

  “Trust me on this.”

  “Dad…I can’t. Beatrice ripped me apart and I can’t…” I swallowed the emotion so I wouldn’t get upset. “I just can’t. Let it go.”

  “Lexie is nothing like Beatrice. She’s always given you the world. Tell her how you feel. If she rejects you, you can move on. But if she tells you she feels the same way, you can have what you’ve always wanted.”