Riding the Surf Page 15

  He thought she had plenty of time to figure out how she felt about the two of them, but apparently, she still needed longer. Paola never introduced him to her friends, and she went out to parties on the weekends once in a while. Derek simmered in jealousy while he stayed at home with his sister.

  The relationship between him and Cheyenne was still strained. If she broke up with Ryder, everything would be different, but she never did. He wanted to slap his sister for being so stupid.

  When he was at school with his friends, Paola hadn’t arrived yet.

  “How are things going with you guys?” Sydney asked. “Ren and I love her, by the way.”

  Ren nodded. “We want her to be in our group.”

  “I do too,” Derek said. “But that’s up to her.”

  Sydney gave him a sympathetic look. “Trouble in paradise?”

  “I tell her I love her all the time but she still hasn’t said it back.”

  “Sorry,” Coen said.

  “And she hasn’t recognized me as her boyfriend. I’m starting to wonder if she even wants me. Maybe I’m just there so she isn’t lonely.”

  “I think she loves you, Derek,” Sydney said. “There’s no way she doesn’t.”

  “Then why hasn’t she said it?” Derek asked.

  Coen shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

  Paola joined the table and set her yogurt down.

  Derek eyed it warily, wishing she’d eat something better.

  “Hey,” she said with a smile.

  “Hey, baby,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek. They acted like a couple, but they weren’t. It was confusing.

  Coen stared at her, trying to place her face in his mind.

  Derek stared at his face, not seeing the recognition in his features.

  Henry and Ren joined them and sat down. Henry looked Paola. “You’re a lingerie model?”

  Paola dropped her spoon on the table.

  “Fuck,” Derek mumbled under his breath.

  “You are!” Coen said excitedly. “I knew I recognized you from somewhere.”

  Henry took out the magazine from his backpack. “My sister had this in the living room.” He handed it to Coen, who opened it to a page Paola was on.

  Derek grabbed the magazine and shred it to pieces before he shoved it into his backpack. When he looked at Paola, his heart fell. Her face was red and tears were streaming down her face. She grabbed her bag and left the table. Derek chased after her.

  When they were outside, Paola turned around and slapped him hard, using the muscles of her arm to send him stumbling back. “I trusted you!”

  He grabbed her arms and pinned them to her sides. “I didn’t say a word to them. Coen and Henry recognized you. They just figured it out.”

  “I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.”

  “I didn’t tell them, Paola! I was going to tell them just so they wouldn’t bring it up, but I knew they’d look up the pictures. In either case, I’d lose. But I tried to protect your privacy as much as possible.”

  “You expect me to believe that?” she snapped. “I know you tell them everything.”

  “I tell them everything except your secrets. If you tell me not to reveal something, I won’t. I promise. I swear to you that I didn’t say a word.”

  “Well, you obviously did. If they had known I was lingerie model, they would have recognized me right away, not a month later. I haven’t done a shoot in a year.”

  “Baby, I’m not lying!”

  “Fuck you, Derek. I knew you hadn’t changed.”

  “Yes, I have! I’m a new man! I’m in love with you, Paola. It’s obvious in everything I say and do.”

  “It wasn’t obvious when you showed your friends pictures of me half naked.”

  “How many times do I have to repeat myself? I swear I didn’t say anything!”

  “We’re done,” she said. “I knew this was a mistake.”

  “No, this isn’t a mistake, and no, we aren’t done.”

  She turned away.

  “No.” He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back.

  “Let me go,” she snapped.

  “Baby, I love you so much. Please don’t go.”

  “You’ve violated my trust. You can’t get that back, Derek.”

  “Just come back to the cafeteria and my friends will tell you the truth.”

  “I’m sure they would lie for you.”

  “My friends always have my back, but no, they wouldn’t lie for me. And they wouldn’t need to. In fact, they’d be totally confused. They have no idea what’s going on.”

  “Goodbye, Derek.”

  He glared at her. “I see exactly what you’re going. You’ve been waiting for the first bump in the road to end this relationship. You haven’t given yourself to me, told me you loved me, or committed to me because you’ve been waiting for me to fuck up.” He shook his head. “I didn’t fuck up. This relationship is ending because it never began. I’m madly in love with you and I’ll tell anyone I see. If you walk away, it’s because you’re ruining what we have. I’ve never done anything wrong.”

  She stared at him then looked down.

  “Baby, please don’t go.” He felt his tears burn behind his eyes. “I’m not lying. I love you and I would never hurt you like that. After everything we’ve been through, how can you not trust me?”

  She shook her head then wiped her tears away. “Don’t call me.”

  Derek’s heart fell. “No…”

  She turned and walked away.

  Derek felt himself fall apart as he watched her walk away. She was the love of his life, the light in darkness, the sunrise on the morning sand, the air he relied on to survive. He breathed deeply, trying to control his emotions. He felt stranded in the middle of the desert, without water or shade. He was lost, having nowhere to go. Every direction led to more desert. He watched her until she disappeared behind a building, taking his heart with her.

  16

  Derek sat in the bar with the guys. They glanced at him every few seconds, trying to gauge his features. Derek sipped his beer then stared at the TV. A game was on and he tried to drown in the events.

  Coen played with the coaster. “I’m sorry about the magazine. I feel like a total ass.”

  “Me too,” Henry said. “Since she’s so cool, I thought she wouldn’t be offended.”

  Derek drank from his beer then stared at the water ring on the counter.

  Thatcher stared at him then looked away.

  “It’s not your fault,” Derek whispered. “It’s no one’s fault.”

  “I still feel like shit,” Coen said. “I’ll talk to her if you want, convince her that Henry and I found out on our own.”

  “You’re welcome to but I know it won’t make a difference,” Derek said. “She wanted an excuse to break up with me. She was never serious about me. She just wanted me to fuck her so she could be on her way.” They all stared at him, saying nothing. “But this is what I get, right? Karma? Now I feel like every girl that I’ve ever fucked with it. It’s suiting.”

  “Derek, you don’t deserve this,” Henry said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I was never good enough for her,” Derek said. “I don’t know why I tried.”

  “You should get that money back from her,” Coen said.

  “I don’t want it,” he said quickly.

  Thatcher looked at him. “You should try to get her back.”

  “No,” Derek said. “I told her the truth. There’s nothing that’ll convince her otherwise. And if it was just an excuse, then it’s pointless anyway.”

  “But what if she does think you’re lying?” Thatcher asked. “You need to convince her otherwise.”

  “How?” Derek snapped. “What would you do, Mr. Perfect? You seemed to have everything figured out.”

  Thatcher lowered his gaze.

  “Don’t take it out on him,” Henry said.

  Derek
finished his beer then ordered another. When he was done, he threw his money on the table. “You don’t need to babysit me, guys. I’m fine.”

  “You’ve been skipping your classes for the past week,” Coen said.

  “And you haven’t been surfing,” Thatcher said.

  “Just leave me the fuck alone,” Derek said as he stormed out.

  Henry jumped up. “Let me drive you home.”

  “I’m not drunk,” he snapped. He left the bar then got inside his truck. He hated sitting inside because he remembered how Paola would sit so close to him. When he walked into his apartment, he tossed his keys on the floor then lay on the couch. He hadn’t slept in his room because everything reminded him of Paola. It was just too painful. He didn’t give her everything, but he somehow still lost it all.

  He heard his sister crying from her bedroom, and he sighed in annoyance. It seemed like that’s all she ever did. He walked to her door and knocked. “What’s wrong?”

  She sniffed. “Nothing.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “No.”

  “Too bad.” He walked inside and saw her lying in bed, crying into her pillow. “What’s wrong, Cheyenne?” he said as he sat beside her.

  She just shook her head.

  He patted her back then rubbed her gently. “You can tell me anything,” he whispered.

  She started to sob. “Ryder left me for someone else.”

  His hand stopped. The sound of the pain in her voice shattered his heart. He hadn’t seen her so broken since their parents died. She was a crumpled mass before him, clutching her pillow for dear life.

  “Go ahead and say it,” she said through her cries. “You were right.”

  He kicked off his shoes then lay beside her, holding her to his chest. “I didn’t want to be, Cheyenne. I’m so sorry.”

  “He hurt me so much.”

  Derek rubbed her back, fighting his own tears as he listened to his sister cry her heart out.

  “He used me, took my money, and then tossed me aside like I meant nothing to him.”

  “Cheyenne, he’s stupid. You’ll find someone better. You’re beautiful, smart, and amazing.”

  “You’re just saying that because you’re my brother.”

  “I’m really not. It’ll be okay, Cheyenne.”

  She closed her eyes and tried to stop her cries. They continued to come out in heaves.

  Derek glided his hand down her back, at a loss of words. He wished he could take her pain away but he didn’t know how. He knew this ending would come, but he didn’t want it to.

  “You’re so lucky you have Paola,” she whispered.

  He sighed. “I don’t. She left me.

  “What?” She stopped crying. “When?”

  “Last week.”

  She stilled as she sat beside him. “Is that why you sleep on the couch?”

  He nodded. “It’s too hard.”

  “What happened?”

  He sighed. “She thinks I did something when I didn’t.”

  “What?”

  “She used to be a lingerie model. She told me not to tell anyone so I kept her secret. Somehow my friends found out and confronted her about it. When I told her I didn’t tell them, she didn’t believe me. So she left.”

  “Derek, I know you’re a difficult guy to trust, but you aren’t a liar.”

  He shrugged. “She wouldn’t listen to me. But I suspect she didn’t want our relationship to work out. She never trusted me or given her full effort. She’s been waiting for an excuse. Now she has it.”

  “She really cared about you.”

  “Obviously not.”

  “Talk to her again.”

  “No,” he said. “I love her with my full heart, but she doesn’t love me. I can’t force it. And I wouldn’t want to.”

  She hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Derek.”

  “I know,” he whispered.

  “You’ll be okay.”

  He didn’t think he ever would. He finally found the person who made his heart beat in an unusual way. She was the light of the stars, the mystery of the universe. Without her, he had no purpose. It took him so long to find someone he truly cared about. What are the odds it would ever happen again?

  17

  Derek went surfing for the first time the next morning. He knew Paola wouldn’t be there. She would go to a different beach to avoid him. And he went at an earlier hour anyway. It was dark because it was so early. Now he could avoid her entirely.

  Thatcher had returned to his earlier routine, having Nancy watch him while he surfed. Derek apologized for ending their surfing session but Nancy said she understood. He was welcome to come back whenever he was ready. For now, Derek wanted to be alone. His life had fallen apart. His sister was broken and shattered, and that just hurt him even more. He felt like he didn’t have a direction in life. Even surfing seemed irrelevant.

  When he walked up the beach, he stopped when he saw the light colored hair he had touched so many times. It moved in the wind and touched her shoulders. She wore a white dress, her toes digging in the sand. But she wasn’t alone. Vince was sitting beside her.

  Derek felt his heart fall. What was going on? Why was that asshole there? He remained rooted to the spot until his anger exploded. He marched to her than stopped in front of her. When she saw him, her mouth slightly opened and her eyes widened. “So, you can’t forgive me for telling my friends about your past, which I didn’t, but you can go back to this guy who cheated on you? This is fucking unbelievable.” He felt his arms shake by his sides. “I admit that I used to be a horrible person, but I was never like that when I was with you. I loved you with my whole heart, told you that on a daily basis, and I did everything for you. You were always first.” He shook his head, fighting back the tears. “But now I realize how stupid I was. I’m done with you, Paola. I thought you were the real deal but you clearly aren’t. Good luck being with the same guy who didn’t appreciate you to begin with. And thank you for giving me this. Now I can let you go.” He turned away and walked back to his truck. Derek took off and headed back to his apartment.

  He turned off the music because he didn’t want to listen to anything. His heart was pounding in his chest and his heart stung. When he reached his apartment, the tears fell. Derek hardly ever cried. He was never moved emotionally to elicit the response, but now he was broken and shattered. Paola was everything to him, but now he realized he never meant anything to her. Derek was just someone she used to make herself feel better. She was never in the relationship. He was waiting for a pot that would never boil. Now he felt stupid—pathetic. But that didn’t make him feel any better. He cried until the tears stopped falling. When he was put back together, he walked into his apartment and got ready for school.

  He’d been missing his classes on and off all week, so he felt out of his place sitting in the classroom. He missed an exam and told his teacher he had been deathly ill. Luckily, the teacher let him reschedule his exam.

  His friends were always by his side. They didn’t always say anything, but they were always near. Coen made excuses to walk to class with him, and Henry would bring him lunch. Sydney gave him back rubs randomly, and Ren was sweeter to him than she normally was. Nancy was there more than anyone, which made him feel worse. Nancy had forgiven him for what he’d done to her, but he still felt guilty when she treated him so well.

  “You can stay here with us,” she said when they sat at the kitchen table.

  “No,” he whispered. “I have to take care of my sister.”

  “What are you going to do about her money?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t force him to give it to me, even if he has it. I’m sure it’s long gone.”

  Nancy rested her hand on his and moved her fingers over his knuckles.

  “I deserve this,” he said quietly.

  “I never want to hear you say that again,” she snapped. “That’s not true. She’s been unreasonable. And even if you did tell everyone the
truth, that doesn’t justify breaking up someone. Sure, it warrants a fight, but not an immediate dismissal. You just picked the wrong one, Derek.”

  He sighed. “But she wasn’t the wrong one.”

  She rubbed his hand. “I love you, Derek.”

  “I love you too,” he said with a sniff.

  She gave him a sympathetic look before she sat beside him and held him in her arms. When his face was tucked in her shoulder, he started to cry. He needed to be held, but he wished someone else was doing the holding. Thatcher walked by but disappeared when he realized how serious the moment was.

  Derek tried to stifle his tears. “I saw her on the beach with her ex-boyfriend.”

  “Vince?”

  “Yeah. They were talking. I can’t believe she would forgive him for cheating on her. It just makes me realize our entire relationship was a lie. She never cared for me. I thought she loved me but she obviously didn’t.”

  “Derek, don’t assume anything. Were they kissing or touching each other?”

  “No,” he whispered.

  “Then you can’t be sure.”

  “I think I am.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I am too,” he said.

  “Derek, I think you’re a wonderful guy and you’ll find your happily ever after. I promise.”

  He sighed. “No, I won’t. I ruined my reputation. All the good girls won’t take a chance on me, and rightfully so. I sealed my fate. The only chance I have is if I move and start over, go somewhere where I can be a new person.”

  “That’s not true. Paola was just stupid.”

  He shook his head. “No, she’s smart. She knew she was too good for me. I only wish she had said that to begin with instead of making me fall in love with her.”

  Nancy ran her fingers through his hair and held him tightly. “It’ll be okay.”