Fate on Fire

  Fate on Fire

  Stars #3

  E. L. Todd

  Hartwick Publishing

  Fate on Fire

  Copyright © 2020 by E. L. Todd

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  One

  Charlotte

  Neil was gone.

  I sat up in bed, my big dog beside me for comfort. He rested his chin on my thigh, his eyes opening occasionally to check on me. Without my sharing a single word with him, he somehow knew something was wrong. He could feel it in the air, feel my negative energy.

  It was a strange feeling, to be so happy about something but also so miserable. After accepting that I was infertile, I’d had to make peace with the reality that I’d never be able to give birth to children. It was so devastating, watching my dream slip away, and there was nothing I could do about it.

  So, having this baby inside me felt like a miracle.

  The greatest miracle of my life.

  I already imagined raising it, decorating the baby’s room, and painting it pink if it was a girl and blue if it was a boy. The fact that Neil was the father made me love it more, because I’d made this baby with the man I loved.

  But the additional fact that Neil didn’t want children ruined my high. He didn’t want marriage or kids, and he would be gone for three years. He was in that rocket right now, having no idea that his son or daughter was growing inside me.

  Stacy was the person I would talk to about this, but she wasn’t an option. She and Vic would have a biased opinion about the situation. I was growing their niece or nephew inside me. They would probably send a message to Neil and inform him, and that would distract him for the next three years.

  I couldn’t let that happen.

  I also didn’t want my baby to have a father who didn’t want them around. I would rather them have a single parent who was so happy they were there than feel the disappointment from Neil.

  Neil was an honorable guy. He would step up to the plate in a heartbeat. He would be a decent father, but he would also resent me for what happened. I didn’t go on birth control because I thought I didn’t need it. It was all my fault, and Neil was trapped by a pregnancy he didn’t want.

  I almost felt guilty about it.

  Neil had been gone for three days, so my feelings were conflicted. I was devastated he was gone but so thrilled to have a baby growing inside me.

  My phone was on the bedspread beside me, and I got a text from Kyle. You doing okay?

  I hadn’t heard from him in months. He probably saw the news and realized Neil was on that rocket. He knew Neil would be gone for three years, which was an eternity to anyone who could grasp the passage of time. I still didn’t want to talk to him because nothing had changed. I wanted Kyle to move on with his life, to be free of the spell I apparently cast over him. I wanted him to find a woman who was stupidly and deeply in love with him.

  When I didn’t text back, he didn’t try to get my attention again.

  He just let it be.

  It was nine in the evening when the doorbell rang.

  Torpedo ran down the hallway, barking loudly in defense of his territory.

  I didn’t answer the door for strangers, especially this late at night, so I assumed it was someone I knew. It could be Stacy, but with a newborn at home, that didn’t seem plausible. It could be Vic, but he worked so early in the morning. I looked through the peephole and saw Kyle on the other side.

  Shit.

  “Char, come on.”

  I could see his dark green jacket and his black t-shirt underneath. His hair was shorter than the last time I saw him. His blue eyes were the same color, slightly hostile but also beautiful.

  “I just want to see if you’re alright. You never texted me back.”

  Torpedo stopped whining when he recognized Kyle’s voice. Now, he clawed the door with his paws and whined.

  “I’m fine, Kyle. Please go home.”

  “Charlotte, open this door, or I’ll break it down.”

  “You’re being dramatic.”

  “I’ll show you dramatic…”

  I knew Kyle didn’t make threats idly, so I opened the door.

  It was raining, but the porch protected him from the drops. His jacket had spots of wetness from when he’d walked up the driveway from his truck. The hostility in his eyes slowly faded as he looked at me, becoming more concerned with every passing second. I was sad over the loss of another man, but he was still there for me anyway. “You don’t look okay.”

  “It’s just a bad time…”

  He came into the house, shut the door behind him, and then wrapped his arms around me to give me the warmest, tightest, most affectionate hug I’d ever received. His powerful arms tightened around me and squeezed me, his smell enveloping me. His hand cradled the back of my head, and he sighed.

  I closed my eyes because it felt good to let go…to let my body relax in sadness. I let someone hold me, let someone carry the weight that had become too heavy to carry alone. It’d been so long since we’d had even a simple conversation, and I missed him so much. I missed my friend.

  He held me for a long time, treasuring the embrace as much as I did.

  When Torpedo got impatient, he whined.

  Kyle pulled away then gave him some attention. “Still remember me?”

  Torpedo moved into his chest with a wagging tail, so happy to see Kyle again.

  Kyle rubbed him behind the ears before he stood up.

  Tears were in my eyes, but I quickly batted them away. I was happy Kyle was there because I’d missed him so much, but I was also so upset that Neil was gone. He really was somewhere far away, probably past the moon by now.

  Kyle peeled off his jacket without taking his eyes off me. “I wish there was something I could do…”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. “You’re already doing something.”

  Kyle sat beside me on the couch, the rain coming down hard outside. His palms were together, and he stared at his mug of coffee on the table. “So…three years. Fuck, that’s a long time.”

  “I know. That’s if he comes back at all.” If something happened to Neil, I would be so devastated. I would never be able to shake it off, to control my tears on a daily basis. I’d be crying harder than anyone at the funeral…including his mother.

  “Don’t think like that. We’re talking about Neil Crimson here. He’s brilliant.”

  “I know…but stuff could go wrong.”

  “And he’ll fix it. Have some faith in the guy.”

  I rubbed my palms together, feeling my heart race in pain. “I do have faith in him. It’s just… I love him. It’s impossible not to worry about the man you love.”

  “Yeah, I can only imagine.” He grabbed his mug and took a drink. “What’s your plan?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you going to wait for him?”

  I turned to him, timid. “Kyle…”

  “I’m not asking for me. I’m asking as your friend, Charlotte. That’s the only reason I’m here right now. Give me more credit than that.”

  “No, I won’t wait for him. He made it clear that marriage and kids were off the table.”

  Kyle shook his head slightly, like he thought Neil was an idiot.

  “He said NASA will probably move him around a lot, between Florida and California.”

  “I admire the guy for being so committed to his profession, but there’s more to life.”

  I shrugged.

  Kyle turned quiet and kept drinking his coffee.
“How’s Memorial?”

  “Good. I like it.”

  “I bet. You got a nice pay raise. I heard their benefits are better too.”

  “They are.” And I needed them more than ever now. “What about you?”

  “The hospital is the same. They replaced you with some new girl, but she’s super boring.”

  “Maybe she’s just a good worker who doesn’t chitchat all day.”

  “Exactly. Boring.”

  I chuckled. “What else is new with you?”

  “Nothing really. I joined a new basketball league at the gym. There’re a few douchebags there, but I usually aim the ball at their heads. My family took a trip to Louisiana for a family reunion. That was pretty cool.”

  “Been on any dates?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t really do the date thing. You know me…”

  He just liked to hook up and disappear. “Have you talked to Lizzie since you broke up?”

  He shook his head. “She wasn’t right for me.”

  “She’s a pole dancer. Isn’t that your dream?”

  He chuckled. “It’s not a prerequisite, but it certainly helps.”

  As if no time had passed at all, Kyle and I were exactly the way we used to be, having easy conversations that flowed naturally. It was good to have him beside me. For a second, I didn’t think about how much I missed Neil.

  “What about you?”

  “Have I been on any dates?” I asked incredulously.

  “No,” he said with a chuckle. “But do you intend to? Neil is gone, so maybe you should move on…the sooner, the better.”

  I wasn’t eager to move on. Even if Neil was a man I would never have, the idea of going out with someone new and trying to force a connection seemed stupid. Besides…I was pregnant. I wouldn’t have a date for a really, really long time. “No, I don’t think I’ll be dating for quite a while.”

  He sighed with disappointment. “Char, this guy has monopolized so much of your time already. Before that was Cameron. You need to find a guy who will give you what you deserve. Don’t let either of those guys take up another moment of your life.”

  “That’s not why…”

  “You’ll fall in love with someone new eventually. I promise.”

  “That isn’t why either.”

  “Then why?” he asked, his shoulder touching mine.

  Kyle would find out sooner or later, and he would keep my secret if I asked him to. “I…I’m pregnant.”

  Kyle was still, so still he wasn’t even breathing.

  I stared straight ahead, not wanting to see his reaction.

  It took him a full thirty seconds to process what I said. “Char…what?”

  “I couldn’t believe it either. Cameron called me a few days ago and said I’m not the problem…he is.”

  “Jesus Christ,” he said with a sarcastic laugh. “Talk about karma.”

  “It is ironic, isn’t it?”

  “Fucking ironic.” His hands came together and rested against his mouth. “And Neil left anyway?”

  “He doesn’t know…and I’m not sure if I’ll ever tell him.”

  He slowly lowered his hands and turned to me. “Char, the guy deserves to know.”

  “But I can’t tell him now. He’s on an extremely dangerous mission, and this news is so big… He doesn’t have time to deal with it right now. Plus, there’s nothing he can do about it anyway. It’s better he doesn’t know.”

  “And when he comes back?”

  “The baby will be two, and Neil doesn’t want to have kids. He said it’s not for him.”

  “Maybe you should give him the option to stay or walk away.”

  “I know Neil,” I said. “He’ll stay out of obligation, and that’s not what I want.”

  “But you can’t keep this a secret. Stacy and Vic will see right through it.”

  “I know…”

  “So, you’ll have to come clean eventually.”

  “I know…” There was no way around it, unless I started dating someone else and pretended it was his. Then the guy disappeared, and I would do it alone. “I’m not sure what to do. If I could just raise this baby on my own, I would. I don’t want Neil to be here when he doesn’t really want to be, and having him around will sabotage any future relationship I try to have. It’s just…complicated.”

  Kyle cocked his head, thinking about what I said for a long time.

  The baby wasn’t even here yet, and my life was already totally different.

  Kyle turned back to me, resting his forearms on his knees. “I have an idea.”

  “What?”

  He stared at me for a long time, his gaze calm. “What if we pretend it’s mine?”

  I stared at him for several seconds, zoning out because I couldn’t fathom what he’d just said.

  “You can tell Stacy we started to hook up because you were lonely, and then they’ll assume the baby is mine. You won’t have to put Neil into an obligation he doesn’t want, and Vic and Stacy won’t know the difference.”

  It was such a ridiculous offer that I couldn’t even respond. My mouth was open as if words would emerge, but I still couldn’t say anything. Kyle just offered to be the father of my child, not thinking twice about it before he decided to change his life forever. “Kyle…that’s insane.”

  “I don’t think it is.”

  “That would make you a father to a baby that’s not even yours. That’s crazy.”

  He shrugged. “I would love it like it’s my own.”

  In that moment, I really understood how much Kyle loved me, that he would do anything to be with me. He would settle for half of my heart since I loved another man, and he would father a child that wasn’t even his. Only someone stupidly in love would do something like that. I continued to give my heart to men who didn’t love me, when there was a man who would die for me right beside me. “Kyle…” My eyes watered from the tsunami of emotion. “I can’t let you do that.”

  “I want to do it. Because if I agree to this, there’s something I want in return.”

  “Alright…what?”

  His eyes shifted back and forth as he looked into mine. “You.”

  He wanted to father another’s man child just so he could be with me. He wanted to love me when I loved someone else. Kyle was smart, sexy, and amazing…but he wanted to be with me instead of all the other beautiful women in the world.

  “I want you to give me a chance—a real chance. If it doesn’t work out, I accept that. I’ll still uphold my end of the deal. You’ve never dated me because you’ve been afraid to risk our friendship. Well, we lost that anyway. I’m cutting to the front of the line. Let’s skip all the assholes you’re going to date, and you date me instead.”

  “In Neil’s defense, he was never an asshole…”

  “He didn’t love you and left you. He’s an asshole to me. So, is that a yes?”

  “Uh…I don’t know.”

  Kyle turned his gaze out the window, where the rain was dripping down over the porch. “Take some time to think about it. It’s a big decision. For the record, I still think Neil has the right to know. But if you aren’t going to tell him, I think it’s your best option. You won’t have to do this alone, and you know I’ll love that baby like it’s my own.”

  “I know, Kyle…”

  “And you’ll finally have a man who deserves you.”

  My body didn’t feel any different because it was so early in the pregnancy, but I felt like a new person. I felt like a mother without a child, felt a connection to the small fetus inside me that hadn’t even developed yet. “Kyle, I’m not in any place right now to even think about another guy. But when I’m ready, I’ll give you a chance. I say that because you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be a father to this child because you think it’s the only way to be with me. I’ll give it a shot…eventually.” I knew Kyle would do anything to be with me, so he would take on this responsibility for the possibility. But I didn’t want him to be stuck with an obl
igation he didn’t want either. Being a father to another man’s baby wasn’t exactly romantic.

  He turned to me, visibly touched by what I said. “I’ve wanted to hear you say those words for a long time. But my offer still stands. I want to do this if you’ll have me. The two of us will be great parents. Come on, think about it. We could give that baby everything it could possibly need. It’d be lucky to have us.”

  When I imagined the two of us working together to make this work, it numbed the pain. It made me excited to put together a crib, to paint the baby’s room, to go to the doctor’s office. It gave me a dream I’d never thought was possible, to have a family with someone I loved. It wasn’t exactly the picture I had in mind, but it was beautiful all the same. “Give me some time to think about it.”

  “Alright.” His hand moved to mine, and he squeezed it.

  I was grateful I had Kyle in my life, someone who was always there for me no matter what. My husband left when things got hard, and Neil was incapable of loving me. He had his own priorities—and I would never fit into his career path. Kyle was the only stable man in my life. I kept falling in love with the wrong men, ignoring the one guy who actually gave a damn about me.

  I moved my cheek to his shoulder and squeezed his hand in return. “Thank you.”

  “I’m always here for you, Char. Always.”

  “I don’t deserve you.”

  He moved his lips to my forehead and kissed me. “Yes, you do. You’ve always deserved me.”

  Two

  Charlotte

  I was just about to go on my break when Vic texted me.

  Can I take you out to lunch?

  I knew he was only asking because he was worried about me, but it was sweet anyway. Sure. You know food always tastes better when it’s free.

  LOL. Where do you want to go?

  Pizza.

  Good choice. See you soon.

  I walked a few blocks from the office then walked inside. Vic was already sitting in a booth with two iced teas and a number tag so the employees knew where to deliver the pizza once it was ready. He was in a black suit with a matching tie, looking like a million bucks. He was an undeniably handsome man, the kind of guy that got pussy offered to him like pamphlets were handed out on street corners. But I didn’t see Vic that way because he felt like a brother to me. Now, Neil…that was another story. “What did you order?”