Forever and Always Page 14

  “This conversation is over,” I said. “Please don’t bring it up again.”

  Ryan stared at me then leaned back in his chair. It was awkward for a moment, and none of us said anything for a long time. Janice looked down at her hands and Cortland scratched the Styrofoam on his cup. Ryan looked out the window and avoided my gaze. Janice rose from her seat.

  “I’m going to the restroom,” she said as she walked away.

  When she was out of earshot, Cortland leaned forward. “How is it going with her?” he asked.

  “It’s great.” Ryan smiled. “I’ve never been happier.”

  “It doesn’t bother you that she’s living with you already?”

  “No,” he said. “I was worried that it might be weird, but I love having her around. I think this is the real thing—at least I hope it is.”

  “How’s the sex?”

  “Really good.” Ryan smiled.

  I rolled my eyes. “Just because I’m close to you doesn’t mean you have to go into the details.”

  Ryan ignored me. “She gives good head.”

  “Don’t be gross,” I snapped.

  Cortland nodded. “Monnique does too, which is a relief. I could never get Elizabeth to do anything unconventional.”

  Ryan nodded. “Well, I don’t have that problem with her.” He smiled.

  Janice came back from the bathroom and returned to her seat. “What were you talking about?”

  “Ryan says you give good head,” I said.

  Janice smiled at Ryan. “Well, that was kinda personal.”

  “It’s a compliment.” He shrugged. He wasn’t embarrassed at all.

  She rolled her eyes and looked away.

  “I hope you’re comfortable with everyone knowing everything about your relationship,” I warned. “Because Ryan likes to blab about it.”

  “As long as it stays within the four us, I don’t care.”

  My cup was only half empty, but I didn’t want it anymore. My appetite suddenly vanished. Cortland and Ryan were both finished with theirs, and I could tell Janice was done drinking her shake because she pushed it away from her. Ryan pressured her to eat more, but Janice never had an appetite. She would eat a few bites here and there but she wasn’t back to her normal weight. Moving from New York and quitting her job were factors that continued to stress her out, but I hoped she would return to normal in a few weeks.

  “Are you guys ready?” I asked. “Janice and I need to get to work.”

  We left the diner and returned back to the apartment. When we were inside, Janice and I opened our laptops on the kitchen table while Ryan and Cortland sat in the living room watching television. Janice had a week to adjust to her new living situation, and now it was time for us to begin our business relationship.

  I showed her the website and gave her access to the email address. “You can take as many manuscripts as you can at a time, but you need to have a quick turn over rate—my reputation depends on it. You can keep the entire payment as your income, and all the revenue I make from my own projects is mine.”

  Janice scrolled through the website and saw the books I had already edited in my name. “Christine Dirkson is your client?” she asked incredulously.

  “She came to me directly after she became too frustrated working with Carl. She decided she would rather self-publish than subject her work to the demands of someone else.”

  “Is that why you charge so much?” she asked. “Two thousand dollars per manuscript is insane, Scarlet. I mean, that’s an insane amount of money.”

  I opened the email account and browsed through my inbox. “There are already two new people interested in having me complete their work. That’s one for you and one for me.”

  “This is amazing, Scarlet.”

  “I know,” I said. “It’s been paying for our rent, food, and utilities for a while. Ryan’s business is slow and he’s only breaking even every week.”

  “So, you’re supporting him?”

  “Only for now.”

  “Well, we can use my income for rent and other things, too.”

  I smiled at her. “Don’t worry about it, Janice. The arrangement is temporary. When Ryan starts gaining steady business again, I’ll stop paying the rent and get a place of my own.”

  “You’re going to move out?” she asked in surprise.

  “Yes,” I said. “I never planned on staying here forever. I’ve only been here because I had nowhere else to go.”

  “Is it because of me?” she asked.

  “Of course not, Janice,” I said. “But I need my own space and so does Ryan—you and Ryan.”

  “Well, can I move out with you?” she asked. “I love staying here, but I don’t want to mess up this relationship. It might be best if I move out.”

  “It’s up to you,” I said. “We can talk about it when the time comes. There is no way to tell how long that will be.”

  Janice nodded. “I still want to help out, Scarlet. I insist.”

  “Well, you can help Ryan pay off his old equipment. He is still in debt from that.”

  “Of course,” she said. “I will. I want to help out as much as possible. We are in this together.”

  Her generosity made me feel a pang of guilt. I didn’t call her for weeks and left her completely alone, wondering what happened to me. She hadn’t done anything wrong and I never had the integrity to say anything to her. “I miss this,” I whispered.

  “I missed my best friend, too.”

  I smiled at her then looked down at the computer screen. There was a knock on the door but Ryan was on his feet before I could move.

  “I got it,” he said. Ryan walked to the door and opened it. He stood there for a moment and waited for the visitor to speak. The man was wearing a black suit and was holding a single envelope.

  “Is Scarlet Reese available?” he asked without preamble.

  “What is this regarding?” Ryan asked.

  “Legal affairs.”

  Ryan turned to me and I walked to the door. When I reached the entranceway, the man stared at me blankly.

  “Are you Ms. Reese?” he asked.

  I nodded, too anxious to speak. He handed me the envelope and walked away. When he was gone, I shut the door and locked it then ran the envelope through my fingers. Ryan started at it over my shoulder. The corner of the envelope indicated it was from the government. I felt my heart hammer in my chest. I already knew what it contained but I was still frightened.

  Cortland and Janice came into the kitchen and stood in front of me, saying nothing as they stared at me, unsure what to do. Ryan remained silent as he stood next to me, waiting for me to open the letter.

  I tore open the top and pulled out the single page tucked inside. The black letters of the page jumped out at me, but all I saw was the color red. I skimmed through the notes then dropped my hands to my side.

  “I just got served.”

  Ryan sighed. “When?”

  “Next week,” I said quietly. “If I don’t have thirty percent of the money before the court date, then I’ll be sued.”

  Ryan grabbed his head as he paced through the kitchen. Janice ran her fingers through her hair as she became lost in thought. Cortland stared right at me, like I was about to combust into a million pieces.

  “I thought you said you were going to figure this out,” Ryan said. “Scarlet—this is serious.”

  “You think I don’t know that?”

  Ryan sighed. “What the fuck are we going to do?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “There is nothing we can do.”

  Ryan ignored me. “Cortland, can we borrow some money?”

  “No,” I snapped. “I refuse to take money from friends.”

  “Why?” Ryan asked.

  “I have no idea if I can ever pay him back. I would much rather steal money from the government than my own friends.”

  “You do realize that they are going to take you for everything you have?” Ryan snapped.

  “Then i
t’s a good thing I don’t have anything.”

  “You have your company,” he said. “They are going to take it away from you and sell it.”

  I dropped the letter on the ground and looked at him. “What?”

  Ryan didn’t repeat his words. My look of dumbfounded heartbreak was enough to shut him up. Janice crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight. The room was silent after Ryan spoke.

  “They’ll take away my company?” I whispered.

  Ryan nodded.

  Without thinking, I turned towards the front door, grabbed my coat, and then walked out of the apartment. Cortland and Ryan both stepped towards me, but I held up my hand. “Let me go.” Cortland didn’t stop and he grabbed my arm. “I said let me go.” Cortland released his hand after a moment of hesitation.

  I wasn’t sure where I was going or what I was doing. I just knew that I had to run. My family was back in the apartment, but I didn’t want them—I didn’t want anyone. My company was finally a success and it was everything that I dreamed it would be. After all that hard work, I had to give it up. It was being taken away from me and there’s nothing I could do about it. The tears fell down my face and made my vision blurry as I walked down the main strip. It was dark outside, and only the lights of the streetlamps guided my way through the night. It wasn’t safe to walk around Seattle alone, but I didn’t care at that point. Everything that I had worked for was crashing down. Without the income from the company, I couldn’t support me and Ryan. He would lose the shop and we would be homeless. I’d promised Janice a job, but now I was about to screw her over.

  I made it the pier and stopped when I heard the ocean waves beat against the shore. I leaned over the rail as I looked into the black waves below me. Their white caps couldn’t be seen, but I could hear them crash against the beach. The sound of crying seagulls entered my brain, but I didn’t listen to it. I felt blind to the world.

  A man stopped a few feet away from me and I was suddenly aware of his close proximity. I glanced in his direction and realized that Ryan was watching me, making sure I was safe.

  “I can’t believe you followed me,” I said.

  Ryan placed his hands in his jacket pockets and moved closer to me. “I can.”

  “I want to be alone, Ryan.”

  “Then pretend I’m not here.”

  The ocean wind tickled my skin and pulled the strands of hair from my face. The sting of the salty air stung my nostrils and irritated my sinuses. I felt lost and empty.

  “What if we change the license to your name?” I asked. “They can’t take it away from me if you own it.”

  Ryan shook his head. “I don’t think that will work,” he said. “They wouldn’t be suing you unless you had something worth suing for. I am sure these lawyers did their research—they know you have the company.”

  I slammed my hand on the rail and ignored the pain that shot through my arm. “Why is this happening to me?” I asked. “I can’t catch a goddamn break.” I wasn’t just referring to the company, but everything in my life. Sean continued to screw up our relationship even though I believed he was different now, and my life’s greatest accomplishment was all a waste. “What’s the point?”

  “We are going to figure this out, Scarlet.”

  “Don’t say that—it isn’t true,” I snapped. “You’re going to lose the shop because of this—or end up homeless.”

  “We’ll find a way.”

  I took a deep breath and slowed my breathing. The tears were starting to creep from under my eyes, and I fought them with all the strength I had. Crying would change nothing, and I didn’t want to waste my time being pathetic.

  “What do we do?” I asked.

  “Hopefully, they’ll give you an extension. Then we’ll leave the apartment and move in with Cortland, pooling our money together until we pay off your loan.”

  “And what if they don’t?” I asked.

  Ryan sighed. “We’ll deal with that when the time comes.”

  I backed away from the rail and placed my hands in my pockets. Ryan stared at me for a moment then his gaze moved to the people walking past us. It was obvious that Ryan felt threatened by the tension in his body.

  “Let’s go home,” he whispered. He grabbed my arm and pulled me from the rail. I could tell by the force of his grip that he wouldn’t accept an argument from me. We walked up the street towards the apartment. As we got closer to home, Ryan started to ease up. He placed his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. When we made it back to the apartment, Janice and Cortland were sitting on the couch waiting for us.

  “I’m going to bed,” I said without looking at them. I walked down the hall and closed my bedroom door behind me. When I was alone with my thoughts, I realized how Sean felt when he learned the truth about Penelope. Reality was too harsh to bear and he turned to an escape, something that I wanted at that moment. But I could never do that. I had a family that I couldn’t let down—they needed me.

  20

  There were a few days before the court date, so I spent that time doing everything I could to not think about it. For the first time, I allowed myself to think about Sean because it distracted my mind from my unavoidable fate. I wanted to tell him about it, but I knew I couldn’t. He wasn’t in my life anymore.

  Janice and I went down to Mega-Shake for a few hours to work on our manuscripts. We were trying to finish up our work as soon as possible so we could collect our payment. If I lost the business, Ryan would have the money to pay rent and take care of the shop for a while.

  Janice sat across from me with her laptop opened and we worked together in silence. Sometimes we would ask for a second opinion about a sentence or grammatical issue, and it was convenient having another editor for input.

  Her phone kept vibrating all day, indicating she’d received a text message. She always smiled as she read the words on her phone. I rolled my eyes when I watched her. It was Ryan. After a while, she ignored the phone altogether because he continued to message her and it was disrupting her work. Finally, her phone rang and she answered it.

  “Yes, I’m still at Mega-Shake with Scarlet.” She smiled. “I don’t know—soon.” Ryan was so hooked on Janice that it was just pathetic. Since he never felt that way about anyone before, I decided not to tease him about it. If he was happy, I was happy. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll head home now but I do have work to do afterwards.” She hung up the phone and started packing her equipment into her bag.

  “I’m sorry that my brother is so annoying,” I said.

  “I think it’s sweet.” She smiled. “Are you coming, too?”

  I shook my head. “I’m going to stay here for a while longer.”

  “I’ll see you at home,” she said as she left the restaurant.

  I was the only one left inside Mega-Shake. There were no customers on that weeknight, and the workers behind the counter were playing on their cell phones, bored out of their minds. One of the employees was eating a bowl of fries that would just go to waste if it wasn’t eaten. I stared at them with a smile on my face then looked back at my computer screen.

  The door opened, but I didn’t look up to see who entered the shop. The sentence I was reading on my computer was poorly constructed, and I was trying to make it more clear and concise. The table rocked as someone sat across from me. Alarmed, I looked over my laptop and froze when I saw the person on the other side.

  I stared at him for a moment before I found my bearings. I was so nervous and surprised that I didn’t know how to react. My computer screen was blocking most of his face so I closed it.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  Sean stared at me with his blue eyes, and I felt hypnotized by the look. Even though I left him and swore that our relationship was over, I still missed him and thought about him every day. I swallowed back those feelings as I looked at him. Nothing had changed.

  “I want to say something to you,” he said as he leaned forward. “And I don’t want
you to interrupt me. Okay?”

  I nodded.

  “I’ve been thinking about everything and I realized something. Even after everything I did to you, fucking everything up, you still came to me when I hit my lowest point. I know how much I hurt you, and the fact that you helped me speaks louder than words. You are just as in love with me as the first time you realized it, and nothing I do will change that. Since this is how you feel, I think you should give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again and I’m yours until you no longer want me.” He stared at me and waited for me to speak. The panic was obvious in Sean’s eyes, and I knew he was desperate to win me back. When I thought about everything that’d happened, it made me realize that our relationship could never work.

  “No.”

  Sean sighed. “Scarlet—”

  “Now it’s my turn,” I whispered. Sean fell silent. “You still had Penelope’s ring the entire time, meaning that you were still waiting for her to come back to you. You’ve never been over her, and that’s fine, but you always wanted her back. You proposed to her when you were still with me. I don’t want to be a second choice, Sean. Nothing you say will change that. You were willing to sacrifice everything for her, but you wouldn’t even consider moving here to make this relationship work, and now I know why—you were waiting for Penelope.”

  “That is completely wrong,” he argued. “I never proposed to Penelope. She saw the ring on the table and put it on herself. I just didn’t tell her to stop. The only reason I didn’t move to Seattle is because of my job and my friends—that’s it. And I know I would have made the move eventually because I can’t live without you. I understand why you feel the way you do, but please give me one more chance to prove you wrong—I promise you won’t regret it.”

  To say that I didn’t want to be with Sean would be a lie—I did. But I also knew that I could never look past everything he did. It wasn’t that I couldn’t forgive him. I just couldn’t stand the pain of being less loved than Penelope. Knowing that he didn’t propose to Penelope did make me feel better, but I was still hurt that he left me. “I’m sorry that you wasted your time, Sean,” I said. “You should go home.”