Because of You

  Because Of You

  Book Twelve of The Forever and Ever Series

  E. L. Todd

  “If I know what love is, it is because of you."

  — Herman Hesse.

  Chapter One

  Thomas

  I hadn’t stopped thinking about Rome since our last encounter. She practically threw me out of her apartment, made me thoroughly unwanted, and then she tossed the soup I brought her. And not in the trash can in her kitchen, but the trash shoot.

  Was I missing something?

  Maybe I overstepped my boundary as her boss. I was extremely attracted to her, and I thought she felt the same way.

  I was dead wrong.

  She didn’t want me anywhere near her personal life. I should have texted her beforehand and asked her if I could stop by. Dropping by was extremely rude. But she did look cute in her Mets gear. She wasn’t kidding. She was a serious fan.

  She didn’t come back to work for a few days, and I didn’t make the mistake of checking on her again. I focused on my work, since it was piling up quickly without my secretary on hand, and I found myself working long hours. It made me realize how much Rome did for me on a daily basis. I didn’t just miss her as a person, but as an assistant.

  After four days had passed, she returned to work. I was always in my office when she walked inside. I could see her through my glass doors. Normally, I would greet her and inquire about her health, but after that fiasco I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to ask. Our friendly relationship had spoiled quickly.

  She sat down at her desk and didn’t come into my office.

  I tried not to stare at her and got back to work.

  ***

  By lunchtime, I had to leave my office. I needed nourishment and a bathroom. I left my paperwork on my desk then walked out. When I turned to Rome, her hair was down and it framed her face. She wore more make up then she normally did, and her skin seemed particularly pale. But she looked nice, like always.

  “Feeling better?” I asked. It would be more awkward if I just pretended nothing happened.

  “Lots,” she said. She squirmed under my gaze, looking extremely uncomfortable. “I’m sorry about the other day—”

  “Don’t apologize,” I said immediately. “I crossed a line by coming to your home. It was totally unprofessional.”

  She fidgeted with a pen. “The soup was good. Thank you.”

  Unless she inhaled it in a single bite, she was lying. “You’re welcome.” But why would she lie? Why did she just throw it away? I’d ask but I had a feeling I wouldn’t get an answer. “Well, I’m going to lunch. Would you like to join me?”

  “No.” She said it a little too quickly. “I mean, no thank you.”

  “Well, I’ll see you later then…”

  “Have a good afternoon, Mr. Riley.”

  “It’s Thomas,” I reminded her.

  “My apologies.” She focused on her paperwork and didn’t look at me again.

  I walked out, somehow feeling worse after our conversation.

  ***

  Hart took a shot then slammed the glass on the counter. “Then she threw the soup away?”

  “I saw it fall out of the shoot.”

  “Maybe it was someone else…?”

  I gave him an incredulous look. “What are the odds of that?”

  “Slim…really slim.”

  I took my shot then put the glass on the table. “I can’t figure it out.”

  “So…” He tried to dissect the story. “She clearly didn’t want you there, was basically trying to kick you out, and then tossed the soup just because she didn’t want anything you’d even touched.” He rubbed his chin. “Now…why?” His brown hair had a slight touch of red. He was thick like I was, and we worked out pretty often. We also liked to drink too.

  I shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “Did you piss her off?”

  “I don’t think so. For the past few weeks, we’ve gotten along well. For a moment, I thought she might have been into me.”

  He released a sarcastic laugh. “You think everyone is into you.”

  “No, I don’t,” I said simply. “But a lot of women are.”

  “Cocky…” he mumbled.

  “When have I ever been wrong?” I asked.

  He shrugged and didn’t answer the question.

  “The only thing I can think of is I gave her the impression I want something physical with her. Maybe she thought me bringing soup was me asking her out, and she didn’t want anything to do with me. Then she tossed the soup for good measure.”

  “Maybe,” he said. “But don’t lots of guys sleep with their secretaries?”

  “Yeah, but I never do.”

  “Are you going to start?”

  “No,” I said firmly.

  ‘Then why did you bring her soup?” Hart asked.

  “She was sick.”

  He rested his elbows on the table and gave me a hard look. “I’ve been sick loads of times and you’ve never brought me soup.”

  “Well, you’re a dude.”

  “So, did you ever bring your old secretary soup? She worked for you for three years. She must have been sick at least once.”

  He had a point. “No, I never did…”

  “So, she’s obviously different…”

  “You’re right,” I admitted.

  “What’s her name?”

  “Rome.”

  His eyes bulged out of his skull. “Damn, that’s a hot name.”

  “She’s a beautiful girl.”

  “You got a picture?” He had a hungry expression on his face.

  “If I did, I wouldn’t show you.”

  “Well, describe her.”

  I shot him a glare. “I’m not going to objectify women with you.”

  “Why not?” he asked. “Just because you don’t do it out loud doesn’t mean you don’t do it in your head.”

  “I don’t,” I said firmly.

  “Then how do you know who you want to sleep with?” he asked. He gave me a victorious look.

  “Knowing a woman is attractive is one thing, but talking about her measurements and rating her to a friend is different.”

  “So, what’s Rome?” he asked. “Like a seven? An eight?”

  She was a fucking perfect ten. “Hart, knock it off.”

  “How am I supposed to help you if you don’t give me details?”

  “She’s beautiful. That’s all you need to know.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. If you aren’t screwing her, then I should get a shot.”

  “Come near her and I’ll break both of your legs,” I threatened.

  “Geez, what’s with you and this girl? You’re so defensive of her. It’s like you’re a guard dog.”

  “I care about her and I respect her. If you tried it, you would probably get laid more often.”

  “Sorry, I’m not a millionaire and can take all my dates on luxurious vacations.”

  “That isn’t why I get laid,” I argued. “They have to agree to it first, so I take them out to dinner and we talk it over. There’s more to it than that.”

  “Like it doesn’t help,” he argued.

  I shrugged in response.

  “So, you’re never going to go for her?”

  “No,” I said. “Work relationships are too complicated.”

  “What if you just had a weekend getaway like all the others?”

  “She would still be my secretary afterwards,” I said. “And that would cause problems later.”

  “Not if she was cool with it,” Hart said. “Girls aren’t that different than guys. Sometimes they just want a no-strings-attached relationship.”

  “She doesn’t strike me as the type.”

  “What if s
he was?” he pressed. “What if she asked you for a fling? Would you do it?”

  I’d like to say no, but if Rome, one of the most gorgeous women I’d ever laid eyes on, asked me to take her over and over on a tropical beach I’d have a hard time saying no.

  He snapped then pointed at me. “You would totally say yes.”

  “Well, that would never happen so let’s not dwell on it.”

  “Maybe you can just hint at it…”

  “No,” I said firmly. “She’s gawked at on a daily basis. I’m sure the last thing she wants is for me to hit on her too. Maybe that was why she freaked out. She thought I was turning into another dog from the office.”

  “Sorry?” he asked in confusion.

  I forgot to mention the overall obsession my office had over her. “Every guy in my office wants to land her. They hit on her left and right. They started leaving her alone after I threatened to circumcise them in a very painful way.”

  Hart gave me that look he’d always given me. “Why do you always try to be the hero?”

  “I don’t,” I said simply.

  “You totally do,” he argued.

  “If someone needs help, I’m there—”

  “No, you’re batman without the suit. Last week when that guy got jumped in the alleyway, you ran in there and beat the shit out of two guys by yourself. You didn’t even know the poor guy getting his face smashed in.”

  I remembered that night like yesterday. My knuckles were still a little sore. “Whenever people gang up on a single person, they’re automatically in the wrong. There’s no respect in that.”

  “Okay, Ghandi.”

  “I’m just saying…”

  “And remember that girl at the club? She was drunk off her ass and a group of guys were trying to drag her into the bathroom? You went in there and pulled her out and took her home.”

  “I would hope you would do the same.” I gave him a pointed look. “They slipped her roofies or something. She wasn’t right in the mind. That’s someone’s daughter or sister. It would be wrong not to do something.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying what you did wasn’t awesome. I’m just proving my point.”

  I guess he was right.

  “Why are you like that?”

  Because I was tortured and bullied, and no one was there for me. “I know how it feels to be the victim, I guess.”

  “What do you mean?” Hart asked.

  I shrugged. “I was bullied and teased as a kid. It wasn’t fun. I wish someone had been there for me. I guess I feel obligated to help those who can’t help themselves.”

  Hart processed my words for a moment, clearly not knowing what to say. “Well, it looks like you turned out alright.”

  “I did okay.”

  “You’re super successful, you’re good-looking—”

  “What did you say?” I asked with a smile.

  “You got money and a nice place—”

  “No, you said I was good-looking.” I gave him a triumphant look. “I guess I’m not a shit-face after all.”

  Heart chuckled. “You know I’m teasing you when I say that.”

  “Now I do.”

  “Come on, you wouldn’t be getting laid left and right if you weren’t doing something right. All those people who were mean to you are probably living crappy lives and having karma bite them in the ass.”

  I thought of my brother. “Theo was my biggest tormentor.”

  “Your brother?”

  “Yeah. He tried to apologize a few weeks ago, but I told him to go fuck himself.”

  “I would have done the same.”

  “He asked me for money right before then too.”

  “Of course he did,” he said sarcastically.

  “He hasn’t contacted me since so I think he finally got the message.”

  “Well, you got me as a brother.” He hit me in the shoulder playfully.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “So, back to this girl,” he said. “Is she single?”

  “I’m pretty sure she is.”

  “Pretty sure?” he asked. “Or are you assuming?”

  “I’m certain,” I said. “I can just tell. She asked me a lot of personal questions and I can tell she’s into me—at least a little bit. I doubt she’d feel that way if she were seeing someone. She doesn’t strike me as the cheating type.”

  “Would it matter if she was?” he asked. “That might make it better. Then you could have a fling and never have to worry about it turning into something more.”

  “I don’t mess with married women.”

  “Never?” he asked.

  “No. Never have and never will.”

  He shrugged. “It’s pretty fun.”

  I shot him a disapproving look.

  “Kidding.”

  “No, you aren’t,” I said with a laugh.

  “Okay, I’m not.”

  I laughed and tapped my glass against his.

  ***

  Rome and I hardly spoke to each other all week. I stayed in my office as much as possible and tried not to think about her long legs. When she wore heels, her calve muscles were prominent. I could tell she worked out.

  She had tiny wrists. I wondered how far my fingers could wrap around her if I grabbed her. When I looked at her neck, I thought the same thing. The longer I was around her, the more sexual my thoughts became. It made me hate myself because I felt just like one of the pigs I tried to protect her from. It made me hypocritical and disrespectful.

  The best way to combat these feelings was to avoid her. Whenever I needed to speak to her, I used my intercom so I wouldn’t look at her face-to-face. It worked well, but then when I did see her at some point during the day, I thought about her full lips and the sounds she would make in bed.

  My brain hurt.

  Whenever I took lunch, I didn’t invite her along. I assumed she would say no anyway. Besides, if she did come, I would just stare at her and get to know her better. Everything I knew about her I liked. I didn’t need to deepen my feelings. It would bite me in the ass down the road.

  Pretending to be indifferent to her was nearly impossible. I kept my professionalism because I’d been doing it for so long, but I had no idea how difficult it was when a beautiful woman was just a few feet away. Now I didn’t understand why men preferred beautiful assistants. They were just distracting. I missed my old secretary, Theresa. She was fifteen years older than me, and she didn’t catch my eye.

  Why did Rome have to be so gorgeous and sweet? Why couldn’t she be rude and vain like most beautiful women? Why couldn’t she be ditzy and stupid? Why did she have to wear tight skirts that made me think about taking her on my desk after everyone left the office?

  Ugh, I was going to hell.

  How offended would she be if I asked her to switch places with Theresa again? The guys seemed to leave her alone. If they were harassing her, she would have told me about it. But I had a feeling it would hurt her feelings. She seemed fairly comfortable working for me. At least she was before I made the idiotic decision to bring her soup.

  At the end of the day, I left my office and approached her desk. “I’m going to head out.”

  She looked at the time. “Wow, you’re leaving on time for once.”

  I chuckled. “I’m playing tennis with a few friends.”

  “That sounds fun. Have a good time.”

  “Thanks. Have a good night.”

  “You too, Thomas.”

  I was supposed to walk away from her desk but I chose to stay put. “Okay…I just want to say something.” The constant awkwardness between us was driving me crazy.

  She looked up at me, dropping her smile.

  “When I brought you that soup, I wasn’t trying to hit on you. The last thing I want you to think is I’m like the sleazebags I work with. I just—”

  “Thomas, I don’t think that.”

  “You don’t?” I asked.

  “No.” She gave me a look full of fondness and affection
. “You’re a very wonderful man, Thomas. I love working with you and I love seeing you everyday. You never make me uncomfortable. If anything, you make me feel safe.” She dropped the pen she was holding. “I’d be flattered if I ever had your attention romantically.”

  My heart accelerated in my chest. Her response surprised me. She slipped in her last sentence so casually I wasn’t sure if I really heard it. I retained my composure and acted like we were talking about the price change of stocks. “Well…I’m glad I didn’t make you uncomfortable.” I still wanted an explanation of why she behaved so strangely but I knew I wasn’t going to get it. “And, since you’re my colleague you never have to worry about me making a move. I’m always very professional.”

  “I know you are, Thomas.” This time she sounded sad, practically devastated.

  Did she want me to ask her out? Was she into me? Should I ask her out? Now I was just confused.

  “Well, have a good night, Thomas. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Yeah…you too.” I reluctantly pulled myself away from her desk and forced myself to walk out. I replayed our conversation in my mind, dissecting it so I could understand it. Did I make that whole thing up? She did say she’d be flattered if I asked her out, right? Did that mean I could ask her out?

  But, wait. I couldn’t do that. Whether she wanted to go out with me or not, it wouldn’t change the complications of a romantic relationship. And if I asked her if she’d be willing to have casual sex after work, she might slap me.

  No, it was best just to let it go. She and I could never be together.

  That was final.

  Chapter Two

  Arsen

  I sat in the courtroom beside my lawyer. The judge was on the stand and he was reviewing my information. I still wore a jumpsuit and handcuffs since it was a small court. There wasn’t even a jury.

  I felt someone grip my shoulder from behind me. I turned around and saw Ryan in the front row.

  “How are you holding up, kid?”

  I shrugged. “Fine. I’m just waiting to get it over with.”

  “Not very optimistic, huh?”

  “Well, I’m guilty, right?”

  My lawyer turned to me and hushed me.

  Janice was beside him. “Hello, Arsen.” She grabbed my shoulder and gave me equal love.