To Be With You

  To Be With You

  Book Twenty-Eight of The Forever and Ever Series

  E. L. Todd

  Chapter One

  Trinity

  Rain pelted the large window behind me, making heavy splashing noises with every collision. My lamp was on but there wasn’t much light since the sun was gone, but I was too lazy to leave my seat to flip on the light switch.

  Mounds of paperwork covered my desk, and no matter how much work I put in, I couldn’t make a dent in that pile. My secretary did a lot for me, but I was starting to think I needed a second one.

  I glanced at the time and realized how late it was. I should head home but I still couldn’t find the strength to leave my seat.

  Abigail walked into my office. “Trinity?”

  “Yes?” I asked while staring at my computer.

  “They are starting the shoot from the catalog in a few days.”

  “Great,” I said without looking at her.

  “Well, since the line is more urban with darker colors the photographer said we should go with models with tattoos. However, I want to see how you felt about it first.”

  “As long as the tattoos aren’t offensive I don’t see what the problem is.”

  “So, that’s okay?” Abigail asked.

  “Yes.”

  “We’ve just been having a hard time finding the right models.”

  “I’m sure you’ll manage.”

  Abigail remained in front of my desk.

  I finally turned my gaze on her. “Yes?”

  “It’s getting late. Maybe you should turn in for the night.”

  I gave her a fake smile. “Don’t worry about me, Abigail. You can leave when your shift ends. Just because I’m still here doesn’t mean you have to stay.”

  “Are you sure…?”

  “Yes.” I gave her a real smile this time. “I’m not testing you.”

  She visibly relaxed. “Okay. I need to get home and make dinner.”

  “Have a good night.” I turned back to my computer.

  “Good night, Trinity.” She walked out and left the office.

  I sighed then looked out the window. It was dark and wet. People were on the street but visibility was poor. Any time I thought about walking home alone it frightened me. Visions of someone snatching me and dragging me behind an alleyway made my heart accelerate and the fear move into my throat.

  I never used to be this way. I was once fearless. If someone tried to mess with me, I kicked him in the balls with my heel. But now that an enormous man cornered me and made threats without being scared whatsoever, my strength was shaken. When I was met with a large foe, there was really nothing the heel of my shoe could do.

  It scared me.

  My biggest nightmare was being…I couldn’t even finish the sentence. Just thinking of the word made me want to panic. It wasn’t a fear I had before. But now that I had an experience with it, it frightened me.

  I sighed then called Slade.

  “Mrs. Sisco.” It was usually the first thing he said when he spoke to me. The gesture was romantic and sweet, but even that couldn’t make me smile right now. “How’s my wife?”

  “Good.” Not really. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m at the shop, destroying perfectly good skin and making mothers cry.”

  I didn’t chuckle. “So, you’re busy?”

  “Baby, I’m never too busy for you. Is there something you need?”

  I was embarrassed to ask him to walk me home. The question made me weak. I hated the damsel in distress act. Whiny girls annoyed me and I never wanted to be like that. I never wanted to be dependent on a guy like this.

  But I was.

  Slade was the only person I felt safe with. He was strong and powerful, and he knew how to fight. He was quick and predicted threats before they happened. And I knew he would never let anything happen to me.

  “Baby?” Slade’s voice came over the phone, but now it was gentle. “You want me to walk you home?”

  So, he knew why I was calling. “If you can’t it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Of course I can. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Okay.” I closed my eyes in shame.

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  ***

  Slade walked into my office then leaned over the desk to kiss me. His t-shirt was spotted with raindrops and his hair was slightly damp. “Burning that midnight oil?”

  “Something like that.” I stood up and shouldered my bag.

  Slade immediately yanked it away.

  “I can carry my own things.”

  “I know.” He waited for me to walk out with him.

  I suddenly felt guilty, like I owed him an explanation. “It’s just dark and it’s raining and I—”

  “I don’t mind walking you home. You can call me for anything, baby. You know that.”

  “I just feel…weak.”

  Slade stared at me, and I saw his mind working behind his eyes. “That doesn’t make you weak at all. You’re scared and it’s understandable. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be small and beautiful. You’re constantly vulnerable because men are always trying to snatch you. I’d be scared too.”

  At least he understood.

  “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the ground.

  “But I wish you wouldn’t feel scared. This is your city, and you used to walk the streets without any fear. You know what areas are safe and which ones you need to steer clear of. I’ll always be here to escort you anywhere you need to go, but I hope you eventually realize you don’t need me.”

  I dropped my arms to my sides. “I know…I just can’t move on from it.”

  “You will, just give it time.” He put his arm around my waist and walked me out. “Until then, you got me. And I’ll make sure you get everywhere you need to go.”

  ***

  The dream came to me violently. I was on the beach, my dress pulled up and my underwear to the side. The gorilla held me down then thrust inside me, a concentrated look on his face. I screamed for Slade but he was nowhere to be found.

  I hyperventilated and felt the tears pour down my face. I fought my mind to allow me to wake up. The nightmare needed to end. I had to wake up.

  “Trinity.” Slade shook me gently. “Baby, wake up.”

  My eyes opened and I immediately sat up, seeing our bedroom and listening to the sound of the rain outside. My chest heaved in pain and the moisture was still in my eyes. I gripped Slade’s arms to make sure he was real, that he was here with me.

  Slade watched me with concerned eyes but he didn’t ask what I was dreaming about. My screams probably made it pretty clear. His hand moved through my hair and he pulled me close to him. “It’s not real. I’m here.”

  I continued to breathe hard as the last image of my dream still lingered behind my eyes.

  Slade positioned himself behind me then wrapped his arms around my waist. “Breathe with me.”

  I felt his chest expand and deflate behind me. I concentrated on that and tried to copy him.

  “Just think about that.” His lips were near my ear.

  I kept thinking about the rise and fall of his chest, and I did my best to match it. Eventually, my breathing slowed and my heart rate went down. The panic disappeared from my body and I didn’t feel so terrified.

  “It’s okay,” Slade whispered. “You’re safe.”

  I stared at the dresser where my jewelry box sat. Then I looked at my closet and thought about the shoes stored inside. I tried to think of anything but the nightmare.

  “Nothing can hurt you.” He rubbed my back. “I would never let anything happen to you. I promise.” He kissed my
shoulder then my neck.

  I leaned against him and tried to clear my mind.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  Slade lay down and pulled me onto his chest. “Get some sleep.”

  “I don’t want to…”

  “I’ll wake you up if you have another nightmare.”

  “How?”

  “I’ll stay awake.” He moved his fingers through my hair and tried to soothe me.

  “You will?”

  “I promise. Now get some sleep.”

  I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. After a few moments, it lulled me to sleep.

  Chapter Two

  Slade

  I was slumped over the counter, practically asleep. I didn’t get any rest last night because I stayed awake to make sure Trinity didn’t have another nightmare. Listening to her scream and cry while she kicked an invisible foe away from her broke my heart. I knew what her dream was about, and now my biggest regret was not killing that gorilla when I had the chance.

  Nothing happened to Trinity, and the most the guy did was grab her by the wrist. But the threat was still terrifying. I didn’t know what he said to her because I never asked, but I’m sure he said something that would make me snap.

  I didn’t blame her for being scarred.

  I wish I’d never walked into the water. I never should have left her side. All of this was my fault. The guy threatened to rape her, to take her against her will. Who wouldn’t be terrified of that?

  I was embarrassed of my own sex. The fact any man would corner a small woman and make such a threat was despicable. I wanted to round them all up then execute them without mercy.

  I would never let anything like that happen to my wife—to any girl, actually.

  Not being able to sleep and being depressed made me slouch at work. I moved at a snail’s pace and couldn’t concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. But it was worth it. Trinity was able to sleep peacefully.

  Dad walked inside the shop then glanced at the boys. After saying a quick hello, he approached the counter. His eyes narrowed on my face. “Son, you look like shit.”

  “Are you looking in a mirror?”

  He chuckled. “Didn’t sleep much last night?”

  “I didn’t sleep at all.”

  He cringed. “Spare me the details, kid.”

  “No, not because of that.” I wish that was why. “Trinity was having nightmares. I stayed awake just in case she had another one.”

  He leaned over the counter and a sad look came into his eyes. “She okay?”

  I shrugged. “She’s afraid to walk home at night, she’s timid, and now she can’t sleep.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I don’t know how to fix this. I make her feel safe and I promise to protect her from everything…but it’s not enough.”

  Dad rubbed the tattoo around his ring finger. “These things take time. Be patient with her.”

  “I’ll be as patient as she needs. I hate seeing her like this. I never should have walked into that water.” I shook my head and looked down.

  “It’s not your fault, Slade.”

  “No, it is my fault. She’s my wife. I’m supposed to protect her.”

  “Assholes like him do this all the time. They know how to lurk and make their move. Don’t blame yourself.”

  “This guy was huge, Dad. If I didn’t know Krav Maga—”

  “It didn’t happen.” He gave me a hard look. “That’s all that matters.”

  I didn’t agree with that. “What do I do, Dad? I’m already doing a terrible job as a husband.”

  “No, you aren’t,” he said firmly. “Just be there for her. That’s all you can do. Walk her home until she no longer needs you to walk her home. Get her some mace or teach her self defense.”

  I turned to him after he spoke his final words. “Hmm…that’s not a bad idea.”

  “What?”

  “Self-defense. I like it.”

  “You’re going to teach her Krav Maga?” Dad asked in surprise.

  “No. Just a few punches and maneuvers.”

  “Slade, unless she gets a black belt in karate she’ll never be able to fend off an attacker twice her size. She hardly weighs a hundred pounds.”

  “I know,” I said. “But it’ll make her feel better. When she feels empowered she’ll go back to normal.”

  Dad shrugged. “It’s an idea. Give it a shot.”

  “I will.”

  Chapter Three

  Trinity

  I had a busy schedule today, and three meetings back-to-back. I totally forgot I had a lunch date with Slade, so when he walked inside there were six other people in my office, looking for direction.

  He held the plastic bag of foods and remained quiet in the back.

  “I still haven’t found anyone for the shoot," Clarissa said. “If we don’t get the right model this will never work.”

  “Well, keep looking,” I said. “It’s better to be a little late instead of showing up looking like a slob.”

  She nodded then made a few notes.

  “Mark? What do you need?” I asked.

  He stepped forward and handed me a few papers. “Your signature at the bottom.”

  Slade continued to remain quiet.

  I signed it then handed it back to him. “Excuse me for just one moment.” I walked around my desk and approached Slade. “I’m sorry. I just—”

  “Don’t apologize,” he said quickly. He handed me the bag. “Your salad is in there—dressing on the side. I’ll see you later.”

  I felt terrible for blowing him off. It seemed to be the only thing I ever did. “I’m so—”

  “Baby, it’s fine,” he whispered. “Really.” He gave me a quick smile before he walked out.

  I sighed then turned back to my employees. “Sorry about that…” I set the bag on the counter.

  Clarissa stared at Slade as he walked out, her eyes glued to him like they were permanently stuck there. She continued to stare at him until he was out of sight. Even then she kept looking like she thought he might come back.

  I tried not to jump to conclusions. It would be really stupid for her to check out her boss’s husband. Really stupid.

  Clarissa turned back to me, her arms across her chest. Her eyes were bright like she had an idea. “Is he a model?”

  “No.” I cocked an eyebrow at the assumption.

  “Is he an actor?”

  “No.”

  “That guy is sexy and he would be perfect for the shoot. We could have him model the clothes and he would pull them off so well.”

  My eyes burned in rage and I wanted to rip her hair out of her skull. “Sexy?”

  Clarissa didn’t seem to notice my fury. “It’ll give girls a reason to buy clothes for their boyfriends, and it’ll be an incentive for men to look at the catalogue. It’s perfect.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest so I wouldn’t punch her. “Everyone out—except Clarissa.” The lamps noticeably dimmed at the ferocity in my voice.

  Everyone scurried from the room like they were terrified.

  Now Clarissa looked confused. “Sorry, what did I say?”

  When the door shut, I turned on her. “That sexy man is my husband.”

  Realization dawned on her face. “Oh…”

  “And I suggest you never look at him again if you want to keep your job.”

  Clarissa seemed terrified for a brief instant before her confidence returned. “I didn’t mean it as an insult. I just thought he would be a great model. He’s exactly what we’re looking for because he’s handsome and he has sleeves.”

  “Only I get to gawk at my husband, not the whole world.”

  She fell quiet while she stared at me. The tension rose. Then she cleared her throat and spoke again. “I really think he’d be great for the part. With all due respect, he’s extremely good-looking and he has the right curvature to his face. He’s the perfect height and build. It’s the answer to all our problems
.”

  “No.”

  She finally realized I wasn’t going to change my mind. “I apologize. We’ll keep looking.”

  “You’re lucky I’m allowing you to look at all.”

  ***

  Slade entered my office a little after five. He’d come to pick me up every night that week. Now I didn’t even need to ask him to. He just came on his own. Silently, he sat in a chair facing my desk and pulled out his phone. I suspected he did this not to disturb me.

  “Hi.” I closed my laptop and stuffed it into my bag.

  He put his phone away. “How was your day?”

  “It was okay.”

  He came around the desk and helped me pack up my things. Then he shouldered my bag like always. “Forget anything?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay.” He circled his arm around my waist and walked me out. “You seemed busy today.”

  “I hardly had time to eat my salad.”

  “But you did, right?” Slade was a stickler for my diet.

  “Yes.”

  He relaxed. “You always have people hounding you like that?”

  “It was just a busy day. We’re looking for models for our first catalogue and we’ve had trouble casting the parts.”

  “Really?” he asked, mildly surprised. “In New York City?”

  “We have a very specific look we’re going for.” Should I tell him about Clarissa?

  “Well, you are a genius when it comes to stuff like this. Trust your instinct.”

  Slade really would fit the part. He had a perfect body, a cocky attitude that was sexy, and he had sleeves that were innately dangerous and inviting. But I didn’t want to share him with the world. “My photographer actually wanted you as a model.”

  He turned my way and a wide smirk formed on his lips. “Yeah?”

  “Is it really that surprising?”

  “I guess not.” His arrogance bubbled to the surface. “Is this your subtle way of asking me?”

  “No,” I snapped. “I almost fired her for calling you sexy.”

  “Sexy, huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Baby, you can’t hate every girl that checks me out. Then you would hate all the women on the planet.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re so full of yourself.”