Nothing Is Left

  Nothing Is Left

  Book Eleven Of The Forever and Ever Series

  E. L. Todd

  “Whatever our souls are made of,

  his and mine are the same.”

  Emily Bronte –Withering Heights

  Chapter One

  Skye

  Ward shook his head. “Darling, I’m really not liking this guy…”

  “He’s not normally like that,” I said defensively. “I can tell he’s heartbroken and doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

  “He doesn’t want to sleep with you, but he doesn’t want you to sleep with anyone else?” he asked incredulously. “He sounds like a control freak.”

  It was getting harder to defend Cayson. His behavior was even pissing me off. “At least he cares. I thought he didn’t for a moment.”

  “If he cares so much, he should just take you back,” he said simply. “The game he’s playing is childish and immature.”

  “He’s not playing a game…”

  “He keeps hurting you,” he said seriously. “I call that playing games.”

  I turned in my chair and looked out the window. It was hard to believe that Cayson and I were ever happy. That seemed like a far off place now, something that I made up. I couldn’t believe we couldn’t work out our relationship. I thought we would survive against all odds.

  “You’re too good for him.” Ward flipped through the papers on the desk. “He should have forgiven you by now. And if he didn’t, then he should just return to being your friend. Hovering over you like this is borderline psychotic.”

  “He’s still in love with me,” I said.

  “But that isn’t enough, right?” Ward was becoming less patient with Cayson. Whenever I told him about things that happened between Cayson and I, he seemed more upset than I was. Trinity was pissed off too. All the spectators of our relationship were slowly taking my side. Cayson was taking too long to make up his mind about what he wanted. He said one thing, then did something completely opposite.

  Ward watched me from his seat across the desk. He looked like he was about to say something, but he changed his mind and averted his gaze.

  I adjusted my glasses and sighed, wanting the workday to be over. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and wait for the sun to disappear. During the night, I liked to look out my window and watch the lights from the city.

  Trinity texted me. Having people over for game night. You better be there.

  Seeing her name on my phone made me smile. I will.

  And you should bring Ward. Everyone likes him.

  Except Cayson.

  Cayson can go fuck himself.

  I laughed even though I shouldn’t. I think I’ll fly solo tonight.

  Whatever.

  When I looked up from my phone, Ward was watching me. “What?”

  “I like hearing you laugh. It sounds nice.”

  “Thanks…”

  He turned back to his paper and got back to work.

  I did the same, wanting the day just to end.

  ***

  After I showered and changed, I headed to Trinity’s apartment. I wore dark jeans and a black shirt. I knew Cayson would be there but I wasn’t excited to see him. Whenever I thought there was a chance of us getting back together, it was smashed like a bottle of wine. He held me like he loved me and got jealous like I belonged to him, but then he abandoned me again.

  I didn’t know if I could take it much longer.

  When I walked inside, everyone was there.

  Trinity greeted me. “How was work?”

  “Long.”

  “Work was long or…something else was long?” She had a mischievous look in her eye.

  “Knock it off,” I said with a laugh. She was officially rooting for Ward. It was like Cayson didn’t exist. The fact my best friend had no hope for us made me feel faint.

  I greeted everyone else and avoided Cayson.

  Cayson sat in the lone armchair, watching me.

  I ignored him, having nothing to say. I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of wine, needing something to unwind from the documents I had to approve. I assumed being a CEO would be flashy and fun, but in actuality, it was just boring grunt work.

  “Everything okay?”

  I turned to see Cayson watching me. “I just had a long day at work.”

  He nodded. “Anything I can do to help?”

  There were a lot of things he could do, actually. But he didn’t want to do any of them. “No, I’ll be fine.”

  He watched me with a look of longing in his eyes.

  I stared back at him, unsure what else to do.

  “At work today, we had a patient with Ebola.”

  I stilled. “Seriously?”

  He nodded. “Pretty scary.”

  “What happened?”

  “We put him in quarantine. He’s isolated now.”

  Panic set off in my body. If Cayson was near him, did he catch it? “Are you okay?” I put my drink down and went closer to him, my hand automatically gripping his forearm. Ebola was infectious, but if Cayson had it, I didn’t care if I got it.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” He didn’t pull away from my grip. He let me touch him. He stared into my face, watching the concern there. “One girl in my lab was exposed to it. But they were able to isolate it in time.”

  “Wow, that’s so scary.”

  “I just hope they can do something for the patient. He must be terrified.”

  “Yeah…”

  He moved his arm, and I felt cold when his embrace was taken away. Instead, he grabbed my hand in his and interlocked our fingers together. We were behind the table so no one could see what we were doing.

  I wanted to stay like that forever, to pretend everything was back to normal.

  He rubbed his thumb over my knuckle, soothing me just the way he used to when we lay in bed together. He stepped closer to me, his breath falling on skin. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might break. “You look beautiful tonight.”

  “Thank you…” Everyone else in the room was forgotten.

  His hand left mine and moved around my hip.

  His indecisiveness was giving me whiplash. One moment, he wanted me. And then the next, he pushed me away. It was like knowing two different Caysons, and since they looked identical, I never knew which one I was dealing with.

  “You guys playing or what?” Slade called from the living room. “Or do you need more time to talk about how your relationship will never work?” Irritation was in Slade’s voice. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed with Cayson or I. Perhaps both.

  Cayson dropped his embrace then walked into the living room.

  I followed a moment later.

  We played Clue then Cranium. Every time I looked up, Cayson was staring at me. He never made his gaze discreet. It was like he couldn’t help himself. Maybe it was the shirt I was wearing…I didn’t know.

  Slade picked up on it too because he kept eyeing Cayson then rolling his eyes.

  “I was sick for a few days,” Trinity said. “Guess who took care of me.”

  My staring contest with Cayson was shattered. “Who?”

  “Slade,” she said. “And he played me a song to put me to sleep.”

  “That’s sweet,” I said. “I didn’t know you were good on the guitar,” I said to Slade.

  “I’m awesome,” he said.

  Trinity eyed him affectionately. “He’s actually telling the truth.”

  “That’s cool,” I said. “You should play for us sometime.”

  “I’m going to get a band together,” Slade said. “And you guys can watch. Trinity will be my lead groupie.”

  “Only groupie,” she said darkly.

  “Same thing, baby.”

  Cayson kept staring at me.

  Slade noticed it again. “Dude, if you want her back, just take her.”

  Everyone stilled at his words. Roland was in the middle of rolling the dice but he stopped. Everyone turned to Cayson, watching his reaction. He averted his gaze from me and stayed silent.

  “She’s sitting right there!” Slade pointed at me. “Don’t hold hands with her in the kitchen and act like we can’t see you.”

  I thought Slade didn’t like me, but I was starting to think otherwise. Perhaps Trinity made him realize that what Cayson was doing to me was way worse than what I did to him.

  “Take her back and you can fuck her tonight,” Slade said. “And then everything will be right with the world again.”

  Silently, Cayson stood up.

  Everyone watched him, wondering what his response would be.

  He grabbed his coat from the couch then walked out, not saying a single word.

  When he was gone, everyone looked at me.

  “That wasn’t very tactful,” Trinity whispered.

  “Whatever,” Slade said. “He keeps going on about how he misses Skye and shit. It’s been happening for months. But then he won’t take her back. Either get back together with her or move on, you know?”

  “Be patient with him,” Trinity said. “He’s been through a lot.”

  “Since when have you ever been on his side?” Slade demanded.

  “I’m on both of their sides,” Trinity argued. “I just want them back together. I don’t care how.”

  “What’s his problem?” Conrad asked. “I mean, why is he drawing it out?”

  “He’s not,” I said. “He just…can’t deal with the pain. He wants to move on from me but he can’t.”

  “It still isn’t making sense to me,” Th
eo said. “You can’t date anyone else but he won’t date you?”

  It was clear people were starting to dislike Cayson’s behavior. “Give him space, okay? He’s just struggling right now… We’ve all struggled at some point in our lives.”

  “Roland, roll,” Slade said.

  “Maybe someone should talk to him,” Roland suggested.

  “No,” Slade said. “It’s just the same conversation on repeat. He needs to figure this out on his own. Nothing any of us do will change his mind. Now roll.”

  Roland sighed then tipped his hand. “Double sixes.”

  “Bastard,” Slade said.

  We continued the board game but my mind wasn’t in it. I kept thinking about Cayson, wondering what he was doing and what he was thinking. Days like this gave me hope. Days when he couldn’t stop staring at me with longing. But I knew tomorrow he would be cold all over again. And my heart would have an extra crack in it.

  Chapter Two

  Cayson

  “Dude, what the hell was that about?”

  “What?” Slade asked. “You’re being really annoying. Knock that shit off.”

  “Annoying?” I asked. “How am I being annoying?”

  “It’s like, you want Skye. And then you don’t. And then you want her again. And then you say you’re done forever. And then a week later, you’re pissed off if she’s sleeping with some guy. Dude, just take her back. We all know you want to.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  He gripped his skull and sighed. “I’m going to lay this out for you. Whenever everything went down, I was on your side. What Skye did was a straight-up betrayal. You didn’t deserve that bullshit. I still feel that way.

  “But now things are different. You keep playing her. You tell her you’re done for good, but then you hold her or touch her hand like there’s hope. But then you tell her you’re done forever all over again. Dude, it’s not cool, even to Skye. You’re playing her, building her up only to hurt her again.”

  The accusation stung. “I’m not doing it on purpose. I said that already.”

  “You need to pick a path and stick to it. Are you really moving on from Skye, or are you going to take her back?” He stared me down. “You need to pick. It’s been five months, Cayson. Now is the time to pick a lane and move forward.”

  “I have picked a lane…but then I see her and I feel weak.”

  “Well, you can’t do that anymore. If you guys were fighting, that would be one thing. But you’re literally breaking her heart over and over again. Everyone is trying to stay out of it, but when it’s so heavy in every room, it can’t be ignored. So, think about it and make your final decision.”

  I leaned back in the booth and sighed. “You have no idea how this feels so get off my back.”

  “No can do,” he said simply. “You’re making yourself look like an ass, and I need to help you knock it off. You would do it for me. You’ve given me advice countless time before. Whether I listened to it is a different matter.”

  “I wish I could take her back. That’s what I want to do, more than anything.”

  “Then march over to her place, call her, whatever, and tell her that.”

  “But, how can I when I don’t trust her? How can I when this pain grips me and practically kills me every time I think about what she did?”

  “Then don’t,” he said simply. “Make it clear you’re just friends and move on.”

  “I can’t do that either…”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love her with everything that I have…”

  Slade leaned back and stared at me, annoyance in his eyes. “Choose, Cayson. What’s it going to be? This dilemma will always be there. You have to decide what’s stronger: your love for Skye or your resentment. I can’t make the decision for you.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, wishing I had an answer. I could choose both, but I could also choose neither.

  “You don’t have to make a decision right this second. But you do need to give it some thought.”

  “I just wish she hadn’t destroyed us to begin with…”

  “I do too, man. I hate seeing you like this. And I hate seeing Skye like this.” Sincerity was in his eyes. “I wish you had what I have with Trinity. Both of you deserve to be happy.”

  “What if Trinity had done this to you?” I asked. “What would you do?”

  “Take her back,” he said without hesitation. “In a heartbeat.”

  “Really?” I found that hard to believe.

  “Yeah. Because this is what it comes down to: you either get to keep her for the rest of your life, or some other guy gets to. And I’m not letting Trinity end up with someone else. I’m her man, no one else.”

  It surprised me how mature Slade had become. Despite their fights and their bickering, their union was stronger than a concrete wall. Trinity changed him, made him a better man than anyone I knew. “Thanks for the advice.”

  He nodded. “Now you have some thinking to do. Make sure you do it.” He left the booth, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  ***

  I was in desperate need of a haircut so I headed down the strip until I found some place without a line. Skye used to cut my hair, but that habit had been broken a long time ago.

  When I walked inside the pink salon, it looked like there was no one in line. I headed to the front desk and approached a brunette.

  “Haircut?” she asked.

  “Please.”

  She examined my face, and her eyes dilated in approval. “Take a seat. We’ll be with you shortly.”

  “Thank you.” After I took a seat, I felt her watching me. It made me uncomfortable so I took out my phone and tried to find something to distract myself with.

  “We got a customer,” I heard the brunette say. “And he’s really cute. Like, gorgeous.”

  I wasn’t sure if she was even bothering to keep her voice down.

  “I like what I’m hearing,” another girl said.

  “If I didn’t have an appointment, I’d totally cut his hair…and get his number,” the brunette said.

  “Well, it’s my lucky day.” Her heels echoed on the floor as she approached me. “Ready for that haircut?”

  I put my phone away and stood up. “Yes—Jasmine?”

  Her eyes widened in shock. “Cayson?”

  I stared at her blonde hair and blue eyes, unable to believe what I was seeing. I never expected to see her again, especially like this. “Uh, hi…”

  She seemed just as shocked as I was. “This is…a surprise.”

  I stared at her, trying to find something intelligent to say. “So, you…cut hair now?”

  “Yeah…you live in the city?”

  “Yeah…”

  She stared at my face for a moment, taking me in.

  She looked the same as I remembered her, just a little thinner. Her arms were toned and her stomach seemed tighter. Her blonde hair was brighter, like she dyed it. Heavy make up was on her face, and her eyes stood out. “Would you like a haircut?”

  “From you?” I asked incredulously.

  “Well, I do work here…”

  “Uh…”

  “Come on.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me to a chair. Then she put the drape over me then ran her fingers through my hair.

  The second she touched me, I felt uncomfortable. This was the woman I left for Skye, and letting her touch me was a slap in the face to her. Skye wouldn’t be happy if she saw what was going on, even if it was just a haircut. “You know, I’m not sure what I want to do with my hair yet, so just forget it.”

  She eyed me incredulously in the mirror.

  I stood up and pulled the cover off. “Uh, maybe some other time.”

  She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Leave then.” Pain was in her voice.

  I knew I was being a jerk. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  “You don’t want me to touch you. I get it.” She looked at her watch. “My shift is over anyway. See ya, Cayson.” She walked into the backroom and disappeared.

  I sighed then headed to the door. But I didn’t leave. I felt bad for treating her like a nuisance. We were friends, and I should treat her like one. I turned back around and waited.

  She came out with her purse over her shoulder. “Why are you still here?” she asked.

  “You want to get coffee and catch up?”

  “Do you?” she asked.