My Soul Is Yours Page 14

  I kept eating my ice cream. “Why? Did you see Jasmine?”

  He stilled then sighed. “Okay, this has gone on long enough.” He snatched the carton away.

  “Hey! Never snatch ice cream out of a woman’s hand!”

  He returned it to the freezer then came back to me. “Why are you so threatened by her? Baby, I’m with you. I want to marry you. I sleep with you every night. And our sex is amazing. Why do you care about her?”

  “No, the question is, why do you care about her?”

  “I don’t,” he said.

  “Seems like it…” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “If I did, why would I set her up with someone? Reid can bang her and never call her again. I really don’t care what happens. She asked for Roland’s number and I gave it to her. I told him I didn’t care if he slept with her.”

  “You. Did. What?” I sat up and glared at him. “I don’t want that slut sleeping with my brother.”

  He sighed. “Okay, last time I told Roland not to sleep with her, you got mad. Now I do tell him to sleep with her, and you get mad. I can’t win with you.”

  “I don’t want him to end up with that whore.”

  “I’ve never gotten the impression he was particularly fond of her,” Cayson said. “You can calm down now.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

  “Baby, what do you want me to do?”

  “I want her gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “I want her out of our lives forever.”

  “Do you think I secretly hang out with her?” he asked sarcastically. “Because, unless I have a time machine to make more hours in a day, that’s impossible. If I’m not working, I’m with you.”

  “I’m sick of her popping up all the time. I never want to see her again, and I want her out of our lives.”

  “Well, I doubt I’ll run into her again.”

  “Yeah right…”

  “Baby, why do you even care? You were so annoyed with me when I was annoyed with Ward—”

  “Still are,” I noted.

  “And you’re doing the same thing.”

  “I didn’t sleep with Ward and have a year long relationship. Ward didn’t tell me he was in love with me or spend Thanksgiving with my family. And I was never in love with him.”

  “I never said that either. All I said was I could have fallen for her. That was it.”

  “You said you think you may have loved her.”

  “But it’s nothing compared to what I feel for you! Why would I have left her for you if you weren’t the woman I wanted?”

  “Then why do you still care about her?”

  “Because I’m not a dick!”

  “Well, I want you to be a dick to her.”

  He glared at me. “You know that’s impossible. I can’t be a dick to anybody.”

  “Well, that’s what I want.”

  “Fine. If I run into her somewhere, I’ll just walk off without saying a word.”

  “Thank you.”

  He sighed. “So, are we okay now?”

  “I’m still a little irritated with you.”

  He kneeled before me then separated my legs. “I know how to make you less irritated.”

  I stared at him and kept a stoic face. I pretended that I wasn’t excited, that I didn’t want to feel his tongue touch me in the places I love.

  He moved my underwear over then began the exquisite touch.

  I gripped his hair then leaned back, completely forgetting about Jasmine and the fight we just had.

  ***

  Cayson and I were in a better place now. When he went down on me, it was hard to stay mad. Even when he kissed me, it was hard to stay mad. I knew I saw red when it came to Jasmine, and I was overreacting most of the time.

  I was just sick of her.

  Cayson and I lay in bed together, our naked bodies molded around one another in a gentle embrace. His naked chest was chiseled and I liked to feel the muscles and grooves under my fingertips. The area covering his ribs rippled with muscle, and he had a light trail of hair below his bellybutton. Cayson’s body was molded and defined, whereas mine was flabby and curvy. Of the two of us, he definitely was the more attractive one. “When did you get so hot?”

  “When?” he asked with amusement.

  “Yeah.”

  “So, up until now, I was just average?” He smirked like he wanted to laugh.

  “You were always sexy but now your body is.” I punched him gently in the chest. “Like a concrete wall.”

  He chuckled. “I work out every day. You know that.”

  “Maybe I should work out too…” I preferred sitting on the couch eating a carton of ice cream by myself.

  “You don’t need to. You’re perfect the way you are.” His hand moved up my hip to the area just below my breast.

  “But I don’t look like those girls you see at the gym with their sports bra and rock-hard abs. I got a belly and an ass.”

  “But I like your belly and your ass,” he noted. “I think your body is perfect. Honestly.”

  “Well, you wouldn’t say otherwise even if it were true.”

  “You’re right. But wouldn’t be all over you all the time if I didn’t think you were the most gorgeous woman on the planet.”

  “Most gorgeous, huh?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah.” He kissed the valley between my breasts then pulled away.

  “That’s a big position to hold…”

  “And you do it so well.” His look was full of fondness.

  “You know, one day the beauty will fade.”

  “And I’ll have my best friend for indefinite laughs.” His hand moved through my hair while he watched me.

  “True.”

  “But I’ll always be obsessed with your chest, no matter how saggy it gets.”

  I laughed then smacked his arm at the same time. “Oh god…”

  He chuckled. “I’ll still suck them until they’re raw.”

  “I’ll get a boob reduction if that happens.”

  “Whoa…hold on.” He raised his hand in warning. “Let’s not get carried away.”

  I laughed. “I’ll put the tissue in my ass and make that bigger. Would you like that?”

  “Baby, your ass is big enough. I love it as it is.”

  “Good answer.”

  The doorbell rang, and Cayson sighed in irritation. “Did you order a pizza?”

  “Why do you always assume I ordered food when the doorbell rings?”

  “Because nine out of ten times that’s what happened.”

  I rolled my eyes then got dressed.

  “I’ll get it.” He pulled on his clothes quickly then walked out.

  I took my time, secretly hoping it was a pizza, and then stepped out.

  Mike was standing inside my living room beside Cayson, but he didn’t look how he usually did. That cocky arrogance was gone from his shoulders, and his eyes didn’t sparkle when he looked at me fondly. He seemed like he died or just lost a childhood dog.

  “Is everything okay?” I stood at Cayson’s side.

  He had his hands in his pockets and he shifted his weight to one leg. “I need your help. And I need it bad.”

  “Okay…” Mike never asked me for anything before. It seemed like I always asked him for stuff, like to get me McDonald’s when my parents said it wasn’t good for me.

  “I’m assuming Trinity told you about everything with Slade and Reid?” he asked quietly.

  I exchanged a look with Cayson. “You mean, how you kept denying Slade in the hope Reid would win her over?”

  He nodded but didn’t say anything.

  “Well, we knew all of that from Slade. He said he never planned on telling her.”

  “Well, I decided to,” he said quietly.

  “Why the hell would you do that?” I asked. “She’s going to hate you.”

  “She already does,” he said with a painful smile.

  “May we ask why you did that
?” Cayson kept his voice was unaggressive as possible.

  He shrugged. “Slade and I…we struggle to get along. He resents me for the way I treated him, and frankly, I don’t blame him for that. But I see the destruction I’ve left in my wake. I wish he understood that I’ve always loved him as a person. But as my daughter’s boyfriend, it became different. I may not have gone about it the right way, but I was just trying to protect my daughter.

  “I decided to tell her to show him that I’m truly remorseful for the way I treated him. I hoped we could get through this together and start over. Slade refused to take money from me for the wedding because he says he doesn’t trust me. I don’t want my family to be that way for the rest of my life. I want us to be close. Trinity and I have always been friends as well as family. I don’t want to ruin that because of my treatment of Slade.” He fell silent and rubbed the back of his neck.

  “So, what did Trinity say when you told her?” I asked.

  “She told me she never wanted to see me again,” he said sadly. “I don’t blame her. But I’m scared. I need to get her back and I don’t know how to do it. Skye, you’re her best friend. Give me some advice.”

  “Uh…” I tried to think. “Trinity has a bad temper. Definitely give her some space before you try to talk to her again. Let her calm down and decompress for a while. I know Trinity said what she said and maybe even meant it, but she’ll come around again. I know she will.”

  “If that doesn’t work, would you be willing to talk to her for me?” He pleaded with his eyes.

  “Of course,” I said. “But I know she’ll come around. She’s just upset right now, but she loves you, Mike. Families do bad things to each other, but it’s usually because we love each other.”

  He nodded. “I really was trying to protect her. I hope people understand that.”

  “I thought you were being a huge dick,” I said honestly. “But yes, I understand your behavior.”

  Mike turned to Cayson. “And I suppose, as Slade’s best friend, you don’t care for me much either.”

  He shrugged. “Slade is the best guy I know but he doesn’t come off that way. He’s complicated and projects a dangerous form of himself for everyone to see. Not many people know what he’s really like. From that perspective, I understand why you were so wary of him. But I hope that you understand how great of a guy he is for Trinity, and that he would never hurt her from this point onward.”

  “I do,” he said quietly.

  “I think the best thing you can do is make up with Slade,” I said. “If she sees that you guys have a close relationship, and that you’re making more of an effort with him than you ever did with Reid, I think that would definitely help.”

  He nodded. “Thank you for the advice.”

  I gave him a sad smile. “It’ll be okay, Mike. Don’t stress about it.”

  He released a deep sigh. “I hope so. She’s all I can think about.”

  “She’ll come around. She needs her father and her best friend.”

  He nodded but kept his thoughts to himself. “I’m sorry to bother you. Thank you for your time.” He headed to the door.

  I stared at his back and felt the sympathy rise up. I followed him out the door then hugged him.

  He stilled at my affection then hugged me back.

  “You’ve always been a second father to me. And you did a great job.” He took a deep breath and rested his chin on my head. “Thank you, Skye. That means a lot.”

  I pulled away then smiled.

  He nodded then walked away, his shoulders still sagging under the weight of his grief.

  Chapter Eleven

  Arsen

  Silke was the last person I expected to walk into my office.

  When I saw her, I froze. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming up the whole thing, that my greatest fantasies were playing out right before my eyes. It was a daydream I wanted to last forever.

  But then I realized it was real, and it wasn’t a fantasy. I had no idea why she was there, but my heart leapt in hope. Maybe Ryan told her everything I’d done just to be with her. Maybe she was there to tell me she still loved me, that she wanted me despite everything I did to her. Hopefully, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

  But then logic kicked in. If that were what she wanted, she wouldn’t show up at my work to say it. I had no idea why she was there, but why would she stare at me blankly if she preferred to be in my arms?

  When we were alone in my office, she hugged me fiercely like she couldn’t hold back. Her body pressed against mine, and a quiet gasp escaped my lips. I couldn’t believe I was actually holding her. Her scent came into my nose, and it was the best dream I ever had. She was thinner than I remembered, but somehow more beautiful.

  It took all my strength not to kiss her. When we stared at each other, just a few inches apart, I almost moved in and pressed my mouth to hers. But then, with devastation, I remembered that she had a boyfriend. Some guy named Pike. She wasn’t mine anymore, and I had no right to kiss her even though I wanted to do it more than anything else. Someone else made her happy. Someone else treated her right. I blew it. I missed my chance.

  I tried to act platonic toward her after the embrace. I tried to act like we were friends, the kind that hadn’t seen each other in a long time. I kept the conversation light, talking about things that weren’t particularly painful.

  When she asked if anyone had hurt me in prison, I lied.

  I didn’t ask about Pike. There were a few things I wanted to know, like if she loved him, but I didn’t dare ask. I couldn’t handle her answer if it wasn’t the one I wanted her to give.

  Instead, I asked her about work and other aspects of her life. Sitting across from her in a coffee shop on a sunny afternoon felt odd. It wasn’t how I pictured my day when I got ready for work that morning.

  Silke eyed me with interest, and I wondered if she was still attracted to me. It was difficult to decipher. She did hug me like she needed me, but that was an understandable response since we hadn’t seen each other in so long. There were times when I believed she still loved me, but there were other times when I believed she was over me.

  When I said goodbye to her, I wanted to ask to see her again. I wanted to take her out to a nice dinner because I could afford it. I wanted to show her how different my life was. I wanted to prove that I really was a man that could take care of her. I’d matured by fifty years, and I could be a gentleman. I wasn’t the old Arsen she once knew. I was different. I was finally good enough for her.

  But I didn’t dare say that. I said goodbye to her and hoped she’d ask to see me again. But, like I expected, she didn’t. She turned around and went her separate way.

  And that made me realize she was really gone, and I would never have her again. I needed to move on and hope for the best.

  ***

  Abby and I had dinner at Ryan and Janice’s. They loved my daughter as much as I did, and they paid more attention to her than me, particularly Janice. She kept making eyes at Ryan, asking if they could have another baby.

  Ryan shook his head vigorously then looked away.

  I liked watching them with her. I never had grandparents who adored me. I never had any at all. But I’d given that to Abby. When she came over here, she knew two people loved her for no reason at all. They always had presents and toys for her. It was like Christmas for Abby every time I took her over here.

  “So, how’s it going?” Ryan asked while Janice held Abby and whispered to her.

  “I’ve been better,” I said honestly. I wondered if he knew Silke had come to see me.

  “May I ask why?”

  “Silke came to the shop.”

  Janice stopped in mid-sentence and looked at me with wide eyes.

  Ryan tensed, but just barely. “She did?”

  I nodded. “We talked.”

  “And what was said?” Ryan asked.

  “She asked about prison and my new life. She asked about Abby. We stuck to approp
riate topics. Then we got coffee. After that, she left.”

  Janice looked disappointed. “I’m sorry, Arsen.”

  “Me too,” Ryan said.

  “When I saw her…I guess I hoped she was there for a reason,” I said.

  “I’m sure she was,” Ryan said. “But I doubt she knows what that reason is.”

  I sighed. “I guess I need to move on…” The idea of being with any woman besides Silke was depressing. How did you go from the most amazing woman in the world to someone average? How did you go from a woman you loved to someone you would never truly fall for?

  I hated her boyfriend. I didn’t even know the guy, but I hated him.

  Ryan squeezed my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Arsen.”

  No, it won’t. “Thanks.” I forced a smile then picked at my lasagna. At least I had Abby. I hoped to get both of my girls back, but at least I got my daughter. She was my priority anyway.

  Ryan changed the subject and talked about the Yankee game. Now that I had a TV, I took an interest in sports. It was something for Ryan and I to bond over, and it was interesting to watch. Janice continued to play with Abby.

  I tried not to fall apart.

  A knock on the door interrupted the conversation.

  “Baby, you expecting anyone?” Ryan asked.

  “No.” She eyed the door.

  Ryan stood up then looked through the peephole. “Hey, sweetheart.”

  Shit, it’s Silke.

  She walked inside. “Mom, can I borrow—” She stopped in midsentence when she saw Janice holding Abby. Her eyes moved to mine then she shifted her weight, clearly caught by surprise.

  Ryan looked uncomfortable. “What did you want to borrow, honey?”

  Silke came back to her thoughts. “That Armani blazer you have. I have this presentation tomorrow and I was hoping I could borrow it.”

  “Sure, you can.” Janice stood up then set Abby on a chair. “I’ll be right back.”

  Ryan’s eyes dashed back and forth between us. “I’ll help you, baby.” He went after her.

  I’d been hoping I’d see Silke again, but now that we were in the same room together, I wished I hadn’t. She clearly was uncomfortable around me. I doubt she appreciated the way I infiltrated her family. Now she had to share them.