Spark (Electric Series #2) Page 7

  And that would be awkward as hell.

  “I don’t know what to do about it. I guess I’m asking for help.”

  “You don’t know what to do about Tayz?”

  I nodded.

  “Telling her how you feel is out of the question?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well…I guess you can just wait it out. She has to break up with this new guy eventually, right?”

  “That’s the problem.” I hated what I was about to say. “She really likes this one. She told me she sees it going somewhere and crap like that.” Why? Just because he was good-looking? I was good-looking too. I could give her the damn world on a silver platter. “And if she really likes him, I can’t mess with it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because that would make me the biggest dick in the world.” I knew if the situation were reversed, she wouldn’t do that to me. What kind of friend would I be if I purposely ruined something good just so I could have what I wanted? If I really did that, I wouldn’t deserve her.

  “When did you start caring about being a dick?”

  “Since I met Taylor.” She smoothed my edges and healed my cuts. She brought back the goodness in me, the part of me I thought had disappeared forever.

  “Wow.” His joking nature had disappeared. “So you’ve really got it bad, huh?”

  I shrugged. “It sucks. I hate it.”

  “I don’t understand how she doesn’t know. I mean, it’s obvious to the rest of us.”

  “When we first met, I didn’t show much interest in her. She must think first impressions are forever and my feelings would never change. That’s my only explanation. Because you’re right, it’s painfully obvious.”

  “Beautiful but sad…”

  I shot him a glare.

  “I mean that in a good way,” he said quickly.

  “Yeah, you better.”

  “So…what now?”

  “I don’t know… What do you think I should do?”

  He laughed. “You think I’m a good person to ask?”

  “You’re my best friend, right?”

  His chuckles died away. “Dude, we both know I’m not your best friend anymore. Taylor is.”

  “But—”

  “I’m okay with that. That’s how it should be.” He gave me a slight look of affection. “I just hope she realizes how she feels eventually.”

  “Realizes?”

  “I think she feels the same way. She’s stuck to you like glue.”

  “I don’t think she does… It doesn’t seem like it.”

  “You’re right. It doesn’t seem like it. But I think she does. She just doesn’t know. Just how you felt however long ago.”

  “Like, subconsciously?”

  He nodded. “She has to. A guy and a girl are never that close and platonic unless one of them is gay. And since we already had the conversation about you being gay, that would mean she was the gay one. But since she’s seeing some guy, that can’t be true.”

  I rolled my eyes when I thought of that conversation.

  “So, yeah. I guess you can just wait it out.”

  “How long?”

  “I don’t know,” he said with a shrug.

  “What if he’s around for a long time?”

  He drank his beer as he considered my question. “Then you probably should try to move on. I mean, are you really going to wait around for a year? Maybe more? That would be unrealistic.”

  “I know.”

  “If you don’t see this happening, maybe you should try to get over her.”

  But how was that possible? “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Stop sleeping around and start dating. Have actual relationships with people. And stop spending so much time with Taylor.”

  Both of those were equally hard. “I don’t know…”

  “If you don’t, you’re going to stay in this vortex forever.”

  I didn’t want that. It was unbearable. “You’re right.”

  “So, you’re officially moving on?”

  I couldn’t keep getting sucked in over and over. “When Taylor spends the night at my place, I fall harder for her. When she wears my clothes and sleeps next to me, I die a little inside. And then when I watch her leave to be with whatever-the-fuck-his-name is, I’m crushed. Every day is more agonizing than the previous one. And it makes me into a person I don’t like. I almost hid a missed call from the guy from Taylor. I always make little jabs about the fact she should be with me instead of him. I don’t like who I’ve become…”

  Derek was about to take a drink when he lowered his beer instead. “She sleeps with you?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “And she still wants to be with him?”

  I nodded.

  “Man…you really need some space.”

  “You’re right.”

  “It’s definitely time to take a step back. Because if she’s sleeping with you but still wanting to be with someone else, you’re screwed. I’m sorry, but that’s just not normal. I would never just sleep with Taylor like it was no big deal.”

  “I know.” It was the weirdest shit ever.

  “You’ll get through it, man. I’m here for you.”

  Thankfully, I had him to talk to. “I know.”

  Chapter Six

  Taylor

  “Everyone, take a seat. No phones.”

  The students filed into the auditorium and took their seats. Their conversations filled the small room, and most of them were teasing each other about one thing or another. The presentation was about to start on the massive screen projected directly overhead.

  “Now we get a break.” Volt stood next to me off to the side. We leaned against the wall and stood near the stairway. None of the students could slip out while we were manning the exit.

  “Thank goodness. I knew this field trip would be work, but I didn’t realize just how much work. I’m so glad you’re here.” That was an understatement. Volt was a godsend. He had a natural way with kids and got them to listen without having to exert his authority. The students automatically looked up to him, probably because he was confident and successful.

  “I’m glad I could help.” His hands were in the pockets of his suit, and he kept a foot of space between us. We hadn’t spoken since the morning after the wedding, and something didn’t feel right. He was much more quiet than usual and even a little cold.

  “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah. Just tired. I haven’t been exhausted like this since my last year of teaching.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Sometimes,” he answered. “Right now? No.”

  I chuckled. “This is why I’ve been dreading the field trip. I knew it would be difficult.”

  “It gets easier as you go along. And the students will remember this forever. That’s why field trips are so important.”

  “So I’m making their memories?”

  “That’s a good description.”

  The theatre darkened, and the presentation began. The projector showed the different stars in the sky and gave a history of the universe. When the students were quiet, I knew they were interested.

  The presentation lasted forty-five minutes before it came to an end. The lights came back on, and the students jumped out of their seats.

  “Break time is over,” Volt said with a sigh. “Let’s round them up.”

  I felt like a sheep dog, and these were my sheep. “Alright. Let’s go.” We got the kids out of the auditorium and through the rest of the museum. The place had a living rain forest that was isolated from the rest of the building. Even the humidity and temperature were different.

  The kids loved that part of the exhibit even more than the planetarium. They pointed at the lizards and parrots hanging from the branches. Butterflies floated around, their wings different colors.

  “This place is really cool.” Volt walked beside me at the rear of the line. The twelve students were in front of us, constantly in our line of sight. “A
little warm to be wearing a suit, but very cool.”

  “I love it here. I’ve never seen so many butterflies.”

  “And look how big they are.” Volt stopped at the edge of the barrier and looked under the forest canopy. “I’ve never seen butterflies that big in my life.”

  “Because they don’t visit New York often.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  A large white butterfly fluttered through the air. She flapped her large wings and aimed right for Volt.

  “She’s coming right for us,” I whispered.

  “I know… Don’t move.”

  The butterfly landed on Volt’s shoulder. She continued to flap her wings but remained stationary.

  “Aww! You’re so lucky.”

  Volt watched it from his peripheral vision. “I must look like a tree. Thanks…I think.”

  I took a picture with my phone. “I’ll have to show this to your mother.”

  “She’d love that.”

  The butterfly took flight again and drifted back into the canopy.

  “I think she liked you.”

  “I’ve always been a bit of a ladies man,” he said with a smile. “I guess that applies to insects too.”

  “Very pretty insects.”

  He turned back to the line and realized our students were gone. “It looks like we lost them.”

  I may be a new teacher, but I wasn’t totally clueless. “No. They lost us.”

  ***

  The fieldtrip finally ended when the parents collected all of their students. They left the campus and returned home, gone so I wouldn’t have to see them again until Monday.

  Thankfully.

  Volt stood beside me on the sidewalk. “I think that was a success.”

  “Now that it’s over.”

  “No, it was good. The students learned a lot and had a good time. That’s your goal—and you succeeded.”

  “Thanks for being a chaperone. If I had to do this with one of the parents… Yikes.”

  “Yeah, they can be clingy.” Now that we were outside, it was chilly. His breath escaped his mouth in the form of vapor. He looked up into the trees, and the light from the streetlamp highlighted his face. After a few seconds, he turned back to me. “Well, enjoy your break until the next one.”

  “I will.” It was past dinnertime, and I was starving. “Want to get something to eat?”

  His face lit up like he was immediately going to say yes, but that look instantly disappeared. He closed his mouth tightly then looked at his watch. “You know, I should probably get home. My mom dropped off dinner earlier today, and I should eat it. Somehow, she knows if I don’t.”

  I waited for him to invite me over.

  But all I heard was crickets.

  “I’ll see you around.” Volt raised his hand and held it up.

  I eyed it, unsure what he was doing. “What?”

  “High-five?” He moved his hand slightly. “You know what that is, right?”

  “Oh.” I returned the high-five and realized we’d never done that before.

  “See ya.” He walked away with his hands in his pockets. Not once did he look back or give me a wave. He didn’t even offer to walk me home like he usually did. Something was out of place, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  Was I just overthinking things? Was I seeing something that wasn’t there at all?

  Knowing I was looking too much into it, I turned the opposite way and walked to my apartment. My instincts were usually right, and when something was out of place, I knew it.

  But this time, I wasn’t sure.

  Chapter Seven

  Volt

  I went on a lot of dates.

  I picked up women from all over the place. Sometimes the bar, sometimes the subway, and sometimes from a dating app. Manhattan was the homeland of some of the most gorgeous women on the planet, and I was lucky enough to encounter them in their natural habitat.

  But none of them did anything for me.

  At the end of the dates, I knew the relationships wouldn’t go any further. So I walked them to their doors and said goodnight. But when sex was off the table, and I didn’t make a move for even a kiss, they wanted me more. They gave me their best moves and tried to seduce me into coming inside their apartments.

  But I never took the bait.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  My sex drive was completely non-existent. The women were sexy in every way imaginable, but I didn’t even get hard. They had beautiful faces and full lips, but my mouth never ached to kiss them.

  All I could think about was Taylor.

  I was seriously screwed.

  “How’s the dating going?” Derek asked across the table. We were having drinks at one of our regular bars. A sea of people surrounded us, blending into the shadows of the dark room. It was just him and I, the rest of the gang staying in.

  “Fucking terrible.”

  “You haven’t been out with anyone?” He drank his beer then cracked a few nuts from the bowl on the table.

  “I’ve been out with everyone.” I’d dated models, ice skaters, news anchors, everyone.

  “And you didn’t like any of them?” he asked incredulously.

  “Something is wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with any of those women. They were all beautiful and sexy… I just didn’t care for them. At the end of the date, I would say goodnight and leave, but that just made them want to sleep with me more. In fact, I get more action from not trying than when I actually try.” It was a crazy paradox.

  “Every guy in the world wishes they had that problem.”

  “Everyone except me.”

  “So…no second dates?”

  I shook my head.

  “How many dates are we talking?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know… Seven?”

  “You went out with seven different women this week?” he asked in surprise. “That’s a different chick every night.”

  “Sometimes I had two dates on the same night.” So it wasn’t every single night.

  He rolled his eyes. “That’s incredible.”

  “Not really. You could get as many dates if you tried.”

  He laughed sarcastically. “Uh, no. Not everyone can pull that off.”

  “You can if you have the confidence.”

  “Whatever, man. You’re a pretty boy, and we both know it.”

  “I’m not a pretty boy,” I argued. “I’m just a man.”

  “Sure.” He drank his beer and scoped out the people in the bar. “So now what?”

  “Meaning?”

  “Are you going to keep doing this?” He eyed a brunette in the corner. Only half of his brain seemed to be in the conversation.

  “I don’t know.” The idea seemed tortuous. Anytime I was sitting across from a woman at dinner, I kept comparing her to Taylor. They weren’t funny or goofy like Taylor. And they never seemed to understand my humor. In fact, it just made me realize how incredible Taylor was. And it made me hate myself more. If I just made a move when I had the chance, things might have been different.

  But I was too stupid to say anything.

  “You can’t throw in the towel.”

  “But I can’t keep doing this.”

  “I don’t think you’re keeping an open mind.”

  He hit the nail right on the head. “Because I don’t want to. I know who I want to be with.”

  He pulled his gaze away from the brunette and turned his focus on me. When he narrowed his eyes and remained silent for nearly a minute, I knew something irritating was going to fly out of his mouth. “Are you in love with her?”

  That word went straight to my stomach and made me feel sick. “No.”

  “Are you sure about that?” he pressed. “Because that’s how you sound.”

  “I’m not in love with her.” I may like her, and I may be obsessed with her. But I couldn’t be in love with someone when I wasn’t even in a relationship. I wasn’t sure if I could ever be in
love at all. After my heart was broken, I was never the same. I trusted Taylor more than anyone on this earth, but I didn’t trust her not to hurt me. She was hurting me right that second.

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “That’s funny because I don’t care.”

  Derek gave me a hard look. “If you are, which I think you are, maybe you should just tell her. If you just liked her, that would be one thing. But if you’re head over heels in love with her, then that’s a different story.”

  “Not in love with her.”

  “And you’re sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Because you were sure you didn’t like her…”

  I avoided his gaze. “I’m sure.”

  “Alright.” He finally backed off. “There’s this cool chick from my work. Maybe I can set you up with her.”

  “I don’t need to be set up.” I could get my own dates. I could get a ton of dates.

  “Clearly, you do. I’m telling you that I already know this woman is cool. So you won’t be getting a dull person.”

  “If she’s so cool, why haven’t you dated her?”

  “Believe me, I tried.”

  I wish I could go back to a time when Taylor was just some woman. I remembered spotting her on the street while she was trying to decipher a map of the city. There were no feelings on my part, and I missed that emptiness. Why couldn’t I wipe her from my brain and start over?

  “I swear she’s really cool. Sexy too.”

  “Cool like Taylor? Sexy like Taylor?”

  “Definitely.”

  I had nothing to lose, so I decided to go for it. “I’ll give it a shot.”

  He clanked his beer against mine. “Excellent.”

  ***

  Julia turned out to be pretty cool. She was a computer programmer for Derek’s company, and she was a cyclist on the side. She competed in bicycle century races around the nation, and apparently, she was pretty good at them. She was pretty too.

  But I still didn’t feel anything.

  At dinner, I found myself thinking about Taylor and wondering what she was doing at that very moment. We hadn’t talked much that week, and whenever she texted me, I always gave her short answers. I avoided seeing her at all costs, and whenever she asked if I wanted to get lunch or dinner, I told her I was busy.